(Transcript from an earlier appearance at Netroots Nation)

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Thank you all. Thank you. Thank you. Yes, thank you. Please, please. Yes, please, you are too kind. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. Ha! Yes, thank you. Yes, thank you. OK, thank you. Uh-huh, thank you. Yes. OK, everyone shut the hell up for a minute. Thank you.

OK, keep applauding then. Yes, thank you. Thanks. Silence. I want silence now. Excellent.
Hello all watching through the miracle of television and thank you Netroots Nation for having me here again. It has been so long since the last time I spoke with actual human beings -- which is you, sadly. I am not one to, well, rub elbows with the small people, as one of my very, very dear friends would say. Ha! That was my little joke although I take it very seriously.

Yes, well, it feels good to be among the unwashed persons of very little value and personal importance to me. I couldn't care less what has been going on in your lives since my absence or whether or not the crap I am passing through the House is leaving you destitute, hopeless, and one step closer to ending whatever cruel and petty existence you are currently living day, after day, after day. I could really care less.

Now then, I am here for one purpose and one purpose only -- to inspire each and every one of you to mobilize this coming November to ensure that my cold, lifeless and surgically-altered hand maintains its unrelenting grip on the Speaker's gavel. I am in bit of pickle right now what with all these Teabaggin' racist lining up to toss my associates and I out on our ear -- not that I have ears anymore, mind you, because I don't. Long story short, my cosmetic surgeon's idea was to use them to reconstruct me a more youthful and refreshed looking nose. That was back in '82.

Moving right along, I know many of you are happy with the wanton destruction and terror Chairman Barney Frank and I have unleashed on the American people. We take great pride in our legislative accomplishments and I am personally proud of my colleagues for coming together in a bi-sexual way to help screw through Healthcare Reform, Wall Street Reform, Student Loan Reform, and my personal favorite, the Stimulus Bill ( I know it was your favorite, too!)

Yes, America is back on track to unrest and misery while more and more Americans are suckling at the teat of government largess. I am happy to report that unemployment couldn't possibly be higher (oh yes it can!); economic indicators couldn't be more depressing (pssh, we aren't finished!); and looming crises on the horizon couldn't possibly be any more dire (we have to votes to surrender to China tomorrow!)

Comrades, we are making progress and I could not be any happier. The children, our most precious resource (the wanted ones), will live in a new America where every last one of them will live in harmony, equality, and total debt.

Together the children of America will unite as one as they shoulder the unbearable load of our unpaid bills. It will be beautiful and awe-inspiring as yellow, red, black, brown and white all come together in perfect, peaceful harmony to blame white. A post-racial, post-religious, post-capitalist, post-Western, post-post world is breaking on the horizon and radiating us all with the sweet glow of North Korean nuclear retaliation. A bright and cindered future awaits us all under my continued leadership and that of the most ethical Congress in the history of humankind.

Comrades, just look at the progress I have made in just four short years! Just look at how far I have dragged this racist nation -- kicking and screaming, of course! -- into the shiny new era of good, heavy-handed governance. Now is not the time to turn back. Now is not the time to give American's back our country. No, America is ours and I have her by the tit.

Thank you and God bless me! Thank you. Yes, thank you. Thank you. Ha! Yes, thank you. Thank you! Samantha, get the car ready. I have a colonic at four with Dr. Bernstein.

Inspiring words indeed Nancy, especially since the unwashed masses at that convention don't deserve it. They were absolutely RUDE to Obama during his pre-recorded address. Even though he swore that he had done all he possibly could to ruin this nation and that he wasn't finished yet, they gave his big screen visage only tepid applause.

Likewise when Ed Schultz gave his hysterical foul mouthed tirade about the Republicans and paused for dramatic effect and to receive applause, all he got was an uneasy silence.

What is wrong with these people? Are they so consumed with righteous hate and discontent that they have to redirect some of it toward us?

You just wait and see, when next Tuesday finally arrives those smug netroot posers are going to be the first ones we march to the gulag.

As always, you have given the Proles and unwashed Masses another inspirational speech. We must rally the Base, including the Necro-Voters, and make the World of Next Tuesday a Victory for Progressive government.

Bless you, Nancy!!

Komrade Zarkof wrote: Bless you, Nancy!!

THOUGHTCRIME!


Comrade Zarkof; you not only use banned christofascist term here but also apply it to our beloved Nancy! Are you trying to hex her, you reactionary?

Oh put the vodka bottle down for just a minute there Comrade Vodkov. There will be a transition phase between the old religiousfascist terms like "bless" and the proper approved words like "praise". (Although of course the oppressed Religion of Peace(TM) will be exempt from such things.)

Are we to deny praise to His O'liness and Mother Nancy?

Perhaps a poor choice of words, but Party leaders, His Excellency, Nancy, our MTE and others deserve our respect and obedience.
It's good Kommissar Vodkov is diligently observing the postings for Thought Crimes and Traitors.

All right, I'll let it slide this time comrades. I suggest you be careful in the future or you'll end up joining Marshal Pupovich buried behind my dacha get reprimanded by high ranking Party officials.

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Inspiring words indeed Nancy, especially since the unwashed masses at that convention don't deserve it. They were absolutely RUDE to Obama during his pre-recorded address. Even though he swore that he had done all he possibly could to ruin this nation and that he wasn't finished yet, they gave his big screen visage only tepid applause.

Likewise when Ed Schultz gave his hysterical foul mouthed tirade about the Republicans and paused for dramatic effect and to receive applause, all he got was an uneasy silence.

What is wrong with these people? Are they so consumed with righteous hate and discontent that they have to redirect some of it toward us?

You just wait and see, when next Tuesday finally arrives those smug netroot posers are going to be the first ones we march to the gulag.

Ed Shultz is a racist and should be smeared as one all day, every day here at the The People's Cube. We should be holding those on our side to strict ideological standards. TPC is the most progressive, forward-thinking collection of ardent Marxist-Leninist on the internet and we have to show turds like Shultz, Matthews, The Nation, Maddow, David Frum, the NYT, etc. etc. that they will be pegged as racist if they don't say and do exactly what we tell them to say and do. When was the last time you heard Frank Rich or MoDo praise me? When was the last time I was celebrated on the front page of the Washington Post? None, nada -- these people are closet Republicans of the extremist variety. Smear 'em! P.S. -- Bless me all you want. We all know blessings come from the government by way of taxpaying dupes.

These are exciting times!


It times like this I wish Papa Obama would listen to his friend Bill Ayers ; he could learn so much from such a great Progressive as Bill

See what Larry Grathwohl, a Federal Bureau of Investigation informant in the Weatherman group from the fall of 1969 to the spring of 1970 had to say about Bill's friends

Thank you for this most excellent and inspirational video of Capitalism's Final Solution!! Dear Leader's BFF, William Ayers, is a true Progressive and Revolutionary.

My legs are tingling like never before!!

That's a post-modern tingle, all right. Never before in history has there ever been a Nanski.

And don't think that just because she's older that she still can't attract men, even a hot and firey Mooslim man. I just know that somewhere in the Mooslim world, there is a man that would love to place a post-Bin Laidon Burka on her and make her his own.