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Progressive Truth Generator™

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Of course you can General Ivan (Ret.)! You help yourself to whatever you find, fillings included!

Oh, Comrade General Ivan,

how nice of you! I cry, I cry even much more. I am so excited. Will the event be in the red square? I do love the color red, it excites me. Can we sing the song of solidarity? Laaaaaaa! This is for the people! This is for the greater good! This is for the revolution!

You are going to clean the mark for me, oh, so kind. The state is going to sponsor me. The thought, it is almost too much. To serve the revolution. I never thought it could be. I think though that I will need the vodka to calm my excitement, but I won't be able to eat. oh, I cry more, you are so kind.

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guest wrote:Is this supposed to be funny?
It's pretty stupid.
Dear Comrade Guest. You hit the nail on the head, this is not funny at all.
We are Dead serious here.
You have keen observation skills which Party can put to good use.
We even willing overlook your slip up calling Party "stupid".
Please submitt your credentials to me, and I'll try to get you pardoned.
Inside every Average Amirikkkan Mind there is a Comrade trying to get out. Just get on with Party program.

I'm sure the Politburo will concurr and issue the decree to welcome Comrade Guest into the Candidate for Party membership.

Lovingly Yours,
Iron Felix

P.S. We are Equal Opportunity Party. Even if some are more equal that others.


by the way, what is the Mark VII ?
I wish to be properly prepared.

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Only if you pledge to vote Democrat. And don't call Party "stupid"
Otherwise you'll be an Ex-member. Like Comrade Chauchesku.
We will check if you have registered to vote and /or getting absentee ballot.
Dont forget to Vote Multiple times. And Most Important choose DEMOCRAT!
We are watching!
Request for Membership Application is online.

Lovingly Yours,
Iron Felix

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Iron Felix wrote:Inside every Average Amirikkkan Mind there is a Comrade trying to get out.
A keen observation. A body of scientific and literary work about "the inner Comrade" already exists, but needs more attention from professional psychologists and psychiatrists. We assume that most mental diseases currently plaguing the nation could be cured at once if the patients could learn not to fight The Inner Comrade but instead, let him/her/it out in his/her/its full glory.

Simultaneously we must adjust our laws and court system and stop criminalizing progressive impulses to liberate people's property and other symptoms of spontaneous and compulsive Marxism - which is obviously part of the problem. Great progress has been made in that regard, but it's still not enough. A progressive person still cannot release The Inner Comrade in public without the fear of persecution. And that is the most horrendous crime against humanity and a violation of civil rights committed in this country on a daily basis, resulting in millions of crippled souls forced to lead a pointless existence as middle-class law-abiding bourgeois robots who go to work, pay taxes, raise children, own homes, and vote Republican.

I need to stop now. My Inner Comrade is getting violently angry. Need to feed him something. Maybe watch CNN or listen to NPR.

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Red Square wrote: A body of scientific and literary work about "the inner Comrade" already exists, but needs more attention from professional psychologists and psychiatrists.

"The inner Comrade," is perhaps the most significant and overlooked aspect of Marxism. Most people get so caught up in the politics of Marxism that they miss the central message of his body of thought. The central thesis of Marxism is that by working for privately owned enterprises "the inner Comrade" as you say, is alienated from his true self. In order to be truly human, to discover "the inner Comrade," Marx writes - to produce is 'immediately in the expression of my life to have created your expression your life, and therefore to have immediately confirmed and actualised in my individual activity my true essence, my human, my communal essence.'

Can he make it any clearer than that?

Marx argues that alienation in capitalist societies is due to the fact that in work each person in the capitalist society can only contribute to the common wealth, (and this according to Marx is the most fundamental social aspect of ourselves) through a production system that is not social but is privately owned, and individuals function more as machinery than as humans, not as social beings. Thus alienation.

From this it is an obvious conclusion that to liberate humanity from alienation and actualize "the inner Comrade" in each of us it is necessary for the State to own all means of production and institute a totalitarian dictatorship of the proletariat. The purpose is to bring about "the inner Comrade."

From this it can be further deduced that anyone that is not a socialist is suffering from a terrible debilitating alienation and should be considered mentaly ill if not downright dangerously insane.

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I want to take this intellectual discourse a step further. You see, some of our comrades of a larger more robust size tend to have two-inner comrades within them. These comrades desperately try to fight their way out, but in a capitalist society where the concept of "all you can eat buffet" reigns supreme, it is more difficult for them to break free and express themselves. Therefore, if we were to do away with the bloated capitalist society and opt for a progressive socialist model, we can easily do away with the concept of food, eating ect. and unleash these two inner-comrades from the flowing belly fat of oppression found in the host comrade.

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Chairman Meow S. Pun wrote:I want to take this intellectual discourse a step further. You see, some of our comrades of a larger more robust size tend to have two-inner comrades within them. These comrades desperately try to fight their way out, but in a capitalist society where the concept of "all you can eat buffet" reigns supreme, it is more difficult for them to break free and express themselves. Therefore, if we were to do away with the bloated capitalist society and opt for a progressive socialist model, we can easily do away with the concept of food, eating ect. and unleash these two inner-comrades from the flowing belly fat of oppression found in the host comrade.

Exhibit A (and B, for that matter).

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Prime example of "dual persons and inner selves". Or whatever...why would the islamofacists allow a pig to represent them anyway?

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The same reason why we advocate hard communism while stuffing our pockets with tax-dollars. We are all hypocrites.

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Comrade Otis wrote:From this it can be further deduced that anyone that is not a socialist is suffering from a terrible debilitating alienation and should be considered mentaly ill if not downright dangerously insane.
That's "criminally insane," Comrade Otis. These people are criminals and must be isolated in a facility where they cannot do anyone harm (and not consuming the people's rations).

Otherwise, all great points. That also includes Private Pravda and the Chairman. By the way, comrade Private Pravda, have you ever considered changing your name to Collective Pravda?

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Chairman Meow S. Pun wrote:I want to take this intellectual discourse a step further. You see, some of our comrades of a larger more robust size tend to have two-inner comrades within them.

Good point. To Private Pravda's exhibit A and B I submit exhibit C, D, and E (soon to include F):

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Having two inner Comrades is one thing - but Michael Moore is hoarding.

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It is truly wonderful to see comrade Moore looking so slim and healthy since he spent time at that "fat farm".

Clearly, some parts of the world are more Progressive in allowing the Proletariat to express its collective Inner Comrade. Take France for example (shouldn't be hard to do). Legitimate expressions of the Inner Comrade result in the government surrendering to the wishes of whatever group displays its passions most accutely.

Of course, once these countries have achieved Socialist Nirvana, such expressions will no longer be neccessary, nor will they be tolerated. You don't see this sort of activity occuring in places like Cuba or North Korea. You HAVE seen it happen in China but only because the Chinese government is patient and restrained in dealing with such rabble. And since the illegal, immoral reactionary mob violence that was Tiananmen Square, you haven't seen it again. Why? Because, in all these cases, the Inner Comrade is fulfilled in Progressive Socialist Democratic Utopias! These "uprisings" that do occur are usually the fault of infiltration by American spies under the orders of Karl Rove.

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Dear Comrades, It's self evident from exibits A thru F that another Revolution is near. However we must look forward to protect the winnings of revolution.
The countries of developed Socialism like Cuba, DPRK and most of Africa , the Peoples Leaders care for their Comrades after the "coming out". The obesity is being treated by substituting Pizza with Everything with bark from nutritious trees or filet of sole and sandal. Results are spectacular.


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Red Square wrote:
Comrade Otis wrote:From this it can be further deduced that anyone that is not a socialist is suffering from a terrible debilitating alienation and should be considered mentaly ill if not downright dangerously insane.
That's "criminally insane," Comrade Otis. These people are criminals and must be isolated in a facility where they cannot do anyone harm (and not consuming the people's rations).

Otherwise, all great points. That also includes Private Pravda and the Chairman. By the way, comrade Private Pravda, have you ever considered changing your name to Collective Pravda?

hmmm...doesn't have the same ring to it....also I am happy to contribute to the Collective as a lowly, proletarian cog in the Big Red Machine....I would really like an extra ration of people's vodka and tac once in a while...salute!

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Chairman Meow S. Pun wrote:Who is he eating?

har!

looks like Jaba the Hut

Is this the Picture from M.M. new movie an autobiography on how to let the Jaba the hut and the Comrade out while walking around in his apart in his robe with kleenex boxs for shoes and watching old Barbara Striesand Movies...

Kleenex doesn't make big enough boxes for him to use as shoes, maybe a refrigerator box could work.

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Private Pravda wrote:
Chairman Meow S. Pun wrote:These comrades desperately try to fight their way out, but in a capitalist society where the concept of "all you can eat buffet" reigns supreme, it is more difficult for them to break free and express themselves.

Exhibit A (and B, for that matter).

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Prime example of "dual persons and inner selves". Or whatever...why would the islamofacists allow a pig to represent them anyway?

Exibit G and H

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heheh...for everyone there is someone, somewhere...

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I always found it more practical for Her Grace to just wear a flag pole on Her finely knit cardigans and blazers instead of the "brooch". We are progressives and we must show that we are just as patriotic with decorative shiny things fastened securely on our clothing.

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You are a white-trash chain dog of the bourgeoisie because you think war can actually solve some problems!

Is this thing psychic or what?!

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:The same reason why we advocate hard communism while stuffing our pockets with tax-dollars. We are all hypocrites.
Please explain....
SMERSH HEAD of KGB sec.9

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uh oh, Chairman...it better be good (or be prepared for the KGB taxman).

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smersh wrote:
Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:The same reason why we advocate hard communism while stuffing our pockets with tax-dollars. We are all hypocrites.
Please explain....
SMERSH HEAD of KGB sec.9

Sure, I will be happy to explain <slips comrade Smersh a hundred dollar bill>. Is that good? Hmm, maybe this will change your mind <slips comrade Smersh a sweaty wad of hundred dollar bills> How about that? Does this explain it yet? Oh, I see, you like my watch. Yeah, its the watch Sean Connery wore in From Russia With Love, go ahead its yours. I have at least four others. Oh, and don't worry, all this money isn't mine. No, it's the AmeriKKKan tax payers money which I am holding for them to serve the Common Good.

If you want to wine and dine, just give me a call and maybe me, you and some hot Democrat lobbyist broads can go out for drinks. All I want is some operating room from the KGB. We do it for the Common Good comrade Smersh...We do it for Her Excellency.

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Sounds like a good bribe; Old skool...Throw in an ounce of Caviar and we will get along just fine. ....Just had a call from Comrade (Her Excellency) H.C. Mentioned you by the way. Some of us have to tolerate the decadence of the west just to blend in.
SMERSH HEAD of KGB sec. 9.

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Of course we do! And I blend in JUST FINE! One ounce of the finest Caviar is on the way! ENJOY!

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way to go, Meow...quick thinking as always...and as always, prepared to service HRC...ummm, let me rephrase that...HELL YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!

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Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Of course we do! And I blend in JUST FINE! One ounce of the finest Caviar is on the way! ENJOY!
Do not send it. I'll come pick it up.
SMERSH HEAD of KGB. sec.9.


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Anonymous wrote:Scott, you are a right-wing parasite because you don't think that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding!
GUEST.... PLEASE explain ....AIDS ???? (Does not ring a bell.) Is this CODE??? What is it.????
SMERSH HEAD of KGB. sec. 9.

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Comrads;
Every child between the age of (Eight to Eighteen) must learn how to, operate a Tractor.
SMERSH HEAD of KGB. sec. 9.

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You are an insensitive neo-Nazi because you do not respect Osama's grievances!


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The "International revolution" can only start nationaly. "MOTHER RUSSIA." Remember Comrade Hillary has some issues. She was born in the west and had gone through extensive reprogramming (Willingly and Unwilling) There in lies our problem. She can be a real BITCH.
SMERSH HEAD of KGB sec. 9.

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Arch Limpold - Actorvist wrote:Kleenex doesn't make big enough boxes for him to use as shoes, maybe a refrigerator box could work.

You are guilty of thoughtcrime.

SMERSH HEAD of KGB . sec.9.

Lady Chadwick wrote:You are a nativistic talk radio devotee because you're a heterosexual male who prefers women with shaved legs and armpits!

I must admit to be in this camp also. I do prefer my women to have armpits.

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Deisatru wrote:
Lady Chadwick wrote:You are a nativistic talk radio devotee because you're a heterosexual male who prefers women with shaved legs and armpits!

I must admit to be in this camp also. I do prefer my women to have armpits.

HA! Exactly why we need the Unfairness Doctrine. ;-)

capitalist, you are a homophobic scum-sucking Republican because you think that nuclear weapons in the hands of Iranian government are more of a threat to the world than American imperialism!

You are a mass murderer of tiny third world villages, because you think the sun warms the earth

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Hmmm..... Version 2 must include a name filter. I got this as an answer:

Bin Laden, you are a genocidal elitist because you flush the toilet after each use!

This program has obviosly been hacked by Halliburton and the VRWC!!! Such an insult to the beloved leader of the Religion of Peace(tm)!!! I mean, when has Bin Laden flushed a toilet in the last decade? To accuse him of such a villianous crime as environmental degradation due to toilet flushing must mean the program has been hacked!

Comrades, we are under cyber attack from the VRWC!!!! Run for the mass shelters; launch the Bear Bombers and MIGs; and mobilize our glorious new T-90 tanks!!! I am sure that THIS time, our glorious Soviet fighters and tanks will last more than 5 seconds against an Imperialist Western Aircraft and Abrams MBTs!

Really... I am sure... They should last at least 7 seconds!!

comrade dirk, you are an uneducated tool of the capitalist class because your spreading filthy american culture to europe and beyond

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Republikkans, you are a reactionary chain dog of the bourgeoisie because you think that illegal aliens should not have the right to free medical care when even US citizens don't have that right!

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Comrades,

If it were not for the temporally transcendant miracle of Marxist-Leninist philosophy and technology embodied by the Progressive Truth Generator, I would have had a capitalist's chance in Blue Statia of coming up with the following:

"Ron Paul, you are an intolerant KKK sympathizer because you celebrate Columbus Day!"

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Hmm, just doing some comparisons in preparation of the coronation of Hillary the GR....oh, I mean the elections....

Senator McCain, you are a blood-sucking troglodyte because you think that it takes a family to raise a child!

Mike Huckabee, you are a hateful strict constructionist because you don't root for the Iraqi insurgents!

Mr. Obama sir, you are a profiteering lackey of the class enemy because you shop at Wal-Mart!

Hilary Clinton, you are a heartless chain dog of the bourgeoisie because you eat red meat! (crazy PETA extremists....)

Mitt Romney, LDS Church Member,, you are a money-grubbing rube because you only say you saw "Fahrenheit 9/11" but you went to see Schwartzenegger in T3 instead!

Law and Order star Fred Thompson, you are a price-gouging misogynist because you do not accept the superiority of France!

Mr. Kucinich, you are a hateful caveman because you think that property has to be earned!

John "Breck Girl" Edwards, you are a bourgeois cretin because you don't think that homemaking should be outlawed just like slavery before that!

Loopy Libertarian Ron Paul, you are an apartheid-supporting social Darwinist because of your membership in the capitalist class

Read em & weep, kids. It's all true. The truth generatotr told us.

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You are a polluting child murderer because you actually believe that the businessperson and the manufacturer are more important than the writer and the artist!

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"You are a fundamentalist corporate criminal because you like Paul McCartney more than you like John Lennon! "

No! No! It's not true! I'm totally over the Beatles now! I only love Soviet-trained Valery Gergiev, my secret boyfriend! (secret because he doesn't know yet.)

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You are a hateful enemy of the people because you oppose government regulation of economy!

what a great truth! especially considering the recent news and progress in our wealth redistribution!

Nationalization of our banks is an important step :)

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"You are a price-gouging sexist because you think that Western society has had a positive effect on civilization!"

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"Jeff A******, you are a patriarchal white-trash scum because you place the individual over the collective."

How joyous

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CHE' COMMUNIQUE #1: Capitalists, you are a fundamentalist Fox News viewer because you don't want your taxes to be used to prop up progressive radio and TV programming that cannot survive on a commercial basis!

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CHE' COMMUNIQUE #2:
ALL HAIL THE PROGRESSIVE TRUTH GENERATOR!
IT WILL DILLIGENTLY INSURE THAT THE PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS BE POLITICALLY CORRECT!

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This hilarity is without equal. I stand and drink wodka, piss my pants it's soo funny. :)


 
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