Comrade Pupovich seems to be suffering from cognitive dissonance due to the lack of expected denunciations by the collective. Let us help this comrade regain his former revolutionary self by denouncing him here and now!

From now on every Party member shall be assigned a quota of at least one denunciation for each of the other comrades, starting with Comrade Pupovich. Any denunciations in addition to that shall be rewarded by an increase in food rationing and bus tours to the birthplace of Lavrenty Beria.

PUPOVICH, TODAY'S TARGET OF OUR PRINCIPLED CRITICISM

What is Pupovich's guilt you ask? None. Any useful idiot can denounce a guilty person. The point of this training exercise is to denounce without any knowledge of guilt. It makes everyone involved feel extremely guilty, thus boosting revolutionary zeal and creating the best environment for the advancement of Progress™ under the Party leadership.

Sister Massively Opiated - we expect a little more foam at the sides of the mouth in the future, if you don't mind. No sedatives until you complete this mission. Thank you.

Shovels ready, go!

Red Square
People's Commissar of Purges,
Intimidation, and Pain Management

Dear Leader, to once again demonstrate my revolutionary zeal, I wish to be the first to denounce myself. Verily I have been a bad Puppy, speaking truth when a lie would be more expedient. In addition to this crime, I have failed to denounce other party members who were guilty of thought crime, and many more who were not but should have been denounced on general principle and just to keep them on their guard. But I have also learned my lesson Dear Leader, from Her Excellency herself, it was not my fault! No, the Pup can not be blamed for this behavior. First off Bush lied, so how was a simple canine like I supposed to know the truth when he was presented it? Then I have fell sway to lax revolutionary behavior on the part of many here, the complete list will be in your mail complete with dates, times, and crimes that I have thought up.

BTW, I do appreciate you mandating the bus trips to see the home of my Grandpup Beria, I will make plenty of rubles on my percentage of that!

Nice try, Pupovich! The Party will give you an opportunity to denounce yourself in good time. Until then consider yourself under kennel arrest. (We hope you sent the complete list of thoughtcriminals by Priority Mail, because if you didn't that would be counted as another thought misdemeanor on your part.)

Now then, I think it's time to post a PARTY ORGAN MEMO in the People's Tools, titled "HOW TO DENOUNCE YOUR COMRADE," complete with advice, requirements, and best practices.

The one who will write the most righteous memo will get a job to teach the Denunciation Course at Karl Marx Treatment Center and an additional sack of beets for the winter (for all your borsht needs).

<s>"Commissar Pupovich"</s> Annonymous

Dear Leader, I denounce Commissar Pupovich for having the audacity to think he can denounce himself which no doubt violates official protocol.

Commissar Pupovich,

I hearby denounce you because it is my duty as a loyal member of The Party. I do not know why you are to be denounced, but it must be for the Common Good(tm) and NO ONE questions the Party. I will now take an Imperialist Crusader American Bradley Fighting Vehicle and run over a dog with the right tread (even though it is physically impossible for the driver to SEE the right side of the vehicle, especially the tread. But do not tell The New Republic that).

I too expect to one day have the honor of being denounced by the glorious Party!

All should be so fortunate.

Comrade TankoGrad,

I denounce your Denouncement..."Run over a dog with the Right tread." How dare You!!! We all know that this should be done with the LEFT tread. I was going to let this slide, but we all know that Right is wrong no matter what and for you to suggest the Right tread makes me sick!!! You Sir have been...

Denounced!!!!!!!!!!

Sea-Bass wrote:We all know that this should be done with the LEFT tread.

You know I was going to say in my defense that I am left pawed like a proper progressive should be.

I wath going to denounth Pupovithchsh as left pawed, but that ish a reashon (I'm shorry for all the sshpit... it's all thissss foaming aths the beak... I'll thry notsh to getsh it everywhere, bushth frankly, I'm shstarting to feel a bith like Bonnie Fwank... or Shylversthter thsa Casth... May I wipe my fathe now?)... Ptui!... That's much better... As I was saying, I was going to DENOUNCE Commissar Anonym... I mean Commissar Pupovich for attempting to defend himself as left-pawed, but that would negate the requirement that I feel guilty, so f**k it...

For no reason whatsoever except the Common Good TM and cause Red Said.... DEEEEEE-NOUNCED!... Can I denounce TankoGrad too, or must he remain below our interest and so unworthy of our energy, time or consideration?... I would like to know, should I decide to enter myself in the non-competition for the most righteous (yet mediocre) PARTY ORGAN MEMO in the People's Tools, "HOW TO DENOUNCE YOUR COMRADE: advice, requirements, and best (but not really best, as this would denote competition) practices." I am considering carefully (yet with a soupcon of laxness and neglect) whether my duties in Housekeeping and the work I must do to catch up on prior TPC obligations and committments makes it possible for me to to take the job of teaching the Denunciation Course at Karl Marx Treatment Center... I think I would be mediocre at it, and therefore despite someone getting the job (me or anyone else), were I to get it I would not have competed for it and so would not have won the job... or the beets... which I would share - but not equally as this might be construed as having exhibited too much care and concern... On the other hand, despite the fact that it is not a reasonable or meaninful rationale for desiring the job (pardon my, I hope, minor thoughtcrime related to desiring something... if it is not considered minor, please strike it from the record - or strike me - whichever is most appropriate or whatsoever opportunity presents itself first... or second), I would enjoy teaching the course purely as a reason to harrass proles without provokation, thereby abusing any powers I might glean from the position... which I did not compete to get nor for which I am really qualified, should I actually get it, to teach...

And now, if I have hopelessly confused you, I believe I've proven (albeit weakly) my unworthiness to teach and therefore why I should get the job... which I will neglect woefully in order to prove my own incompetence and therefore, the complete lack of competition which I undertook in order to get the job I sorta wanted but really didn't, except that at might afford me the opportunity to abuse some power... and get the beets.

But most importantly... Pupovich!.... DEEEEEE-NOUNCED!

Can I go now?
SMO.

<singing a Ramones song... Oh-twenny-twenny-twenny-four-hours-ago-o-oh... I wanna be sedated... Nothin' to do, nowhere to go-o-oh... I wanna be sedated... Just get me to the airport, and put me nah nah nah.. hm hm hm hm hm hm hm hm I go insane... I hm hm hmm hmm hm hm... ... >

Oh, be sure to let me know when my Comrades are finished denouncing me. Needless to say I am on pins and needles... No really, I am! It's just there is a good article here in Pravda on Pimping Your Collective Farm.
<center><img src="https://people.delphiforums.com/a1sickpupe/dog read paper 2.gif"></center>

Pupovich, I denounce thee! You have shown support for the evil kkkapitalist dog Gromit! You know very well that he and his life partner, Wallace, went to rape the moon of it's natural cheese. Your actions show that you are for the destruction of the moon's natural resources and valuable real estate. Do you know what happens if the moon dies? We all die! And without us, who will instruct the moonabats on the People's Red Planed on further colonization of the galaxy, and the spread of The People's Religion, I mean, economy of equalness? You should be ashamed....

Would you believe the Pup has never heard of Gromit? But I just googled him and all I can say Premeir is Thanks! He is a true hero! I just saw him save the world from a crazed penguin! I have not learned all the tricks for embedding video yet. Of course, I am sure you saw Cats and Dogs where the dogs saved the world from the evil Mr. Tinkle?

https://catsanddogsmovie.warnerbros.com/cmp/main.html

https://www.wallaceandgromit.com/

BTW, what an honor it is for the Dear Leader to choose me to be denounced first! Sure, any one can be chosen to be denounced, but to be denounced by the Dear Leader himself, why, that is a true honor! But fear not, I am sure your turn is coming.

I denounce Pupovich AND that bitch he is sleeping with. Yeah, sure, I might have had a thing for her, you know. Yeah, sure, she might be loaded since her ex-husband was in the oil business. But to take her from me?? SHAME! To tell her I had the clap was JUST WRONG WRONG WRONG! Oh, you bet your ass I denounce you, Pupovich - and the hookers you sent me, you know, the Eco-Friendly Prostitutes, yeah, not so "eco-friendly" after all. I had the broads passing gas in the sack and now my fine silk sheets smell like hooker ass! HOOKER ASS, COMRADES! What is a good Democrat to do when his/her/it's silk sheets smell like ass.... other than steal new ones which is a given.... what is one to do!? Do you actually expect me to replace them??? I mean.... me.... replace something!?!? You gotta' be kiddin' me! Ain't gunna' happen, pup.

<begins sobbing> I haven't felt this... this... violated since Her Grace, the Madam Speaker, smeared excrement all over my fine drapery... and... and now my silk sheets smell like funky hooker ass! And... and.... I CAN'T GO ON! <whimpering> You are a big meany, Commissar Pupovich! A big meany head!

Oh, before I go I want to preemptively denounce Comrade Red Square for using the word combination “pain management”. Management… as in decadent bourgeoisie management that is oppressing the proletariat in their struggle of a decent and fair Living Wage™ and all the freebies one is entitled to? I mean, what's next?? I guess next you are going to tell the collective that you are part time MANAGER at WAL-MART <gasp!!>. Pain shouldn't be managed… it should be free to cripple those who would do harm to the Party. Pain should be applied LIBERALLY. Ugh, I'm just ashamed now and have no choice but to stomp off to one of my vacation homes in Malibu to *think* about all of those here who are disappointing me with their counter-revolutionary crimes against The Children™.

There, there, Meow... here's your solid gold Nanny State Binky. Why don't you sit in that corner over there and cry yourself to sleep. When you wake up, your sheets will be replaced, and fresh expensive hookers will be under them waiting for you. Don't cry, everything's going to be alright.

<out of side of mouth to henchmen>

Quick! Search his dresser and desk for anything valuable. That wallet I took from him yesterday only had food stamps in it and the supposed daughter of the CEO of GE was just another lying slut trying to get someone to take care of her crack baby kids for her.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:I denounce Pupovich AND that bitch he is sleeping with. Yeah, sure, I might have had a thing for her, you know.

Oh, I regret to inform you that the bitch the Pup sleeps with needs new batteries Chairman. It is not my fault though (see, I am learning) as I put my order in with Comrade Tankograd, filled out all the proper paperwork in triplicate, and paid his rather high finders fee and cost in perfectly printed rubles. I do believe he has shorted me. Now I would denounce him, but the Dear Leader has me in the kennel so to speak for the moment.

I am saddened that the green hookers my Ministry provided you didn't pan out, and I will of course send them to be reeducated along with their village.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko,

Why so sad? All the Party needs to do is confiscate working republican Roth IRAs.. I mean "Tax the rich"... Yeah... Tax the "rich" (republican, rich.. they are both "R" words). Once we confiscate 80% of these stock earnings as Madame Speaker has suggested, since no one BUT the rich invests in the stock market with IRAs/401Ks/mutual funds (well, ok, no one except 90% of the American workforce, but what are percentages, really)?

Sorry, as I was saying, once we TAX the "rich", we can use the money to rebuild your sleeping chambers (why stop there?). For really, was it not the capitalists who caused them to get dirty in the first place? I do not know HOW that blame could be placed, but it is "Party Truth" that all bad things must be because of American Conservatives and Capitalism. Therefore, it MUST be true!

Commissar Pupovich,

Your papers were not in order. Yet, though I reported this crime through the People's Supply Chain, they still worked to get you batteries (something about you having info on them)... What in Lenin's name uses 6v batteries anyways? I mean really.... TEN 6v batteries? I had to go to Europe to get these things. Those fools were SUPPOSED to use the Euro to crush the Dollar... but noooo... Combine a dozen incompetent governments and what do we get? Expenses. Yes, I could have committed a thought crime and gone to Walmart, but you do not deserve that (and I cannot stand that hall of capitalism).

I sent your Ukrainian made batteries through our reliable friends in the Islamic Jihad Union. They are a new "oppressed peoples" shipping and, um.. distribution state run (for Islam IS a State, not a religion) entity. Unfortunately, some of the few remaining capitalist dogs in Germany arrested our shippers because they just happened to be distilling pure hydrogen peroxide (which is a great way to make a bomb, rocket fuel, and bleach your hair.... clean off). As I said, they are an "oppressed minority business" and were thus attacked.

So thus I denounce you for denouncing an "oppressed minority" and Religion of Peace(tm) shipping business which was attacked by evil capitalist police forces just so YOU could have YOUR pleasure. Where is your sense of "Party"?

Sea-Bass,

There seems to be some confusion on your part. The "right tread" of the vehicle was where the "always truthful" journalists at TNR said the M2A3 hit the dog. And we ALL KNOW that "The New Republic", a hallmark of progressive journalism, NEVER lies or makes up stories.

That said, to the dog, he would believe that the Left Track hit him. Just like morals, ethics, and comparative religions, it is all relative. Also, by using the right tread, we place the blame for the incident on conservatives for no "left tread" would do such a thing.

Comrade TankoGrad wrote:Where is your sense of "Party"?

I needed 10 6 volt batteries and you ask where my sense of Party is? Bwwwwwwwwwwaaahhhhhaaaaaaaaaa!

Oh, how I long for the day when I am redeemed and allowed to denounce again.

I hearby DENOUCE Kommissar Pupovick! Wow, that felt pretty good. Lets do it again!

Commissar Pupovich wrote:
Of course, I am sure you saw Cats and Dogs where the dogs saved the world from the evil Mr. Tinkle?

https://catsanddogsmovie.warnerbros.com/cmp/main.html

AH! HA! So you saw that movie too? See, even though I like cats, I know they like to stay up at night to plan on taking over the world (which sounds pretty progressive to me, cats enslaving humans).
BTW, I must correct you Commissar Anymo....... Pupovich, the cat's name is Mr. Tinkles.

While I have not been a member here for long, my duty to the Party and the years of training I have received at Party sanctioned re-education resorts have allowed me to criticize shortcomings at a workplace without fear and hesitation, whether or not those shortcomings have been personally witnessed.

We are obliged without hesitation to sacrifice individuals who commit a breach of established order, for in the exemplary punishment of dissent lies a great educational opportunity.

Any person not denouncing anything seen or heard concerning questions of polity will also be charged with and made responsible for concealment, if it be proved that he is guilty of this crime.

Therefore, I formally denounce Commissar Pupovich for whatever he is accused (even though I'm not quite sure what that is...).

Long Live The Party
-Mikhail T. Kalashnikov, inventor of the Revolutionary's Tool

Well, that is interesting, Comrade AK-47. So... perhaps we should also denounce those guilty by association... and when I say "association" I am of course talking about random people and not us. For instance, I blame - oh I don't know - Sean Penn for being guilty by association and aiding Criminal Pupovich is his activities against the People. Yes, I heard Sean Penn was present when Criminal Pupovich was committing his thought-crimes. I also want to blame a bag of doritos of being guilty by association with Criminal Pupovich... yes, the bag of doritos must pay as well.

Who else can we denounce with guilt by association??? Hmmm????

I just want everyone to know that Commissar Pupovich does appreciate the love his comrade's have shown here by pointing out any trace of thoughtcrime that I may or may not have committed, or potentially could commit in the future. Oh yes, the Pup will always remember this, and you can be certain, that he will do his best to find a way to re-pay his comrades. Yes, the Pup is looking for ways to do this even as we speak....
<center><img src="https://people.delphiforums.com/a1sickpupe/dog dig.gif"></center>

Do not worry Pup. This is like "Thoughtcrimes (non) Annonymous". You get to stand up and say, for example, "my name is 'so and so' and I am a thoughtcriminal. One day I listened to Limbaugh and agreed with him. When I saw Madame Speaker in a headscarf, I actually wondered what happened to militant feminism. And so on."

It is like confession to the Party. It is good for the masses to know that they are all guilty of thoughtcrime and must all watch themselves and each other so as to nip it in the bud. It does not matter if there WAS ever thoughtcrime or not. As the media states: it is not the facts that matter, only the seriousness of the charge. With such a system in place, there can be no counter-revolution and the Party thrives!!!

Take heart. This builds character, which really means total loyalty and subservance to the Party (in the name of the masses, of course).

In other news, is it possible to denounce the "spam-bot members" who sign-up, link to wierd sites, and never post? Every time I log on, I see a new one. They never post and they link to strange sites.

I believe they are engaging in back-door advertising, which is evil capitalism.

Comrade TankoGrad wrote:is it possible to denounce the "spam-bot members" who sign-up, link to wierd sites, and never post? ... I believe they are engaging in back-door advertising, which is evil capitalism.

I purge them manually quite often and look forward to the day when I have a window of time big enough to upgrade the forum. It has been so heavily customized by me that an upgrade would take hours and hours.

Speaking of which, I denounce Criminal Pupovich for not having learned how to upgrade heavily customized forums.

It is difficult my leader to know to upgrade a forum that I have so limited access to, but even more so since I do not know what these spam bot members are that are being referred to. I have not seen any pop ups nor any links to "weird sites."

Of course I would denounce myself for not knowing these things, but of course you put me on kennel arrest. But I am biding my time Dear Leader... and making note of all the lessons that I have learned... and the names of my "teachers," oh verily I am taking note.<center><img src="https://members.cox.net/a1sickpupe/Yell ... "></center>

The Denunciation Project is going well, with quotas being fulfilled ahead of schedule. The Party is pleased. No need to complain, Pupovich, this needs to be done for the Children™. If not you, who? If not now, when? To denounce Pupovich is the idea whose time has come! Once in a while the Party must sacrifice a comrade for the Common Good, it's just the way things are in the progressive camp. It helps to keep up the morale, the discipline, and a healthy measure of guilt and subservience.

Where would the Stockholm syndrome be today if they didn't shoot the hostages?

I'll need to see your notes first thing tomorrow morning.

Red Square wrote:If not you, who? If not now, when?

Where would the Stockholm syndrome be today if they didn't shoot the hostages?

Ah, the Commissar has some thoughts on the first.... Truly, it has been a great honor to be the first to be so singled out, but then I know there are others who while not deserving of such, the Law of Arbitrary Denunciation demands that others be chosen as well. After all, I do not wish to be placed above the others, set apart from my comrades.

However, it is my duty to point out a possible error in your quote about the Stockholm syndrome. For after all, had they shot the hostages, then there would not have been a Stockholm syndrome, merely another statistic as Iosef would have said. Now of course I would not suggest that you should be denounced for this....and of course I know history is what we decide it is, but one should not revise history in a way that does not bring glory to the Party da?

An excerpt from Dr. P's new reality TV show, "X" Marx the Spot.

Concertina*:"Dr. P, Dr. P, The Chairman called and said that everybody's denoucing a non-person by the name of Pupovich."

Dr. P: "What's your name again, sweetcheeks? Nevermind... have a seat, here, on the ole professor's lap and whisper mellifluous denuciations in my ear."

.....~static~.....~static~.....~static~.....

Program interrupted by the Democrat Party's emphatic denuciation of General 'Betray Us'.
_____________________________________________________________

*One of Dr. Palimpsest's personal assistants. i.e., a scantily clad PETA devotee just like all the others.

I have no idea what in the name of Joe Stalin "cognitive dissonance" is supposed to be, but who am I to question our glorious leadership? I will do, I will say--nyet--I will think anything they tell me for the chance at a shiny new shovel and extra ration of vodka.

Sorry, Pup, nothing personal, you're a nice guy and all that, and we had a lot of good laughs together. (Remember the night we stole everyone's ration of toilet paper and wrapped it around Comrade Tanko Grad's tank and then it rained, sticking all the paper to it? The look on his face! It was almost worth having to endure old corn cobs the rest of the month.) But the time has come for me to denounce you.

It's not me. It's you.

And who knows, maybe I can get an extra ration of toilet paper out of this, too. (Now that's personal!)

Denunciations are in the air. They are all the rave this season, no?

Ya think the Democrats are taking the lead from the Cube and somewhere on their "underground bunker" forum they have a thread named "All Denounce General Petraeus Now"?

The Q&A session in Congress had a very familiar feel - almost like this thread...

This is what your sacrifice meant for the advancement of Progress™, Pupovich! You must be proud to be a training target on such an important mission. Be thankful we're not shooting at you with weaponized poodles but only denounce! Like I said, it's just the way things are in the progressive camp. It helps to keep up the morale, the discipline, and a healthy measure of guilt and subservience.

Re: Stockholm syndrome

It doesn't matter if those particular guys didn't shoot. The very concept of hostage-taking is held together by the fear the hostage will die if the demands are not met. Many a hostage had been killed before; the Stockholm hostages knew that.

The most hostages were probably killed by the Communists in the Red Terror years after the Revolution in Russia. They would take the most prominent citizens of a town/city hostage (business people, intellectuals, clergy, etc.) and shoot them mercilessly, a hundred of them a day, until the local opposition stopped the struggle and surrendered. The lists of hostages scheduled to be shot that day were being hung all over town every morning. If the opposition didn't surrender, people on the list were killed and new lists were being hung the next morning. And so on.

That's how they won over Russia despite being a minuscule minority.

BTW, Lord Voldemort used a similar tactic against Harry Potter in the last book, which is not political, but has a weird mix of allusions that can be understood either way - but mostly they are unprogressive allusions. I'm afraid this book and its author had been praised by the progressive world prematurely. There may come time when J.K. Rawling will be denounced with the rest of the renegades, unless she acts honorably and commits Hsuicide.

Et tu Pinkie?

Ah, the Pup is just so torn apart by all of this... he is prostrate from the knowledge of his non crimes! He can not bear the blinding light that has been placed upon him!

<center><img src="https://people.delphiforums.com/a1sickpupe/dog relaxing.gif"></center>

Pinkie wrote:
Sorry, Pup, nothing personal, you're a nice guy and all that, and we had a lot of good laughs together. (Remember the night we stole everyone's ration of toilet paper and wrapped it around Comrade Tanko Grad's tank and then it rained, sticking all the paper to it? The look on his face! It was almost worth having to endure old corn cobs the rest of the month.) But the time has come for me to denounce you.

That was YOU!!!???!!!! I denounced and then, through forced labor at the local gulag car-wash, made several kulaks (who I assumed did it because, well, they are kulaks) clean, buff, and repaint my tanks. I then had them eliminated as an example (following Red Square's glorious historical notes). Yep, they THOUGHT they would live, but they were appeasers and history shows what happens to appeasers.

And you STILL got old corn cobs for rations!!!!!!???!!! Those cobs were to be used as our ethanol base. It takes a LOT of corn to make this "wonder fuel". Ok, it also takes about 3 gallons of standard petroleum to make one gallon of ethanol, but DO NOT tell our environmentalist wing THAT. Wait... Never mind... Reality does not matter to them anyways, but still.

Now I have to squeeze more production from the corn growing gulags to make up for this.... No popcorn ration for you Pinkie, it's all going into our Yugos!!

Sweet Lenin, there are so many denunciations here that I do not know where to begin. And for not knowing, I hereby denounce myself. I am a baaaad tanker....

Red Square wrote:You must be proud to be a training target on such an important mission. Be thankful we're not shooting at you with weaponized poodles but only denounce! Like I said, it's just the way things are in the progressive camp. It helps to keep up the morale, the discipline, and a healthy measure of guilt and subservience.

I think you were most wise to choose me to be the training target (though of course I do hope there will be others so chosen) for I believe I have shown true Progressive courage in the face of these denunciations. This Pup knows that if you want to run with the Big Dogs, you got to get out from under the porch. I can well imagine the way other comrades here would fare being denounced so forthrightly. Dear Commissar Theorcritus would be crying for Bruno and Lenin only knows what else, even our honored Chairman has been known to brought to tears by merely seeing his sheets spoiled by some lovely Green minded prostitutes.

I am even grateful for being in Kennel Arrest for it has allowed me to catch up on some er... progressive reading....<center><img src="https://people.delphiforums.com/a1sickpupe/dog porn.jpg"></center>

Comrade TankoGrad wrote: That was YOU!!!???!!!! I denounced and then, through forced labor at the local gulag car-wash, made several kulaks (who I assumed did it because, well, they are kulaks) clean, buff, and repaint my tanks. I then had them eliminated as an example.

FYI, Tanko, those kulaks weren't that innocent. I'll have you know while I was out shoveling For The People and For The Children, they were huddled around the only radio in the barn listening to that imperialist hatemonger Limbaugh. (I'm still puking.) When I confronted them and threatened to inform on them, they tried telling me they were really listening to Air America. (And I'm still laughing.) They thought I'd be dumb enough to fall for that, but everyone knows you can't find Air America in our broadcast area. (Or for that matter, anywhere.) So I did what I did--took their toilet paper rations, and you know the rest.

As for the corncobs, my reflexes tell me to tell you that's all Bush's fault. Those same kulaks also told me I could get carbon credits for corncobs, so I was only trying to Do My Part to Save The Planet. Then, when I was standing in line the other day waiting to collect my beet ration, I saw a group of people all dressed in pink and wearing pink tiaras shouting that the Bush Administration was plotting to drive up the demand for corncobs till everyone was dependent on them, and then Bush & Co would have no choice but to declare war on Kansas and Nebraska so as to steal their corn.

No blood for corn!

So, my dear Tanko, you might say that in a sense, the kulaks DID do it. And not only that, but they're the ones who took all the ammo out of your tank and replaced it with all those old beet stumps. Don't know what they did with the ammo, but how much do you want to bet they're plotting to blow something up with it, and then let Bush try to blame it on the Religion of Peace just to drive up his poll numbers? (Ha! Like anyone's gonna fall for that again!)

Pup and I were just having a little juvenile fun at their expense, albeit For The Greater Good. Granted, we could have just ratted them out, but that's too simple and straightforward, and smacks of conservative thinking. Surely this is worth a shiny new shovel and extra vodka ration for Pinkie?

P.S. Sorry, Pup, you can wag your tail all you want, but I'm afraid you're still denounced.

They had a RADIO?!?!?!?!?! How in Lenin's name did they get a radio? Especially one with a tuner!!


MEMO for Precurement: The ONLY radios allowed for non-party members in Gulags WILL be ones with NO tuning dials. These Party Approved Radios (PAR for short) will be permanently tuned to NPR and ONLY NPR (until the Party can confiscate enough tax revenue to fund Air America). Approved Party members will be issued MP3 players with earphones so as to not be distracted by said PARs in their duty to the People and the For the Children(tm). Funds for these MP3s will come from increased taxing of foul Stock Profits of Evil Capitalists(tm).

MEMO for Guard Force: You freaking Kulaks!!!! Who the F**K is guarding the Peoples' Tanks??? The TP I can let pass, but they stole the Peoples' Ammunition from said Peoples' Tanks!!!!! I know you said it was an Arab (screaming "You stuipid Socialists are infidels too! Death to the Infidels") that did it and while that is probably "reality", it is NOT Party Truth/Party Correct (PC) so therefore MUST be wrong!! For example, there was a 3rd year med student (Lebenese Shia and member of Hezbollah) at Wayne State U in Dearbornistan who was dressed in black with camo paint and armed with a AKM in Hemlock Park hunting "kuffer" (must be Arabic for "squirrel") last Saturday, but did you see that on the national MSM? NO! Why? Because, while it is 'reality', it is not PC! UNDERSTAND?!

That IS IT!! NO vodka for the guards while on duty or within 4 hours prior. I know large ammounts of vodka makes the gruel palatable, but find a non-alchoholic method or plug you sensitive noses!

Failure to secure the Peoples' Weapons will result in demotion from "Guard" to "Prisoner". (Yes, I know 'the People' never will be allowed to use them, only the government, but THAT is not important. Any who question this will receive force indoctrination from Comrade Sara Brady, Civilian Forced-Disarmarment Minister). Furthermore, said "prisoner's" family will also join them at the Gulag. Any who profess loyalty to the family over loyalty to the STATE are to be denounced. Take heart comrades, IF your families have attractive females in them, they will not join you at the gulag. They shall serve the Party in other capacities (Dr. Palimpsest and Chairman Punchenko need new female "assistants"... I could use a few too).

Final note to inept guard force: Do not complain about a "lack of compassion". Compassion is for Evil Conservatives! Just as there is "no fun in Islam", there is no "compassion" in progressivism. Just as Freedom is Slavery, Compassion is Hate and PC guards are ONLY allowed to hate conservatives, Christians, and Jews. THAT is the Progressive way!


Now go serve the Party well.


////ORIGINAL SIGNED////
Comrade TankoGrad
People's Vehicle Armarments


PS. Someone get Pinkie a shovel.

Pinkie wrote:I'll have you know while I was out shoveling For The People and For The Children, they were huddled around the only radio in the barn listening to that imperialist hatemonger Limbaugh.

I may be under Kennel Arrest, but there are just some infractions that I can not overlook! What in Lenin's name are YOU doing shoveling while proles are lying about in the barn listening to a radio, regardless of what they were listening to? The very sight of a party member working in such a manner is a sight that must never, never be seen by even the lowest of proles mind. Would you have Premier Betty, Chairman Punchenko, or Even Our Dear Leader being expected to work in any manner much less with a shovel? I say Nay! You are so Denounced!

Comrade TankoGrad wrote:PS. Someone get Pinkie a shovel.

Given his last post he clearly likes to use a shovel, and apparently already owns one! Unthinkable!

Commissar Pupovich wrote:
I may be under Kennel Arrest, but there are just some infractions that I can not overlook! What in Lenin's name are YOU doing shoveling while proles are lying about in the barn listening to a radio, regardless of what they were listening to?

Hello? (Banging fist on roof of Pup's doghouse.) What do you think I've been doing since I got here, besides standing in line, informing on traitors, and washing out my babushka every night? I've been shoveling, because that's what The Party wants me to do!

Besides, if I'd been promoted, I'd be getting a lot more vodka then I've been getting, and there'd be no issue about the corncobs. And if I really were promoted, I might not get the shiny new shovel, but at the very least, surely they'd give me a brand new, bright red babushka to match my nose.

If they promoted me and didn't tell me, then that's obviously Bush's fault, can't you see that? No, you can't. That's why you've been denounced and I'm out here warning you that if you don't shape up, then I'll tell them who also has a radio . . . in his doghouse!

P.S. If they end up sending you to the gulag, can I still have what's left of your vodka ration?

Pup,
Shovels are Basic Issue Items (BII) for most vehicles. Shovels are your friend. A shovel swung just so can relieve 'neck tension' permanently.

For example: A Chinese vehicle Shovel.

https://www.cheaperthandirt.com/MIL1150-65179-1403.html

<IMG align=left src=/images/shovel.gif>[IMAGE OF INCORRECT SHOVEL REMOVED. REPLACED WITH PARTY-APPROVED PROLETARIAN SHOVEL -- CENSORSHOP DEPT]

Shovels are so useful they are sold in capitalist markets with just the indication that they are "Russian Special Forces" Shovels!

A shovel is special. A shovel is good. A shovel is useful (how else do the workers keep your kennel clean?). Though I do not "own" anything. I am issued items from the Party, just as you are.... or should be. Are you getting all your issued items Pup? Maybe that is the problem? Are you getting the Prole issue or Party Member issue?

I think Pinkie is a Comradette, Pupovich. If we were speaking the Mother tongue with all the gender inflections you wouldn't have missed it, but in the rigid capitalist language we are forced to use here, nobody has gender until one uses a third-person pronoun or wears a "babushka" on the head.

Pinkie -

I know that English speakers think that "babushka" is a scarf, but in reality it means a grandmother or an old woman. To me, the notion of someone "washing out my babushka every night" and desiring a "bright red babushka to match my nose" is bordering on perversion (which is OK if it's your chosen lifestyle, who am I to judge if anyone wants to shovel earth while wearing a bright-red old lady wrapped around her head?) I'd rather prefer "a babushka scarf" or something like that to avoid confusion with the live babushkas, bright-red or otherwise.

Pupovich -

Pinkie is still a toiling proletarian, a mote in the vast collective, so shoveling earth is her destiny and a privilege. It is a symbolic sacrifice of whatever other talents she has to the Party and the Greater Good - the highest honor available to the prole. What do you think you're doing comparing her to Commissars and other high-ranking members in the Party hierarchy? Have you seen a memo promoting Pinkie to a Commissar status, hmmm? Do you want to start shoveling earth next to Pinkie, Pupovich? I think you do, Criminal Pupovich. Oh, I think you do. Instead of chiding Pinkie, the correct Party attitude should be to get all mushy in public and show how sorry we are for Pinkie, and demand minimum wage increase, and denounce the exploiting ruling classes.

And after that public display we can retire to our Paty elite dachas, lock the golden doors, close the velvet drapes, and continue our drunken orgy interrupted by the necessity to show public solidarity with the prole... what was her name... ah, who cares. Is that Syrah wine from your Château Babeuf plantation in France, Dr. Palimpsest? Not bad! I hope you had all the mind-control agents removed prior to serving. And Chairman, lay off that hooker's ass, you'll get a pinkie in your eye... Oh, yes, the prole's name was Pinkie, I remember. And where's that Pupovich again? Oh, right, he's shoveling earth with the proles now, for he had confused what we say in public with what we do in real life, he didn't understand the difference, he took the Party privileges for granted. For which he has been DENOUNCED!

Red Square wrote:
Pinkie -

I know that English speakers think that "babushka" is a scarf, but in reality it means a grandmother or an old woman. To me, the notion of someone "washing out my babushka every night" and desiring a "bright red babushka to match my nose" is bordering on perversion (which is OK if it's your chosen lifestyle, who am I to judge if anyone wants to shovel earth while wearing a bright-red old lady wrapped around her head?) I'd rather prefer "a babushka scarf" or something like that to avoid confusion with the live babushkas, bright-red or otherwise.

Red Square,

Many thanks for settling my hash about that. I've always heard it's also a word for grandmother or old woman, but being a product of the American public school system (and a victim of Bush Administration policies) I also thought it was a term easily interchangeable with a headscarf.

I am always grateful to you for telling me what to think!

Hmmmm....
Let's see.... "Party Approved Items issued to Commissar Pupovich"

-Party Approved Reading Material....Check
-Commissar Level "Pup Pad" kennell and doghouse.... check
-Ration bowl.... check
-Liquid nurishment bowl..... check
-Party Member "Dog Tags" and leash..... check
-Party Member "Pup Brush"....check
-Party Approved Computer system......check
-Bedding (2 sets)... check

Oh! Found it!
-Puppy female "Playmate Model 2DD".....Check! Wow... It DOES take ten 6v batteries!!! If you are not attached to it, I think we should get you a safety upgrade from Procurement. This thing has a "warning label" a Kilometer long. Wait.... MADE IN CHINA?!? How did this get into the Party Member only supply chain?!?!!! See, THIS is why I have to kill "Procurement Providers"... These were supposed to be removed from the system due to um.... let me read here.... "Safety Issues and Recalls"..... whoooahhh.... Wow... Eewww.... Um... I know you are confined to the kennell, but for "The Common Good(tm)" procurement will have to order you a new model. Please click "Dry Goods" and select from the authorized list.

Hold on... "Comrade Procurement Provider, come here." (Motions to guard). "Please follow this soldier out." (I must be getting old, I said 'please')..... BANG!!!! (Picks up Party provided phone, dials rotary pad) "Yes, I need a new procurement Provider for Party Officials. Yes, union only. Yes, must meet divesity requirements. No, we do not want a free thinking conservative no matter how efficient they are. Yes... yes.... no.... yes... (Dear Lenin! Now THIS is what upsets me...)... um.. Yes. Really? You don't say.. Of course that is wonderful. Send her up. She can work for the top officials. Yes, tell her it is a career advancement in a 'uniform relaxed environment' and she will work directly for Chairman Punchenko, Pemier Betty, and MAYBE even Hillary herself. Yes I know she adores Hillary... Yes we all do. Oh, does she know how to groom puppies? She does! Great!! She likes cats, da? Wonderful. She will be perfect. Yes, do not thank me, thank the Party. Of course, Praise Lennin. Thank you. Have a productive day for the Party."


Ahhh.... That was productive.... Now... See Pup, even though you are confined, the Party Provides!!!

Well, Pup. It seems you have everything authorized for you. If it is non-functional, please exchange it. IF you have more and have been hoarding....

Comrade TankoGrad wrote:A shovel is special. A shovel is good. A shovel is useful

All you need to know about shovels is located in the People's Glossary:

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopi ... =42#Shovel

Shovel

A symbol of suffering and sacrifice for The Greater Good™. Used in hard labor therapy or in self-criticism sessions to redeem potential thought crimes. Every citizen must keep his or her shovel in good repair at all times and bring it to the railroad station if called to duty by the Commissar. The shovel is an important part of Earth Day festival, or Sacrificial Earth Shoveling Day, celebrating the death and rebirth of Great Lenin.

The notion of different types of shovels for the proles and the Party elite is unheard of, Comrade Tanko! <looks around nervously, continues in a hushed voice> You want your steel Commissar-issue shovel replaced with a tin prole shovel, is that what you want? Shovels can also be used to re-educate forgetful comrades, as you well know.

Ahem... For more information about Shovel and other useful tools of the proletetariat see this memo compiled by Premier Betty at the very beginning of the People's Cube:

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=84

Se also

Earth Day: Bush Shovels Earth In Punishment
https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=27

Russian government officials celebrate Lenin's Birthday
by ritualistic shoveling of earth in front of their office.

What can I say Dear Leader? It wasn't my fault! As you know I have not been here very long myself and so it was nothing for one of my comrades here to slip me a note telling me that I should take it easy on Pinkie as she was an old time Party hand. Now this note wasn't signed, but given that it was written on the back of a menu from a certain restaurant that features a certain new rat dish recently featured here, and and the smudges of what appeared to be some sort of French "lubricant," I naturally assumed it was from a comrade whose name escapes me for the moment...

Had I only known the real truth about Pinkie I would have been the very first to stand in the snow behind the barricades demanding that the minimum prole wage be raised because she has been held back by the capitalist Bushite warmongers!

When I went to the archive and saw the facts about Pinkie and realized how I had been deceived I rent my new bear skin coat and broke my treasured hand carved petrified beet Anatoli Karpov edition chess set. Not out of guilt or shame Dear Leader, out of righteous anger and determination to prove myself to the Party and mete out retribution wherever it is needed!

I know while things may on the outside look bleak at the moment, I have complete faith that the Party will revise history and one day I will be able to deny such an event as this never happened. Praise Lenin!

BTW, have you noticed that this humble Commissar has risen to #8 on the posts here.... sniffing Laika's tail right now!

Pinkie wrote:Hello? (Banging fist on roof of Pup's doghouse.) What do you think I've been doing since I got here, besides standing in line, informing on traitors, and washing out my babushka every night? I've been shoveling, because that's what The Party wants me to do!

Comrade, as you may have read by now, I was deceived by someone here that apparently is getting a great deal of mirth out of my "faux paw" or seeking to gain at my expense. Either way, I want you to know that there is no memo I won't write, no call I shall not make, no person I will not renounce till we get your already generous minimum prole wage raised and perhaps even a bump in your beet vodka ration raised!

Comrade TankoGrad wrote:-Puppy female "Playmate Model 2DD".....Check! Wow... It DOES take ten 6v batteries!!! If you are not attached to it, I think we should get you a safety upgrade from Procurement.... Please click "Dry Goods" and select from the authorized list.....IF you have more and have been hoarding....

Most generous of you comrade, but as a matter of fact I have grown quite attached to that model, in fact I attach myself just about every night. Of course I practice safe sex by always grounding it properly. I don't think "Dry Goods" would have a model I would be interested in. Not to worry, all of my possessions are authorized. though of course I do have a considerable number of things and properties that I share with the People.... (Looking around making sure the door to the Pup's underground secret sanctuary is well hidden and locked.)

Shovels just bring back such bad memories to me comrade. It's all I can do to hand them out to the old ladies that work around my dacha. Yes, I do have a Party member issue, which I have mounted in my den.

I want to thank my Comrades for sending me a few little comforts from home. Life is tough here in the Kennel Jail, but it's for the good of the Party, so I will bear up to it for as long as needed. As you can see, the Pup is allowed out into the exercise yard daily so he can get some fresh air...
<center><img src="https://members.cox.net/1sickpup/what dogs really do.gif"></center><br>

Red Square,

I thank you warmly for the education on the shovel. Please rest assured that the distribution lists remain a closely held secret so as to not upset the proles. Sometimes the logic and brilliance of the Party escapes them.


Pup,
It strengthens my faith in the truth of the Party that you.... are attached.... and enjoy PM2DD so much. Please remember to clean it and ground it at all times. That "Eww" part was th graphic illustration of a certain poor Comrade Puposki whose... um... "outy" was made an "inny" through.... um... malfunction. Such things should not happen to a dog....

I know what you mean.... thank goodness I was able to get mine repaired and in the down time, went to the "book store" mentioned above.

Commissar Pupovich wrote:BTW, have you noticed that this humble Commissar has risen to #8 on the posts here.... sniffing Laika's tail right now!

That sounds awfully like COMPETITION to me... as if Commissar were STRIVING to reach a particular level of posting... TRYING, even, to match and SURPASS that of other Cubist, for who knows what ends (Laika's, apparently...)...

I am gravely concerned that one so recently DENOUNCED should backslide to such a grievous THOUGHTCRIME TM so quickly...

I can only hope that Meowsevitch's OFFICIAL PARTY DENOUNCEMENT PRIMER will soon be approved and published so that we may get on with this, if only because I hate having to do things twice... I wonder whether it will include instructions for the denouncee's behaviour... this is all very tiresome...

Apparently Pup is trying hard to earn his one-way ticket into orbit so he could circle the Earth eternally as "Pupovich the Space Dog," challenging Laika's record and sending twice as many transmissions to liberal tinfoil hats, broadcasting 1960s retro music programs not just Friday nights, but EVERY day of the week! He had the gall to show up at a certain Fried Rat Tastes Like Chicken restaurant dressed up in what looked like a space suit and after a couple of bowls of vodka-spiked borsht started bragging about going into orbit, and posing for pictures with customers! (Report #FRIEDRAT - 2007-2435478)

<img src=/images/Laika_The_Dog_200.jpg>

Want to become a progressive celebrity like Laika?

<img src=/images/Laika_LarryKing.jpg>

I'm afraid that can't happen after some comrades reported that in 2004 you were seen moonlighting at the Crawford ranch as designated driver for Bushitler - and backed it up with incriminating photographs! (Report #FRIEDRAT- 2007-2435479)

<img src=/images/Laika_designatedDriver_for_.jpg>

DENOUNCED!!!

Dear Leader... I must protest vehemently! For I have been beSMERSHED! First a dolphin of all creatures, though equal as all creatures are, tried to suggest that my earnest desire to model my Progressive behavior after model Progressives such as Laika is somehow evidence of thoughtcrime. If only more comrades would strive to be like Laika, or you Dear Leader, our glorious Worker's Paradise™ would be that much closer to being realized.

In regard to these pictures allegedly showing me dressed as Laika, or driving the Bushiltler are fakes! Sheer fakery! I could not have been where I have been accused of being, and I have an alibi and witness to back me up. I was on a road trip at the time! As you no doubt know, bikers don't lie! I can assure you I am innocent of these charges, and even if I were not, it would not be my fault! Oh, this hurts so bad... I simply must circle 3 times and lie down.<br><center></center>

Even doctored photos carry the full weight of real photos in the court of People's opinion, Commissar Pupovich. The Party has taken great strides to ensure that charges are always backed by incriminating evidence... even if that evidence is completely fabricated.

An example: Just the other day an old woman was ahead of me at the DMV. So, what do I do? Well, I take some crayons and a legal pad and childishly scribble a picture of her taking my number and turn it over to the ACLU. Now the ACLU will use my sketch to press full charges against her for counter-revolutionary activity DESPITE the fact (as if facts really matter!) that I drew the picture and that it never happened or could be proved that it happened. The real fact remains: the old woman was seen in the drawing taking my number and now she must pay for her crimes. Isn't our system grand! Darwin bless Socialism!

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Even doctored photos carry the full weight of real photos in the court of People's opinion, Commissar Pupovich. The Party has taken great strides to ensure that charges are always backed by incriminating evidence... even if that evidence is completely fabricated.

Then Chairman, I am vindicated! The People's Court has pronounced me innocent of these baseless charges!<center><img src="https://people.delphiforums.com/a1sickpupe/not guilty.gif"></center>

Oh, and a little something extra for our beloved Chairman who recently had an unfortunate loss to his collection....<img src="https://electricpulp.com/blog/wp-conten ... front2.jpg" height=250, width = 150">

That had better be an activist doggie judge.

As the Honorable and Most Wise Chairman said, the fact the picture exists is sufficient to prove my innocence in front of the People's Court™! Oh, and of course he is a very "active" judge.

What picture? I haven't seen any picture? Comrades, have you seen a picture?? Where is this picture you speak of, Commissar Pupovich??

Begging your Chairman's pardon, as I know you are still upset about the broken Hummels, but I believe you will find the Pup being found innocent above you....where you will also find a little offer of tribute from this humble Commissar to your wise and effective leadership.

The Commissar Pupovich is playing word games - taking what you say and attempting to use it against you - to turn it on its head. Attempting to Out-Progressive The Politburo's inborn Progressiveness... But his crimes are evident in all that he says and does and he is so backward as to refuse to see that competition is a crime in itself. To not understand something so basic is worrisome to me. He has clearly not been studying his little red cube or he would have seen this... TPC's rules regardsing The People's Competition... nor could he have been wearing his TPC Official Politiburo Cubist Undershirt which features a graphic of THE People's Cube and the exhortation that Nobody is too smart, or too slow - We Are All Equal (though of course, some will always be more equal than others). Nor could he have visited THE OFFICIAL PEOPLE's CUBE page with instructions and explanation of our Non-Competivist Doctrine. Did he think this was just so much visual noise on the site... has he not visited these links? Read them? Committed them to memory?

And then he has the temerity to announce:

Thoughtcriminalist Pupovich wrote:Dear Leader... I must protest vehemently! For I have been beSMERSHED! First a dolphin of all creatures, though equal as all creatures are, tried to suggest that my earnest desire to model my Progressive behavior after model Progressives such as Laika is somehow evidence of thoughtcrime. If only more comrades would strive to be like Laika, or you Dear Leader, our glorious Worker's Paradise™ would be that much closer to being realized.

In regard to these pictures allegedly showing me dressed as Laika, or driving the Bushiltler are fakes! Sheer fakery! I could not have been where I have been accused of being, and I have an alibi and witness to back me up. I was on a road trip at the time! As you no doubt know, bikers don't lie! I can assure you I am innocent of these charges, and even if I were not, it would not be my fault! Oh, this hurts so bad... I simply must circle 3 times and lie down.

STRIVING?!?... And not only striving, but striving to BE LIKE LAIKA! Striving to be like Our Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid?!? It is IMPOSSIBLE TO EVEN CONCEIVE OF!... And he does not understand that THIS... THIS is his very THOUGHTCRIME TM!!! He insults SMERSH by involving him in this at all. WTF does me being a dolphin have to do with anything!!! If more comrades strived to be like Laika and our Glorious Red Square, all would be CHAOS... too many signals would emanate from space to clog our tinfoil hats and muddy the frequency (Kenneth)... Just as there can only be one cook in the kitchen, so there can be only one Leader, or the ideological borscht will become a muddy mess of inconsistent spices and overcooked cabbage... What if everyone tried to do Sister's job? Some things would be cleaned twice and others not at all and Meow's vomit would build up in uneven piles around the bunker, some Limousines would be full of gas and others dead at the side of the road, empty of fuel and thoughtcriminals, and there would be overdone necroproxies sharing storage space with rotting corpses! Just as "to each according to his need," so too "from each according to his ability,"... we each of us have our abilities! I would not attempt to do Hero Space Dog Laika's work (how could I???), nor interfere with that which accrues to him out of his need! I cannot even entertain the thought of such a thing in regard to BIG RED!! This is madness! What is this STRIVING?!? It reeks of COMPETITION! Of OVERTAKING one's fellow Cubist and SURPASSING them... of... of... (I am sorry... this is both difficult and painful for Sister)... of IMPROVEMENT!!! What will come next? CONSISTENCY? AWARDS?...

Circle three times and lie down indeed!!! More like chasing your tail! How do we make this canine understand his Thoughtcrimes?... Everyone knows how averse to violence Sister is What a peace-loving and gentle cetacean she is at her core How much is pains and confuses her to have to denounce fellow Cubist and to have to use emoticons

I am most upset indeed... most upset... all I can think to do is hide in my tank and take comfort in the turning of People's Cube... its very redness and certainty of outcome... If you need me, I'll be there, rocking back and forth...

SMO...

Word games, indeed! Hang on a sec, SMO <turns off microphone>


<whispers to SMO> Who is this judge and where did he come from?? Hmmm, better nip this one in the bud quick, can't have the Party look responsible for making an error in rendering charges where charges needed rendering. OK, alright, I'll handle this.

<turns microphone back on>

Errrhmmm…. <hack>…. Yes, this picture as I see it has you, Criminal Pupovich, being exonerated by a judge who appears to be a dog (must be from the 9th Circuit). Yes, well, that is mighty interesting… mighty interesting indeed.

<turns off microphone>

<whispers to fellow colleagues> So, what do we do?? I mean, this judge is going against the grain here and contradicting everything we have been saying all along! We can't have that! Contradiction cannot and will not be accepted! When the Party says the sky is green, then by golly the sky is green!

<turns on microphone>

Yes, I have shit my pants… errrr… no, I mean, I have conferred with my colleagues and, uhhhh, and we have decided that Criminal Pupovich is…. Indeed…. INNOCENT!

<gasps fill the ornately decorated courtroom with reliefs of suffering American families all holding out their arms to merciful and benevolent Stalin>

Yes, the People's Court has determined that Criminal Pupovich is not guilty and was instead framed by an elaborate scheme hatched by the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy!

<more gasp fills the room>

Therefore, this Court, in all it's collective wisdom has deemed the lady in the third row wearing the code-pink hat and troops out now T-shirt to be GUILTY AND A CONSPIRATOR AGAINST PROGRESS!!! Because of her, she has single-handedly framed a Commissar of the People – an outstanding, courageous and awe-inspiring Commissar of the People – of heinous charges that he did not commit…. No!... It was she who has committed these crimes! It was she who has aided the class-enemies in a perverse attempt to undermine Progress and to do great harm to The Children!!! Guards! Seize that woman!

Code-Pink Lady: Huh!? What!? I never did anything!!! What are you doing!

Silence! You are out of order! YOU ARE OUT OF ORDER! Bring the accused to the stand!

<Guards drag chubby code-pink hag to the stand>

Code-Pink Lady: I'm telling you I didn't do anything! I'm just here to get on camera! I'M JUST HERE TO GET ON CAMERA!

Of course you are, Kulak scum! You deliberately came to view these proceedings to sabotage them for your Rovian masters and to plant false evidence on Commissar Pupovich! That, and of course “get on camera”.

Code-Pink Lady: What!? No! I'm on your side!!! I never had those intentions…

<interrupts> Oh but you did! YOU DID! You had intentions! You had dastardly Kulak designs on all of us! Didn't you!? You came here to embarrass the Party!

Code-Pink Lady: No! No! I didn't! That's not true!! It simply isn't true!

Guards! Gag the kulak conspirator from spreading anymore of her lies against the People!

<Guards gag code-pink hag>

If the Court will excuse me, I have to confer with my colleagues once more.

<turns microphone off>

This hag can take the blame… she was just sitting in the back smiling the whole time anyways, not like she has anything more important to do with her life. I figure we can just skip the whole show-trial element and go right to sentencing followed by the usual thanks to various Apparatchiks and departments for “helping us” catch the real criminal.

<turns microphone on>

Guards, ungag the accused so she may state her name.

Code-Pink Lady: My name is Barbara and I never did anything and, and, and you have the wrong person! I just wanted to be on camera! ON CAMERA I TELL YA!

That is enough, Guards, you may gag her again. My colleagues and I have reached a verdict and we find Criminal Barbara GUILTY for conspiracy, racketeering, general unpleasantness, crimes against the Party, State and the People. It is the wish of this deliberative body – chosen by the People to serve the People – that Criminal Barbara be executed for her crimes against the People effectively immediately.

<guards drag out code-pink lady as she murmurs all the way down the hall>

The People's Court wishes to thank all levels of Party leadership for their diligence and professionalism during these proceedings. We had no doubt – no doubt what-so-ever – that the guilty would be brought to justice. With that said, the People's Court wishes to thank Commissar Pupovich for his cooperation in helping us nab the true culprit amongst our ranks to bring justice, equality and equal outcome to the People.

<sound outside of guard yelling ready, aim, FIRE followed by gunshots>

We knew all along of Commissar Pupovich's innocence. It was Criminal Barbara, a twisted and vile being, who was behind these heinous and indecent crimes against the people. It was she, a puppet of KKKarl Rove and the Bush Regime, who tried to tear down the institutions of the People and to tear down and distort the reputation of the People's Commissariat. Commissar Pupovich, we thank you for your patients and cooperation and will dutifully reward you with an extra ration of beets.

<slams golden shoe> Court adjourned!

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:he is so backward as to not see that competition is a crime in itself.

My respected and admired dolphin, I do not compete with any comrade. But if seeking to be like the great progressives is competition, if I hope that one day comrades will say of me: "Look, Commissar Pupovich leads like the Man of Steel" or "Commissar Pupovich denounces like (grandpup) Beria" or "Who shows the courage of our own Laika but the Pup?" or "Commissar Pupovich shows the wisdom like unto the Dear Leader" or "Commissar Pupovich is as steadfast as the Chairman Punchenko!", if this is competition...nay, if to seek such is ThoughtCrime™, then all I can say is line me up against the People's Wall™! For I will gladly seek the bullet for the Good of the Party, to die in an effort to be the New Progressive Man/Woman/It!

There is no need to apologize now, Commissar Pupovich. The Court as dictated in my post above has FOUND THE REAL CLASS TRAITOR AMONGST US! Please read and accept the Current Truth before you speak. Truth around here changes so quickly that it is wise to read up on whatever we are accepting now so that one may not commit a thought-crime.

I have read and like you said so eloquently, I too am grateful for "all levels of Party leadership for their diligence and professionalism during these proceedings." I understood the necessity of these proceedings and I do believe that this will serve only to glorify our righteous cause and be an example for the progressives of the world to follow.

*Phew... that was close! I best skedaddle down the block, get drunk so maybe I can sleep at last without nightmares of Bullet Alpo!*

I am still going to be rocking back and forth in my tank for a while... perhaps you downloaded page before post was properly edited and my righteous indignation exhausted (silly thunderstorm... wind sheer took down two trees and played havoc with electricity... sent off post before it was complete and edited)... in any case, is finished... for now. I can only suggest that despite your close shave, you get yourself a cube and begin to use it whenever you feel the need to cleave to that which is other than the Current Truth TM

We can't thank you enough <stuffing Hummel in overcoat> for your cooperation, Commissar Pupovich. I'm sure in time more evidence will start to leak out connecting other Party members within and without to the dastardly Criminal Barbara. Yes... we must always be watchful of those around us... enemies... enemies are everywhere. So.... who is up for some Chinese!? Anyone? Anyone at all? I'm not buying!

Chairman - please add this photographic evidence to the file:

CRIMINAL BARBARA

Chinese? I was thinking about Caviar, made only by the finest of slav... er, comrades, or what about some rat meat? You have not had that in a while Chairman.

I am told that right before the guards could pull the trigger Criminal Barbara's swim-suit top burst open to reveal the grosteque "things" beneath. Supposedly the guards all vomited right there and then and botched the execution. Fear not, Comrades! The guards did manage to put her out of her misery for the People's good on the third try.

LET IT BE KNOWN THAT CRIMINAL BARBARA - IN CONJUNCTION WITH THE TROTSKY MONSTER AND OTHER ASSORTED PARTY ENEMIES - WAS, AND SHALL ALWAYS BE, REMEMBERED AS THE CRIMINAL WHO FRAMED A COMMISSAR, SPAT IN CHILDREN'S FACES AND RUBBED TAN-IN-A-BOTTLE ALL OVER HERSELF TO THE PEOPLE'S DISMAY AND DISGUST.

As for the above stated comments denouncing Commissar Pupovich... well, IT NEVER HAPPENED! There were never any denunciations.... I don't know what you're talking about! Criminal Barbara has always been an Enemy of the People!!

I Denouce Pupovich and Punchenko!

It is a well known fact that Pupovich is not a St. Bernard but one of the Chairman's personal dacha Dachshunds. This is just another one of the Chairman's elaborate schemes in a shell game of "cat and rat" meant to confuse us in discovering who the real thoughtcriminal is and why Hsu is still alive!
They are both covering for one and other and one or two of the politburo's inner circle to throw us off the trail back to the Paws and the laundered cash which is rightfully the MTE's.
Why yes, just the other day, I overheard a transmission in which Hillary was smashing things as usual, but this time Meowsevich was the target of her righteous outrage. After she smashed his rat Hummel he wept like a child until she felt sorry for him and gave him $100K to bribe the guards at the Colorado jail were Hsu was being held and to apply the "VHF" solution.*
There were two other people in the room. One fell to the floor with a thud and the other snuck out of the room while the MTE was.....you're not going to believe this....was almost, dare I say "crying". The signal was weak since one of the tinfoils was knocked off the head of the one who fell to the floor, so I really can't tell who the other two were. Only Meow and Pup can identify the other two culprits, that I do know!
Comrades, we must know!
Why is Hsu still alive and what happened to the $100K Meow?
THE PARTY DEMANDS AN ANSWER!

*Vincent Hsu Foster

Very clever, Laika. Very clever to blow the whistle... ON YOURSELF!

I DENOUNCE LAIKA THE SPACE DOG AND SISTER MASSIVELY OPIATED!

So, Laika… been eavesdropping on one of Her Excellency's tantrums again, huh? HOW CONVENIENT FOR YOU! If anyone wants Hsu alive it is you, Laika. Why, you ask? Easy… he is ChiCom and we all know you will never forgive them for the tainted kibble you ate which caused you to shit up your space capsule. I'm sure smelling your own excrement for all those weeks helped you develop quit the little grudge against Hsu and his people. Oh, it goes deeper… much deeper! By listening in on our MTE's tantrum you discovered that I was to be sent to Denver the following morning giving you plenty of time to warn Hsu of my arrival. You had to act quickly though, Laika, for another witness was in the room with me… Theocritus. You sent signals to his tin-foil hat so strong that it pulled that lamp directly to his head giving Her Excellency a “direct hit”. With Theocritus passed out and no other witnesses, you could blame me, easily, for helping Hsu escape by claiming I did it for the 100K. Also, if Her Excellency weren't to send me she would have sent Theocritus to VHF him. But no, you couldn't have that, Laika. You needed both Theocritus and me out of the way so Her Excellency would send you so that you can get even with Hsu for the explosive shits you had for six weeks.

How else could I bribe the guards with the 100K, Laika, when you already warned the warden of a possible attack by the HillRaisers? The warden shipped him to New Mexico somewhere out in the desert where SIGNALS are strong and where no one of this world could find him. Oh yes… clever little puppy you are, Laika. Of course Pupovich stood in your way as well… why; he is a dog and could sniff out the location of Hsu in the desert. But once again, Laika couldn't have anyone get in the way of her exact revenge now could she? No… you had to knock Theocritus out and blame the Pup and I.

BUT IT DOESN'T END THERE! OH NO!

Just today Laika found out that Hsu was being kept at Sea-World after picking up cop frequencies that the desert wasn't safe enough for him. Hmmm… Sea-World…. How can you detect someone being possibly held under water where your signals cannot be sent from space? OH, I KNOW! GET A DOLPHIN TO SEARCH HIM OUT! Ahh yes, SMO has been denouncing the Pup left and right. Why, no one has been so stringently against the Pup more than SMO. Just today I received a shipping form requesting SMO's transfer to Sea-World for some “R&R” since her tank here at the bunker has been rattled due to storms. Oh yes, SMO was going to lead you right to Hsu, Laika, just as you planned all along!

And it just doesn't end there… Laika wants Hsu and the only way to get him is by sending him into space! Criminal Barbara was not only sent to plant evidence on the Pup… Oh no… Criminal Barbara is also an astronaut for NASA! Yes, after the pup was denounced and carted off, Criminal Barbara… with the help of SMO… was to take Hsu to the Kennedy Space Center to be launched into orbit so that Laika can scoop him up and do whatever it is that Laika wants to do this man. Maybe she wants him to eat dog poop till he croaks… who knows for sure… but there are other accomplices Laika! WHO ELSE IS HELPING YOU!? WHO ELSE WANTS HSU TO THEMSELVES!?!?

START NAMING NAMES, LAIKA! START NAMING NAMES!

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Very clever, Laika. Very clever to blow the whistle... ON YOURSELF!

I DENOUNCE LAIKA THE SPACE DOG AND SISTER MASSIVELY OPIATED!

Chairman, I could not agree more! You have seen right through their clever scheme to have me denounced, which we know NEVER happened! Both of these criminals conspired to implicate me, and by extension you, to cover their own guilt. As if we would fall for their story about the MTE showing compassion, and as Lakia even said "almost crying"... Lakia was right on one thing... it is Unbelievable!

Then on perhaps a lesser matter, though still Thought Crime™, I present this evidence:

Lakia: "It is a well known fact that Pupovich is not a St. Bernard but one of the Chairman's personal dacha Dachshunds."

A clear case of BREEDISM!

Chairman, I must also point out that despite the clear clarion call of the Dear Leader to come and denounce me, which never happened, Lakia failed to heed this call! No, instead Lakia did not respond till it became clear their plan was falling apart, then Lakia rushes in to try and denounce me!

I DENOUNCE LAKIA AND SMO!

WHEREIN THE NEFARIOUS PLOT IS REVEALED (ALONG WITH A MOLE... IN A ST. BERNARD'S DISGUISE... AND FAIRY DUST!!!)

Ow... hmmm... OW!... my head!... geez... what's going on?... I must have slipped on one of the Chairman's little mounds of vomit and landed in all this broken Hummel... gawd... it's all stuck in my flank and I'm bleeding... I think this is going to need stitches...

It's bad enough I have to be watching out for the stuff all the time and living with the smell, but to actually have it on me... echh... and these Hummel shards really hurt... where's my tinfoil hat gotten to?.... <sharp intake of breath... Someone's actually CUT the strap... and tried to clog some of the holes!... in fact, I think they've tried to replace my heavy-duty tinfoil hat with that lightweight cheap crap, thereby altering the gain... no wonder I've been having trouble hearing Laika lately! Oh Great Lenin! Someone must warn RED immediately! He may be in Danger!!!.. POINTY ONE!!!! POINTY ONE!!!! RedtheProgressiveFox!!!! POINTY ONE!!!! COME!!!... Our Great Red Leader may be in Danger!!!!>

Oh.. what has Meow gotten himself involved in now?!?.. I hope Dr. P. is around to protect him... he is so vulnerable when he's on his own... oh!oh!oh! <flapping fins in panic>... I must find him as well!!!... my Comrades!... my Comrades!... By the Cube, I hope they are all right!... stupid flukes and fins!... why can't I move faster! Ow... and these cuts... the vomit makes them sting so...

Y'know... I could swear I smelt Great Pyranese or St. Bernard right before I went down... and the back of my melon feels as if someone actually winged me with a piece of porcelaine collectible... hmm... let me have a look... at least there don't seem to be any Bulgarian umbrella type puncture wounds... Great Stalin's Ghost! We have a MOLE (or a Groundhog) in the Cube!!! Raise the Alarm!!... Raise the Alarm!!... Chairman!... Laika!... Red!... I've been attacked by something weilding the Chairman's porcelaine gewgaws!... And whatever it is, it sheds St. Bernard hair!...

I'm going to get cleaned up and have Aki quickly stitch up these cuts from the Hummel shards (you didn't poison the Hummel, did you Chairman?!?)... in the mean time, Chicken Sushi will round up the pod and have them kit up...

Just think Chairman! Someone's been using your Hummel Collection as a weapon against your fellow Cubists... no doubt, they've been trying to ingratiate themselves with you as well... can you think of anyone who might fit the bill?...

But wait... wait wait wait... I also smelt Gin right before I went down... and I KNOW that Pupovich is not a Gin drinker... who do we know who knows their way around the bunker and has seen (and perhaps coveted, or at least resented) Meow's porcelaine decorations... perhaps having drukenly dusted them! Hhhhmmmm???... Dusted them... dust... fairy dust!!... sparkly fairy dust!!!... I thought it was just some component of the cheap porcelaine, but no... this is fairy dust... and tuile... as from some cheap homemade tutu... and a feather.. as from a cheap duster...

The reek of gin... tutu material... feather dusters.... fairy dust... a fixation with so-called limited edition porcelaine home decorations and clearly a grudge... I can come to only one conclusion!!!!

DA DA DAAAAAAAAM!!!!!!!!

BLUE BELL HAS INFILTRATED THE CUBE AND IS ATTEMPTING TO UNDERMINE OUR UTOPIAN BLISS!!!!

I will send out search and destroy parties at once... unless RED would prefer me to capture the drunken fairy alive... in the mean time, Pupovich and Dr. P - watch out for The Chairman... he's in no state to be left alone and he remains in danger as long as SHE is free... POINTY ONE!!... secure the children and make sure they understand this is no game, and then arm yourself and join me... TankoGrad... the exits if you please... Perhaps the Tsarevna should join Meow - I believe she was visiting the library tonight... Betty - The Poodle Guns! NOW!!... Zampolit Blokhayev - I think if you and Blogunov stick together and for Stalin's sake, watch each other's backs... call out if you see her and take a shot if you have one... C. Otis... Damn! He is away again!!!! Just when we need him most... he is a wonderful shot! Pinkie - so good to have you with us... Theocritus tells me you are a wonder at hand-to-hand... be careful... this drunken fairy is a whily one... if she actually is drunken - she may simply have been acting and have sprinkled herself with gin... we may never know... And Theocritus... the marble saw will make an excellent tool for when we capture and question her... please, set it up if you will... I promise no mess will befall the Ranch... it is what I have all the heavy-duty tarps for... and the yellow rubber rain gear - aren't the rubber boots cute!... If I have forgotten anyone, come to me and I will given you your assignments as we go... and please forgive me my brevity and high-finned-ness, but in times of crisis, I must do what I must do to protect my Beloved Cube and Our Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid... I wish Pravda were here! Laika - if you please... adjust the frequency and Pump up the Gain... Tin Hats Everyone... and for Stalin's sake... PROTECT RED AT ALL COSTS!!!!

I believe that given this current crisis, the other matter will resolve itself quickly and with little fuss, once we have caught The Fairy... I believe she may be at the bottom of all of this kerfuffle...

If only we'd consulted this when she first joined us...

And now.... the hunt begins...
SMO...

My goodness, what is this all about? Commissar Pupovich? Laika? SMO? Chairman?... Red Square!? If all of you don't keep the noise down I'm going to start getting pissed. I am trying to get work done here!

Where the hell have you been?

We've been on Red Alert - Situation Critical...

Blue Bell has infiltrated the Cube on some sort of twisted search and cheer up mission... punctuated by incidents of pointless destruction... she's a mole and she has put us all in danger...

She has:
- destroyed the Chairman's Hummel Porcelaine collection
- set Pupovich up to be Denounced (albeit, after he got a bit rowdy where cats were concerned, but still)
- tried to undermine Laika's signal in a number of ways, including sabotaging the quality of the tinfoil going into our hats
- substitutued Old Truth for The Current Truth TM, thereby creating havoc and confusion
- winged me in the back of the head with one of Meows porcelaine gewgaws
- did a poor job of dusting
- screwed with the Chairman's $oft Ca$h, thereby causing him to lose consciousness and requiring that I drag him, neked, onto his round water-filled bed and sprinkle him with filthy lucre, while Betty absconded with his wallet... I've left out a number of details concerning that incident, as I believe RedtheProgressiveFox's youngsters might be up early on this Saturday morning, watching United Nations Unicef Smurf anti-killing-children cartoons and some of the details are just too tawdry for prickley pointy little ears...
- drew inaccurate crayon pictures as evidence in a Commissar's trial
- released flawed shovel standards for general consumption by the proletariat!!!! -- which ultimatley had a negative effect on Pinkie's shovelling... and as you must by now be aware, Pinkie, through no fault of her own and so accruing no denunciation or need for re-edukation, is our best shoveller...

... and, I believe, crept up on Pupovich in his doghouse and while he was dreaming of electric cats, whispering such things in his ears as:
- "Do not pay attention to your People's Cube,"
- "It is all right to try to do other Cubist's work, and to try to do it better than they can... and to claim credit for it"
- "put as many links to small cartoons in your posts as you can to make everything really slow to load..."
- "Competition is necessary and good and you must Strive to improve, and surpass Laika, and Big Red in their Progressiveness," and
- "Walk around the Cube singing Carol Hall's song from Free to Be You and Me... the one that Rosey Grier sings"

... and so he's been padding around singing "It's all right to cry... Crying gets the sad out of you..." which as far as I'm concerned is her worst crime, especially if you had to live through the original incarnation of Marlo Thomas and Friends (including Alan Alda) in the 70's...

...and just generally sewed as many seeds of discontent as possible...

Comrade... she has wantonly and wilfully attempted to destroy the People's Cube by undermining our Kollektivist spirit and turning us against each other by fraudulent means... and she has done a poor job of dusting (I may have mentioned that already, but it cannot be overstated)...

So as you can see, it has been a little difficult to 'keep it down' around here... and I could have used your tracking skills... I realize you have great deal of work, but Otis... we need you!!!

SMO

ps... she has so addled Pupovich that he has mistaken Laika's breed... an actual Laika, for a Black Labrador, and me for a Spinner Dolphin as well as accusing me of being born 10 years before I was even conceived... it is all very disturbing... She may have drugged Pupovich... I am concerned for him...

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:...I drag him, neked, onto his round water-filled bed and sprinkle him with filthy lucre...

And just where did you get this "filthy lucre" hmmmm? Holding out on the MTE? Again?

Commissar Pupovich wrote:

Sister Massively Opiated wrote:WHEREIN THE NEFARIOUS PLOT IS REVEALED (ALONG WITH A MOLE... IN A ST. BERNARD'S DISGUISE... AND FAIRY DUST!!!)

A very interesting tale.... yes, very interesting tale....

So, are you trying to say that this is not you and Lakia plotting back in 1954 before Lakia was sent into orbit?<center><img src="https://www.indyzoo.com/pdf/DolphinDog-PaulRiley.jpg" height=175, width=175"></center><p>Or that this isn't you communicating to a middle contact, perhaps the very same Bluebell?<center><img src="https://www.healingtherapies.info/images/dolphin5.jpg" height=200, width=200" ></center><p>And that this is not a dolphin crop circle used to pass messages on to Lakia in orbit?<center><img src="https://www.greatdreams.com/eeyore/dolp ... 2-crop.jpg" height=200, width=200" ></center><P>Hmmm? Perhaps you are asking your comrades to suspend disbelief, like our own MTE asks of the voting proles?

Oh for Stalin's sake!!! I give up.... I don't care anymore what you believe or don't believe or do or say or think... the rest of the Politburo can deal with you... you've given me a melon-ache and this entire business grows tiresome, and frankly, all I care about is the well-being and safety of Our Glorious Red Geometric Eminence, of Her Highness, and of TPC... I don't often wish for recognition for myself or the way I manage the Housekeeping (though I do appreciate the staff being treated with respekt) but you have become a thankless kink in my left fluke, I swear... I can't do enough for you, and even when I try and save your sorry pelt, I am met with ill-considered accusations phrased in brown-nosed pleas to her Highness (and you insist on continuing to use the banned acronym MTE, BTW)... Grow some minerals, for Lenin's sake and stand on your own four paws! Such whining - you'd think you'd been locked in your kennel all day and denied walkies and a cookie! Pup indeed.

I try to do you a favour... try to find you an out that will bring peace to the kollektive and bring us all together in an effort to bring the traitor Blue Bell to justice and I must deal with this silliness.... You waste Sister's (and therefore the Kollektive's) time... you misuse the output of my labour as a common Kulak would, thoughtlessly... as if it were a commodity to be toyed with, rather than belonging to all... do you think you are the only one in the Cube who requires attention...

And so... just to end this farce and so I can get on with the serious business of Housekeeping (which, by the way, includes the business of preserving the voting proles you would have her Highness question!... lest we be buried under mounds of rotting necro-proxies... and it may behoove you to hope that should you find yourself in such a position - that is, that of having been enumerated for the sake of voting, after your demise - that I see fit to preserve your corpse with the utmost skill I have... just because a registered voter has passed away doesn't mean they can't stink a little...) .... to end this farce so I can get back to the work of the Kollektive, I Hereby Denounce Myself...

Now... Can I please be excused from this tiresome game or power struggle or whatever the hell Commissar Pupovich is playing at, and Keep some House! I am bored, bored, bored of this silliness. I do have a terrible melon-ache (such squealing - it hurts my echo-locating centres... my jaw is also aching!), and I still have a gin-besotted saboteur to apprehend before she fails to clean anything else properly, never mind breaking any more of the Chairman's precious 'limited edition' keepsakes (Lenin forefend she get to his Freakishly Large-eyed Stick-necked For the Children TM Plate Collection or his Red Skelton Reproduktion Velvet Klown Series)... or that she have any more porcelaine gewgaws hidden up her tutu, waiting to whip one at me... I still cannot believe she got me... You see!!! This is what becomes of distrakting Sister from her work with poorly-considered power-games in which I have no interest, and solely for the sake of your silly amusement! Some of us have serious business about the Cube! Pah!

And so, once again... I denounce myself... And now I go back to work, and expect to be left alone to catch up... This melon-ache grows worse by the minute and these little porcelaine cuts still sting from having landed in Meow's vomit, for Putin's sake! What you have put me through... Dog's may enjoy rolling in all and sundry, but dolphins do not!

Ignorant Commissar who makes accusations based on not knowing the business of the cube because he has been around for all of five minutes but has neglected to either inform himself of how things are run OR sticks his snout in things that are none of his business! wrote:And just where did you get this "filthy lucre" hmmmm? Holding out on the MTE? Again?

I am the Kommissar of Housekeeping! We have budgets, foolish Pupovich! What is more, I have to dress and care for Meow and Dr. P, and I am provided with funds for just such occurances... if you had actually made yourself aware of the Cube's history before you began denouncing everyone and making baseless accusations, you would know because it is all in the archives. I am charged with managing the Housekeeping budget, not to mention the budget for the Kanadistanjian Bunkers (of which I am not allowed to say more), and this includes financial management of monetary resources, not to mention, $oft Ca$h -- all of which is always accounted for -- to administer to Meow when his health calls for it... and if you will recall, it was your foolishness that precipitated his latest crisis.

If you had acquainted yourself in the least with the archives, you would know the history of the Pod and of the Kommisserate of Housekeeping... of how the Pod came to be a part of The Cube and to serve its Glorious Cause. And so you would also know from whence the Pod comes and that we are in some part, autonomous... we brought both our skills and our tools with us and offered them in service to the Cube and the Cause, and we continue to do so because we believe in it with every ounce of our blubber. But just as we brought our skills and tools with us, so we have asked little of the Cube and given much. We may participate in the Kollektive and support our Comrades, but we will not hove to abuse from those who know nothing of us or our Current Truth TM at any time. We are the Pod, and we serve the needs of The Cube, and of its members, of Our Glorious Incarnadine Trapezoid, and of our Super-Mammalian Sovereign... Of you, I, Sister Massively Opiated, Alpha-pod Leader of the Liberated Cetacean Freedom Fighters, know nothing...

And I hold out nothing from anyone and if you have a problem with how I run Housekeeping, you are welcome to take it up with The Chairman, Dr. P, Big Red, and Her Royal Highness Herself, for whom I must keep Meowsevitch in tip-top fundraising condition. If they have any complaints about how I dress and primp and wash and present them (never mind how I extract them from the 'situations' they often find themselves in as a result of their very dangerous and important fundraising work), Dr. P and Meow can, as they always have, take them up with me, as I do not believe you know their tastes or needs in clothing, or extraction from firefights or ambushes (Oh Yes!... ambushes and gun battles... perhaps if you were to come on 'ride-along' during our next foray, you would earn the name Poopovitch). By all means, you are more than welcome to acquaint yourself with them, just as you are more than welcome to acquaint yourself with how things were done around here before you showed up five minutes ago and began strutting around, Pelosi-style, without an iota of respekt for the history or goings on... the Daily Running or Truth TM of The Cube, and placed yourself on the demi-throne of our Highness, never mind Our People's Director. I am reminded that in most courts, the demi-throne is reserved for the jester! I would remind you that simply because you deign to appear, does not mean you are charged with formulating the Truth TM of the Cube - Past, Present, or Future... or for that matter The Current Truth TM. You overstep, Pupovich, and in doing so, you provoke Competition and Disharmony... You question not only ability but need when neither is in doubt. I thought to attempt to bring back balance for The Greater Good TM, for The People TM, for The Party TM, for The Children TM, The The Progressive World of Next Tuesday TM... for all that is good and Currently True TM at The People's Cube TM, and you do nothing but destroy at every turn... I do not care... I will continue the struggle, as I did before you arrived, and as I will until Red or Her Highness sees fit to put a poodle in my melon, or the Pod is forced to once again take our skills and tools to a place where they are not disrespekted and commoditized so, Kulak-style - for I have been charged with and taken on by oath, the responsibility for their well-being. And so... once again...

I denounce myself! I Denounce Myself! I DENOUNCE MYSELF!
IS THAT ENOUGH FOR YOU? ARE YOU HAPPY? CAN YOU GO FIND SOME OTHER LOYAL CUBIST TO DRAG AWAY FROM THE SERIOUS BUSINESS OF PROTECTING OUR LEADER AND THE CUBE?
NOW LEAVE ME THE FREAK ALONE SO I CAN WORK OR WE'LL BE KNEE DEEP IN CHAIRMAN PUKE, FRANKLIN MINT DETRITUS, AND ROTTING NECRO-PROXIES!

Sister Massively Opiated
Kommissar of Housekeeping, Disappearances, Composting, Dissection, and Limo Service

<I tell you who I'd like to give a long ride off a short pier in a Limo, but it would be waste of perfectly good vehicle... Oy... I need a very strong kava... or perhaps even cocoa to calm these shattered nerves... Oh... thank you Aki... is very kind of young bottlenose to look after Sister so well... I do appreciate it... >

Chairman! What do I do? I need guidance. As you know, I try to follow your lead where ever it may lead, but I have heard rumors that SMO may have documentation that perhaps could implicate me. I have gone over my records, and sure enough, I did find where one of my files had been moved out of place. Oh why oh why did I let housekeeping come in? They said they were just there to straighten up and dust!