My fellow comrades:

As you may have noticed in recent months, using the word “racist” to shut up Republicans and teabaggers is no longer having any effect on them. For that matter, calling them “teabaggers” has alarmingly proven to be about as effective as Mickey Mouse taking the hatchet to a couple of bucket-toting brooms. But that can only be because they're too stupid and narrow-minded to understand the inference, like the only loser in the crowd who isn't laughing because he doesn't get the joke.

Our first-ever historic black president (rest assured the second one will be just as historic provided he or she is also a Democrat) has remained so far above the recent fray over the debt crisis as to be nearly invisible—appropriately, like a god—that this very nebulousness would seem to have rendered the epithet “racist” even lamer more etymologically challenged.

Therefore, we have had to come up with fresh epithets. To do this we started by asking ourselves one question: Who do Republicans and teabaggers really, really hate? Who do they want to see wiped off the face of the earth? Who do they hate so much that surely they would hate to be called that themselves?

The answer was obvious: Old people and children.

But since we already did the old people thing back in 2008 with McCain, and further back in 1996 with Bob Dole, and since we'll probably need it next year if Ron Paul wins the GOP nomination or even, Lenin willing, Ralph Hall (look him up for crying out loud, do I have to do everything around here?), we decided to try comparing the Republicans to children.

We had fun with this for a few days, telling them to eat their peas and to stop whining “Are we broke yet? Are we broke yet? Are we broke yet?” from the back seat of the same car they ran into the ditch last decade. Can't take the brats anywhere without them bugging and hounding us to not buy this or to not give them that. Like they think the government isn't made of money.

But when we failed to indoctrinate them like we do real children, we realized we had to try another tack. Why not just call them what they really are?

TERRORISTS! Lock-and-loading, gun-toting, bomb-throwing, hostage-taking, fearmongering, civilization-flattening, planet-destroying terrorists.

TERRORISTS! All civilized, rational people (like Progressives) know that to get what you really want, you first need a government program. In fact, that's all you really need. But not terrorists. Terrorists don't believe in government programs to meet their demands. Their demands, in fact, are so unpopular and so heinous that they can only be met via the only means the terrorist knows: Violence and mass destruction.

Killing. Slashing. Cutting. Shredding. Eliminating. Obliterating. Call it whatever you want, but the terrorists' agenda is all about taking anything they can get their hands on, and breaking it up into so many little pieces that only the most stalwart Progressive could refrain from despairing of ever putting it back together again, restoring it to all its glorious, centralized, colossal glory!

TERRORISTS! They strike fear in the hearts of their chosen victims by threatening to take away and destroy that one thing that is most precious to all true patriots, the one thing that makes us great . . . the one thing that millions have died for, and that millions more will die without unless we do whatever it is we have to do to preserve and strengthen it for all time.

The one thing that terrorists hate. The one thing that should be enjoyed by everyone all over the world! That one cherished thing that too many of us take for granted until times like recently, when we're forced to see just how easily—but brutally—it can all be taken away from us, rendered powerless and leaving us helpless and defenseless against the tyranny of these bloodthirsty monsters.

Yes, comrades, I speak of the one thing with which we are endowed: Government.

Therefore, The Current Truth dictates that henceforth we shall refer to all Republicans and teabaggers as terrorists, employing any and all words and imagery commonly associated with the word terrorist to build consensus and promote civility by precluding the mainstreaming and subsequent legitimizing of the Republican/teabagger agenda.

This Current Truth will supersede all previous Current Truths, which are obsolete, until further notice.

This will be great news for creating new jobs in the U.S. when our Chinese affiliates working for Burqa Bag™ come out with their new Teabagger/Rethuglikkkan fall line of unisex burqas for terrorists!

I smell a Nobel for Pinkie. I'll see what I can do at "State". TTFN! xxxooo

RethgliKKKans are terrorists because they kill kittens!

We need State run media (ABC, CBS, NBC & CNN) to run with this!

--
ZB

The Thought Criminals of the Reicht are already trying to counter our efforts. Look what they've done to our beloved Comrade V.P. Biden:

Boy oh boy, it's hard to keep up with what we're supposed to call those darned republicans. One day it's one thing, the next day it's another! Can't they send out emails about this stuff? I need better marching orders already. Now I've got to change all my bumperstickers again.

Margaret, it's all in how you arrange the tinfoil on your head. With the proper - end ever changing - alignments and increments you can pick up the Transmissions and always be current on these things.