Comrades!

A crime has been committed in our most holy of the holies Party headquarters. As you all know as good progressives we have no desire to increase the size of the pie but would rather distribute it in equal parts to the masses. This includes Government cheese.

I placed a Government cheese roll in party headquarters in anticipation of our monthly meeting to divey up the equal slices and determine who would get what as some such as myself are more equal than others. I left the cheese on the table and then headed to 7-11 as I have had a strange desire as of late to drink slurpees, came back with my slurpee and discovered this!






Comrades this STINKS. I mean what fiend would do such a thing. PURE GREED on display and it breaks this Comrades heart to see it. Of course I'm sure most of you have alibis but the fact of the matter is someone cut the cheese and more than likely enjoyed the experience. I have my suspicions as to who could not keep their greedy mitts from having
slice all to themselves but I before I start pouncing on the Denouncing I want to hear
your alibis first or what Comrade your going to stab in the back.

Comrade,

You have lots of suspects, it is quite normal for people to cut the cheese in private.

It is also possible that the cheese was cut by a random cutter, or by a shy person who will never acknowledge the act. [Usually, it is the cutter of cheese who looks at everybody else and feigns innocence]

Your only hope is to be in the right place at the right time to identify the cutter. There is a penalty to pay for gaining this info.

Good Luck, Comrade SW!PS: If you denounce everyone on you list you will get the criminal, or not.

Comrade Tooorisky,

Aha! Don't think your little 'toot' of a post absolves you from being a suspect. It was noticed that you did not provide an alibi as to your whereabouts whilst the cheese was being cut leaving a distinct odor to your post as being a red herring.

Consider yourself under closer scrutiny as a report has also come in that instead of beets for breakfast this morning you had a cheese omlette with broccoli.

But Comrade Woogums,
Shirley I am not among the suspects, my likeness was not posted in the post office. My Dear Comrade Commodore, why is it necessary to provide an alibli. My hut is right next to denile river.

Was I invited? I think not. I was in the beet fields until well after dark.

Besides how could I possibly know the combination to the secret drawer where the cheese rested before being cut?

Most respected Commodore Snoogie Woogums

This may not be as big as you suspect or at least not initially....

Me thinks you can get to the bottom of this quickly. Merely post a watch on the gulag latrine. The offending party will most likely have fewer visits over the course of the next few days. Also watch the gulag dispensary for any requests for exlax or cod liver oil. Just a heads up.

Hope everything comes out ok.


Yours in Stalin

Groucho Marxist

Comrade Snoogie Woogums,

It wasn't me, I did hear Comrade Whoopie let one ripping scream out when he saw the cheese. I thought someone had dropped a bomb, I swear, but, really, I didn't notice anything else.

Comrade Tooorisky, Groucho Marxist ,

Thank you for your inputs as my investigation continues to try and sniff out the culprit. As a matter fact I'm so grateful for your help that I added both of you to the official suspect list and have updated it with your pictures accordingly.

Yours,

Commodore Snoogie Woogums

Comrades,

Update on the case. I have now appointed a special investigator who has real talent in the 'cheese cutting' area to assist me in finding the actual culprit. Here is short clip of him working on some previous cases.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rl6TJoJ ... re=related

Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:Comrade Tooorisky, Groucho Marxist ,

Thank you for your inputs as my investigation continues to try and sniff out the culprit. As a matter fact I'm so grateful for your help that I added both of you to the official suspect list and have updated it with your pictures accordingly.

Yours,

Commodore Snoogie Woogums

Note to self: Prior to the next purge.....literally, figuratively, and yet in this case "Very Literally," keep silent, lay low, and not point fingers as to direct gunfire as it makes myself a moving target.

Comrade Commodore,

Thanks for the [stab in the back] special recognition granted by yourself.

To paraphrase an american patriot: "I regret that I only have one back for you to stab".

It is pleasing to I, Krasnodar, to see that wonderful spirit of camaraderie manifesting itself among party officials ! It has always done so, since the days of Lenin and Stalin. yes ?

Note: Do you think the guilty party will be given one of those " Mexican Vacation " specials ?

Comrade Krasnodar,

Does that include being locked in a small room with no ventilation and a week's supply of refried beans?

Commodore Snoogie, I can assure I was toiling in service of The Peoples Pork Collective and nowhere in the vicinity of said cheese.

I usually blame such things on the dog... just sayin...

Commodore Comrade,

In the area of Party HQ, there is nearly an epidemic of newly discovered "Barking Spiders".

They are hard to see but create noxious odors. When you hear one, having everyone stomp their feet will usually control this epidemic.

This solves the smell, but the cheese cutter is still unknown.

As I said before (and will say again)... I was in Chicago at the time.

If you'll buy that line, you'll make it as a prog every time.

As a prole, clearly it wasn't me. I am not equal enough to enter Party Headquarters, let alone tamper with party cheese rolls. I can only hope this occurrence will not affect my beet rations.

I have an airtight alibi (no pun intended). You see I was infiltrating the Tea Party group that was selling swag at a local gunshow. Alas, they saw through my disguise and unleashed a "screw up your back" weapon of mass destruction on me. So when I got home I took lots of ibuprofen and a muscle relaxer which in combination with my sofa put me into sleep mode.

(Hey, any cheese left? I'm hungry.)

Comrade Whoopie wrote:I have an airtight alibi (no pun intended). You see I was infiltrating the Tea Party group that was selling swag at a local gunshow. Alas, they saw through my disguise and unleashed a "screw up your back" weapon of mass destruction on me. So when I got home I took lots of ibuprofen and a muscle relaxer which in combination with my sofa put me into sleep mode.

(Hey, any cheese left? I'm hungry.)

I hear whispers that you're the Breeze...

Comrade Snoogie,

I would venture a guess as to who would "cut the cheese". Has anyone seen or heard from the Chairman lately? As for myself, I don't care for domestic blue cheese. I prefer a aged Stilton or Maytag......and would you care for some whine with that cheese Snoogie?

I blame Pinkie. Someone told her it was fine chocolate, and she swiftly cut the cheese to ensure she had more than her fair share.

Che Gourmet wrote:Comrade Snoogie,

I would venture a guess as to who would "cut the cheese". Has anyone seen or heard from the Chairman lately? As for myself, I don't care for domestic blue cheese. I prefer a aged Stilton or Maytag......and would you care for some whine with that cheese Snoogie?

Oh please,

I can't believe your trying to whitewash your obvious position as one of the numero uno's suspects.
Your posts just gives you away in your attempts to deflect your involvement in this by pretending your some sort of 'cheese expert'......Stilton just google it.

https://uk.topclasscarpentry.com/category/Stilton/Laundry/

And of course maytag

https://www.maytag.com/catalog/category.jsp?cat=18

I strongly suspect your just trying to clean up after yourself after secretly cutting the cheese.

As for you Whoopie,

You may not have noticed that who ever cut the cheese left a pretty rancid after effect.
A jagged slice that sorta resembles that of an axe was taken to it....Hummmmmm.

Groucho Marxist,

Laying low is a good idea since I've noticed that you have two fingers to pull at anytime to let it all out as to who cut the cheese.

BWFS-Blame Whoopie First Syndrome, eh? Snoogie, let me remind you that you admit to being the last "known" person to handle this wheel of cheese. How better to hide your own crime by trying to cast blame on others.

Don't blame my ice axe for that jagged slice when the photo clearly shows a serrated steak knife was used.

https://thepeoplescube.com/peoples-kara ... t5915.html

It was no doubt Chef Che. We've all suspected him for sometime. He has access to all the knives.

Comrade Whoopie,

You have made a good point. It does seems that instead of an axe a knife was used to slice one out.

As far as your pathetic attempt of deflection to try cast a loyal comrade as me little self as the actual culprit you know darn well that I take pride when I cut the cheese in public. So much so I always say "that was mine" so to stop any other prole from taking credit.

Just stating the facts Snoogie. By the way, where's the Frau? Wasn't she involved in some cheese related crime once before? Yes, it was Limburger as I recall.

Comrade Commode door,Yor recent addition is more than what was suspected!

This appears to be an instance of "mole hill diastrophism", or mountain building activity using mole hills.
Knowing that everybody is guilty until proven innocent does require a much more in depth investigation.

Why it could even be considered a " Magnified Orogeneous Event "..... a " M.O.E." to those in the biz.

This was sent to me anonymously. Thought I should report it immediately.


Audio of the event:

So our beloved Comrade Ivan was the " off-gassing " perpetrator?

I'm acquainted with the term " crap for brains ", but never thought to take that expression literally......

Komrade Commode door SW, Komrade Krasnodar,

This ""investigation" truly stinks. It is all based on the unlikely hypothesis there was only one cutter of said cheese in place. This hypothetical construct may not, in fact, be the case.

Multiple cutters at close intervals is a far more likely eventski. The best thing to do is apply for a prize for having the most tightly spaced sound barrier breakers on record.

This maybe a first in the Annuls of flight!

Krasnodar wrote:So our beloved Comrade Ivan was the " off-gassing " perpetrator?

I'm acquainted with the term " crap for brains ", but never thought to take that expression literally......

Brain fart

If Ivan was indeed the one, he should be floating a little lower in his jar.

Comrades,

Sad to report that the scent has gone cold in my search for the perp. Though do not fret, this just gives me time to redouble my investigative efforts and after I recharge myself and fortify my internal resources you can bet we'll catch this cheese cuttin' fiend soon enough.

In the meantime, anybody care to share some of my dinner with me?

My suspicious Commodore Snoogie,

A gastronomic delight, I'm sure..spits on floor in disgust......I notice there is no cheese in it, but then again, BLUE cheese would not help this dish! Plenty of gas inducing beans though...

Better watch that cholesterol, comrade! Oh, and did the Mrs cut the crust from whiddle Snoogie's toast too? How cute!

As for knives, Si comrade, I do admit to owning a few....takes a drag on his Cuban and drops his ashes in the soup.........and I learned a long time ago what to do with them....now don't try my patience, comrade.
I am not the culprit, and don't have the time to play games. The People's Original Hell's Kitchen is whipping up some cheese souffle for the Director (and some mysterious visitors?) and I must find out what happened to the fruit for the tray? Damn stupid proles....they never put anything where it's supposed to go.....looks like yet another purge in the kitchen!

Che Gourmet,

Tis true it is with heavy heart that I still have to consider you as one of the prime suspects. Though it does not mean we still can't be loyal party comrades to our progressive cause and hopefully after this business is over with and the culprit is found you'll be exonerated and the air will clear between us.

In the meantime it has been duly noted that you have been highly cooperative in assisting with this investigation and for that I would also like to extend you a friendly gesture in return.

Instead of whipping up a cheese souffle were the hell did he get all that cheese to whip a souffle in the first place, I wonder. How about these two taste tempting cheesy treats?????? Oh and feel free to chow down on some yourself, no need to thank me it is my pleasure.



That's right It's:

Onion and Green Pepper Stew.” Primary ingredient: cream cheese. Secondary ingredient: beef consommé. Yum.

Curried Rice Casserole. One-half teaspoon curry powder for two cups of rice and one cup of
Cottage Cheese.

Bon Apetitties!!!!!!!!

Let us hope that this cheese cutter is soon caught and feels the full brunt of the cubes anger! Savage!

This is almost too fantastic a topic to consider.

Is it possible that Dear Leader made a clandestine visit to your party, cut the cheese and departed with his trophy in hand, or was that his pen?

Two-minute penalty on Tooorisky.

Comrade Tooorisky wrote:This is almost too fantastic a topic to consider.

Is it possible that Dear Leader made a clandestine visit to your party, cut the cheese and departed with his trophy in hand, or was that his pen?

For an extra hour toiling in the beet fields without rations, I will give you an extra minute to have a do over and reconsider your words Comrade.

Comrade Commodore Snoogie, as the say "the smeller is the feller".

Me thinks he's just going to let this blow over and pass.

Comrade CSW,

Did you ever get to the bottom of this violation? Were you able to sniff out the cullprit?

The above owl has a guilty expression.

This is really cheesy I know



Snoogie Woogums just dropped a load
He had his cheese cut one week ago
Maybe he'll find out, maybe he won't
Oh, wonder
He sneaks round the back
Checking everybody's back He's checking smells
Blowin' his gas on cheek sneaks and whines
oh ain't it crazy baby, yeah
Guess you could say, hey hey, this man is silent and deadly-oooh, hey, hey
Now he's has blown. He's run off comrades I know
For misery, oh, oh
shoo shoo the fumes

Comodore Snoogie Woogum's very upset
He's sick and tired of diapers wet
Tired of rashes and tired of naps
I know he is, oooh
So his mama she says
"Baby I understand, That ain't honey"
Now he's lurking halls at party headquarters
Oh, ain't crazy baby
Now he complains
That the cheese is never pleasant, no
We run next door
I know that he's just cutting one more
Hey for misery my friend, hey
shoo shoo the fumes

[Instrumental Interlude]

They'll all blame some guy
With a knowing smile, it's the baby
Blame you one second and cut cheese the next one
Oh, ain't it crazy, yeah
All I can say, ay, hey
Of one thing I am certain, ooh-oooh, ooh-oooh
They're all the same
All the farts peel the paint
Shared misery my friend
Shoo shoo the fumes

Hey now, Shoo shoo the fumes

Oh babe, Shoo shoo the fumes

Yeah, Shoo shoo the fumes

Ooooh that aroma, Shoo shoo
Ooooh that's aroma Shoo shoo
Aroma aroma ain't mine, ain't mine
Deny (Oooh that aroma, shoo shoo)
Shoo shoo the fumes
(Si boom boom, Si boom boom, Si boom boom)
Shoo shoo the fumes rumble
(Si boom boom, Si boom boom, Si boom boom)
Shoo shoo the fumes rumble

Comrades,

My suggestion as to the possible offender was a theoretical, hypothetical construct.

If it were an accusation, I would have packed my few belongings beforehand, so when my train depot escorts arrived, we could leave with a minimum of delay.

Who did it?
Only the perp and the shadow nose.

This was clearly a chemical warfare attack on The Party™ by those evil RethugliKKKans! For they have constantly thwarted the efforts by all the Progressive Parties to pass General Secretary Obama's Pampers Care plan. Had there been government provided Pampers and Pampers changing services this would have NEVER happened.

*sniff* Where's Comrade Teddy Kennedy when you need him?

Zampolit Blokhayev wrote: *sniff* Where's Comrade Teddy Kennedy when you need him?

Yea, he seriously needs to get off his dead ass, and get back to work for the Collective.

Good old dead Ted, the veins on his legs reminded me of blue cheese.

Whoopie....you are indeed a master of description... a bona-fide word-smith !

So, if you would please excuse me, I'm going to throw-up now.

Groucho Marxist!!!!!


I don't know were to begin on the DENOUNCING of you for that cheesy song........ I'm going to have to sleep on this one.

Commodore, You always were such a cute little fart

Czar Czar wrote:

Zampolit Blokhayev wrote: *sniff* Where's Comrade Teddy Kennedy when you need him?

Yea, he seriously needs to get off his dead ass, and get back to work for the Collective.

Comrades,

I wonder where he is "The Lion of" now?

Comrade Tooorisky wrote:Comrades,

I wonder where he is "The Lion of" now?

Comrade, We must rejoice in the newfound sobriety of the Lion ™ .

And for the Collectives ™ enjoyment, the progressive equivalent of a Circle jerk ....

Comrades!!!!!!!!!!

The two cheese cutting fiends have been uncovered! Should have known all the time. Who else could it be?????? After all they are behind everything in their nefarious schemes, just ask any progressive Muslim. Why it was the JOOZE of course.



Now since that is finally solved, who's up for some Mexican food? My treat.

Finally! A stinky fart thread!

I, for one, am glad I came to this gaseous thread properly suited up.

I DENOUNCE EVERYONE ON THIS THREAD!!!!!!!!

A serious crime has been committed and the culprits finally revealed as to actually cut the cheese at party headquarters. I have dedicated considerable party resources and dedicated my valuable time in this investigation only to see that all my hard work has now devolve into juvenile immature "fart jokes" and video postings. Though not surprising given the mental caliber of your average party member this sad turn of events has happened to a serious thread and discussion on important party matters, it is the non-denominational winter solstice season and I'm in bit of a forgiving mood. So on second thought.

Therefore I withdraw my denouncements and offer a a little jingle bells action instead.

Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:Comrades!!!!!!!!!!

The two cheese cutting fiends have been uncovered! Should have known all the time. Who else could it be??????

Duh!

Krasnodar wrote:I, for one, am glad I came to this gaseous thread properly suited up.

Which brings up the business at hand as Commodore Snoogie mentioned recently. WHY ARE you always properly attired for cheese cutting, hmmmmmm? This would raise my eyebrow if I had them...

Ok Comrades, let's get all this nonsense out of your system (pun intended).

https://www.fartgo.com/2007/06/ultimate-fart-soundboard.html

https://www.soundboard.com/sb/Fartifacts.aspx

Afterwards be sure and pay your carbon tax, we are warming the planet with greenhouse gases you know.

Comrade CSW,

You were wise to look for multiple perpetrators for this gaseous encompassment.

My job here is done. [cough, cough]