Dear Comrade Nansky Peloski, we, your humble proles beseech you, as the queen of the wallet lifters, to guide us in your ways.

Do you recall about a month ago when you and Our Many Titted Empress showed up on my doorstep like a revenant herpes sore graced the Rancho del Rio Grande with your Eminent Presences? After you had eaten your fill, and broken what displeased you, which was, unfortunately everything but Bruno, you and I drove into El Paso and were walking downtown, where the Holy Gore was registering illegals to vote in the coldest winter day in El Paso history.

I noticed that as we walked down the streets laden with merchants, street vendors, and customers, there was a constant row, screaming in Spanish, which took me a while to decode. Every customer found that he had no money, and the merchants' cash registers had no money. This followed us up El Paso Street, and as we turned into Café Central, the Camino Real's doors opened and hundreds of people streamed out, screaming, "Our wallets are gone!" "My purse is gone!" "My jewelry is gone!"

Not once did your hands leave your side, nor did you blink.

When we got back to the Rancho, you shook like a wet dog and the yard was filled with wallets, jewelry and purses. Bruno is still counting them.

Tell me, dear Nanners, how did you do it? This is a skill quite extraordinaire; no one else in my experience can do it.

Would you consent to teach a master class in wallet lifting? I have seen it with my own eyes--no one can compare with you to taking things from others' pockets. You pilfered wallets out of the pockets of men on the 25th floor of a skyscraper, without leaving the street level. Or blinking.

Please teach us, O Great One. We're bananas for Nanners.

(off)
It's called socialist legislation.

Nanner, uses the "Force", Yes yes She is as smart as a box of rocks but she has the power of Mental telepathy. It is a side effect of all the "Smug" she has absorbed living in San Francisco.

Commissar Red Star CEO Hemlock Hospitality INC
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It's like this: if only Willie Sutton robbed banks for the common good, he could have been a congressman instead of in jail (although the two are not mutually exclusive.)

The problem is that Nanners won in a contest with Meow on lifting wallets. My hero, done down by a woman who is, as you say, smart as a box of rocks. Which can look down on your garden-variety bag of hammers.

Yes, Smug is right. I understand that Nanners is introducing legislation to force Toyota and Boeing to make a 757 Prius for her. Well, not a Prius. It will say Prius and that's wnat counts.

And Opiate, this bears on your assertion. Willie Sutton could have robbed banks for his own good instead of the common good if he had only managed to make people <i>think</i> it was for the common good.

Think FDR.

You speak of The Pilfering, Commissar Theocritus. The Pilfering is the most powerful weapon in our arsenal and the most hardest to master among the Dark Arts. Luckily for me my knowledge of The Pilfering was passed down to me through my father the former mayor of Baltimore (or Baldamer as spoken in the Eastern Tongue).

Only the greediest of the greedy can master The Pilfering, Commissar Theocritus. Only the absolute wretched can learn such a powerful and devastating technique.


Secretary Geithner is already a Level 3 Pilferer and will someday become a practitioner.


I have great faith that both you and Meow will one day become powerful practitioners of The Pilfering and be able to pass down this Dark Art as it was passed down to Hillary and myself.

I still can't believe it! The Chairman beaten by that pile of putrifying placenta puss? There must have been some evil trickery involved. Question, was there any Chinese contributions present? Surely no one can beat the Chairman in a world wide currency contest!

Congratulations Nancy! I always knew you were the tops!

Dear Exalted De Facto President Nancy,

I know whatever you do, it's with good intentions. You cannot hide your magnanimous loving personna behind your many facelifts. I saw you on a CSPAN call-in show years ago when you were still a congressperson; some idiot one of your constituents called in to ask a question and prefaced his remarks with a pile of sycophantic bullshit some compliments, saying how priviledged he was to be ripped off represented by such a warm and caring person. I saw your face light up, Nancy, like you had just sat on one of Bill Clinton's cigars. I literally thought that you were going to orgasm right there, on camera, and make Brian Lamb blush.

So what if there is a few zillion bucks for your district in the Democrat Orgasm Bill Stimulus Bill? It's not pilfering, it's going to save the endangered rats! Congresspersons can't turn their backs on rats, Nancy, it's like turning their backs on one of their own. I say, if what you do is pilfering, then pilfer away, Nancy! It makes us feel good which I'm sure makes you feel good. Remember, it's for the children. And the rats.

- Your humble servant, Opiate

The ATF will be knockin' at your door tonight, Opiate. Wear something warm.

Wise move Nancy! (Better him than me)

Better him than all of us, Marshal. We do what we can. We do what we can -- for the Children, of course. Always for the Children.

Opiate, I have sent you a crate of People's Rifles ™ with the rubber bayonet to hold off Nancy's goons. If nothing else, they may laugh so hard you can slip into your escape tunnels.

OMG. Nanners, if I may call you that--may I, pretty please, with Marx on top?--do you think that I can become worthy of <i>The Pilfering</i>? Pardon me while I wipe the ears from my rheumy eyes. But <i>The Pilfering</i>? This is high-octane Progressivism indeed.

How I have wanted to rise to that level. All of my life, the stakes, the bitch-slapping, all just to rise to <i>The Pilfering</i>.

I assure you, dear Nanners, that I will be worthy student of <i>The Pilfering</i>.

And once I master that, I have another request. I blush to ask it, but if I prove to be a good student in the Dark Arts of theft, will you teach me how to control His O'liness? I know that you have your entire arm up his, pardon, His, ass. I know that there is so little to His O'liness once you wash away that yadayadayada about hope change belief we're the ones, that someone has to be pulling the strings. Or pushing the sphincter.

Teach me, O great Nanners, how to make the sock puppet Obama bend to my will.

Opiate, are you trying to cause a ruction? You said that Nanners' face lit up as though she'd sat on one of Bill Clinton's cigars.

When any Made Progressive knows that Katie Couric has the right to sit on all of Bill Clinton's cigars.

Your answer, Commissar Theocritus.



The Pilfering cannot be learned, dear Commissar. Instead it must be passed down through a Senate confirmation hearing or through numerous consecutive Congressional terms.

Look at Harry Reid, Commissar. Look at how long Harry has been in the Senate and look at how his skill with The Pilfering has become almost perfected. He knows how to steal, lie, cheat and even insult the American people by claiming that they “smell bad” and sweat profusely during their little Capitol visits. Theocritus, Harry can do all of those dastardly things -- within the plain view of the public -- and completely get away with it! That is the essence of The Pilfering -- it is what separates us from them. It is our power.

Through incumbency and sucking the blood out of the American taxpayer, your powers with The Pilfering matures and your ability to defy the very laws of the universe increases. Take a look at Bobby Byrd, Theocritus. How old would you say he is? Hmm? Try 1,000 years! Yes! His skill with The Pilfering allows him to cheat death! He knows how to steal well. So well, in fact, that half the state of West Virginia -- roads, highways, bridges, monuments, schools, federal buildings, parks, all of it! -- is named after him! He truly is a master.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Opiate, are you trying to cause a ruction? You said that Nanners' face lit up as though she'd sat on one of Bill Clinton's cigars.

Yes, and apparently Comrade 7.62 wishes to abet the Opiate. Sigh.... and I had such high hopes for this comrade. I feel I simply must sharpen my discernment and suppress that over abundance of concern that comes so naturally to me. No more Commissar! I have been newly inspired by Nancy's Pifering, the Chariman's Eluding, your very own Impaling, and my recent discovery of how tasty extinct birds can be. We press on to bring fulfillment of the World of Next Tuesday no matter who must be pressed in the process.

Nanners, which I shall be brave enough to call you since you did not steal <i>my</i> wallet just to teach me a lesson, I bow to your knowledge of <i>The Pilfering</i>. All I want is my fair share of pelf. I'm a Made Progressive, a Commissar in good standing. When, I ask you, have I ever done anything decent or honest? Once, and I swear this is true, Meow looked at me with admiration in his eyes.

"Theocritus," he slurred, "Kruschev said that when you skin them you have to leave enough to grow back. I do believe that if you'd gotten a micron more they'd die but as it is they'll live to be harvested again."

Now when Meow praises your pilfering, you know you've arrived.

But still, just how <i>do</i> you channel the Dark Side? I sleep on copies of <i>Das Kapital</i> and <i>An Inconveniently Untrue Lie</i> by the Holy Gore and if I try really hard, I can through kleptotelekenesis get $100 bills to fly across the room into my hand.

But you, Nanners, you made entire purses fly invisibly out of skyscrapers in El Paso.

I'd take my hat off to you but you stole it already.

(President) Nancy wrote:Better him than all of us, Marshal. We do what we can. We do what we can -- for the Children, of course. Always for the Children.

And the rats. Don't forget the rats: http://washingtontimes.com/news/2009/fe ... se-cookie/

ACORN will be registering them to vote soon, if they haven't done so already.

Comrade7.62 wrote:Opiate, I have sent you a crate of People's Rifles ™ with the rubber bayonet to hold off Nancy's goons. If nothing else, they may laugh so hard you can slip into your escape tunnels.

[sigh] I think not, Comrade. Progressivism has no time for jokes -outside of cabinet appointments, that is - but those are inside jokes and the proletariat has no need to know.

Why do you think the NY Times or Wash Po never carried comic strips? Please do not say answer is because all the comics were in the boardrooms. That may be accurate but please do not say it.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Opiate, are you trying to cause a ruction? You said that Nanners' face lit up as though she'd sat on one of Bill Clinton's cigars.

When any Made Progressive knows that Katie Couric has the right to sit on all of Bill Clinton's cigars.

Commissar, I must inform you that you are mistaken. I have it on good authority that Katie Couric has exclusive rights to sit on Bill Clinton's... well, let me put it this way, Bill's nose was red for good reason.

Is that why he developed a craving for pizza?