Hoping to Reduce Prices, CA Allows Different Gasoline 'Blends'

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Sacramento, CA -- In response to pump prices hovering around $6.41, California Governor Gavin Newsom is allowing local refiners to issue 'limited-time-only' gasoline blends.  These custom formulations result in more pollution but reduce the cost per gallon for troglodyte voters that still drive gasoline-powered automobiles.

The schedule of different gasoline blends was released today.
  • October: Pumpkin Spice - those that love it, LOVE it, everyone else is forced to buy it (welcome to CA!)
  • November: 'Thankfulness' Turkey Gobble - voters should be thankful the Government allows them to drive at all
  • December: Sugar and Spice - a non-religious celebratory blend for the winter solstice
  • January: MLK Day Fuel - strong, black, and bold , like the man himself
  • February: Valentine Sweetness - a mild, sugary blend for that special someone(s) (he/him, she/her, it/that or anything else you're into) in your life

After February, the ordinary 'low pollution / extra expensive' CA blend is all that will be permitted again.

It isn't known whether the special blends will become a yearly tradition in California, like droughts and wildfires.