Joe Eagleton On Guns: HANDS OFF, MESSIAH!

See! See! We support the Bitterclinger's right to have guns! See! Look at what Joe Biden had to say!

The Man from Scranton

“I guarantee you, Barack Obama ain’t taking my shotguns, so don’t buy that malarkey,” Biden said angrily. “They’re going to start peddling that to you.

“I got two, if he tries to fool with my Beretta, he’s got a problem.”

Linky Dinky:http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2008/09/oh-that-joe-n-9.html


Everyone just ignore this video:



Anyways, the Bitterclinger who sent in that video has a response to The Man from Scranton:



Uck... He is from a small town... IN MICHIGAN! Sickening.

Tip of the ushanka: www.hotair.com (Go there, now! NOW! GO THERE!)

Obama/And Maybe Biden '08

 

Meow, I made the mistake of letting Bruno read (and he can--just) your comment about a small town in Michigan, and he laughed so hard that he had to re-mousse. Then I said, "You silly queen. Where do you think that you live? This is a town of 9500 people in the middle of the desert."

"You mean that's not Houston outside the windows? You told me that Houston has greasewood and mesquite."

I like the idea of having only one qualified. For an assault weapon you can have one of a muzzle break/silencer, bayonet lug, grenade launcher, pistol grip, or adjustable stock.

Finding an acceptable candidate to lead us to the Progressive World of Next Tuesday would be greatly simplified if candidates could have only one of the following five characteristics.

1. has an actual resumé.
2. won't minimize contact with felonious past associates.
3. won't throw a grandmother under the bus.
4. isn't fellated by the MSM daily or
5. can't walk on water
 

Commissar Theocritus

Finding an acceptable candidate to lead us to the Progressive World of Next Tuesday would be greatly simplified if candidates could have only one of the following five characteristics.

1. has an actual resumé.
2. won't minimize contact with felonious past associates.
3. won't throw a grandmother under the bus.
4. isn't fellated by the MSM daily or
5. can't walk on water


Commissar, these requirements could be difficult, if not impossible to satisfy. Let us consider them in sequence:

1. has an actual resumé: such a person would likely have a real job and thus neither need nor desire to soil his or herself in politics, especially with the likes of our Party
2. won't minimize contact with felonious past associates: given that we must pay lip service to dreary hypocritical morality, this requires we find a candidate with few or no felonious past associations to minimize. Being that most of the Party's talent comes from larger cities, the probability of such a person existing is very low
3. won't throw a grandmother under the bus: a politician that rises to prominence in this day and age without doing so either (a) was cloned from plant life and thus has no grandparents or (b) is too far from the bus routes to make an accurate throw
4. isn't fellated by the MSM daily: the Party could have nominated a syphilitic cactus and MSM fellation would still be a certainty
5. can't walk on water: given that all our potential candidates are either empty suits or windswept gasbags, our biggest problem is keeping them from floating away rather than sinking. Surface-perpendicular buoyancy is the best our scientists have been able to do to date. And unfortunately, we must allow them to walk in order to get their mouths to move.

Perhaps what Party needs is a real puppet and not just a metaphorical one. Has anyone inquired about Charley McCarthy's availability?
 

I take your point, Opiate. Perhaps the best solution would be to add servo motors, like those of the Imagineers at Disney, to future incarnations of the Obamabot. The carbon-based one is not working--notice his hesitation when the TelePromTer breaks down. How much more convenient to have a silicon-based life form, or silicon in the form of a human, which can be programmed with nostrums such as For the Children, Environmental Justice, Enron, shudder, boo, Bush hiss, and other Party Approved Slogans.

So it's merely a matter of reprogramming rather than finding another candidate. The phrases can be tested on focus groups and body-language specialists can be used to determine the best gestures.

But we will have to state that the candidate, owing to a childhood accident, has intestinal problems, which will excuse the sounds and smells of farts.
 

Brilliant! Party could take a page from that mid-70s flick starring Marcus Welby's old sidekick and Paula Prentiss's husband, the one where Yul Brynner played a robot gunslinger who gunned down all the capitalist pigs at the amusement park owned by robber barrons in the employ of George Bushhitler Sr. (Yes, it WAS a comedic picture!) Perhaps our scientists could even make our robot form complete sentences: "Community organizing... social justice... for the children.... and working families" although this may not be necessary given the level of worship achieved by our current candidate who can barely say "uh". It will be perfect, a candidate with a built-in teleprompter. If there is time before the election, maybe we can add a coffee-maker.
 

Let us consider, though, the effect of all the neon required to give that nimbus of holiness that surrounds The Chosen One.

We might finance our takeover by having cut-rate tickets to view the aura of sanctity, which would rival the Aurora Borealis in splendor. And then for a coda, the Chosen One could levitate himself out over the audience, over the prostrated figures of the MSM as they practice on their cucumbers to be ready for the time that they are chosen by the Chosen One.