We've got ourselves a nice crisis here, it would be a shame if something happened to it. In these glorious times, our foremost advice to all high-ranking Party members is to keep talking about the pandemic until Trump's presidency falls on its back and dies like the coronavirus victim that it is.

Since Trump's reelection depends on a strong economy, we must by all means paralyze all economic activity, causing massive scale bankruptcies and layoffs until the economy falls on its back and dies like the coronavirus victim that it is.

We must educate the population about how beneficial it is to submit to a total government control, without which they'll face certain death - until their liberty falls on its back and dies like the coronavirus victim that it is.

Our manufactured 2008 crisis had already brought Obama to the White House. America somehow survived then, but let us all make sure it doesn't survive this one. Not letting this manufactured crisis go to waste is now our election strategy in 2020.

For your own safety, do not confuse these with mandatory coronavirus tips for the low-ranking Party members posted here.

This is good information Red Square.

Information 'pelipsky could have used yes.ter.day.

The pandemic shopping at local HEB - Texazistan's Largest Grocery Emporium - anyways it was sooo pandemic with shoppers that the checkout line wrapped all the way back to refrigerated cases at back wall of store.

'pelipsky mistakenly thought it was BernieWorld™ aka. BiffcoWorld - and thought it was like a bread line in which neighbors could get to know each other in exchanging pleasantries.

The Bernie Bros. just thought 'pelipsky was a crazy mythical horned rodent that needed a dose of hating'. The Bernie Bro's began stealing real food items from 'pelipsky's basket. The Bro's took 'pelipsky's jar of mayo, some cheese whiz, ritzy crackers, and a 6 pack of Shiner from that little brewery in Texazistan.

That was not what Bernie said was going to happen!

A very shattered mythical horned rodent left the now empty basket and just wandered on out the back loading dock to disappear into the tall grass behind the HEB.

Maybe we have to elect Bernie first...and then toilet paper lines become filled with friendly people that don't feelthink that a stranger strikin' up a friendly conversation is just s.t.u.p.i.d. as well as just plain craaa-zy.

Signed whistle blowin' testimony from the empty shelves of Texazistan,
Jackalopelipsky mythical horned rodent.

Evil Smiley wrote:

Babylon Bee has scooped everyone. Bernie plans to nationalize TP production.

Learn to lav the Indian way, Comrades.

Ellsworth Toohey wrote:Babylon Bee has scooped everyone. Bernie plans to nationalize TP production.

[highlight=#ffff00]Learn to lav the Indian way, Comrades[/highlight].

A reminder for the back of the class - Eat with the right hand, wipe with the left hand.

As a high ranking Party member living in self imposed exile I was rather hoping this post would be an announcement about an extra ration of beets and toilet paper that I could trade for some vodka. But alas, just more propaganda.

I'm all stocked up now on chocolate, cookies and coffee. The three C's of survival.

Tsk, all this toilet paper concern when all that is needed is cat litter or a wide expanse of unfrozen steppe.

The most expensive dress today (for high-ranking Party members' wives only).

That doll face all gussied up in t.p. needs a MAGA hat, don't you think? She's so hot right now!

Commissar Comrade Red Square: What. A. Babe... What A Perfect Example of The Women of Next Tuesday™ !

Apparatchik Unkulturny wrote:Commissar Comrade Red Square: What. A. Babe... What A Perfect Example of The Women of Next Tuesday™ !

You forgot the meat and 2 veg between the legs!

(Which, considering current shortages, is perfectly forgivable!)

This is the Age of Cornholio. Everybody's buying TP for their bunghole!

Comrades, next tuesday is coming fast in the European Soviets! I have to sign a paper before I can leave my house, people are in lines at the supermarkets (and sometimes fighting over essentials like ... toilet paper (?) ), the state is preparing to steal spend billions to save the economy (and their pet projects)... Is this the Red Messiah we were waiting for? I petition comrade Red Square to bestow a medal on Comrade Corona!

RedDiaperette wrote:Tsk, all this toilet paper concern when all that is needed is cat litter or a wide expanse of unfrozen steppe.

Comrade Whoopie wrote:As a high ranking Party member living in self imposed exile I was rather hoping this post would be an announcement about an extra ration of beets and toilet paper that I could trade for some vodka. But alas, just more propaganda.

Coming out of deep quarantine with my shovel to give a special Coronavirus tip to Comrade Whoopie:

WHACK!!!

I'd like to assure all members of the Collective that my shovel is cleaned and disinfected and sanitized after every use, and that the handle is the required length for social distancing, so I need never worry about catching anyone's Corona cooties while still maintaining a sense of normalcy around here.

Now, Whoopie, I strongly suggest you either get up and stagger back into exile, or crawl back into it if you can't manage more than that. Otherwise, you can just lie there while the rest of us trample you into the ground in our seething desperation to grab more toilet paper and bottled vodka.

And if you are Cuban