The deliberately ambiguously named Dr. Strangelove, by engaging in egregious puns, has set me to thinking. If we were to put Our Many Titted Empress Hillary in a soundproofed box along with a Diebold voting machine actuated by a Geiger counter, as long as we did not look in her box, would she be simultaneously the president and not the president?

If someone looked in her box, would he find her to be the president or not to be the president?

How large would her box be?

Who would look in her box? Would the Obamessiah look in her box to settle once and for all that he was, or was not, president?

If ACORN looked in her box and found that she was president, would she suddenly be dead?

Esteemed Commissar, I cannot answer your questions, but only add a few speculations of my own:

You could put both Obama and the MTE in the box, and they could be co-presidents, unless Joe Biden looked in, at which point all three would turn into circus clowns.

If Nancy Pelosi looked in over Biden's shoulder, all four would become Pelosi.

If bill Clinton looked over Pelosi's shoulder, four would become comely interns, and the fifth would become a cat named Hillary Schroedinger who would claw the Obama intern's eyes out, spit at the Pelosi intern, put Bill in the box, and then close and lock it.

Unlike Schrodinger, Albert Einstein did not believe in the quantum theory of politics. He once said that God is too smart to roll dice with anyone named "Obama". Instead, he relied on the theory proposed by the great particle physicist Stalin who said "It is not how many neutrons there are, it is who counts the neutrons that matter." This, I propose, holds the solution to your thought experiment, comrade; when you open the box, find out whose fingers are manipulating the voting machine at that time and you will have the answer. Comrade Franken failed to heed this warning, choosing to take the inexpensive way out and hire a nine-fingered person to manipulate the machines. He fell one finger short, it would appear, and now must depend on the uncertainty principle to produce votes spontaneously after the election.

Opiate, producing votes after the election is a very difficult art. My theory is that music was greatly diminished after the death of Beethoven; post-election vote manufacturing was much diminished by the death of Daley. And LBJ.

Also, I'm sure that our MTE's husband would appreciate you not saying "neutron" around him. Once in her cups our MTE told how she'd threatened Bill with something that sounded very like that.

Do you think that if our MTE had had all the community organizers at ACORN in her box she would be simultaneously be president and empress of the world and her Serene Highness, Ruler of the Moon?

Hummmmm. If Blago, goes to "real butt slamming prison" and Obamamessiah went with him. Would Pelosi still be claiming that they were the most ethical Congress ever? Whose “bitch” would Blago be?

Would Obamamessiah "Shank" Blago?


We may never have an answer

Red Star, that's easy. Blago would be Bonnie Fwank's bitch. Now for a question. If Bonnie Fwank was silent for five minutes could he simultaneously have teeth and not have teeth?

Commissar Theocritus; your wisdom never ceases to amaze me.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:The deliberately ambiguously named Dr. Strangelove, by engaging in egregious puns, has set me to thinking. If we were to put Our Many Titted Empress Hillary in a soundproofed box along with a Diebold voting machine actuated by a Geiger counter, as long as we did not look in her box, would she be simultaneously the president and not the president?

If someone looked in her box, would he find her to be the president or not to be the president?

How large would her box be?

Who would look in her box? Would the Obamessiah look in her box to settle once and for all that he was, or was not, president?

If ACORN looked in her box and found that she was president, would she suddenly be dead?

The answer is "yes."

Buddy_Lenin wrote:Esteemed Commissar, I cannot answer your questions, but only add a few speculations of my own:

Youcould put both Obama and the MTE in the box, and they could beco-presidents, unless Joe Biden looked in, at which point all threewould turn into circus clowns.

If Nancy Pelosi looked in over Biden's shoulder, all four would become Pelosi.

Ifbill Clinton looked over Pelosi's shoulder, four would become comelyinterns, and the fifth would become a cat named Hillary Schroedingerwho would claw the Obama intern's eyes out, spit at the Pelosi intern,put Bill in the box, and then close and lock it.

But wouldn't it be Comrade Gore that closes and locks the box?!

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Also, I'm sure that our MTE's husbandwould appreciate you not saying "neutron" around him. Once in her cupsour MTE told how she'd threatened Bill with something that sounded verylike that.

It's probably also best not to mention it around His O'liness as Comrade Jackson made the same threat to him.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Red Star, that's easy. Blago would beBonnie Fwank's bitch. Now for a question. If Bonnie Fwank was silentfor five minutes could he simultaneously have teeth and not haveteeth?

Again, the answer is "yes."

Da answer is...
...
..
.




































MORE TAXES!!

Commissar Theocritus wrote: Also, I'm sure that our MTE's husband would appreciate you not saying "neutron" around him. Once in her cups our MTE told how she'd threatened Bill with something that sounded very like that.

I have it on good authority that the First President Obama (aka Jimmy Carter) terminated the military's neutron bomb program for precisely that reason. As you undoubtedly know, JEC was at one time a nuclear engineer and understood well the capacity of the neutron to do something that sounded very like that. Some have speculated that it was the real reason he kissed Breshnev at the SALT treaty signing ceremony.

I thought that he kissed Brezhnev because the man looked so much like a very large peanut.

If Jimmy Carter went into a room and said nothing could he be simultaneously the worst president in the last century and the more arrogant president in the last century and the most interfering president in the last century?

If he came out of the room would he still be the same thing?

If he died would he still be all of those things?

If Miss Lillian had employed a coat hanger would he still...

You get my drift.

Commissar Theocritus

Reality is in the eye of the beholder. Box is like Big, Red Bag of Santa Clause. Red Bag contains all the possible presents for all the boys and girls. If little Suzy wants a dolly with red hair, that's what she'll see. Santa's the only one I know of who can actually pull the presents from the bag.

Remember back in the day when Al and I would discuss this. We used to talk about politics and physics whenever I was in town. He was a pretty funny guy after several snapps shooters. He said; Schrody should change the litter in that cat box. I told him; Yeah, I've got a cat named Felix I'd like to put in that box. Best one ever when he said; Remember that "folding space" thing we were talking about? Well I've got a new theory. I call it my "Flip-Flopping Space Theory".

Uncle Sam has magic box too. Box is full of money ( trillions ). Just reach in a take what you want. Never empties. Is low tech though, little printing press just keeps printing and printing.........

Boris says Hey.

Tell Boris hey and Natasha too. Do you think that Fearless Leader would like officiate at Pupovich's Show Trial for teaching birds to talent-shit on my ranch house?

Grigori wrote:Is low tech though, little printing press just keeps printing and printing.........

Ah, and we know that in the upcoming administration of his O'liness we may have a miracle reduction of debt by those presses, which print and print and print. After all, it is only fair for imprudent borrowers to pay back debts with cheap money while prudent savers have their savings destroyed.

That's the Progressive Way™!

Commissar Theocritus,

Re: Pupovich's Show Trial for teaching birds to talent-shit on my ranch house?

Trial got me to thinking about old experiment in the early '60's. By using certain low frequencies could re-direct birds sense of direction. Plus side effect of experiment was that it really pissed them off and made them empty their bowels when close to source. We called it the Big Bird Bomb.

Hitchcock, happened upon the experiment and made a movie based on it. I think was '63. Anyway, look for little black box on or buried somewhere your Ranch. Wouldn't be deep. Pupovich would have to change batteries some time. If it is Pupovich, his paw prints should be all over it.

Comrades,

A recent news article about beatings in British madrassas, to which many parents were accustomed and children became accustomed. I think it is an effective learning moment relevant to this thread, readers of the article, and the madrassas' staff and clientele: There's no pedagogy as effective as repeated compassionate abuse.

Comrade Commissar Theocritus asks very important questions but in his quest for truth--and, given his Party status, I think he's allowed more of it than some of us others--I find myself pondering, to wit: Is it necessary to ask these questions?
<br>(1) While the questions are intellectually stimulating, I am a worker and must concentrate on producing more brake fluid for Zils, MiGs, and fellow comrades to consume when vodka is increasingly unobtainable, thereby lowering health costs by increasing self-decimation rates. Answering questions takes time and reduces my, thus the Party's, efficiency.

(2) Is not encouraging thinking of any sort is dangerous, for it can occasionally lead to reactionary thought, to wrong answers?

(3) Since the Party knows all, why not simply follow the madrassas' example (I note here that it is not only a diverse example but a multicultural one, too): Just beat the Current Truth and Answers into us. Not only is it pedagogically sound, it increases employment by requiring the hiring of beaters or physical trainers who can bring current indoctrinators up to the requisite physical conditions.

As wards of the State, we are all putty begging to be molded properly, correctly. Please keep this in mind, comrades.

Yes, Tovarich, it is dangerous to think for ourselves. And I try not to do it too much because eventually it makes my head hurt.

In fact I am now in negotiations with Ben Taub Hospital in Houston, the county mental hospital, and with Jiffy Lube to institute a new business: DriveThruLobo. If you have 20 minutes you can get a lobotomy and stop all those pesky thoughts.

Be sure to bring a driver with you to take you home as you relearn basic motor skills. Like controlling your bladder.

But anything for the party.

(off)
What if we put our MTE in a soundproof box with the Hemipenis Emperor (HPM), how long would it take before our HPM got our MTE cloths off?

Tovarich... Theocritus...

Have no fear! There is already a Party approved solution to this dilemma! Theocritus - had you forgotten?


It is called Brain-o in the common vernacular. Very simple - unscrew the top of your brain receptacle (i.e. your skull), take out your brain, put your brain in the sink and lather, rinse, and repeat (once only)... make sure the second time that you rinse well with COLD WATER. Then, lay out a towel - it is better to use a large one and fold it in half and then in quarters. Carefully place your brain in the centre of the towel and let air dry. DO NOT MACHINE WASH OR DRY. Neither the spin cycle, nor the constant tumbling of the dryer will be good for your brain and it will loose its shape. Similarly, do not wring dry. Also, it is wise to place your brain out of the reach of pets, children or The Chairman while it is drying. Finally, when it is properly dried, simply replace it in its receptacle (make sure that if the whole family washes their brains together, that you put the right one back!), and screw the top of your head back on. Remember, "righty tighty, lefty loosey" as it is easy to become confused when you first unscrew the top of your skull if you do it in front of a mirror, AND it is almost impossible not to be confused when you are replacing it, and there is nothing worse than 'threading' your skull cap and then having to deal with the resultant leaks... for you and for everyone else. If you are having trouble getting your brain out, have a family member gently thump you on the very back of the head with their palm, while you stand bent over the sink with your hands in place ready to catch the brain as it pops out. DO NOT PRY. Be patient and it will eventually pop out.

For very serious clog, you may soak your brain in a sink full of Brain-O for 15 - 20 minutes. Do not soak it for longer as Brain-0 is very powerful and can be corrosive if left for too long. It is best to set a cooking timer for 15 minutes and then stick a toothpick into... oh wait... no... that's for cupcakes... Set a cooking timer for 15 minutes and wait by your brain (it is just common sense, especially if you do have small children, pets, or anyone who might covet your Party-supplied flat because it has a better view than theirs or is on a lower floor and the elevator is never working... you never know who you can trust during those vulnerable times when your brain is not inside your body. In fact! We once played a very funny joke on Chairman Meow and Dr. P one night after they had come home to the bunker after disappearing for five days on a bender, and having done so by making off to Bangkok in the Tupolev and so when they came back all ripped out of their minds on.. .. well... never mind... but you get the idea)... it is best to stay with your brain while it is unclogging and to mind the timer as it is easy to forget when it is outside of your head. So, after 15 minutes, check to see if it needs another 5 minutes to soak and reset the timer, after which time you must rinse it in cold water immediately. Then, follow the drying and reinsertion instructions as above.

Oh... and Hey - Look!... I found the original treatment for the Vodkamentary!... boy, there are sure a lot of things i never got done... I feel like it's still timely, perhaps even moreso once His O-ness ascends to the throne... I hafta start feeling better soon...this just makes me feel so useless... I better go wash my brain...Especially after Comrade Elliott's poorly considered post regarding the disposition of our MTE's clothing (shudders)...

Good luck!
SMO

Comrades,

Glorious if dangerous levels of though have been exhibited!

As a young man, I used to get the Loompanics Unlimited catalog by mail. They specialize in, well, visit the site.

Anyway, it used to be the catalog, which was the better part of half an inch thick, contained various articles, one of which was allegedly about the man who brought the frontal lobotomy mainstream.

If you get queasy easy, do not read on.

The article claimed that while lobotomies were understood to have value for the right person, time, and place, they were expensive: cutting through the cranium, etc. The specialist noted that an area near the tear duct provides a narrow but direct passage into the cranium. Basically his procedure was to take a thin but strong Philips head screwdriver, jam it up through said duct to inside the skull, then waggle it about. Kwik 'n' EZ.

Thus Comrade Commissar Theocritus might have a successful business. I'm glad we know him so we can be assured of redistribution (of cash, not stirred grey matter).

Comrade_Tovarich wrote:Comrades,

Glorious if dangerous levels of though have been exhibited!

As a young man, I used to get the Loompanics Unlimited catalog by mail. They specialize in, well, visit the site.

Anyway, it used to be the catalog, which was the better part of half an inch thick, contained various articles, one of which was allegedly about the man who brought the frontal lobotomy mainstream.

If you get queasy easy, do not read on.

The article claimed that while lobotomies were understood to have value for the right person, time, and place, they were expensive: cutting through the cranium, etc. The specialist noted that an area near the tear duct provides a narrow but direct passage into the cranium. Basically his procedure was to take a thin but strong Philips head screwdriver, jam it up through said duct to inside the skull, then waggle it about. Kwik 'n' EZ.

Thus Comrade Commissar Theocritus might have a successful business. I'm glad we know him so we can be assured of redistribution (of cash, not stirred grey matter).

Betty?

Ahh yes, the icepick lobotomy. I saw some TV show about some supposedly haunted college that had the dean's office right in the middle of it and was supposed to have once been an insane asylum where that procedure was created. Apparently people were sent there when they were never crazy at all, and most of them were women who happened to be going through menopause. Some of them hid in parts of the building to try and escape and wrote messages in their blood about them not being crazy and stuff and what was going on. Some of it is still visible today.

And the college happens to be surrounded by 5 cemeteries that form a pentagram.

Comrade Premier Betty,

Pardon the dubious pun, but a chill runs down my spine, for a different issue of the old Loompanics' catalog once had an article in which the only job the author could recommend was a college professor because it's (1) a sinecure and (2) you have grading power over sexually active and sometimes desperate young people.

Ah, Tovarich, I too once loved the Loompanics catalogue. Remember books like <i>How to Kill a Sentry Noiselessly</i>? And there was the making of recreational drugs by Uncle Fester. One that I got which I read with fascination was <i>So You're Going to Jail</i>. It told you how to survive in the Big House, with a chapter on how best to survive--cough--the death sentence.

I called it the Bomb Catalogue. And I can only think that I got on the mailing list because I bought some of Gilbert Shelton's Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers from the Rip Off Press.

Comrade Commissar Theocritus,

Uncle Fester did not receive my funding because, well, I was such a capitalist pig that I exploited others to opiate me. Well, let's say "consciously expand" instead, being as opiates could only be had if the Grateful Dead passed through and in my reactionary flyover area, that was very rare and the markups resulting from people reaching places where those miraculous events happened were too exploitative for me.

However, I never had need to resort to excessive Robitussin, or "tussin' up," as it was called.

Many Loompanics titles were indeed bombs. I seem to recall editions one and two of Don't Get Screwed, Get Even on achieving ultimate revenge. My copy of Sailing the Farm, however, was actually pretty good with some clever ideas and useful specific instructions and diagrams.

Yes, Rip Off Press. At a vendor of such distinguished reading material I once bought a copy of a Cherry Poptart comic. In drawing style, it is Archie; in content, it is hetero X-rated. The artiste behind the comic has apparently become something of a low-ranking "free speech" agitpropster. Ah, thanks to the wonders of Scroogle.org, I have found CherryComics.com with an adult content warning page containing a Sturgeon General's warning that proceeding might cause hairy palms and other afflictions.

Cherry-picked Cherry quote: "So, do you, like, have a hard drive?"

I always considered the Mac a more masculine computer because it completely eschewed a floppy disk for ever bigger hard drives. And lots more RAM. And...

It just works a lot better. (Of course it's not perfect, it's a computer, but compared to a PC, I chose the sMac)

I was once paid a lot to program PCs but spent my money on Macs. 30 years ago I got the instruction set books for the first processors: 8086 for the PC, 6800 for the Mac, and since my training was in compiler construction I knew which one would better run a recursive language.

Mac is the most progressive computer for people who hate options and individuality. It's the computer for The People^TM!

Commissar Theocritus wrote:I was once paid a lot to program PCs but spent my money on Macs. 30 years ago I got the instruction set books for the first processors: 8086 for the PC, 6800 for the Mac, and since my training was in compiler construction I knew which one would better run a recursive language.

Comrade Commissar Theocritus,

I recall 5.25" floppies with the folded edges, as if they were narrow flaps licked shut on black envelopes.

When it was in the '70s or '80s I do not recall, but a technical acquaintance much older than I recalls being frustrated with his computer then. A colleague told him, "Just buy a Mac!" But the colleague was in academia and got a discount that the acquaintance did not. Thus Apple lost a potential customer, but the need for a FORTRAN compiler was an additional factor as well; Apple was reportedly lacking in them or at least high quality ones.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:I always considered the Mac a more masculine computer because it completely eschewed a floppy disk for ever bigger hard drives. And lots more RAM. And...

Ah, Comrade Commissar Theocritus, I cannot restrain myself from making an enquiry: Since you have a history of computer programming experience and are thus probably acquainted with Monty Python (jive with the stereotype, please), I must ask, when it comes to more RAM do you mean the "naughty bits" or the "naughty bytes"?

For those who are interested, there is a wonderful "article"... more an essay, as it has long been published as a trade paperback... by Neal Stephenson, who also wrote Snowcrash (brilliant SF), Cryptonomicon (brilliant SF), and the Baroque Cycle, which is some 3,000-ish pages in three volumes, of Quicksilver, The Confusion, The System of the World (brilliant, brilliant SF)... much of his storytelling is about computers, cryptography, and alchemy related to computers... he really is a genius and an incredible storyteller... but he long ago wrote an essay on the history, development and 'split' in terms of culture, of computer operating systems, called In the Beginning Was the Command Line. It was popular for so long among geeks, phreaks, and hackers that it was put on the internet long before it was the internet, when it was first a communications web used by universities (and the DOD), and was considered a seminal work long before it was published... probably because Stephenson was a student of computers and communications systems, and a programmer, long before he was a writer... or rather, a famous writer... and so, it is still online and downloadable, legally, for free, despite the fact that it has been in print continuously since it was first published in print form... So, if you are interested in a good read - not long... very interesting... very humourous, about the history of computing and operating systems, it is can be found at the above link for those who are interested... and if you like it, I suggest you go on to read Cryptonomicon, which is a work of fiction that spans Turing's work at Bletchley Park during WWII to modern day computing, hacking and data havens, as well as a huge dose of game theory and distinctly un-Chomski-esque discussions of semantics and hiveminds, rists, memes, &tc. &tc... and yet, is all included in some profoundly entertaining storytelling...a romping fun wonderful piece of literature...

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:For those who are interested, there is a wonderful "article"... more an essay, as it has long been published as a trade paperback... by Neal Stephenson, who also wrote Snowcrash (brilliant SF), Cryptonomicon (brilliant SF), and the Baroque Cycle, which is some 3,000-ish pages in three volumes, of Quicksilver, The Confusion, The System of the World (brilliant, brilliant SF)... much of his storytelling is about computers, cryptography, and alchemy related to computers... he really is a genius and an incredible storyteller... but he long ago wrote an essay on the history, development and 'split' in terms of culture, of computer operating systems, called In the Beginning Was the Command Line. It was popular for so long among geeks, phreaks, and hackers that it was put on the internet long before it was the internet, when it was first a communications web used by universities (and the DOD), and was considered a seminal work long before it was published... probably because Stephenson was a student of computers and communications systems, and a programmer, long before he was a writer... or rather, a famous writer... and so, it is still online and downloadable, legally, for free, despite the fact that it has been in print continuously since it was first published in print form... So, if you are interested in a good read - not long... very interesting... very humourous, about the history of computing and operating systems, it is can be found at the above link for those who are interested... and if you like it, I suggest you go on to read Cryptonomicon, which is a work of fiction that spans Turing's work at Bletchley Park during WWII to modern day computing, hacking and data havens, as well as a huge dose of game theory and distinctly un-Chomski-esque discussions of semantics and hiveminds, rists, memes, &tc. &tc... and yet, is all included in some profoundly entertaining storytelling...a romping fun wonderful piece of literature...

Comrade Gore let this thought criminal publish banned material on his Internet?!

Comrade_Tovarich wrote:... but the need for a FORTRAN compiler was an additional factor as well....

010 WOW
020 I
025 WAS
030 STUCK
040 IN
050 DOLOOP
060 WHEN
070 I
080 DROPPED
090 INPUT
095 CARD
105 DECK
110 FORTRAN77
120 IBM360
130 LATE
140 FOR
150 CLASS


I sure don't miss card readers and main frames.

Comrade C2GM,

There is nostalgia in your soulful code. I had to take a COBOL class for my major; I enjoyed COBOL more than the largely unrelated major.

In Rice we drank beer in the pub and played PL/I trivia--that insufferable huge nasty language. Wrote compilers for ALGOL-type languages, like Pascal and to some extent C. Fun stuff. FORTRAN blows but is <i>still being used to research compiler construction</i>. Something called <a href="https://citeseer.ist.psu.edu/old/kenned ... elescoping languages</a> which I find was pioneered by an old professor of mine--and still using that damned FORTRAN. Take it behind the barn and kill it with an ax. Well, there are reasons, I know. Professor Ken died at 63, killed I'm quite sure by FORTRAN. It'll happen, you know.

And Tovarich, you <i>liked</i> COBOL? Where you have to identify the machine it's written on and it's running on? Dear Tovarich. The party stress has been too much for you. Report to the Rancho for electroconvulsive therapy. If that doesn't work, we'll let you try out Jiffy-Lobo.

By the way, in formal languages there is something called <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chomsky_n ... m">Chomsky Normal Form</a>, and yes it's <i>that</i> ultramoonbat Chomsky.

Well, Aristotle didn't know that the blood recirculated.

Comrade Commissar Theocritus,

It was a single term of intro COBOL and one of the easiest and most enjoyable As of my undergraduate life. Yet I recall watching others from the class bash the lab computers in frustration, something I saw with another a far more modern language later.

Ah, the Gnome who refuses still, as far as I know, to apologize for supporting the Khmer Rouge. How brave and noble! A wealthy tenured boob whose linguistics has been debunked, makes crappy propaganda, cites himself repeatedly, once got cash from the military-industrial complex, and lives in an exclusive area but is for the people and against the oppressive exploitative US government and its proxies. Wait a minute: Is this deja vu all over again?

I hope Chomsky invested everything with Madoff.

I know someone who was very excited when a particular FORTRAN 77 compiler came out, but for that person's non-programming job, FORTRAN was (and still is) da bomb.

Comrade_Tovarich wrote:I know someone who was very excited when a particular FORTRAN 77 compiler came out, but for that person's non-programming job, FORTRAN was (and still is) da bomb.

FORTRAN WAT V

that was the compiler that UTA used on that summer course I took before I went to Rice and learned that you didn't have to use punch cards to program--I think it was APL.

Now I shovel. Social equality is so much easier when you have nothing.

Comrade C2GM,

All this talk about punchcards and Rice, it makes me swoon in gratitude and awe.

Are we not all cards to be punched and programmed with Truth, gloriously insignificant grains in the Rice bowl of the Party to be redistributed and consumed as needed?

Comrades from Marx on, thank you!

Punchcards? Oh. For a minute I thought you meant Slick Willie's interns. And yes, C2GM, it was APL, the finest calculator on earth. Used to labby it.

But Comrades, let us all tear down the institutions of higher learning to be replaced by Politically Correct Universities in which only the Received Wisdom will be taught and any independent thinking will be punished by as a Thoughtcrime by at the very least Maoist self-criticism which will make a Pupovich show trial look like the tea-cup ride at Disneyworld.

In fact we could have something like, oh, Mike Nifong and the Duke lacrosse story. Now <i>that's</i> what I call complete repression of truth by the law and by the university. It is too bad that the state bar disbarred Nifong. We need more earnest correct prosecutors. After all, even though the lacrosse team had higher-than-average GPAs and did a good amount of social work, they were rich white kids and were guilty the minute that their mothers didn't choose a coat-hanger right after conception.

Good old Nifong.

Makes this old socialists' heart flutter.

I like Mike Nifong. I think that Mike Nifong is a hero prosecutor. Have you seen him? He doesn't look like he can lie, and I can always tell. He's my hero.

Comrades,

I recall long ago using Texas Instruments' then calculator wonder, a big-bodied thing that used a thin somewhat flexible magnetic strip card about the length and width of my USB flash memory card. The calculator would pull the card in then you could store data on it or even equations. This is a prepubescent memory, but I recall seeing the future right then and there: 12 red LED digits, a magnetic card eating-and-spitting calculator, all plastic.

About the same time I asked to be taught how to use a slide rule, but I have since forgotten.

The most wonderful thing about the Duke show trial was the (correct me if I'm wrong) 88 professors who signed the declaration of unanimous multicultural damnation: They dared to speak truth to power. Although Duke lost the case, the professors haven't backed down or retracted anything. That, comrades, is "sticking to your principles." I wish I needed a complete re-education that would justify going to Duke and showering them with others' money through student loans (but I will acknowledge that Duke bought a ref or two during some NCAA tournaments past; it's not proven, but what is "truth"?).

When I was oppressed and exploited in the "volunteer" military, beaten daily and sent on forced marches between lessons on how to rape, pillage, and ignite thatch-roofed villages, often to us poor, pitiable, more-gruel-begging, baby-killers-in-training: Do you wanna be a hero or a zero?

To tighten up this thread: Do you wanna be wrong or back Nifong?

Tovarich, note that the professors at Duke lined up almost by discipline. The academics, such as English universally condemned the students without a shred of evidence and against lots of evidence against their position. Way to go, comrades! That's the stuff for a good purge. Damn the facts, and full speed ahead.

Which means that we must purge the scientists who did not buy it. Of course we'll have to steal our technology from another country then...

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Which means that we must purge the scientists who did not buy it. Of course we'll have to steal our technology from another country then...

Comrade Commissar Theocritus,

I am Raines-shocked at your usage of "steal," which applies only to capitalists. Maybe you walked into a Wal*Mart on accident and contamination lingers.

We will liberate the technology, just as the Soviets did with gluey shoes collecting metal filings when touring factories or by awarding gifts to closet revolutionaries in useful places.

Ah, yes, Tovarich, how can I forget. Pardon me, but I've been feeling a little puny lately. I have for no known reason started <i>telling the truth</i>.

I promise I'll stop.