Moscow, RUSSIA -- In response to its attack on Ukraine, the world is now cancelling Russia.  Companies are revoking contracts and withdrawing resources from Russia, sports like Formula 1 are cutting ties, and even the United Nations is mumbling some disapproval.  The collateral damage has extended to athletes and celebrities that support Russia, too.

What's a dictator to do?  When faced with cancellation, there is only one approved course of action (in no particular order):
1. Apologize
2. Put the blame on someone or something else
3. Become 'woke' and claim protected status
4. Donate to US left-wing causes.

Vladimir Putin and his public relations team immediately sprang into action on 2, 3, and 4 once it became apparent that getting cancelled was becoming bad for the bottom line.

In a press conference yesterday, Mr. Putin's spokesperson Borris Moosanskural stated "We wish to announce that Ukraine invasion is only because of racist cops there.  Ukraine very bad for racism.  They are beating the black people always and we finally say enough is enough.  Bad neighbors, like always beating wife - which we would never do - but must finally help."

He went on, "Also, want to mention that President Putin is finally coming out as gay and transmembered - trangendered, sorry.  English not first language.  Yes, very gay.  We demand world use pronoun of 'she' and call him - uh, her - 'Vladimira.'  We soon will send out not-photoshopped pictures of him - her - in dress, riding horses and playing with baby dolls."

"One final thing.  We are donating many rubles now to Black Life Matter.  Thank you that is all."

As of this morning, no photographs been provided to the press except one of the President shirtless in a judo pose in which he did appear somewhat gay.

All is well.  Putin delivered a speech in which he tearfully stated his regret for the invasion.

For good measure, Putin concluded with, "I don't know what came over me last week.  That's not who I am."

Putin has been invited to appear on the next episode of The View to complete his expiation.

Komissar al-Blogunov wrote: ↑

3/4/2022, 12:14 pm

All is well.  Putin delivered a speech in which he tearfully stated his regret for the invasion.

For good measure, Putin concluded with, "I don't know what came over me last week.  That's not who I am."

Putin has been invited to appear on the next episode of The View to complete his expiation.

Great idea. And then Whopper Goldberg could then assure him that it was all the fault of the Jewish President of Ukraine. I can't see how anything could go wrong with that.
 

Komissar al-Blogunov wrote: ↑

3/4/2022, 12:14 pm

Putin has been invited to appear on the next episode of The View to complete his expiation.

Ah, yes of course he'd appear on The View....Joy Behar moans Russia-Ukraine war is screwing up her Italian vacation plans

Panem Et Circenses wrote: ↑

3/5/2022, 2:13 pm

Komissar al-Blogunov wrote: ↑

3/4/2022, 12:14 pm

Putin has been invited to appear on the next episode of The View to complete his expiation.

Ah, yes of course he'd appear on The View....Joy Behar moans Russia-Ukraine war is screwing up her Italian vacation plans

Luckily, there is a God out there who loves us and has a great sense of humor.

Joy Behar suffers dramatic fall on ‘The View,’ face-plants in front of audience

 

Panem et Circenses wrote:

Luckily, there is a God out there who loves us and has a great sense of humor.

Joy Behar suffers dramatic fall on ‘The View,’ face-plants in front of audience

Joy Behar said:

go to the doctor. Because that will kill you.”

Is her doctor Dr. Kivorkian?