COP (Cult of Obama's Penis) at Rancho del Rio Grande

I let the cat out of the bag when I relayed that I had not used my true house to host Our Many Titted Empress and Nansky when they would come for a visit, and in fact I never wanted to strain Chairman Punchenko's powers of dissimulation by asking him to deceive our quondam Empress--he is so devoted to her, or was before she was vanquished, and I would not for a second worry him unnecessarily. And if the Chairman didn't know about Vita Nova, my real house, then I wouldn't have to hide everything either.

Bruno was of course a challenge but I told him that if he breathed a word about Vita Nova I'd tell the Las Vegas cops about Bette Midler's dress that he stole. It was a nasty scene, all that screaming and bawling sending fruit all over West Texas but it had to be done.

The old school building was perfectly suited for entertaining Our Empress and Nansky--the gym in particular. The wooden floor gave out, of course, the first time we brought out the Hildo Hydra Turbo; the vibration splintered the wood. No problem; I kindly asked some of the wets crossing the Rio Grande to help install another floor. They do very good tile but I had to keep shouting, "I don't care if you can make it pretty. It won't be visible 30 seconds after they start and how many colors of asbestos tile do you think that they make anyway? Houston, we have a heat problem. Get on it! Go! Pronto!"

And the halls were wonderful too; Our Many Titted Empress was so pleased, stating that this was the first time she didn't scrape one thigh or the other walking since she threw out the first baseball of the season.

And I loved Nansky there too--all the mice thought she was an owl--not blinking you know--and I had a 15% increase in crop yields.

But now that Our Empress has been vanquished by The Chosen One, I have decided to tear down the Pleasure Dome of Our Empress and erect a suitable edifice for His Most Excellent Beneficence, the Obamessiah, He Who Has Come To Lead Us...

I am constructing the temple of the Cult of Obama's Penis. As we were once all Hillary Operatives, we are now all COPs. The temple will be based on the Taj Mahal but in more representative fashion: the dome will be much higher.



Every dawn and dusk, verily, he will come and walk on the reflecting pools and heal the halt, the lame, and the blind with the beneficence of his touch. All strife will end, all wars cease, all disease will be cured, and in a display of his all-encompassing mercy, Our Many Titted Empress's ass will shrink.

All Hail the Obamamessiah, His Rod and His Staff they comfort us.
 

What is this? You American liberals always think you were the first. Well comrades, I was the first COP.....Cult of Personality, and I'll have you know, my People's Organ was widely known and feared. Ask any kulak or Party member in my day, and they would tell you how they feared a visit by one of my organs! I thought you modern day progressives had eschewed COP's?
 

In these days of rampant sexuality, all organs are servile to the Mighty Dong, and hasn't Pinkie decreed that we shall all OD on Obama's Dong? Therefore the true COP is the Cult of Obama's Penis.
 

I do love that Taj Obama, Theocritus, though some might say it's a little too--ahem--white.

A peek at his London temple:

Quote:

Due to the current building's somewhat phallic appearance, other inventive names have also been used for the building, including the Erotic gherkin, the Towering Innuendo, the Crystal Phallus, and the glass dildo




Behind the church of St Andrew Undershaft

(I don't write the captions; like any good Progressive, I just copy and paste them with accompanying photo)
 

Pinkie, I also had a thought. Would this, er, indicate a religious preference and if so, would it lead to the sort of worldwide disturbance that all aspirationists want to avoid? I refer you to the conflation of male excision and the War of Captain Jenkins's Ear:

Quote:

As to the argument that the circumcised penis is more esthetic, one is reminded that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that most Renaissance works of are show the male organ, if not with a fig leaf, at least with a foreskin. Morgan27 noted:

Perhaps why American mothers seem to endorse the operation with such enthusiasm is the fact that it is one way an intensely matriarchal society can permanently influence the physical characteristics of its males,

and concluded:

the argument is also put forth that the circumcised organ is more hygienic for the prepuce collects nasty secretions. So does the ear, but the removal of this rather ugly appendage is frowned upon, and in one famous instance cutting it off lead to war - the so-called war of Captain Jenkin's ear. One can be grateful that this worthy mariner did not lose his prepuce under similar circumstances, for it is rather likely the battle would still be raging.

Whither the Foreskin?

This, conflated with the supermammary Empress, might set off tectonic events.
 

If I remember the religious indoctrination I was forced to endure as a small child correctly, the Patriarch of the Hebrew People, Abraham, was the first victim of this cultish practice. Although stricken from later transcriptions, the Vulgate of Milo records the following exchange between God and Abraham:

Quote:

"And the Lord said, 'Hast thou a pencil, and a piece of paper?'"

"And Abraham replied 'Surely Lord, and they have not been invented yet.'"

"Oh yes, right, I knew that. Get some mud, then, and a stick, and takest this thou down in the King's English, for it is the Language of Heaven:
"I shall make you the father of nations and through you all mankind will be blessed..."

"Father of nations, right, bless everybody, check"

"Your descendants shall outnumber the stars of the heavens and sands of the desert..."

"Lotsa kids. Got it."

"And as a symbol of this covenant between you and Me, you shall be circumcised in the flesh of your foreskin..."

"Circumcised in the fle...wait a minute! You want me to cut the end off my WHAT?"



As it turned out, Abraham was a bit reluctant to carry out this last bit, so his wife Sarai did it for him. While he was asleep. With a rock.
 

Just think what our Empress would have done in similar circumstances. This reminds me of the story of the rabbi and the priest who were competing. The priest got a new altar, and the rabbi got one. The rabbi got new pews, the priest got them. Finally the priest got a new Cadillac, and sprinkled it with holy water on the church parking lot. The rabbi got a new Lincoln, and on the temple parking lot cut 2" off the tailpipe.
 

This issue was resolved on South Park. Must I look up everything?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ike's_Wee_Wee

The day of the bris arrives, and Kyle is grounded, sulking in his room. When the Mohel arrives to perform the bris, Ike flees to Kyle's room in terror. Seeing Ike in distress prompts a change of heart in Kyle, and he defends his brother fiercely before it is explained to him what a circumcision actually is, "snipping the penis a little to make it look bigger", at which point Stan and Cartman decide they want to be circumcised too. The episode ends with Mr. Mackey telling the class again about the evils of drugs; all is back to "normal".
 

If the moyl saw Mr. Mackey's head he might offer a discount on the biggest one he'd ever seen.

By the way, don't use that supposedly for free South Park website. A friend did and they for some reason managed to get into his PayPay account for about $80. PayPal is owned as you know by eBay which is owned by Fellow Progressives.

So that's okay then.
 

Well, I could fix that.... I don't have but about a dollar in PayPal. But I remember your advice about that site.
 

I personally have witnessed many circumcision operations in small booths close to the wall of the great mosque. By the grace of Allah I was able to attend. Peasant parents bring their little boys, the circumciser, and a few assistants to hold the boy down while his foreskin is removed. Sometimes a man plays a flute. Afterward, the boy will enter into full participation in Islamic ritual life. It's quiet a beautiful event indeed, there is much festivity, with special foods, and many guests.

I would imagine ImamObama's khitan (circumcision) was a wondrous spectacle.

I only wish I could have attended.


I am Sheik Abu Ibn Ali Moham son of Fakhr
 

Comrade Sheik, I can not say I have seen any one give you a proper welcome to the Collective. While of course, we know you are one of the downtrodden, peace loving, Muslims, no doubt on the run from the neo-con attacks of Bush-Cheney, rules are rules. Welcome to the Cube, you may collect your blunt shovel from the guard and get in the line to the left. You will be washed down in the People's Shower to rid your self of any possible "bugs" and initial capitalist delousement. The bus will take you to the Karl Marx Re-Education Center where for those who survive, will begin to get in touch with their "Inner Comrade."




How To Get In Touch With Your [B]Inner Comrade[/B]

Get a firm grip of your proletarian shovel and make several slow,deep and heavy digs, breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth. Dig in peace and love for the common good until you start experiencing the people's pain, suffering, and hatred of the class enemy, its running dogs, and capitalism in general. Keep digging until the need for self-sacrifice overwhelms you. Breathe out selfishness,self-esteem, personal responsibility, and any thoughtcrimes that may have been haunting you. Allow shame, despair, guilt for your very existence, and blind faith in the Party doctrine to spread from the top of your head, all the way down to the tips of your fingers and toes,erasing every curvy line in your brain. This should take about five hours of uninterrupted self-criticism.

Once you feel totally guilty, worthless, and fearful, imagine yourself as a powerful Commissar in charge of purges, disappearances,and composting. Look into the piercing eyes of this Commissar and ask yourself these questions:

If you were a Commissar looking down at this worthless piece of crap with a shovel (you), what would you say to him/her/it?

- Will you be disgusted and feel an urge to squash this human stain for the common good?
- Will you denounce him/her/it as Enemy of the People?
- Will you want to promote him/her/it to the rank of your assistant in charge of composting Enemies of the People?
- Will you reward him/her/it with an extra rationing coupon?
- Or will you see something in those eyes that will turn your feet cold with fear and you will fall on your knees and announce the advent of the New Leader, Friend of People, and Father of Nations?

Once you know a clear answer to those questions, your self-criticism session is complete. You have discovered your Inner Comrade™
 

Assalamu alaikum Marshal Pupovich. Allah keeps count of all things.

It is well known the jinn (Bush Cheney) have been created from the fire of a scorching wind as the enemy of our peace loving peoples. May Allah rip out his spine from his back and split his brains in two, and then put them both back, and do it over and over again. For Allah is most compassionate.

The Commissar (PBUH) has been most kind. It is sure he favors my haste to become a worthless grub void of the smallest thought. By his kindness he has gifted me with an extra blunt shovel with no handle. This will surely guide me to the straight path swiftly.


I pray he will allow me to continue digging. By the grace of Allah I will become the greatest seether of the KKKapitalist swine.

I spit on the evil of freedom and liberty "pthew" For it is sure it is a weapon of the joooz.



I am Sheik Abu Ibn Ali Moham son of Fakhr
 

I do hate to disturb you comrade Sheik in your glorious digging, but has any one told you, and I just do not know a nice way to put this, that your face could possibly be mistaken for a pig? Nothiing wrong with that for the People of course, they would love to have such an animal once a month to go with their beets and potatoes. But I understand in the equal culture you hail from, this particular species is said to be unclean?
 

Pupovich, the very slight, and I do emphasize slight, resemblance of Comrade Sheik to a pig is not to be noticed, or if you must, it is only to remark on his resemblance to that First Among Equals, Napoleon, in Animal Farm.

For as we all know, All animals are created equal but some are more equal than others.

And I'm the most equalest on earth.
 

A PIG? Ahhh.....NO.

It seems you missed a bit of history. Was it not the enemy of Allah that declared pork to be un-kosher and only fit for the consumption of dogs. I am Sheik Abu Ibn Ali Moham son of Fakhr. A bacon.... I mean a beacon of light to guide all to Islam. And besides, the prophet MuHAMmad's (PBUH) revelation was taken entirely out of context.

Holy Qur'an 5:4
" Forbidden to you for (food) are: dead meat,
blood and the flesh of the swine and that
which hath been invoked the name other than
Allah. "

The surah above clearly shows the prophet intended to protect the pig. It's the kafir that spreads these blasphemous lies!

Uhmm anyway..... Trusteth not those that charge me with these untruths.
 

Sheik, it's time for some home truths. In camera, everyone on this website is a peace-loving seeker of truth and justice. Which means that we're the biggest bunch of lying thieving back-stabbing bastards on the face of the earth.

If you remember that, you'll have no trouble, here, or in the DNC, where they are really peace-loving.
 

Sheik Abu Moham

And besides, the prophet MuHAMmad's (PBUH) revelation was taken entirely out of context.

Holy Qur'an 5:4
" Forbidden to you for (food) are: dead meat,
blood and the flesh of the swine and that
which hath been invoked the name other than
Allah. "

The surah above clearly shows the prophet intended to protect the pig. It's the kafir that spreads these blasphemous lies!

I must admit, I am a bit confused. Are you saying the prophet intended to protect the pig from being eaten, but it is OK to have a face like one?
 

I think that the Sheik means that if you put a turban on a pig then it's okay to eat it because then it's long pig which is not proscribed.
 

Comrade Pupovich,
You have a keen eye for detail. Praise Allah for placing me among friends. I'm sure you are familiar with these words from the noble Hadith.
From Bukhari Vol. 4, #448
Narrated Abu Talha: "I heard Allah's Apostle saying; "Angels (of Mercy) do not enter a house wherein there is a dog or a picture of a living creature."

From Bukhari Vol. 1, #490
Narrated 'Aisha: "The things which annul the prayers were mentioned before me. They said, "Prayer is annulled by a dog, a donkey and a woman (if they pass in front of the praying people)." I said, "You have made us (i.e. women) dogs.

Ibn Mughaffal: The Messenger of Allah ordered killing of the dogs, and then said: What about them, i. e. about other dogs? and then granted concession (to keep) the dog for hunting and the dog for (the security) of the herd, and said: When the dog licks the utensil, wash it seven times, and rub it with earth the eighth time.

It seems Theeee.... Prophet had a REAL dislike for dogs. Comparing them to the value of a "cough" woman.

This holy teaching is why I deny my wives touching any 'utensil'. I have no time for cleaning!!!

With all due respect Comrade..... Your face....... resembles that of a dog.Let us keep this between friends, for the LastDay is near.

November 4th I believe.

=======================================
Comrade Theocritus,

lying, thieving, back-stabbing? Allahu Akbar! Peace be to you my brother!

This is the glory of Jihad. Soon to be lead by the great ImamObama. Let the stoning, beheading and removal of hands and feet begin. For Allah is most merciful, most wise. Socialism to Communism,.... these are the fist steps to the ultimate goal of religious fascism. The DNC is already working hard to force the will of Muhammad on infidels everywhere.

Again, the "Submit" button is most appropriate


I am Sheik Abu Ibn Ali Moham son of Fakhr
 

Not to worry soon to be cardboarded Sheik, unlike many comrades here, I for one have never found a significant reason for the Party to cater to the sensibilities of the God believing, pork denying, canine hating Islamists. for I know that whether we befriend the jihadists, or gain some tacit acceptance by the soon to be vanquished neocons by also condemning jihad, the jihadists will continue to do the Party's work by fighting against the Bushilters and Imperialists.
 

Pupovich, let's not be hasty to throw away the Sheik. After all, he might have some cousins who are pretty damned good at making useful things, like, oh, I don't know, say, a bomb?

I've found in my travails in the world that it's nice to be able to concentrate peoples' thoughts and bombs do that a lot. Boobs do too, but then the woman has to put out and with a bomb, once you let it off, you've won.

And Breasts Not Bombs? Oh. I just wet' em.
 

True enough, but then boobs do have one edge over bombs in that once you have put the bomb out, it's done, where as a good boob can be used many times. On the other hand, it is easier to hide a bomb under your coat than a boob, not that I have any experience in this.
 

Quote:

On the other hand, it is easier to hide a bomb under your coat than a boob, not that I have any experience in this.


It wouuld seem to me that the relative size of each would be the deciding factor for success in hiding.
 

If you have seen Breasts not Bombs you would wonder that they would be showing them. I personally think that they are in danger of tripping over them; size is not the factor, only dimensions. Can one make a bomb that is 5' long, 1" thick and floppy?
 

One would think so Comrade Brain in a Jar, but when you are a really masculine looking canine such as I, even the smallest of boobs would seem out of place, where as a bomb could easily be covered up as a "beer belly."
 

Consider a bulky sweater.
 

What? And hide my glorious figure? I have the perfect answer now Comrade Brain in the Jar.... PeopleSynch™!
 

I DENOUNCE MARSHAL PUPOVICH FOR PADDING HIS POSTING NUMBERS WITH MULTIPLE POSTS OF THE SAME MESSAGE!!1!

(And no, Marshall, the excuse of "I just wanted to provide a link to PeopleSynch" is not sufficient to explain away this blatant padding. I wouldn't trust that any more than I would trust the age listed on Mousey's passport.)
 

But Comrade Betinov... isn't padding the numbers what the DNC does best?

--
ZB
 

Zampolit, the DNC never pads numbers. The DNC makes reality confirm to the True Reality™ which is (all together now) What we say it is.

And Pupovich, I tend to agree with Ivan, whom I intend to agree with until I get the key to his dacha and his Hummels, that duplicate posting was infradig. Here's what our Speakerette felt about it.


 

[Note to self: change locks NOW.]
 

A most unfortunate and unintended incident to be sure comrades, but alas, mine is not the only one this happens to. In fact, I even once had to delete an entire duplicate entry into the Peoples Blog, that fortunately had not received any responses at the time. Clearly the work of wreckers.... but it is not I comrades. Who is in charge of Party Technology? Hmmmmm, seems to be that falls under a certain Commissar Red Fox as I recall.... a Commissar that has also been mysteriously AWOL of late.

But in the true spirit of Current Truth.....what duplicate entry Comrades?
 

There, there, Pupovich. We know that you have repented and as soon as you engage in enough Maoist self-criticism, you may rejoin the party at your full rank.

If the lobotomy resulting from the self-criticism leaves you continent. That's how that works, isn't it?
 

I am not sure what you refer to Commissar? Is there some truth I am not aware of? Not that I would not enjoy some good Maoist self criticism, but it would sort of be like "praying in tongues," no one would understand it.
 

Ah, Pupovich, it's not the tongues or the understanding of what's said.

It's the submission, which is all. Haven't your days with Our Many Titted Empress shown you that?
 

Ivan Betinov

I DENOUNCE MARSHAL PUPOVICH FOR PADDING HIS POSTING NUMBERS WITH MULTIPLE POSTS OF THE SAME MESSAGE!!1!

(And no, Marshall, the excuse of "I just wanted to provide a link to PeopleSynch" is not sufficient to explain away this blatant padding. I wouldn't trust that any more than I would trust the age listed on Mousey's passport.)

Ah, wait a minute! Brilliant! Yes, I see PeopleSynch™ is being used to the glory of the Party! I thought it odd that my friend, ally, and co-inventer of PeoplesMath™, Comrade Brain in a Jar, would denounce me for some alleged infraction that was beyond my control. That is when it dawned on me! I am being PeopleSyched! OK, let me guess.... that is you Commissar Theocritus PeopleSynching as Comrade Betinov? The Chairman perhaps? Pinkie? No, I think this must be Theocritus behind the image of Comrade Betinov!
 

Commissar, I would be proud to denounce myself as I have demonstrated on several occasions, and I am always proud to denounce myself or anyone else for the CommonGood™. But if helps to have a script in paw or teleprompter. and since I can see no other legitimate reason, any other confessions would be simple babbling.

But if it helps to ease your day Commissar.... I denounce myself for yada yada yada,
 

Pupovich, a Seinfeld denunciation just won't do. No one believes New York angst anymore.
 

Commissar Theocritus

... No one believes New York angst anymore.

Nor can they stand the stench of it, as well.

--
ZB
 

Commissar Theocritus

Pupovich, a Seinfeld denunciation just won't do. No one believes New York angst anymore.

I have been hesitant to reveal this Commissar, as I do not wish to come off as purer than others, but the facts are that the first thing I do every morning is engage in no less than 30 minutes of denoucisthinics. I find this daily cleansing gives me the energy and stamina I need every day to confront Thought Criminals, detain perfectly innocent proles for no reason whatsoever other than to keep them on their toes, and to confront the VRWC hordes that wish our defeat. I will even denounce myself for any impure dreams that I might have. For instance, one night I had a nightmare in which I paid a worker in my employ a fair and decent wage, for a job that he had performed up to expectations, and did not even take a cut for myself of the Parry. I woke up in a pool of sweat and tremors, and could not even wait to put on my baby seal skin slippers and rushed outside to denounce myself to the Lenin the Father, and the Holy Spirit of Stalin. So to put it simply, I feel washed in the blood so to speak, every day. But if you still wish me to denounce myself for some real or imagined slight, for the good of the Party and as an example for new comrades, I would be more than happy to Commissar. Just fill out the Denounce Request Form R-OEX52 in triplicate, and be specific in your request, and I will be more than happy to satisfy your usual blood lust.... when I have the time of course.
 

Pupovich, I don't really insist that you actually do denounce yourself. You just have to be willing to. It's like seppuku, you know. A really good denunciation is only done once because the result is, well, death. And you get your face cut out of the Soviet encyclopedia.

And, Zampolit, New York Angst has been replaced by Senator Chuckie Schumer. Channel the rage, Zamp, channel the rage. Grab those guns, you know, for the VRWC might actually shoot a progressive trying to liberate ill-gotten funds for the betterment of the downtrodden that we don't have time or energy to lift up or feed. And after all, the VRWC is much more easily shaken down when they don't have guns.
 

DENOUCISTHINICS?

Ahhhhhh! This is like fatwathinics!

Very, very, good my brother. I recommend.
 

Commissar, I am always more than willing to denounce myself or anyone I meet, or even imgainge. Join me one morning for my denoucisthinics session, and you will hear me denounce myself for just about everything. I even used to wake up and get in the gulag shovel stance and denounce myself for sleeping! But then one morning when I was doing this, the spirit of Lenin settled upon me and showed me that for a more equal apparatchik such as you and I, getting a good nights sleep is actually For the Common Good™. We need to be well fed and well rested so that we can do the Party's work. Ever since then I have always slept like Lenin in the mausoleum, serene and still.
 

Be sure to have your formaldehyde changed regularly. Otherwise your face gets unbecoming and we cannot have that in a Marshal.
 

I have found that potato martini, shaken not stirred, has the same effect.
 

Does it not shake your formaldehyde blood-replacement-units when the proles in abject admiration pull you from your coffin as they did the Ayatollah Khomeini?
 

I must confess, in camera as you say, I have had second thoughts on my ill chosen description of my sleep as "slept like Lenin in the mausoleum, serene and still." After being reminded of that unfortunate incident with the Chairperson and Mao in the glass case, I have taken steps to make my sleep much lighter.
 

Does this mean you've decided to stop hitting the formaldehyde?

I recommend that you do. Remember the last time Meow spiked his margarita with it? He landed in the klink. It took weeks to clean up the riot damage at the PCVA's Mecklenburg Correctional Facility after Meow attempted to "arrest" (since he is a Kennedy Cop, ya know) the warden because in his delusional state he thought that the warden had fornicated with his pet turtle. That Meow!!!! I tell ya... he's the life of The Democratic Party™. It took 2 days to sober him up and he didn't remember a thing. At least Senator "Frogface" didn't call me to bitch about that one!

--
ZB
 

No, Zampolit, but Teddy Kennedy called me to bitch about it. He was just jealous. During his treatment he had to behave himself and was afraid that he was getting behind Meow.