Kabul, Afghanistan -- Taliban leaders today proudly showed off the various F-15s and nuclear weapons they used to fight the US Government after US President Joseph Biden recently announced the draw-down of the Global War on Terror. Associated Press, MSNBC and Al Jazeera representatives were shown around several warehouses and hideouts today, confirming the truth of the Taliban's publicly released statements.

Taliban General Shalid Shalek was quoted as saying "The Americans have been here for about 20 years. They never thought to ban weapons here, like they have done in their own country. Silly Americans - they can only get small arms and have no access even to bump stocks, another of our secret weapons! All us mujahedeen had to do was stop by our local F-15 dealership and purchase the necessary tools to take on the interim government. We also got a few Nuclear Weapons from 'Crazy Ali's Nuclear Weapons and Wireless Phone Depot' requiring very little down and a reasonable 2-year family plan contract."

He continued by listing other insurgencies from the past that only succeeded because of the military equipment and technology they had. "From the American Revolution to the Ewoks in the battle of Endor - military equipment parity was crucial. If they hadn't had access to the same ships and weapons that their rulers did, they would have failed spectacularly."

The Taliban also noted that they would quickly work to ban weapons once the Americans left. As General Shalek noted "I can think of no reason people need to possess weapons when living under a just and honorable government like mine. Everyone will be perfectly safe and protected from criminals once the Americans leave. We have a detailed plan for a defunded police force, based on years of experience."

Why is Biden pulling out? Isn't Afghan sand the perfect graveyard to send all them patriotic soldiers?