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Dear Comrades,

The Chief Director of People's Internet Collective #4 (Amazon.com) has sent an official telegram of congratulations to Comrade Party Chairman and Future President Barack Barackovich Obama for the successful campaign to agitate the Masses to support Amazon by limiting their commerce with black marketeers (i.e. ‘local businesses') and driving up internet purchases with Amazon Collective, a percentage of which are used to support the political activities of the Socialist Democratic Party.

Throughout the various Oblasts, community organizers and educators have staged events designed to teach the children about the social injustices of Capitalism, which specifically led to the death of People's Martyr Michael Brown in Fergusongrad, Missouri Oblast. The Young Socialists were moved to tears by these powerful expressions of the People' Will and the beauties of Socialism.

These anti-Capitalism activities will help break decadent enterprises of the Petty Bourgeoisie and Kulaks who seek to interfere in the natural progress of Socialism and the People's Rights to Government Support. So-called ‘small businesses' lack proper oversight by the Party's political organs, and can become staging grounds for non-conformism.

It is imperative that the Workers and Peasants of the USSA only patronized State-sponsored internet-based commerce, supervised by the Commercial Directorate (a.k.a. Google).

This way, citizens can have their purchasing habits monitored for later adjustment through more specialized education programs.

Down with Kulaks and the 'Local Businesses'! Loyal Citizens shop the internet and support the Party!

Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People's Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Dialectical Progressivism Translator

And, as reported by Groucho Marxist elsewhere:

Great sales on electronics are found on Ferguson Mo's Craigslist

I must object to your use of the word 'Oblast,' Comrade Climber.

Oblasts are administrative districts in the Glorious Motherland of Russia/USSR.

Here in the USSA, they are called "Obamasts." Or, in the Deep South where they have trouble pronouncing words while chewing tobacco shredded beets, "Oblamas."

I shan't denounce you, as the rest of your post is very Politically Korrekt, and this is clearly an innocent mistake.

Mikhail Lysenkomann wrote:
Here in the USSA, they are called "Obamasts."

Sounds like something to hang a flag from.

And that conjures up images that will keep me awake all night trying to figure out how to bleach them out of my brain. Anyone have the number to the nearest JiffyLobo?