Comrades,

We finally are seeing some sanity in our government reeducation centers. Recently a six year old boy was suspended for making his hand into a gun gesture and pointing it saying "pow". No doubt without some serious government imposed reeducation this menace would have grown up to pose a deadly threat to those in the collective.

The good news is from preliminary reports that I have researched he apparently had not yet loaded his firearm.

Comrades, I think we have a new agitation campaign: universal disarmament!

I remember a few years ago a young hooligan was suspended from school for pointing an assault fish stick at a fellow student in the cafeteria.

Thank Lenin we're finally making progress!!

Hark back to the good old days when we established that merely "looking at" a womyn for more than 5 seconds was considered harassment. i.e., a form of assault! Ah! Those were the days...but we can do better, my comrades...much better!

Clearly it is time we begin the discussion on assault fingers. We must ban them and require all suspicious proletariatsowners of such turn them in at their local government office railroad station, where they can board a cattle car luxurious people's transport car and complete their new fingerless re-education at a glorious beet farm. Remember, people may point at people, but take away their fingers and they will not be able to point at so many at one time!! Forward to the cliff!!!

Comrades, the evil agent Maxwell Smart had a finger gun! We can never be sure that the evil rethuglicans have not copied that brilliant strategy!
Well done to those educators, as long as the parents have been properly re-educated as well.

Truly, only appropriate administration people and other qualified government henchlingspersonnel may be allowed fingers for pointing so The People™ know who to blame for any lack of free stuff and/or "mishaps."

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Shouldn't His Highness be wearing a Latex glove for this procedure?

If they let this kid back into school, he should pack a 44 banana in his lunch and ask the question: "Do you feel lucky? Even though the teacher didn't make me put a condom on it, did I drop 6 peels or only 5? Come to think of it, in all the confusion I lost count myself. Well punk, do ya?"

When is this senseless assault body part violence gonna end???



Franziska Hansen, 33, is reportedly charged with “attempted murder with a weapon” after her lawyer boyfriend claimed she tried to smother him.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-new ... dd-1450638

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Have to admit - I'd have to vote present on this one....

Rumor has it that Oleander is a Shar Pei! This explains everything!

I think it's time we had a conversation about assault rubber bands. There is no reason why anyone needs a rubber band more than about 3" long.

Or a bag/box that holds more than 10 of them.