R.O.C.K., Tovarichi, we have got a raft of work before us. We are going to have to tap-dance like Bruno on roller skates to get you guys out of this jam. I think, with a little luck, I can get you off with a death sentence and time served, but we're going to have to play our cards right.

First things first: How much cash have you got? Some might say that the best defense is a good offense, but I say the best defense is a really big bribe.

If that doesn't work, we're actually going to have to go to trial, so I need you both to come clean with me. No, I'm serious. There's drying pudding all over the place in my office, so come clean with me. Then I need to hear your side of the story. All the gory details. And photos. Especially photos.

Frauline, Commodore: NO PEEKING.

I also call on all concerned comrades to rally to the defense of these two fine stalwarts of the Party. If you have any evidence of their innocence, and if you are willing to testify on their behalf, we need to know about it.

In the meantime: Tovarichi, stop hanging out with Anyer Marx. After what you welded to the front of R.O.C.K.'s tour bus, we don't need anything that even sounds like "elephant" associated with your name. R.O.C.K., let's see if we can find something other than tiger-stripe spandex trousers for your arraignment.

Now then, I am going to go plead the Fifth. I'm pretty sure I still have a bottle of Jameson's in this desk somwhere....

To Comrade Betinov for the defense,

I wish to submit a copy of the following letter which has been sent to the "Honorable Snoogie for the prosecution" outlining my complaint. I would stress the fact that a bribe from either litigant is neither expected nor has been taken as of the date of this notification - although that is still an open issue.

Captain Craptek wrote:Your Honor Snoogie,

I am submitting the following image as proof positive that my personal photo (taken the day I took Comrade Putout for a ride in my biplane) has been duplicated without permission and sold for profit <gasp> to a capitalist Website! I realize that just because the "Dastardly Duo" was present on the day of my flight, and that financing was required for their extravagant party, one cannot conclude their guilt - but it doesn't look that good either.

To be fair, I am submitting the same evidence to the defense. Though Ivan mentioned the word "bribe," I wouldn't want anyone to think that was my motive. Justice is at stake here, and justice is my only concern.

Yours truly,

Captain Craptek (aviator)

Comrades, I regret that neither I nor Comrade Tovarichi will be able to attend the show trial being held in our honor.

The R.O.C.K. Band will be performing a special benefit concert in outer space for Laika the Space Dog, who has fallen on somewhat hard times since NASA has been singularly focused on our Dear Leader's Mission to Muslims, and the Soviet space apparatus has become, well, somewhat unreliable.

We will be performing a special R.O.C.K. Opera entitled "Anarchy for the USSA", followed by a special guest appearance by the entire cast of the CGI web team singing a medley of take-offs on old Beatles tunes. Having been some days in preparation, a splendid time is guaranteed for all, comrades.

You're welcome to contact us sometime in, oh, say 2017.

Hope to see you at the Opera!

Say there counselor Betinov, will that navy guy be there?

I agree with everything but I'm not sure why this thread sits apart from the main show trial. I can use my administrative superpowers to merge the two threads together, but I want comrades' consensus first.

Red Square wrote:I agree with everything but I'm not sure why this thread sits apart from the main show trial. I can use my administrative superpowers to merge the two threads together, but I want comrades' consensus first.

Comrade Red Leader,

Since I have no knowledge of this affair or any of its related issues I can offer no opinion. Still, the trail must go on, and therefore, I agree.

Actually, Red Square, this was SUPPOSED to be a private conference between myself and my clients to formulate a defense strategy. Unfortunately, it has been infiltrated by a Commodore (VIC 64, looks like) and a bribe-happy squirrel, and the two suspects are entirely delusional. I think R.O.C.K. has been sniffing guitar varnish and thinks he's in orbit, and, Tovarichi, everybody KNOWS Snoogs was the Cowboy when he toured with the Village People.

Dammit men, I'm serious! This is my job!

Comrade Betinov, Having recently been denounced, tried, convicted, executed, and had my dismembered remains scattered somewhere in Siberia, I would be happy to provide witness services for a nominal fee the guilty the defendants. Since guilt is already established, association should not be a concern. If you wish to discuss my fee testimony my various parts can be reached at the location(s) shown below. Just bring your shovel.

Comrade Brain in Jar Defense Secretary, please to point out to suckers fellow Cubists:

Those who will be unable to attend the upcoming R.O.C.K. Opera for the Benefit of Laika the Space Dog (Hero of the People) can still participate from earth and the comfort of their own dachas, simply by purchasing a combo-pack of Ticket(s) and official Laika™ brand Tin Foil Hat(s) with which to receive transmissions.

For all members of The People's Cube, we have secured a special deal: buy one for the price of two and get a second combo pack thrown in for free!

Don't wait - this offer won't last long!

OOOH! and the neon brain may possibly make an appearance!

Comrade Tovarichi, I can't imagine how or why anyone would miss this concert!

Fellow Travelers - get your ticket(s) and Laika™ brand Tin Foil Hat(s) now!

Or come on up on the space shuttle - gotta warn you, though, seating on the shuttle is extremely limited. The China shuttle may be available, we're in negotiations.

Since we have duplicate threads and in the interest of you two knowing evidence being submitted on your behalf as well as where you might have possibly been *wink*wink*, I will submit my ticket to the Achievements in Feminisim Award Banquet and Competition here on your behalf to your defense brain. I thought the two of you may have been serving the People when this terrible misunderstanding took place. It is a thankless job, serving the People. *nudge*nudge*

Ok, counselor-- the little sailor with the big hat has filed formal trumped up charges that originated in his rectal database. His actions are malicious, unfounded (possible exception of that pudding business) and have damaged my self esteem.

Now what?

It's so much worse than even that, Tovarichi - some guy is selling computer generated fake tickets to our Laika benefit! AND IT'S NOT EVEN THE SAME CONCERT!

Oh, the humanity, comrade.

It's amzing how the internets have deteriorated. A musician and an old helikopter pilot try to earn a half a beet on the side fixing a bus and suddenly the world turns to crap.

Now they are counterfeiting concerts? Have they selected a pudding concession yet? (We have leftovers...)