Comrade Kim wins re-election with 99.9% of the vote!

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Glorious news, comrades! Our Dear Leader on the Eastern front has won a sweeping victory for re-election. The People have spoken! The other 0.1% have been sent off to labor camps. What a truly progressive country!

From the recent press release from North Korea's official website:

Comrade Kim Jong Il takes care of the workers, farmers, intellectuals and all the other sections of the population in his embrace, puts them forward as the masters of our society and leads them to play their role as masters. He warmly looks after even people with stained family backgrounds or with chequered socio-political records without discrimination and enlists them as legitimate members of our revolutionary ranks if they follow our Party and support socialism at present. He always goes out among the people, shares weal and woe with them and spares nothing for their happiness.

In our country now Party work is successful, state work is successful, military operations are successful and socialist construction is successful, under the leadership of Comrade Kim Jong Il.

Because Comrade Kim Jong Il carries forward our revolutionary cause splendidly, everything in our country is going successfully at present and will proceed with success in the future as well. The era of Kim Jong Il is glorious today and will be more prosperous and resplendent in the future. Our revolution has a really great future.

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Image "Do you have any idea how fucking busy I am?!"

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That's a lot of success, Comrade. Nice of them to bold his name! And nice of him to spread woe...

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Image Back in the Soviet days in my Ukrainian town, everybody was herded to the polling places on election day, while most people had no idea who they were voting for, at least on the local level. The Party provided the names, you just had to drop the sheet into the box, and then you could take your place in the line to buy some fancy food they would sell there on such occasion - stuff that wasn't usually available at the store (similar to the deli section of your local American supermarket, but not THAT fancy).

Some people, once they were in the booth, would cross all the names on the ballot. Others would write words like "bloodsuckers," "parasites," and something more foul, of course. At the end of the day, such "bad" ballots were separated into a pile and handed to the KGB operative present, who would take them to his office for handwriting analysis. But once the results of the voting were announced, they were always unanimous.

Nobody knew about this, of course. I heard this from an older polling worker in the late 1980s, when the USSR was coming to an end. He had been assigned to work polling places for about 20 years, and observed such "sabotage" every time, secretly enjoying it. I think I was the first person whom he told about this.

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My question is how many of those 99.9% of votes were for Comrade Kim, and how many were for the second Comrade Kim growing on the first Kim's neck?

Yes, yes, yes. I know. Thoughtcrime. I'll go plant some beet seed, take an extra dose of Obama's Snake Oil, and spend some extra time on my Stimulated Package.

Is it thoughtcrime to be so flippant about thoughtcrime? It doesn't really matter though. Commissar Vodkavich gave me a Get out of Gulag Free Card, and I will use it for this thoughtcrime if needed. (How many crates of People's Rifles(TM) to get another one Commissar?)

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Comrade Red Square,

I wonder if they found any of those Thought Criminals, and I rejoice as I see our polling places going down the same route.

Comrade Obamissar,

Though completing your 5 year plan for People's Rifles™ is vital to the greater Party plan for usurping rights while creating the illusion that they still exist, there is no direct exchange rate for GoG cards. Like all Party alms, they're handed out on a whim, much like Pinkie's Beet of the Week.

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Ahh well, I haven't been sent to gulag yet, so I will hold my GoG card for the moment. I'll just change my 5 year plan to a 4.9 year plan instead to make up for any Thoughtcrime.

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Commissar Obamissar V wrote:That's a lot of success, Comrade. Nice of them to bold his name! And nice of him to spread woe...

......And weal! Bravo! and Kudos to the Socialist(?? that's putting it mildly...they are down right Communist, comrades) Utopia of North Korea! True Progressives, and excellent role models for everyone, to the man! (Must have a chain of JiffyLobos(tm) there.....damn I'm jealous of Theo's corner on this market)

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What! 99.9%! Comrades, this is an OUTRAGE! That means .1% of the population voted against the Dear Leader. All those that did so are Thought Criminals and must be Purged at once! To arms, Comrades!