Harrison, NY -- The popular breakfast cereal Life has come under fire recently for anti-abortion rights sentiment.  Protesters have been vandalizing and picketing grocery stores that stock the product, claiming "these religious zealots - Quakers - are taking away a woman's right to choose by deliberately naming their cereal after the icky and dangerous pro-life movement."

The Quaker Oats Company, maker of the cereal and a wholly owned subsidiary of PepsiCo, hosted an unusual press conference regarding the controversy earlier today.

Quaker Oats spokesperson Jim Jackowski started the press conference with the following, "I'm not really sure what the controversy is here.  Our cereal is just a celebration of being alive, not anything else.  I think this is a tempest in a teacup and urge these protesting folks to get a, well, life."

At this point, Mr. Jackowski's microphone was cut and a PepsiCo spokesman took over the press conference, saying PepsiCo would be releasing a statement about the controversy.

Several hours later, PepsiCo made several announcements:

• PepsiCo and the Quaker Oats Company apologize for offending any abortion rights activists and state unequivocally they support the right of women to abort as many future customers as they feel like
  
• Life cereal will now be called "Tasty Grain Squares" ("Clump of Cells Cereal" was considered but not popular with focus groups)
  
• PepsiCo will be donating $6.3 million to NARAL, the Center for Reproductive Rights, Planned Parenthood, and the National Abortion Federation
  
• "Little Mikey" actor John Gilchrist from the 1971 Life cereal ads will make a series of public service announcements about abortion rights and the dangers of religious extremism
  
• Jim Jackowski has been placed on administrative leave from the Quakers Oats Company - his home address, personal telephone number, and the name of his children's school was also provided in case anyone wanted to contact him directly
  

Jim Jackowski's wife is currently packing his gulag backpack now, while Jim is registering at the Train Station to be shipped to Mitch McConnell's (Secret) Gulag located in remote West Texazistan.

https://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-blog ... 23340.html

I kinda liked "Clump o' Cells" better.

Even with all the progress we progressives have made against these Quakers who are forcing women to pick up discarded needles, cans, and bottles that litter the fruited plains to pay for rides to the abortion clinic. These religious fanatics entice millions of desperate young women to take away a woman’s right to choose by naming a cereal a pro-life movement when their young embryos should be treated like crops to be harvested. If these zealots aren’t stopped, why, without an immediate abortion, they may even crawl out and vote Republican.......or gasp....MAGA!