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E-mail itApril 1: The People Cube is Eight Years Old!
Oppressed workers, peasants, and unwashed toiling intelligentsia!
Eight years ago today the People's Cube rapidly rose over the virtual horizon like the red sun of the revolution, dispelling the right-wing darkness of the blogosphere.
Report to your local Kommissar for instructions about proper celebratory procedures. Join a mandatory spontaneous festival in your designated area. You will be given a Party-approved placard and a handful of rocks to hurl at occasional remnants of the bourgeoisie.
Consumption of People's Cube sugar beet vodka is optional.
The People's Cube is eight years old!
Within these glorious eight years we have posted twenty million articles that were viewed by sixty four billion people in more than five hundred thousand countries.
Our stories were quoted on ninety million websites and translated into seven thousand languages.
Our mail room workers responded to sixty eight million fan emails, and the site membership has exceeded ninety nine hundred million registered users.
Rumors that this unparalleled success has been achieved through forced labor, torture, and imprisonment of staff writers, graphic artists, and network engineers are nothing but bourgeois propaganda perpetrated by the world-wide imperialist cabal.
See previous glorious celebrations >>
People's Cube Dizzy With Success, Tops 5 Year Plan
Great achievement comes with great sacrifice.
Many of our former colleagues have perished in monthly purges. Eleven staff writers were collectively executed for missing deadlines. Nineteen proofreaders got demoted to shoveling permafrost in the tundra for relying on automatic spellcheckers. Twenty eight freelance contributors and their families were sent to hard labor camps for glaring lack of discipline.
However, only twenty five programmers, as opposed to last year's twenty seven, were handcuffed to the radiator for a week for allowing pornographic spam to be posted in Lenin's Nook.
Sixty seven typists developed hernias, and the Undersecretary of Visual Agitation and Unanimity was urged to take a self-criticism action with his firearm for insubordination (talking smack to Mrs. Red Square). We're not mentioning cases of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, dismemberment, miscarriages, and frostbite.
The reading masses responded to our sacrifice with loyalty and discipline, contributing to over thirty million unique visits a day.
On the eve of glorious International Workers' Fools Day our toiling collective solemnly pledges to redouble our efforts. We take upon ourselves an obligation to raise awareness of forty billion people in more than two hundred thousand countries, get translated into ten thousand languages, and send out sixty two million personalized emails.Keep the Cube rolling, comrades!
UPDATE:
~Washington Times Communities gave us a great anniversary present: I am not making this up - this a real screenshot of their front page as of midnight, April 1, 2013. Click on it to enlarge. The post about our anniversary is here.
Now back to work, all of you!
браво Пеоплес Дирецтор!
A truly momentous occasion -
more than halfway thru our 2nd glorious 5 yr. plan of Hope ™ for the Children ™ !
Russian fighter jets doing the traditional People's Cube Birthday Fly By
Congrats and all that rot, now get back to work, all of you!
Well, anyway, the Cube is now an eight year old. And it sure acts like one.
Congratulations!
Bring forth the Dancing Men!
UPDATE:
Washington Times Communities gave us a great anniversary present: I am not making this up - CLICK HERE to see the actual screenshot of their front page as of midnight, April 1, 2013.The post about our anniversary is here
Let's all get bombed and celebrate!!!!
unto a broken dark capitalistic oppressed world.
Only the Peoples Director can lead us out of the abyss.
“Give me your tired
Red Square
UPDATE:
Washington Times Communities gave us a great anniversary present: I am not making this up - CLICK HERE to see the actual screenshot of their front page as of midnight, April 1, 2013.The post about our anniversary is here I expect to see the same from the NY Times with glowing, front page editorials from Krugman and Friedman. But then, I also expect Kate Upton (real name, Uptonovich) to accept the marriage proposals I've been sending her.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
I have planted an extra row of beets as a memorial to your glorious achievements. I will make my own vodka to celebrate your 9th year!
Congratulations to Comrades Mr. and Mrs. Red Square for 8 Years of Glorious Revolution.
And for bringing us comic relief in what would otherwise be sheer pain.
Eight years! Imagine the thrill I have up my leg! Attaboy Red Square!
Kim Jong-un
Cube very good for North Korean Comrades!
Happy Birthday, People’s Cube!
And the comments are great too:
Anonymous: This indeed is a Glorious Day for the People. May we all celebrate until May Day!
Stranded in Sonoma: Is celebrating individual(ism) birthdays allowed by the Party? Oh! This is the collective birthday of all those at the Cube! By Darwin, I KNEW the Party would get this
Happy Collective Birthday! Have a Kremlin Kola on me!
Boobie the Rocket Dog: Yellowcake and award-winning Russian ice cream???
BigSlurpy: I always feel more equal when reading there. Those guy are genii.
IronyCurtain: For those who don’t know, The Peoples Cube is the “Mother Wheel” of iOwnTheWorld.
I sent a Photoshopped parody of Obama’s book cover to the Cube’s fearless leader, Red Square in the spring of 2008. He responded and asked for more. Soon after, Irony Curtain, Big Fur Hat, and Hippie Critic became The KG3 at the Cube.
iOwnTheWorld was born soon after with Admin Girl and Mr. Pinko, but we’ll always be indebted to the Peoples Cube for giving us our start.
Long live the Glorious Peoples Cube!
Mary Jane Anklestraps: Yay, TPC!!!
I found them listening to Limbaugh. I found iotw from TPC.
someone must pay for that.
Stranded in Sonoma: @Boobie — Yellowcake from nah-ZHEER?
Unruly Refugee: The Washington Times article is quite excellent!
Kudos!
Happy Birthday Comrades!
Diogenes: Поздравляю моих товарищей. Молодцы!
Billy Fuster: They say it’s your birthday. Well it’s my birthday, too, yeah. They say it’s your birthday. We’re gonna have a good time. I’m glad it’s your birthday. Happy birthday to you!
The Doktor: Oleg has done a magnificent job!! Oddly enough, it seems that a Soviet immigrant is a better American than our president!!
Happy Birthday, People’s Cube!
Dan Ryan Galt: Happy Birthday! Dead Che salutes you, well, he would if they hadn’t cut off his hands and sent them to Cuba.
Anyway, where is my extra ration of beets?
BigFurHat: And that’s the story of how I got stuck with the name bigfurhat. (Irony’s story.)
When RedSquare asked for a login name I just shrugged and said something that sounded like it might be a Russian guy.
Who knew?
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