Rock'n'Roll Board of Compliance Disciplines Elton John

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Leaders of the international Rock'n'Roll community voiced their outrage today over the news that one of their own, who they always thought was a dependable degenerate extraordinaire, turned out to be a double agent, possibly working for the Reactionary Conservative Cabal Internationale.

Sir Elton John, who had been recently put on probation for singing at Rush Limbaugh's wedding, violated his parole and defied the progressive community by flying to Israel, where he played Thursday night to a crowd of 50,000 screaming occupiers of Palestine at a Tel Aviv stadium, thus breaking the international blockade aimed at sensory deprivation and cultural disorientation of the Zionist entity.

While the more disciplined rockers like Carlos Santana, Elvis Costello, and The Pixies obediently canceled their concerts for Jews in compliance with the above directive, the soon-to-be ex-star Elton John told the Zionist audience those cancellations "ain't gonna stop me from playing here, baby." According to one informant, "non-person John then put on sunglasses of the color of the Israeli flag, and aggravated his treasonous rhetoric by adding, 'We do not cherry-pick our consciences,' before hitting the opening chords of his 1972 hit 'Crocodile Rock.'"

Effective immediately, all Sir Elton's entitlements, privileges, and invitations are being revoked, according to a high-level source in the Rock'n'Roll Code of Compliance Enforcement Bureau. "It is a necessary disciplinary measure and a dire warning to potential violators of established protocols among the otherwise unanimous and compliant Rock'n'Roll community," the source said. All Elton John's regalia and his designated role of "flamboyant gay activist" are expected to be reassigned to a more deserving miscreant as soon as the Rock'n'Roll Community Board finds a replacement.


A group of British Rock'n'Roll scholars with ties to Hezbollah published an open letter urging the author of Philadelphia Freedom not to give the Jews the satisfaction of singing I'm Still Standing because "when you play on that stage in Tel Aviv, you negate all our costly and labor-intensive efforts to frame Israel as a racist apartheid state. Your performance jeopardizes our well-intentioned plans to dismantle Israel, send the Jews back to Poland and Germany, and return the occupied land to its rightful owners, whose creativity will quickly restore the landscape to the original pristine desert, as it always has been."


The academics, who call themselves Foreign Jews for Martyrs of Allah, reasonably pointed out the author of The Bitch Is Back was gay. "You came out when it was difficult; you admitted your addictions were stronger than you were; you've poured money into AIDS research. It baffles our minds that you would now deny another oppressed minority group, the Palestinians, the same right to live according to their own addictions, even if that results in the destruction of Israeli AIDS research facilities and the killing of all homosexuals. You disgust us."

Their progressive voices were joined by a vocal Hamas-backed group "Martyrs of Allah for the Advancement of Sex, Drugs, and Rock'n'Roll," who initiated a petition to the Queen of England demanding that she strips "the bespectacled homosexual" of his honorary knighthood, lest she wishes to join the long line of beheaded British royals.

There have been rumors of rioting in some Rock'n'Roll communities, whose members felt deeply insulted by Elton John's mockery of their faith. Enraged community and religious leaders of the holy city of Woodstock described Sir Elton's apostasy as a "cold-blooded buzzkill" and voiced demands for a public stoning.

No matter their differences and addictions, most forward-thinking people of the world agree: the author of Hakuna Matata has taken the edge off their fluff.

Carlos Santana, who had launched his career in Woodstock and now canceled his concert in Tel Aviv, described Elton John's behavior as evil ways. "Our community is still recovering from the shock of Alice Cooper's betrayal, after the pioneer of shock rock came out as a Bush-voting, golf-playing Republican war-monger. And now Elton John deals us another downer. No rock star wearing a funny suit with clownish sunglasses should be allowed to have political opinions different from those assigned to them by the Commission of Cultural Unanimity. Who does he think he is, a heterosexual Appalachian banjo player?"

Members of the obscure alternative rock band The Pixies, whose refusal to play in Israel is expected to bring them the long overdue headlines, seconded Santana's anguish. "Both Alice Cooper and Elton John have sneaked into stardom by duping the musical establishment into thinking they were anti-establishment. Cleverly disguised as counter-culture radicals, they were given access to long-lasting careers, and how are they repaying the favor? By countering the cultural radicalism? What next, performing on 4th of July in Arizona?"

"It's beyond belief," agrees Elvis Costello, "that a member of our tolerant rocker community could so blatantly violate the edicts of diverse uniformity and unanimous open-mindedness. All I can say to Elton is, watch your step!"

A source close to MTV circles has confirmed that the author of Madman Across the Water has since been re-categorized as useless to the cause and expendable. Speaking on condition of anonymity, the source went on to express everyone's belief that the 63-year-old Elton John has forgotten who had made him and needs his place to be shown to him.

"From now on, no musical career is safe," the source warned. "We cannot afford ideologically unreliable rock stars. All star careers will now be subject to review by the Rock'n'roll Community Board and extensions granted upon presenting proof of compliance in the form of appropriate statements to the media, donations to approved causes, concerts to raise awareness of such causes, and song lyrics meant to undermine and demoralize the capitalist society and the Western civilization as a whole."

"This approach has successfully worked in Hollywood, giving us decades of uninterrupted ideological purity and a pantheon of goose-stepping film stars and directors. And while the musical industry is not far behind, we must remain vigilant and prevent renegades like John and Cooper from questioning our compliance with established rules for radicals, and from disrupting the unison harmony of approved thought."


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Maybe Commissarka Pinkie will come out of her room now. She's been locked in there since Sir Sad Elton played the Rush Limbaugh wedding.

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Most glorious effort in keeping Diversity within Party mandated limits! People's Revolution must never allow non approved thought to invade our correctly configured Diverse Community! Rumors continue that there ae others in entertaiment industry who secretly harbor such non-approved positions They must be rooted out and destroyed by all Party approved, social justice loving Progs.

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In order to bring music and joy to millions of their fans throughout the non-apartheid, non-racist, tolerant, freedom loving countries of the Middle East, I understand that Santana and Elvis Costello will be playing music festivals in Riyadh and Tehran with a few surprise shows in small clubs in Damascus, Amman, and Cairo. They will also make an appearance and act as celebrity judges in the Nablus Art Fair.

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Where is the outrage! Where are the barn fires of Elton John CDs?
Comrades!! Meet me in the Square TONIGHT and strike a match for the

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Great gravy train Batman! It's like the RethugliKKKans are invading our most sacred of lands. First we have Rush Limbaugh in the beauty pageant, now we have rock stars coming out of the conservative closet. What's next, operatives in the NEA? Lawyers voting Republican?

Wait. . . or the worst possible thing. It is actually cool, hip, boss, groovy, or whatever the kids are using today, to be Republican! I know voting Republican isn't punk, but. . . oh forget it.

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oh dear... um... erm...

I must denounce myself as a thought criminal. During my most recent jiffy lobo I became accustomed to listen to that Rush person while eating my daily beet. In addition, when Rush talked about John singing at that horrible reception , I enjoyed hearing about that too.

I must first denounce the staff that allowed such stuff to come into my ears... I demand a full investigation of the staff... they have led me astray and now I am a most terrible thought criminal. And I like it!!!

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Hopes of rehabilitating Elton John were dashed today with this unaltered photo on Sir John cavorting with known Thought Criminal Ted Nugent.

Secret Right Wing Viking cult.
Ted has left the building.

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I think this Jack-in-the-box-kind-of-guy from the poster is a good representation of the Inner Comrade for Party members.

You should always listen to him.

So I added him to the Clipart gallery as a useful tool. And even made another version:


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But what about multiple Inner Comrades? I don't know which one to listen to?

Today Inner Comrade #9 seems to be in charge (There is no thoughtcrime that cannot be dealt with through the proper application of an icepick to the skull)

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I like the clipart Red Square. I'll print it out and tape it to the top corner of my monitor.

Darski, I love the avatar.

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Comrades, my innner comrade is trembling with rage at the very thought of former party loyalists being revealed as Bourgeouse Slaves to mass consumption, rock and roll, week long parties, free sex and vodka. Why the very idea....wait...did they say free sex? Break out the beet dip!!

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This is worse than when the Vanguard of the Youth, Jefferson Airplane, formed the reactionary Military-Capitalist puppet band, Jefferson Starship. To hear the same voice that encouraged the use of LSD then tell us that "People always playing, corporation games/who cares they're always changing, corporation names!" was certainly a dark day for the Boomer Youth Wing of the Party. However, it was later discovered that these were merely lyrics force-fed at gunpoint by the slave-labor exploiting imperialist recording industry executives. Comrade Slick et al have been debriefed and returned to the PDR of Rockatonia, in good standing.

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Genosse Gummiadler: How odd you should quote lyrics from "We Built This City on Rock and Roll", because do you know who wrote those lyrics?

Bernie Taupin, longtime lyricist to non-person EJ.

Methinks someone is more than knee deep in the hoopla now.

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That same day, Pixar's capitalist propaganda Toy Story 3 aired in Israel. One day earlier than the world. Not only it is evil to screen at Israel, but earlier?!

Shame, shame.

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Jefferson Airplane - White Rabbit
Oh that brings back memories, one pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small and the ones that Mother gives you don't do anything at all........................

Sound familiar? Like our new Government?

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What? Elton John was not exiled to Westboro Baptist Church? They went easy on him, I say!

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Colonel 7.62 wrote:But what about multiple Inner Comrades? I don't know which one to listen to?

Today Inner Comrade #9 seems to be in charge ([highlight=#ff0000]There is no thoughtcrime that cannot be dealt with through the proper application of an icepick to the skull[/highlight])

Just ask Gen. Stanley McChrystal!

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Last night this story was posted on As Maine Goes forum, and I felt compelled to repost part of their discussion that took a deeper dig at the notion of Rock and Roll Board of Compliance. Each paragraph below represents a separate comment.


Rock and Roll Board of Compliance explains a few things - the standard-issue uniform of the aging male rock star (spandex, mascara, hair) and the generational re-issue of the pattismithmadonnaladygaga clone (in the union contract).

Does the RRBC Board and the Hollywood Board of Compliance have a formal partnership - or do they just steal each other's meeting minutes and hire the same flack to write their mission statements?

The RRBC imposes strict requirements on male rock group publicity photos. The band members absolutely must assume poses and facial expressions that make them look like total spastics. For proof, look at the back of any album CD

..and the women to assume the look of perpetual sexual climax. No wonder they get such a heavy allowance for plastic surgery., I was just looking at the RRBC manual (the revision that came out in 2007 by Wiley) and it says that band members should assume the look of "...profound boredom, angst, and alienation..." but it doesn't mention anything about spastic. I think you are just making this stuff up.

(Interesting clause about one band member wearing dark-framed glasses in every third shot, usually bass but never the drummer. )

My edition is much older. The page listed in the index under 'spastic' contained the prime example: Freddie and the Dreamers.

Section XIV Clause 5 Paragraph 3 dictates that any rocker who reaches my age is confined to recording studio albums and banned from any public appearance so that the image remains from 40 years ago and nobody sees the bald head and pot belly.

I was sorry that the Compliance Board fell two votes shy of enacting the rule that any balding male over 50 be prohibited from wearing a ponytail.

That was just Board politics – trying to place nice after they settled that case with the estate of Kurt Cobain, on the grounds that the requirement for an overdose, death resulting by at least one band member, was unconstitutional.

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For the love of Lenin. How many more Elton John CD collections do I have to buy, only to burn them?

Elton John Slams Musicians Who Boycott Arizona Over Immigration Law

while performing at his sold-out concert at the Tucson Arena, he said:
"We are all very pleased to be playing in Arizona. I have read that some of the artists won't come here. They are f***wits! Let's face it: I still play in California, and as a gay man I have no legal rights whatsoever. So what's the (expletive) with these people?"

Never mind that, Elton. What's the (expletive) with YOU?

Where does this end, comrades? Where does it end?

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I think it is high time that this living example of a social disease be turned out onto the yellow brick road to being a non-person. Reginald, you have been a naughty monkey, and you must be spanked.

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We should petition the Queen to rescind his Knighthood and more. He is certainly not representative of the Great Socialist Country of Great Britain. We're already having problems in the SGB. The Proles there are getting antsy just as they are here.

Comrades, we're dropping the ball! We are almost at the goal line and resting on our laurels. I the only one seeing this?