Pascal's Global Warming Wager: Amen and Hallelujah!

That would be a WMD the likes of which the world has never seen! LOL! The destruction of their capitalistic wonderland caused by such a sight would rival my own scheme by which for many years shortened the very life span of the  decadent west by incorporating coconut oil on their popcorn. That is, until those liberal wannabes thought they were furthering the cause of global domination by banning this. Those fools scuttled a KGB plan that had been working silently for years! Off with their heads when the revolution comes! It is for reasons like this that you will often hear me decry these so called progressives, they meddle in areas they can not fathom, and open their mouths when they should keep them closed.

You have a Romanov wallet eh? That is a wonderful reward for all your hard work.
 

Yes, Comrade Pup, I work so hard for the cause. Because it's for all people you know. And I really did but then I realized that it was impossible to work for all of the people because some people didn't need the services that I was providing and that therefore it was impossible to work for all the people and so I proved that all my hard work was for an impossible cause.

The only thing that made sense was that I put in all that hard work working for me. But since my intentions are so good, because I believe in thoughtcrime, you know, I can believe in thoughtvirtue, then I deserve to benefit from my work.

And others' work.

I'll be sending you routing instructions for my account at Credit Suisse in Zurich. Please be prompt.
 

But Comrade, your work then, and now is still for the benefit of all the people. As we know, all people are equal, it is just some are more equal than others. Thus, your reward for your hard work is no more than the reward others receive for their work, it is just some rewards are more equal than others. Be careful with concepts such as virtue, this is but a concept of the bourgeois west that pretends that there are things that are good and evil, right and wrong. There is but one right and good thing, that what the Party says it is. All individual thoughts of what is right and wrong or virtuous must be brought under submission to the Party. Or have I missed a memo somewhere?
 

Comrade Puperinko,

I hope you are not a scion of one the dreaded, bourgeois Hounds of Baskerville.  

But, if you are a legitimate heir to the "Sherlock habit", then you will "buy" (with favors as riders) your powder from the Chairman and I, as we oversee The Party's Pharmaceutical Dispensary.
 

Ah yes. The party. The party. For a moment I closed my eyes and the universe disappeared and with it truth.

Michael Moore and I are making a movie.
 

Dr. W. S. Palimpsest

Comrade Puperinko,

I hope you are not a scion of one the dreaded, bourgeois Hounds of Baskerville.  

But, if you are a legitimate heir to the "Sherlock habit", then you will "buy" (with favors as riders) your powder from the Chairman and I, as we oversee The Party's Pharmaceutical Dispensary.

The Mighty Pup owes his allegiance to none except the Party of course. Now of course there are times when the Pup has had to do counterintelligence work and so has had to pose as a supporter of the capitalist land barons, but of course that was only to hurry their eventual fall. As for any powders etc, the Mighty Pup keeps his enormous brain focused on world domination, so cannot indulge any more.
 

But take a little time off to take off your shoes and roll in other peoples' money.
 

Hillary

Quote:

Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers

Knew them well...Fat Freddy & his Cat, Phineas, and Freewheelin' Franklin.
They're the ones who introduced me to vitamin K.
Apparently they gave a you a cup of "Tee Hee Hee".
Correct?
Chairman Meow doesn't know it, but Fat Freddy's Cat calls him every time Fat Freddy pulls his tail.

The Pup was a huge Freak Brother's fan in his more wayward days. I still love that cartoon where Fat Freddy comes in the apartment smelling of the foul cat beast excrement. After looking around without success, he finally says "Well Scat, I guess you didn't do it after all." Then the evil cat thinks "Just wait till he puts his headphones on!"
 

Or he unplugs the waterbed heater and climbs on Fat Freddie, who is shaking with cold. "A vibrating bed!"
 

Commissar Theocritus

Ah yes. The party. The party. For a moment I closed my eyes and the universe disappeared and with it truth.

Michael Moore and I are making a movie.

The universe is only what the Party defines it to be after all. In the end, there is only one reality, the Party. Only the Party exists in and of itself.

Then there are those Spock types who believe "The good of the many outweigh the needs of the few."

There are many in the Central Committee da? LOL
 

Commissar Theocritus

Or he unplugs the waterbed heater and climbs on Fat Freddie, who is shaking with cold. "A vibrating bed!"

Ah, while strolling down memory lane... remember the episode when Freewheelin Franklin is hitchhiking, and gets picked up by the redneck.... then finds the guy he figured was a straight redneck was just looking that way as he carried his load of dope? Then there was that great Notorious Norbert, a guy after this old KGB'er's heart!
 

The time that Notorious Norbert had planted a bug shaped like a potted plant on the coffee table, which transmitted smells. He would smell when they lit up a joint. The Freak Brothers came in from eating at a Mexican restaurant and Freddie lifted his leg and right over the plant cut a huge fart, and the sound effect was "PROOOOOT!"

Norbert, mask over his nose to get the smell...

Fat Freddie with the munchies after getting high with nothing in the house breaking through the window of the convenience store waving a hatchet, screaming, "Kreegah!"

One of my favorite cats was a very large yellow kitten that I named Fat Freddie's Cat. Turned out to be a very smart, but very shy female who went by Freddie. No longer with me.
 

Commissar Theocritus

One of my favorite cats was a very large yellow kitten that I named Fat Freddie's Cat. Turned out to be a very smart, but very shy female who went by Freddie. No longer with me.

Oh my, I may have to denounce myself for a post I just did about cats! LOL
 

I'll live.
 

Commissar Theocritus

I'll live.

Well of course you shall, but what will be my fate for cat slander? Actually, it is impossible to slander the cat as we all know. But what is the official Party position?
 

The official Party line on Cat Slander is that it's high time the oppressed Feline-Americans shook off the shackles and joined the struggle under the umbrella of progressivism! Feline-Americans have been slandered enough! They deserve entitlements and reparations.

The word "cat" itself should be purged from usage as a derogatory term of the past. From now on it can only be used in revolutionary slogans reflecting the dark reality of the past, such as

YOU CAN'T SLANDER A CAT!
CAT SLANDER IS HATE CRIME!
CRIMINALIZE ANTI-CAT SPEECH!

Anyone here motivated enough to spearhead the new progressive cause?

Comrade Puperinko - you as a self-hating dog seem to be exactly what the Party needs to jump-start the campaign.

We need a Million-Pussy March in Washington!

===============================================
On a different note -

Because of a close proximity of your name, Puperinko, to that of our esteemed Chairman Punchenko, we suggest you change it back to Comrade Pup in order to avoid confusion).

What do you think of this Avatar? The Propaganda Directorate can change it for you in the best Orwellian fashion.



Heart of a Dog should become a required reading for every People's Cubist, especially the dog lovers (you know who you are).

In the spirit of free everything, here it is free for all on the Internet.

"Take everything away, then divide it up."
 

OT -
Speaking of puppy love...


 

Red Square

Personally, I find that picture to be slightly disturbing.
 

Red Square

Comrade Puperinko - you as a self-hating dog seem to be exactly what the Party needs to jump-start the campaign.

We need a Million-Pussy March in Washington!


I'm sure Mr. Reno will find that exciting!

No. Really. Very exciting.

Red Square

On a different note -

Because of a close proximity of your name, Puperinko, to that of our esteemed Chairman Punchenko, we suggest you change it back to Comrade Pup in order to avoid confusion).


I serious doubt we could get him confused with Meow. Especially when Meow stops taking his meds.

Never the less, Comrade Red Square has spoken. So shall it be. Change it to Comrade Pup. Or prepare for a visit by Comrade Smersh.

Red Square

Heart of a Dog should become a required reading for every People's Cubist, especially the dog lovers (you know who you are).


And he wrote another book call The Master and the Margarita. A must read. For me that is.

--
B. S. Blokhayev
 

Zampolit Blokhayev, resident of Margaritaville

And he wrote another book call The Master and the Margarita. A must read. For me that is.
This explains your obsession with double Margaritas, the recipe, and the exploitation of poor Lupe who has to carry all that people's ethanol to the disguised cement mixer in the basement.
 

I think there is a slight possibility that I might have fathered Comrade Puperinko (who will change his name as prescribed). His name is oddly similar and Comrade Zam brought up an old memory in another topic about me having a night with Governor Kaine's dog (which I will apologize for yet again). Hmmm..... Oh well, change it to Comrade Pup so that I will not be forced to pay child support... don't want them social-workers knocking at my door! No sir! I haven't paid a dime to anyone and I don't plan on starting now!
 

Red Square

We need a Million-Pussy March in Washington!

Since the invention of Thoughtcrime there is no difference between action and thought. And since Algore told us that he broke no laws shilling for money from federal property because his voice came out in another state, it follows that if there are computers in Washington that tune into the Daily Kos, and there are, then we already have a million-pussy march in Washington.

Or would that be a million yapping snatch dogs?

Meow, you really don't want to have Congress with those little things. If you want to schtupp a dog, I suggest any Congresswoman of the People, starting with Babs Mikulski. I'm told she's one of Teddy's favorites because they've both so fat that they're the same height standing as on their sides, and he's so drunk that any of her collops will suit him just fine.
 

Red Square

The official Party line on Cat Slander is that it's high time the oppressed Feline-Americans shook off the shackles and joined the struggle under the umbrella of progressivism! Feline-Americans have been slandered enough! They deserve entitlements and reparations.

First off, this lowly Comrade would be pleased to say how honored he is to have the Dear Leader take time from his far too busy schedule planning world domination, for the common good of the people, by the Peaceful and Prudent Party to provide such wise advise to a simple working dog doing his best to further the Party's interests.

If I may...

About Red Square, so dear and beloved
The peoples sing a glorious song…
We add our voices to the proud chorus
In praise to the grand Red Square years we sing along.
We sing of our life, so wonderfully happy,
And our numerous victories, so great!”

Personally, I could do nicely with the avatar you recommended, but I did note at least one comrade that was a bit put off by it. I must admit, I see myself more like that easy going, fun loving hero, Lavrenty Beria. With that in mind, I have uploaded a picture of the Pup on a rare day of leave outside my modest dacha. Perhaps that is more appropriate?

It is with a heavy heart that I must confess that I have had problems with accepting the cat beast as a comrade. Of course it is true what you so wisely noted, the cat beast certainly does embody all the virtues of socialist living, expecting what he has not earned, but I have also spent years trying to rid the world of the creatures, and have discovered that practically with but one exception (The LSU Tigers of course), the cat is a drain on society and an offense to the natural order. I am sure you noted though, that I did have a feeling that perhaps that capitalist pig Rush Limbaugh, may well be trying to send us a message that he is one of us by his extolling his own cat. A most odd pet for one who claims to value self sufficiency and hard work da? But I will try and do my best to do whatever the Party requires of the Pup of course, for I know history is fluid, and what is valued today may have never existed da?

As for the name, Comrade Pup is acceptable, or even the Comrade Pupovich perhaps? Let me know and I will run over there immediately and correct this.
 

Zampolit Blokhayev

Never the less, Comrade Red Square has spoken. So shall it be. Change it to Comrade Pup. Or prepare for a visit by Comrade Smersh.

I am hoping he will accept the familiar name, Pupovich, which my great grandpup Lavrenty used to call me as he was sharpening his office tools or going over the denunciation lists as he was bouncing me on his knees wearing that lovely  uniform with the wonderful hat with the sky blue ribbon.
 

Red Square

What do you think of this Avatar? The Propaganda Directorate can change it for you in the best Orwellian fashion.



I concur.  I think the Bulgakov dog would make a splendid avatar for our canine comrade.
 

Chairman M. S. Punchenko

I think there is a slight possibility that I might have fathered Comrade Puperinko!

Needless to say I would have been honored, yet I suspect the Pup is far too long in the fang to be your offspring. LOL! The Pup is 357 dog years old, and clearly you are still young, virile, and desired by all good progressives!
 

Speaking of age, where is that old crone Nansky? I haven't heard her boobs drag the ground in a while.
 

Commissar Theocritus

Speaking of age, where is that old crone Nansky? I haven't heard her boobs drag the ground in a while.

No doubt she is doing the Party's work comrade, perhaps organizing that million feline march on Washington? But was there not a memo that we do not infer that her boobs drag, they are merely gravity challenged?
 

This is in camera and she's not around. They leave trails in the dust. And no matter how good the housekeeping, wherever she is, there's crap.
 

Commissar Theocritus

This is in camera and she's not around. They leave trails in the dust. And no matter how good the housekeeping, wherever she is, there's crap.

Clearly then we need to put them to work! Perhaps they could be used to furrow the beet farms?
 

The airport needs windsocks that can withstand a Force 5 hurricane.
 

But would even a force 5 hurricane be enough to make them lift off the ground enough to point the direction? The other problem as I see it is that a windsock must be seen to convey necessary wind direction data, but who could withstand the sight of such a thing?
 

And it would always point West.
 

Commissar Theocritus

And it would always point West.

That is most distressing comrade, for one would think that a True Believer's massively sagging "appendages" should point east to the Motherland!
 

But west is left.
 

Commissar Theocritus

But west is left.

Only if one is looking north....or one has the scientific genius of Algore who once wrote to a newspaper complaining that they had a picture of the earth upside down.... as if there is an up or down in space.
 

Do you not know that what exits the mouth of the Holy Algore is right? Anything emitting from his Escalade is ex cathedra and by definition cannot be wrong. Enviro-papal infallibility.
 

Perhaps we should have Laika answer this question for us. That noble, heroic dog surely has a good perspective on this. Of course I would note that for instance, when the Dear Leader looks down on the globe on his desk while contemplating the coming Party domination of this world, he would also see the east as being to his left. It is all a matter of perspective.
 

I kind of see east/far left being in ALL directions. Doesn't matter which way you travel. All roads, compass points lead to revolution. BTW, and speaking of roads, a few of you highway workers on the 1-35W bridge construction project in Minneapolis haven't paid your monthly dues...death is not an excuse. Don't make me come after your families.
 

Union Boss

I kind of see east/far left being in ALL directions. Doesn't matter which way you travel. All roads, compass points lead to revolution.

Eggselent response Comrade! You know it is possible that it was some lazy kulak union member/saboteur responsible for that bridge in Minneapolis? After all, it was built with union labor, and for that matter, inspected by a capitalist govt, union worker? Not that there is anything wrong with unions of course, but even the finest of state approved unions can be a haven for anti socialist saboteurs.
 

I suppose a linear shape charge here or there could go along way to bringing a bridge down, but why bother when you have constant freeze thaw cycles that bite as well as they do in the frozen north. Constant road repair is a boon for Unionized construction companies and there is NO shortage of weather destroyed roads (due to Global Warming) here in Minnesota. A non union member, aka scab has to be to work on time, meet specific objectives in his or her daily life, and a bridge turned pile of rocks and sticks does not bode well. Nay...I doubt a sabatuer. This is quite simply mother nature doing exaclty as George Bush decrees.
 

Halliburton must be fined for not paying the union dues of the workers which were killed because Chimpy the Bushitler's ancestor Prescott Bush didn't spend the Bush family money on that particular bridge in Minnesota even though it didn't exist when he was a senator.

Just because it's not factually true that doesn't mean that it shouldn't be true. Progressives can be grateful to Dan Rather for that breakthrough.
 

Union Boss

Nay...I doubt a sabatuer. This is quite simply mother nature doing exaclty as George Bush decrees.

While blaming Bush is usually the correct answer, they are looking more and more at the rivets in the connection plates which were put in by union members. Not to mention the added weight on the bridge due to repair being done on the bridge at the time. Despite it being the official Party line about global warming, I for one am leery of using this as it could well be turned around to bite us in the future for a variety of reasons. I am hoping on a chance to help convince the Politburo of this position. Of course I plan on having such an outstanding record for denunciations and exposing antirevolutionary activity that I can do so without risking the very measures that I enforce so regularly.
 

Comrade Pupovich, please note that global warming is the cause of everything--even a cold winter. If you get a pimple on your ass, it's because of Global Warming™ and it's because Bush named his dog Spot instead of Lillian Hellman.
 

Commissar Theocritus

Comrade Pupovich, please note that global warming is the cause of everything--even a cold winter. If you get a pimple on your ass, it's because of Global Warming™ and it's because Bush named his dog Spot instead of Lillian Hellman.

That's right, Comrade Pupovich! Why my entire weekend was shot to hell because Chairman Meow decided to go to Virginia Beach, VA. I had to bail him out of the slammer (again) and put a beat down ... er ... I mean ... "reason" with a judge to have the charges dropped against him. THAT WHOLE MESS WAS G.W. BUSH'S FAULT, GOD DAMMIT!!!

Commisar Dr. Theocritus, that judge was a tough old bastard!!! I took care of him using the "persuasion" technique that Comrade Smersh taught me last year. But damn it I sure could have used your 6' 1" BEQ, Bruno, for putting the muscle work on that judge. But I thought better about asking because when he got through with the judge, I would have been tempted to loose him on Meow.

--
 

Hah... I do not like to say "I told you so." but it is not so easy as it looks, no?... Dearest Z.  At least he was not covered in his own puke... I am sorry to have been away so long on recon.  If you should find yourself once again in this unenviable position, please know that there are level 3 HazMat suits in the cupboards at the back of Bunker 5.  I laid in some in your size upon receiving notice of your admittance to the Politburo. When I officially return, perhaps we can lay into a nice bottle of "blue agave juice" I've been saving for just such an occasion... I find the Victory Vodka a little harsh for my cetacean palate.

Da Vstrechi
SMO
 

Commissar Theocritus

Comrade Pupovich, please note that global warming is the cause of everything--even a cold winter. If you get a pimple on your ass, it's because of Global Warming™ and it's because Bush named his dog Spot instead of Lillian Hellman.

One of the many potential pitfalls of this strategy is that while we know it has always been Party policy that history is what we say it is, and this has always till now been most effective, this is rapidly becoming harder and harder to enforce. The advent of the Algore internet comes with the increased difficulty of controlling information. It is not like the good old days when all you had to do was burn a few books, alter a few photographs, smash some presses, and reeducate a few proles and wayward Trotskyites.  While of course one can do a lot to erase and correct wayward media, the possibility of some overlooked hard drive, or memory stick etc means it is even more important that the Party not say one thing now, and some overlooked database show up 20 years from now that would seem to show we were in error. That is why I am leery about this global warming as official policy. The Pup wonders if the Party should not push both sides, or better yet, claim neither global warming or cooling, rather claim Bush has caused global temperature cycling! In this way, when it comes to the information superhighway we can then claim to be right regardless of the ultimate path the global temperature goes, and rely on time tested psychological measures to control the mental side of the public opinion.

Of course it is clearly Bush's fault regardless.

BTW, in case you haven't heard yet, Bush, and the global temperature cycling he is responsible for has caused yet another bridge collapse!

Bridge Collapse Kills at Least 22 in China

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,293174,00.html
 

Zampolit, I shall forward to my BEQ Bruno your compliments but please note that he looks very fetching in leather, which he has quite a wardrobe of. I spoil him shamelessly. But, er, how do I put it? He likes its, uh, restrictive qualities and cannot get into, or out of, it himself. And if you'd seen him cowering in the corner, whimpering like a puppy with unopened eyes, when Nansky hauled out her boobs, then you would never hope to use him as muscle.

He's damned good at moving furniture though; I cannot go into a room at night without turning on the lights. Once the 9' Steinway was moved up out of the pit, and that takes some doing, but the light was just better there. That day. The next day it went wandering again. It's amazing how a 9' Steinway can substitute for Nautilus. But let a mouse run into the room and he's on top of the piano, and with those leather boots...

..Bruno! Get back in your cage!...

Comrade Pupovich, I understand your concerns about the Goracle's Internet making controlled dissemination of information difficult, but bear in mind that this is easily counteracted by telling them that it is the product of enemies and should not be believed. No one is so blind as who will not see.

How many times have you seen people walk by the bleeding obvious? It takes work to ignore what is in  front of your face, and it makes them angry and we can use that anger. So we don't really WANT to get rid of all bad information. Just discredit it. The lie, the lie, always the lie.
 

Commissar Theocritus

Comrade Pupovich, I understand your concerns about the Goracle's Internet making controlled dissemination of information difficult, but bear in mind that this is easily counteracted by telling them that it is the product of enemies and should not be believed. No one is so blind as who will not see.

How many times have you seen people walk by the bleeding obvious? It takes work to ignore what is in  front of your face, and it makes them angry and we can use that anger. So we don't really WANT to get rid of all bad information. Just discredit it. The lie, the lie, always the lie.

As I have always said, you can lead a liberal to the facts, but you can't make them think. But while the Lie has always proven to be a valuable tool, it is a less than perfect tool as that fool Rather could testify to... provided he is not put under oath. We have the airwaves, media, and even the floor of the congress filled with lies by our useful idiots, yet that has only made but small progress toward our glorious state. There remains a substantial number of people that still think for themselves, looking at facts coldly and rational. It is these that we must be concerned about to complete the revolution. That, and the problems with controlling history due to the internet, maybe the party would see fit to increase the funding in our Learned Helplessness Project, which I have a paw in developing?
 

I am pleased to report that college X has joined 336 other colleges and universities in pledging support to the American College and University Presidents’ Climate Commitment with the purpose of increasing initiatives college X is committed to protecting the environment, reducing our impact on the environment, and becoming climate neutral.  

> In other words, we will indoctrinate the masses to conform to the new group think--the earth is your god, your are merely a pawn.

This commitment expands previous college-wide efforts to conserve energy, reduce waste and decrease emissions.  A college X Facilities Operations Sustainability Team was formed last February to promote the responsible management of resources through the further reduction of energy and waste, and increasing shared learning and community involvement. This team is promoting the responsible management of resources through the reduction of energy, waste, and increasing shared learning and community involvement.  The team’s mission statement is, “To reduce, to the extent technologically and economically feasible, the environmental impacts associated with the operations of the college.”
> Of course everything is 'economically feasible, since we own you.
I am pleased that the team is quickly making progress toward their goals.  Several new environmentally friendly initiatives over the past few months have been completed or are underway on campus.  They include:

Reducing night time temperatures in large areas;
>Yes, the entire campus will become a work camp without heat
Replacing incandescent bulbs with compact fluorescent lights;
>These bulbs have a special mind-control emission frequency
Conducting campus-wide sustainability assessment;
Reviewing our recycling program;
Testing occupancy sensors;
>Big brother must know which rooms are occupied and when
Testing waterless urinals; and
>Yes, you must not use water when you make water
Providing additional information to increase employee and student awareness about sustainability and educationally-related events in the community.
>Party indoctrination, Gore is truth, Gore, Gore, Gore.
 

Campus Community,

Be advised that we are in the process of installing waterless urinals in the restrooms throughout the academic buildings.  The first unit is being installed in the restroom in the Canteen area today.  

The (Marxist) Sustainability Team  
>Waterless urinals?  We used to call these "people's can", not to be confused with "Eastern style" facilities.
 

bearpilot

Be advised that we are in the process of installing waterless urinals in the restrooms throughout the academic buildings.  The first unit is being installed in the restroom in the Canteen area today.

Well that should prove to that worthless prole that had the gall to complain to the Commissar that he only had TWO puddles to sustain his family, that the Party has heard his complaints and responded appropriately! Hail Lenin! Hail Stalin! Hail Gore!
 

bearpilot

Campus Community,
Be advised that we are in the process of installing waterless urinals in the restrooms throughout the academic buildings.  The first unit is being installed in the restroom in the Canteen area today.  
The (Marxist) Sustainability Team  
>Waterless urinals?  We used to call these "people's can", not to be confused with "Eastern style" facilities.

Well... that explains the strawberry urinal cakes on offer in the cafeteria today... the picture of Dubya on them was a nice touch...
 

SMO, I can only think that your knowledge of strawberry urinal cakes comes from your exalted post of Chairman of Housekeeping and Apartment Painting and Accent Walls. For no Party Member lurks in men's restrooms unless he is helping the near comrade George Michael in his researches. And even I wouldn't do that.

Bearpilot, I am so glad to know that your university has joined other universities in the time-honored position of posturing.

Posturing. I love it. I get up and posture, I posture throughout the day, I posture at night and sometimes when I can't get to sleep I posture a bit more. It's better than yoga and makes me feel even better than a rosewater enema. And does just as much good and you don't have to expose yourself to dump shit on people.

Great. Have a Good Life posturing. I do. And I'll let you in on a secret: if you posture enough, you get really good at it and you begin to believe it yourself. Just look at the Glorious First Liar, Bill Clinton. He's so good that he only has to lie once before he believes it himself. What a man.
 

Sister Massively Opiated

Hah... I do not like to say "I told you so." but it is not so easy as it looks, no?... Dearest Z.  At least he was not covered in his own puke... I am sorry to have been away so long on recon.  If you should find yourself once again in this unenviable position, please know that there are level 3 HazMat suits in the cupboards at the back of Bunker 5.  I laid in some in your size upon receiving notice of your admittance to the Politburo. When I officially return, perhaps we can lay into a nice bottle of "blue agave juice" I've been saving for just such an occasion... I find the Victory Vodka a little harsh for my cetacean palate.

Da Vstrechi
SMO

Dearest SMO,

Spaceeba Ocheen! I am deeply touched that you stocked a level hazmat suit in my size. So far, I have been very fortunate in that none of Meow's "hazardous waste" has gotten on me. Unfortunately, Comrade Governor Tim Kaine has not been so lucky. However the People's Commonwealth of Virginia sees to his level 3 hazmat suit needs.

My apologies for taking so long to reply. Some Kulaks invaded Virginia Beach. I had to travel down there and shoot them. Life doesn't get any better when there are a bunch of dead Kulaks lying around and sipping on a margarita with a warm AK-47 in your hand!!!

Sister! Did you say "blue agave juice"??? You are speaking my language!!! The finest blue agave juice is too good for the proles!!! It's a good thing that it is reserved for members of the Politburo only!!! If the proles ever got a hold of the "good stuff", what little service they provide now (thanks to their welfare checks) would instantly disappear!

--
Blokhayev
 

Zampolit Blokhayev

Dearest SMO,

Spaceeba Ocheen! I am deeply touched that you stocked a level hazmat suit in my size. So far, I have been very fortunate in that none of Meow's "hazardous waste" has gotten on me. My apologies for taking so long to reply. Some Kulaks invaded Virginia Beach. I had to travel down there and shoot them. Life doesn't get any better when there are a bunch of dead Kulaks lying around and sipping on a margarita with a warm AK-47 in your hand!!!

Sister! Did you say "blue agave juice"??? You are speaking my language!!! The finest blue agave juice is too good for the proles!!! It's a good thing that it is reserved for members of the Politburo only!!! If the proles ever got a hold of the "good stuff", what little service they provide now (thanks to their welfare checks) would instantly disappear!

--
Blokhayev

Blokhayev,

Pazhalusta.  It is wise to watch what waste materials come in contact with bare skin since with the right solvents, it can be absorbed... I had an unfortunate incident only last year involving Betty on a Monkey Extract binge, that required that I use a power stapler to affix my tongue to the door jamb both to keep me out of harm's way, and simply as a distraction.  After that, I became a stickler for absolute rules when it came to workplace safety and stocking the appropriate gear... as well as getting some very nice jewellery for my tongue piercing, but that's a story for another time...

Yes... Blue Agave Juice... the real stuff... particularly as I also had an unfortunate indicident, this one almost thirty years ago, with a 26 oz. bottle of Captain Morgans from which I never did recover... to this day, it requires less than the smell of rum (actually... even an eye patch and a parrot can set it off) to make me instantly nauseous, which makes this whole Mojito trend rather off-putting for me... Interestingly enough, my baby brother had almost the same experience as I did several years later, and at practically the same age, during which I found him in his jockey's, lying on a cold tile bathroom floor in our basement, wrapped bodily around a toilet... I think he was actually stuck in that position, because I distinctly remember it requiring several strong male friends to get him to let go, and much cracking of bones - not breaking... more in the chiropractic vein as we pried him off the porcelain... and then I put him to bed on his stomach with his head hanging off the bed and into a garbage can (hey... my parents were out of town and I had a house full of guests... and he survived... we took turns checking on him every ten minutes... to this day, when he hears the words, "Arrrrh! Matey!", he instantly vomits through his nose... it's quite charming, actually)...

Ahhhh... such a... rarified... upbringing... we were nothing if not genteel.  But yes, certainly... I look forward to an evening of wurm verfolgend and picking off Kulaks... I have a lovely new tritium night sight that I would love to show you.  It clips on and off the AUG .223 quite handily, allowing for it to be used simply to peer through into the darkness at whatever one wishes... The other evening, I spent a serene several hours watching a rather large and extended family of racoons forage together through the neighbourhood garbage bins with Michael Moore... it was quite interesting and even heartwarming, though they did have to put Michael in his place several times when he got too greedy. Such intelligent creatures.  So yes... certainly... we will have to get together soon.

Paka,
SMO
 

Zamp and SMO, I extend to you another invitation to Rancho del Rio Grande. I allow the wetbacks to cross my rancho but they have to work my fields of blue agave. And I have a distillery which makes very fine tequila indeed, if I can keep Our Many Titted Empress out of it. Once she rampaged and knocked over three distillation stills and enough spilled into the ground that the rattlesnakes were drunk for a mile around.
 

Commissar Theocritus

SMO, I can only think that your knowledge of strawberry urinal cakes comes from your exalted post of Chairman of Housekeeping and Apartment Painting and Accent Walls. For no Party Member lurks in men's restrooms unless he is helping the near comrade George Michael in his researches. And even I wouldn't do that.

No... it was just that they were on offer in the cafeteria, right beside the cinammon buns, both of which I declined to try (I'm pretty sure both were 'day old')...

SMO
 

Here at Rancho del Rio Grande the strawberry urinal cakes match perfectly Our Many Titted Empress's cellulite buns.
 

Commissar Theocritus

Zamp and SMO, I extend to you another invitation to Rancho del Rio Grande. I allow the wetbacks to cross my rancho but they have to work my fields of blue agave. And I have a distillery which makes very fine tequila indeed, if I can keep Our Many Titted Empress out of it. Once she rampaged and knocked over three distillation stills and enough spilled into the ground that the rattlesnakes were drunk for a mile around.
And an invitation I cannot possibly turn down, though you must let me bring down something tasty for the grill... some Alberta beef, I think, though I'll have Aki butcher it Argentine style... a little chorizo, some provaletta... I just made a lovely hot chimichurri yesterday, as well... so, an asado, perhaps... a BBQ to stop even Maradona's heart (again)...

As for Her Highness, I will take all due precautions... the poison frog darts should take her down for just a few hours, and I'm sure Meow will be happy for the break.  He's looking a little dark around the eyes, and I really want him to go into fundraising season with his strength and immunities well built up... I wish Dr P. would be more diligent about his vitamin shots... ah well...

I cannot wait!  It has been madness around here lately, as you know, and I could definitely use the break!
 

In your honor I shall get Bruno to set up the banks of UV flood lights around the pool--Mr. Reno was very creative last time. I'll also get Bruno to till the garden. When Meow got Nansky drunk and she exposed herself and let her dugs drag, they made furrows and divots. That was the only thing that saved her from Dr. P.'s falcon.

And I've laid in a supply of drop-kick dogs for you. Being close to Mexico, it is easy to have a ready supply of Chihuahuas. The only problem is that with that huge head they don't really soar quite the right way and once or twice I've had one boomerang back on me. Knocked Bruno out once.

Poor Bruno. First Nansky, and then Our Many Titted Empress riding him like a merry-go-round, and you ought to see the scars her spurs left on his sides. And once Mr. Reno lost her way in the hall and Bruno had gone to the bar to fetch me some blue agave juice. We'd been watching Frankenstein on the goggle box, you know, and he came running back in and sobbed, "You TOLD me that Karloff was dead!"
 

Commissar Theocritus

Here at Rancho del Rio Grande the strawberry urinal cakes match perfectly Our Many Titted Empress's cellulite buns.
Simply thinking about it makes me wretch, so congratulations... I believe you have succeeded in accomplishing whatever it was you were aiming for... though I've no idea what...

Going to brush my teeth...
SMO...
 

This was eclipsed when Our Many Titted Empress, drunk on virgins' blood, wanted me, ME, to butter her buns.
 

Commissar Theocritus

This was eclipsed when Our Many Titted Empress, drunk on virgins' blood, wanted me, ME, to butter her buns.

My Lenin, this is starting to get the old Pup's socialist blood starting to stir!
 

Aaaachhhhhhhchckhckhchk!... Ptui! Echchhchhcchh!!!!...
I assure you, unlike whale vomit, dolphin puke is worthless, so you can all just stop now... please... in the name of Lenin and Algore and all that is holy, stop!... does this Kommissar not have enough to cope with without this nightmarish image seared into her melon?... Am I not the one who cleans up after everyone else?... Must I also have to clean up after myself...
 

Sister Massively Opiated

Aaaachhhhhhhchckhckhchk!... Ptui! Echchhchhcchh!!!!...
I assure you, unlike whale vomit, dolphin puke is worthless, so you can all just stop now... please... in the name of Lenin and Algore and all that is holy, stop!... does this Kommissar not have enough to cope with without this nightmarish image seared into her melon?... Am I not the one who cleans up after everyone else?... Must I also have to clean up after myself...

Talking of nightmares... though the Pup's dream was fantastic... The Pup is not even making this up... The Pup has recently been listening to his soundtrack for the Rocky Horror Picture Show... a lot. And of course the Pup has really buried a bone here as you know. So what did the Pup dream you ask, and why should I care? Well, the Pup had a dream... he was getting seated in this almost filled auditorium as well dressed people were still getting to their seats, for a Rocky Horror Picture Show production. And there, at a table just in front of the Pup, was the Central Committee! Now I can only figure that the Many Titted Empress had yet to appear as the Central Committee was just finishing up their dinner and the floors were still clean.
 

Ah yes. I've had that dream too. Do you suppose that Our Many Titted Empress cooked up Eddie using the same recipe she used for Bill's cookies? Well, cookies or Meatloaf. What's the difference?

Ah. That reminds me. H8 one time, drunk on virgin's blood--this was an east-coast finishing-school Republican child with a blood line going back to Plymouth Rock--told me the story of how she got the single bun in her oven: Chelsea. It seems that Bill had been entertaining one of his floozies while Our Many Titted Empress was out flogging proles, raiding pension funds, and stealing pencils from beggars' cups--you cannot believe how she uses them--and she came back early in disgust for the union boss had been there before she could get her snout and trotters into it.

You know that nothing pisses H8 off more than someone else stealing before she can. Nothing. So she was in a really foul mood. Bill's floozy ran out the door but H8 was so mad that she didn't see the rumpled bed with the wet spot. H8 threw herself on it and thrashed around, squealing like an 80,000 truck loaded with live pigs locking the brakes at 80 miles per hour* and managed to get the wet spot in her secret place. And we have Chelsea.

*Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers; Phineas' new car horn.
 

Commissar Theocritus

Ah yes. I've had that dream too. Do you suppose that Our Many Titted Empress cooked up Eddie using the same recipe she used for Bill's cookies? Well, cookies or Meatloaf. What's the difference?

You know that nothing pisses H8 off more than someone else stealing before she can. Nothing. So she was in a really foul mood. Bill's floozy ran out the door but H8 was so mad that she didn't see the rumpled bed with the wet spot. H8 threw herself on it and thrashed around, squealing like an 80,000 truck loaded with live pigs locking the brakes at 80 miles per hour* and managed to get the wet spot in her secret place. And we have Chelsea.

What a gal! Now the dreams I have will be even more "colorful."
 

One day, when your stomach is stronger, I shall describe to you her labor.
 

Commissar Theocritus

One day, when your stomach is stronger, I shall describe to you her labor.

Just the fact that she bred is frightening!
 

Yes, and so great is her bounty that Chelsea got a new nipple every day.
 

Commissar Theocritus

Yes, and so great is her bounty that Chelsea got a new nipple every day.

One can well imagine who will get the hind tit....
 

I don't know but I bet it squirts ice milk.
 

Goremans Rejoice!

We now have a Holy Book.

The Goran.


Tip of the tinfoil to the Dicklist.
 

ALGORE AHKBAR!!!!!


AT LAST!!! A Holy Film! And it's a good thing that it's afilm and not a book, too! Because kids can't read today!

--
ZB
 

Laika the Space Dog

Goremans Rejoice!
We now have a Holy Book.
The Goran.
http://timblair.net/ee/index.php/weblog/even_the_nobel/
Tip of the tinfoil to the Dicklist.



But please help me decide which version is better.


 

The Reformed Church Red, of course, paws down. Who can vote otherwise?
 

The second, of course. It is not icing in the cake, but a necessary additive in these days of titles which are parted in the middle.

On the frontispiece could you have the picture of him flying that H. G. Wells-type machine?
 

Based on Laika's idea earlier in this thread -


 

Based on Professor Palimpsest's idea earlier in this thread -