Comrade, fellow chefs and bakers,

I have such good news to share for all of us who love to do our beet baking. Easy Bake Oven is doing it's part to save the world for the evil of incandescence's.

Those nefarious100 wattage lightening bulbery's are going to be replaced with a new form of heating element in order to help save the world from incandescence destruction. Thanks to our glorious, benevolent and caring government, the dangerous 100 wattage bulb will be BANNED in 2012. Hasbro, in admiration of our loving government (and wishing to continue partaking in capitalism) is replacing our much loved oven with The Easy-Bake Ultimate Oven. They will "introduce a new way to bake for the next generation, with a heating element that does not use a bulb".

This is wonderful news for dear Leninka and my personal self, who are Easy Bake afficionados and enthusiastic enthusiast, who spend hours and weeks, baking our deductible beets . . . and other goodies.


So, my fellow cooks, culinary artist and gourmet hash slingers, be on the ready to purchase your New & Improved Environmental Saving Easy Bake Oven!

Comrade Pulloskies,

This is excellent, but only if you make sure these Easy-Bake Ovens are equally distributed among young boys as well as young girls. We know that Progressives' little boys are just as interested in Easy-Bake Ovens as they are in G.I. Joe Action Figures (and Barbie Dolls), but we also know that not all "independents" and certainly no tea-partiers take the time to be sure their little boys spend as much time baking beets with the Easy-Bake Oven as they spend with their Action Figures.


So, the question is, what is your marketing plan to assure equal use of the Easy-Bake Oven for ALL little boys? Is it not necessary for us to develop a program to do for Easy-Bake Ovens what Michelle Obama is wisely doing to promote consumption of carrot sticks and prevent consumption of french-fries? How could such marketing program work?


--Kagan Gourmet

Fraulein Pulloskies,

"[highlight=#ffff99]Those nefarious100 wattage lightening bulbery's are going to be replaced with a new form of heating element in order to help save the world from incandescence destruction.[/highlight]"

I could not help but notice that your article does not mention what that new heating element would be. Maybe tiny sections of nuclear fuel rods? I was just thinking that after we shut down all the USSA's nuclear plants for safety reasons (our media blitz on reactor safety is working nicely), there will be plenty of unused rods and it would be a shame for them to go to waste.

Repeat after me Comrades; "No Nukes", "No Nukes", "No Nukes".

I feel your concern Comarde Grigori, but as of this writing and transcription, the Hasbro personages have not disclosed their secret recipe new warming elements. I am thinking, with the disturbing results in Japan nuclear plants that they will not chose to use hydrogen or atomic elements but I do not know for positive!! But, seriously, is not anything better than 100 incandescent?!

I did receive this Top Secret Secret image of testing new Easy Bakers and this should be investigated.

Update: this Top Secret Secret EB Study was just forwarded to me. I cannot make heads or tails but perhaps another comrade.....

Oh my, every Janyt Woomba Loomba wants one.. please prepare 6666 for immediate delivery... The Wombat Factory, 666 Transgendered Unicorn Street, Peoples Republic of Castro, Kalifornistan, USSA.


We await delivery.

Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:
Update: this Top Secret Secret EB Study was just forwarded to me. I cannot make heads or tails but perhaps another comrade.....

I found your wavelength chart most informative Frau but I can't make out where on the chart Superman's heat vision would fall. I suspect this is how Hasbro intends to make their new oven work. Either that or it will require a small cylinder of propane (not included, some assembly required).

I propose we replace the lightbulb in the easy bake oven with high powered amplifier tubes. Each Easy Bake Oven will also serve as a small repeater to send Laika's signals to even more tinfoil hats!

Oh, yes. We had so much fun baking those cookies. In honor of Comrade Moochelle's wish to take sugar out of the diet of Comrade O's Young Pioneers, we substituted tofu, pinto beans, and soy nuts. Make sure you keep some windows open when you serve them to the kiddies.

Maybe the heating element will be a miniature breeder reactor, that may provide the heat for baking in microseconds! What a deal!

Except for the radiation levels, perfectly safe!

Whoopie, this Top Secret Photo was sent to me. I am thinking the wee children will have fun connecting the propane to the EB Oven... yes?!

ah yes, dear Leninka, those delightful pinto beans and soy nuts cookies we made. Why, I think I can still smell them?

Comrade Tooorisky, what is this breeder reactor??! NO COPULATION ON THE EB OVEN!!

I know, easy bake Incenerator Ovens! Why waste the "fuel" created after Obama Care takes effect at your local ICU?

Colonel 7.62 wrote:I propose we replace the lightbulb in the easy bake oven with high powered amplifier tubes. Each Easy Bake Oven will also serve as a small repeater to send Laika's signals to even more tinfoil hats!

Or we can 'can' or 'bottle' some of the Goracle's Global Warming™ to use as an energy replacement!

Oh, no. The Easy Bake oven in the age of Obama uses only the most sustainable of fuel: pure sunshine! The sun's energy will be stored and packaged in small units, much like todays batteries store electricity. These packages of pure sustainable energy direct from the sun will be known as wood. Millions of acres will be used to manufacture this new and completely sustainable form of energy. The smart young girls of the future will enjoy baking beets with Easy Bake ovens made especially for this new space-age fuel and these ovens will look like this:

That oven looks awfully familiar. I swear I've seen it somewhere before.

Better still, I hear some of these ovens will use long term stored sunshine in the form of long buried carbon, which can be burned to release that stored solar energy. I believe it is for the moment called "Coal"

So what you're saying, is that we've been using solar all along! Well, I'll be.

Comrade Halliburton, that is a most thoughtful thought worth considering. Pure sunshine... or perhaps wind power?

Frau!

What a great oven and easy on saving the whales to boot! I just tried out this bad boy and I tell ya, Spinach Loaf with Goat pasta Innards never tasted better! Here about a slice, oh and plenty for Leninka and all the rest.........Dig in folks for some Easy Bake Enviro Friendly Loven from the Oven!

Commodore,

Nice to see you! We of the Party ™ were concerned about you . Glad to see your People's Cooking flotilla is still intact and feeding the poor masses after this Global Warming induced Earthquake and subsequent Tsunami ! Keep up the good work.....glad I'm not there....

Fraulein and Lenika,

It is so nice to see that you ladies are so talented in the culinary arena!

This environmentally friendly oven, (we shall see about this), is just the ticket to persuade the "wee ones" to cook healthy foods. I will ring up our dear First Lady,Moochelle....err...Michelle O, to ascertain for sure what new power source will be used for this improved product.

Most dear and glorious Snoogie (perchance do you relations... are you related to that bimbo Snooki?), I know the Hasbro people will be joyful of your EB baking experience ™ . Possibly you would be willing to make a capitalist commercial for them?
My my, that does look . . . . . . . delicious, does it not. I am tempted by these tasty looking treats, but unfortunately have just finished my beet & brain breakfast cereal, so I must pass this offer up.

Oh, Oh.....Ladies! CEASE AND DESIST, immediately!

I just got off the red phone with Moochele Michelle and is she ever angry!

Please see the following link that she e-mailed me directly! Seems this Hasbro Corporation is guilty of producing many bad toys for our Children https://www.hasbro.com/customer-service ... e-Oven.cfm.

Che Gourmet wrote:Commodore,

Nice to see you! We of the Party ™ were concerned about you . Glad to see your People's Cooking flotilla is still intact and feeding the poor masses after this Global Warming induced Earthquake and subsequent Tsunami ! Keep up the good work.....glad I'm not there....

Fraulein and Lenika,

It is so nice to see that you ladies are so talented in the culinary arena!

This environmentally friendly oven, (we shall see about this), is just the ticket to persuade the "wee ones" to cook healthy foods. I will ring up our dear First Lady,Moochelle....err...Michelle O, to ascertain for sure what new power source will be used for this improved product.

Thank you Comrade Che,

I can't wait for you to have a taste of our tofu, bean and soy nut coffee cake, our tofu, bean and soy nut casserole, and our tofu, bean and Snoogie's leftover Spinach Loaf and Goat Pasta Innards Spaghetti Surprise.

As for the finger tip situation, don't worry. It's for the children--for the children of dissidents who have already been sent to the furthest out gulags, that is.

We must have quite a supply of sunshine stockpiled from all the years of "Daylight Savings Time." Why can't Hasbro use that to cook your cookies?

Comrade Whoopie, cooking your cookies is a . . . . umm, using Time changes to cook cookies for all, is a progressive idea. Who is our Commis of Time?? (dang, vodka can block the thought processes!). He should be looking into this and see how much time we have accumulated and saved to daylight our food products. Yse? Yes?
Nwo, more vodka for all!

Whoopie? Who gave you permission to have brilliant ideas? Oh never mind. Yes. All the extra sunlight from daylight savings time will be directed into a massive solar array, which will fuel the world's electric grid. We start construction Next Tuesday.

Not to worry comrades! There are so many delicious recipes using the simple items found in the peoples larder, which don't even need Easy Baking!! Look at this wonderful Tomato and Aspic....with side of gum!: And chop up a little spam, mix with a little Jello, chill and....voila!

Once again, Comrade Царевна (is that pronounced Tsarevna?) I am disappointed I seem to have no appetite since that is, cough, so tempting.

Ahh, Spam and Jello! Just like Mama used to make...

I seem to have that gift, Fraulein.