New York, NY -- Taxpayers in New York City have decided to purchase and install vending machines for crack pipes.  Hunter Biden supports the idea and is considering moving some of his shell companies there.

Hunter Biden, son of sitting President Joe Biden, is well know as the smartest man known by the President.  He is also a successful businessman, investor, artist, and drug addict.

In brief comments about the move, Biden stated "this isn't about the money.  I have millions already, and can rely on 'the big guy' to help me out if I need more.  No, this move would be about convenience and my very valuable time.  Think of it this way: you can't smoke crack every 15 minutes without spending a significant part of the time trying to find one of your pipes.  You're digging through your dad's old Camaro, shifting boxes of classified materials in the garage ... you get the idea.  Imagine how much more I could get done every day if I could just go downstairs and buy a new one from the vending machine."

Since millions of young tots and teens face many hardships in public schools, perhaps as a public service from like-minded politicians and adult mentors, many of which have restraining orders and parole conditions, we should combine crack vending machines with prophylactics and feminine hygiene products so they can be dispensed not only in the streets of NYC but also install as a free benefit for every school regardless genders. Haven’t we seen how unrealistic many schools are when the principal task of the educational system is to deter students from all those selfish ideals of capitalism and mold them into subordinate servants of the international community or your local drug dealer? Perhaps New York Mayor Eric Adams should take a page from Mayor London Breed of San Francisco and apply the same resolve and fierce determination to turn NYC streets into a fun-filled, thrilling adventure avoiding pipes, needles, vomit, and feces.

trashmouth wrote: ↑

6/7/2023, 5:21 pm

Since millions of young tots and teens face many hardships in public schools, perhaps as a public service from like-minded politicians and adult mentors, many of which have restraining orders and parole conditions, we should combine crack vending machines with prophylactics and feminine hygiene products so they can be dispensed not only in the streets of NYC but also install as a free benefit for every school regardless genders. Haven’t we seen how unrealistic many schools are when the principal task of the educational system is to deter students from all those selfish ideals of capitalism and mold them into subordinate servants of the international community or your local drug dealer? Perhaps New York Mayor Eric Adams should take a page from Mayor London Breed of San Francisco and apply the same resolve and fierce determination to turn NYC streets into a fun-filled, thrilling adventure avoiding pipes, needles, vomit, and feces.

Y'know, I think you've got the right idea.  Wonder if they could have automatic abortion clinics, too - something like a car wash, you just lay down on the conveyor belt and come out the other end free of that pesky little future parasite.
 

Comrade Panem,

The proles wouldn't need abortions if they'd just complete their "gender affirming surgeries" once and for all.

But that's like mandating electric cars before phasing out the current hydrocarbon engines, no? Maybe the two ideas could be combined, girls go in for an abortion, (which is done as a right, of course) AND leave as a guy...

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote: ↑

6/8/2023, 9:59 am

Comrade Panem,

The proles wouldn't need abortions if they'd just complete their "gender affirming surgeries" once and for all.

But that's like mandating electric cars before phasing out the current hydrocarbon engines, no? Maybe the two ideas could be combined, girls go in for an abortion, (which is done as a right, of course) AND leave as a guy...

Yes, yes - I see how that could work.  If we could work in 'protecting the environment' and 'protecting illegal immigrants' somehow it would hit all the 2023 talking points in one fell swoop.
 

Hmmm...

This has merit. Can we address men in womyn's sports and beet shortages?