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Bill Clinton suffers minor injuries chasing MSNBC intern

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COUNCIL BLUFFS, IOWA - Witnesses are coming forward confirming that former President William J. Clinton suffered minor injuries back stage while his wife, Hillary Clinton, attended a town hall event as a part of her presidential campaign yesterday.

According to a dozen witnesses, shortly after his arrival at the event center, Bill Clinton started talking to Nicole Reynolds, a 22 year old MSNBC makeup intern.

"There wasn't anything malicious at first," said Brian Hazely, a custodian at the event center. "We couldn't hear what they were saying, but as time went on you could see she got more and more uncomfortable and even tried to walk away from him. But he kept following her everywhere she went; she just couldn't get away from him."

"No one knew what to do," Alex Knight, an audio technician, told a reporter. "We were specifically instructed not to engage or even speak to any member of Clinton's staff, let alone Bill Clinton. There was nothing we could do. It was a very uncomfortable scene for everyone to watch. At the same time we could hear Hillary talking about women's rights over the speakers, which I thought was ironic."

Another witness, Rebecca Johnson, saw the aging former President finally corner the young intern by the refreshment stand. "At that point he became more aggressive. I saw him pull a cigar out of his coat pocket and show it to Nicole Reynolds. She panicked and it seemed she was about to start screaming. That's when Hillary's campaign manager ran over and put his hand over Nicole's mouth, so the people out at the event wouldn't hear her shrieking."

"At that moment Bill Clinton grabbed her skirt, but she bit Hillary's campaign manager's hand and darted out from that corner," Johnson continued. "The skirt ripped at the seams and Bill Clinton fell down on the floor, holding the torn piece of clothing in his hands. That's when his security team rushed over with EMS personnel, worried about what a fall like that could do to a man of his advanced age. But as it turned out, he only scraped his hand and had a small abrasion on his nose, plus a bruise on his elbow from what I could gather."

According to witnesses, members of Clinton's traveling staff immediately covered Nicole Reynolds in a blanket and took her to a more private area, as if following a rehearsed damage control procedure. No one claimed to have seen the intern after that. One witness overheard a high-ranking Clinton staffer mentioning "hush money." In the meantime, Bill Clinton was escorted to a VIP lounge, where he remained for the remainder of the event.

As of yet no comment has been made about the incident by either Hillary Clinton or any of her staff.

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I would expect to see the raging Cajun running around trailer parks looking for evidence against the intern in trash cans over the next month.

We can probably expect to see assault charges filed against her, also.

Doesn't she have any respect for our senior citizens?

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Chedoh wrote:
No comment has been made about the incident from Hillary or her staff as of yet.

The People's Cube's Washington Bureau Drawer Chief has learned from a reliably high anonymous source within the Hillary 2016 campaign that they have now issued to each intern the same device that Hillary has successfully used to keep Bill from getting out of hand:

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--KOOK

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that has the squirrell-sized adapter, yes? no?

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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:that has the squirrell-sized adapter, yes? no?

She was using it on Bill Jefferson "BJ" Clinton, wasn't she?


“Suspiciously, calls to MSNBC are now met with a recording that claims Ms. Reynolds
is not now employed by the failing broadcast company."

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Someone on our Facebook page noted that Bill Clinton may have an alibi, as he was likely in city center Cologne on New Year's eve, with a few friends.


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Comrade Bill should be more careful. How is it possible to have safe sex with Hildabeast in the next room?

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Red Walrus wrote:Comrade Bill should be more careful. How is it possible to have safe sex with Hildabeast in the next room?

Ahhh, so now "safe sex" means in the absence of flying lamps, ashtrays and plates?

As I get older, it gets more and more difficult to keep up with the latest lingo.

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Mikhail Lysenkomann wrote:
Red Walrus wrote:Comrade Bill should be more careful. How is it possible to have safe sex with Hildabeast in the next room?

Ahhh, so now "safe sex" means in the absence of flying lamps, ashtrays and plates?

As I get older, it gets more and more difficult to keep up with the latest lingo.
You are wiser than your years Comrade Lysenkomann ....The Hildabeast must be no closer than 2000 km for Bill's safety and the safety of the community ™.

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Mikhail Lysenkomann wrote:
Red Walrus wrote:Comrade Bill should be more careful. How is it possible to have safe sex with Hildabeast in the next room?

Ahhh, so now "safe sex" means in the absence of flying lamps, ashtrays and plates?

As I get older, it gets more and more difficult to keep up with the latest lingo.

Mikhail, I'm a strapping young lad and even I didn't know of the Current Truth on safe sex. I figured that you just put a raincoat on to stop her from getting babies and you from getting VD. Now, I'll be sure to take any fine young ladies I meet back to my padded room that I have reserved for me over in the mental hospital.


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Safe sex goes hand in hand with reproductive justice. Learn from the best, comrades!

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Komrade Willie is having global warminsk of the pants again?

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I suspect Komrade Willie has more lead in his cigars than in his pencil.

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I bet ya Jeff the Jerk is going to cover this for Snopes. You hear that Jeff. Everyone hates you.

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Red Square wrote:Safe sex goes hand in hand with reproductive justice. Learn from the best, comrades!

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Ha! Looks like Strawberry Ravioli to me! What's the big deal?


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Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:Only a womyn could perceive that

Must be the womanly thighs eyes. They looked like sausage casings to me.

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Yes. Well, that's another good reason to refrain from eating meat.

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I sure hope Bill is okay. MSNBC interns can be vicious

Sources say that not only did they put Bill in the VIP lounge, they locked him in there. Every time someone passed the door they heard a raspy voice saying, "C'mon Hillary? Let me out baby. I..I...I'll be good."


 
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