ATTENTION ALL COMRADES!

Comrade Ivan Betinov, he of the brain in a jar, has been spewing treasonous hate speech on the Cube:

https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?p=54067&highlight=#54067

I disagree tremendously with [Obama's] agenda, and I hope we do not see (personal attack deleted with MimeEditor, Version 2.0 for Mac and Windows) his (another personal attack deleted with MimeEditor) plans come to fruition

As you can see just from reading the above, Comrades, it is eminently clear that Betinov wants Obama to FAIL!

This is a man brain in a position to influence multitudes of young people, telling them day after day what to think, filling their impressionable, mushy little heads with insane rage and lies! And he's obviously telling them that he wants our Dear Leader to FAIL!

I hereby denounce Betinov, and demand that we put him on trial and bring him to justice by confiscating his forum for fomenting dissent and discord among the masses! We as a nation cannot move forward to the Progressive World of Next Tuesday when a reactionary traitor like him, with his petty distracting smears and misleading bombast, wants to hold us, nay, drag us back to the bloody oppressive horrors of the Bush Administration!

Comrades! You are hereby exhorted to inform Betinov that no longer will you mindlessly heed and take to heart his equally mindless rants against the Truth; that as free citizens, you have the right to listen to Obama and only to Obama! Let Betinov know that with Bush's ignominious departure and Obama's glorious ascent, we are finally living in a free country where we can choose to listen to anyone we please, and no pickled brain in a jar is going to dictate otherwise to us!

EXPRESS YOUR OUTRAGE BELOW!

N.B. to Betinov: No hat for you!

Send brain to re-education camp! Wait is he being patriotic?

Brain is just that right? No body, no hired goons, no supportive comrades with goons? Is safe to denounce brain, and not face future repercussions? What if later on brain is cleared, and found to be innocent of thoughtcrime? Then those who denounced it will face thoughtcrime charges? Is wondering all of this thoughtcrime? Is wondering about wondering thoughtcrime a thoughtcrime? Perhaps I should just denounce brain to be safe?

I saw brain talk to evil Rove, he has not shown enough Party loyalty. Brain does not praise The One as much as other loyal party members, I suspect he may be a tool of Bushitler or worse The Palin. He must be sent to camp.

Damn. Denounced for a ThoughtCrime. Again. How do I combat this? How do I respond? THIS LOOKS LIKE A JOB FOR A (dramatic pause) FOCUS GROUP! Assemble all the voices in my head for an immediate strategy and spin session!

Okay, we're just brainstorming (hee-hee! No dammit, get serious!) here, so let's throw all the possible options and see which ones stick to the wall the best (are you sure you want us thinking about stuff sticking to a wall? Quiet, you! It was a figure of speech).

We could try the Blago defense and pretend that Pinkie is only doing this because she hates the children of working class families and claim that the State Legislature People's Tribunal doesn't actually have legal jurisdiction over me. (Yep. That worked out real well, now didn't it? Talk about stuff sticking to a wall...) Right. Bang goes that idea.

How about a Maoist response? That Cultural Revolution shit might fly again, given all the retro-hippies there are running around these days. Let's see, I'll need a placard in Chinese listing all my crimes, a stool and a public marketplace...maybe the lobby of the Kroger will let me set up there...a dunce cap (Nope. Look at the fine print in Pinkie's denunciation. I can't have a hat. Damn)

Maybe I could pull a Swaggart, y'know, "love the Brain-in-a-Jar, hate the thoughts he sometimes has." (With this crowd? You really ARE an idiot if you think identifying with a preacher will play, even if he did combine the class of Roller Derby with the salesmanship of RonCo.)

Let's see...blame it on childhood trauma? (You're the product of a collective farm, brightboy. And if you're blaming the Collective Farm, isn't that the same as blaming the state? And isn't blaming the state an indictment of the Party itself? I put it to you, Greg: isn't this an indictment of our entire Socialist agenda? Well...You can do what you like to us, but I for one am not going to stand here and listen to you bad-mouth His Obamaness Himself. Gentlemen!) (Get back in here you idiot, and turn off that rerun of "Animal House!")

Okay. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Maybe I could go the Obama route itself, and claim that Pinkie is just a racist because she actually listened to something I said and then repeated it. (Just a quick question here, but looking at the avatar, can you tell ethnicity from a picture of a Brain inna Jar? No? Next option, please.)

Okay. It looks like I'm going to get hammered on this one no matter what. Damn.

Comrades, I am OUTRAGED!
OUTRAGED, I SAY!!!!
Not because of Comrade Betinov's Thoughtcrime against ObaMao, I just like to get outraged at least once a day to keep in practice.

We must then put the accused's faithfulness to the test...

When you see the great ObaMao, and hear the sound of the kazoo, the glockenspiel, the bagpipe, and the clubbed seal, what MUST you do?

Proclaim yourself a Kennedy, Betinov, or tell Pinkie that you are the only brain in all of America that can fix the financial crisis that we currently find ourselves in.

I shall be your defense Betinov.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Comrades and Comradettes, Betinov did not inhale, nor did he have sex with that woman. He was not driving that Olds Delta 88 in fact he has never been to Martha s Vineyard Much less Chappaquiddick.
Remember if the glove does not fit you must acquit.

Oh yea....How much do you guys want to forget anything happened?



Red Star ESQ CEO Hemlock Hospitality Inc
Director of kicking doors at Midnight
Keeper of the sacred Plasma Cutter
Herdsman of Rainbow Farting Unicorns
Keeper of the faith

Betinov,

A Brain who lives in a glass jar and being denounced by Commissarka Pinkie? She who carries a very large shovel at all times. Be afraid Betinov, very afraid.

Commissarka said; [HIGHLIGHT=#eeece1]"This is a man brain in a position to influence multitudes of young people"[/HIGHLIGHT] and [HIGHLIGHT=#eeece1]"demand that we put him on trial". [/HIGHLIGHT]

Herein lies your defense. The prosecution has stated you are not a man. If not a man and therefore not a him, how can you go on trial?

Whack!!!.............. Ouch Pinkie! I was just trying to help a Comrade out.

Grigori, we shall stipulate that he's a man. Not only does he have a decidedly masculine name, but what do you call that thing hanging down beneath the organ pictured in his avatar?

And don't suggest "stem envy" unless you'd like a matching shovel-shaped dent on the other side of your head.

Alas, the People's Public Education^tm is failing us, even here...the program works too well.

Looking at Betinov's portrait, I see no evidence of anything suggesting a stem. Those two round things underneath the temporal lobes are not testicles (it is the cerebellum), and, unless, you insist that our Comrade-Accused roll over, I see no evidence of a stem.

Barring genetic testing, I propose that we refer to Betinov as an "it."

Be afraid Betinov, very afraid.

To know Pinkie and her shovel is to know fear. Why do you think the fluid in my jar is yellow?

Oh, and DDR Kamerad? I got yer stem right here, pal.

I am Outraged!!!

Outraged for I saw NO ThoughtCrime™ posted at the link to which the now suspect Commissar Pinkie posted! In fact, the ONLY thing I can see is where the ublemished Comrade Brain in a Jar, quoted a criminal! Or has everyone failed to see the magic, Party Approved Out of Character covering? Therefore, there was NOTHING there to be seen!

Marshal Pupovich wrote:I am Outraged!!!

Outraged for I saw NO ThoughtCrime™ posted at the link to which the now suspect Commissar Pinkie posted! In fact, the ONLY thing I can see is where the ublemished Comrade Brain in a Jar, quoted a criminal! Or has everyone failed to see the magic, Party Approved Out of Character covering? Therefore, there was NOTHING there to be seen!

So we denounce Pinkie? I'm making like a good Comrade and staying out of this until their is a clear direction to travel in. Plus I only have four workers and peasants making my People's Rifle, and they are usually drunk, so I don't trust my own group of followers too well in case I denounce the wrong person; or brain-in-a-jar, such as the case may be.

Great Stalin's Ghost, Pup is Right! I did preface those remarks with an out-of-character icon. I've been the vicitim of an out-of-character experience. I remember it clearly now...

I was in the big blue comfy chair in my living room enjoying a beet smoothie and watching the new PBS reality show, Who Wants to be First Up Against the Wall? Then there was a shadow on the wall beside me, a dsictinctly shovel-shaped shadow as I now suddenly recall. A voice said "Who knows what treason lurks in the hearts of Inner Circle Members? The Shovel knows!" Then everything went dark.

When I woke up, I was in a strange place. There were people there, but they weren't The People, if you know what I mean. Nobody was carrying a protest sign. Nobody was loudly complaining about how the Bush Administration tortured people and waged war for oil. Nobody demanded that I understand the purity of Islam or accept that Hamas is composed of freedom fighters much like the early American colonists. These "people" didn't look to government to pay their bills or create jobs for them; in fact they seemed almost to resent the loving, caring tentacles of government slithering into their community, which was strangely devoid of organizers. At that point it hit me: I was trapped in fly-over country. And they did things to me, comrades. Horrible things.

I was taken to a picnic in the town park. I think I must have been down south somewhere, because the food was absolutely ghastly. The main dish was barbecued pork ribs. Pork ribs! Without even a token apology for offending Vegans, Vegetarians, PETA, or CAIR! Then to my horror, I discovered that this was a CHURCH picnic! All the religious whackos in town were there, both Protestant and Catholic! I looked around wildly, expecting at any moment to be forcibly baptised, expecting fiery crosses to erupt as the fundamentalist zealots worked themselves into a carnivore frenzy! I tried to warn the persons of color there of the horrible danger of white people in groups, but they just looked at me funny and offered me a Grape Nehi soda and suggested I sit down in the shade.

For some reason that I still don't understand, the gathering didn't erupt into a full blown race-riot, and except for a brief prayer at the start of the meal, there wasn't any fire and brimstone hate speech. When it was over, these people cleaned up the park, dumping their trash into bags and putting the left-overs into big tin-foil pans. They didn't just leave like normal people do, letting the government pay people to pick up all their leavings. How utterly selfish. I asked what they were going to do with all that food, and was stunned by the answer. Some of it, they said, was going to be taken to people who couldn't make it to the party because they were sick, but most of it was going to a homeless shelter run by the town's churches. A homeless shelter run by churches?! Don't these people know that only the government can provide assistance to the unfortunate? How can you possibly expect to establish long-term dependence unless the government is involved? They didn't even have a multi-layered bureaucracy to find, collect, process, codify, and enroll these recipients! They just let them show up "if they needed help!" No forms, no paperwork, no caseworker...my head was spinning. Maybe bigger government wasn't the answer to everything....

It was then that I found a little cyber-cafe and made that posting. Since I knew I wasn't myself, I carefully placed an "out-of-character" marker at the top of the post. Just as I finished typing I caught a bare glimpse of a shovel-shaped shadow on the desk. I remember a distinct "SPANG!" sound, then I woke up back in the comfy blue chair. My beet smoothie was still there, still cold. It must have been a dream of some kind.

People can't really be like that, can they?

No, Betinov, they can't. Obviously you dreamed the whole thing up, in which case, you're still technically guilty of Thoughtcrime.

Sorry, but if you'd been hanging out in the bunker lately instead of haring off on wild beet-smoothie-induced hallucinations (are you sure it was a beet smoothie and not my good Putinka?) you would know that The Party has been calling for a show trial, this time musical in nature. And that got me to thinking of Disney's Beauty and the Beast and what a perfect scapegoat you would be--you know, the Brain in a Jar singing and doing soft-shoe with the likes of Lumiere the Candlestick and Cogsworth the Clock and Mrs. Potts the Teapot.


I've even composed a song that the entire cast of our production (except for you) can sing. It's a real showstopper sung to the tune of Beauty and the Beast's "Be Our Guest."

Be our goat, be our goat,
There's no need to even vote.
You're the best choice for the subject of a show trial of note
We've announced
You're denounced
And no longer one of us
Comrade, be a sport and let yourself get thrown beneath the bus.
We refuse
To hear your views
That we know are from Fox News
You're a knuckle-dragging far right wing turncoat!
You're just a dittohead
Who's now as good as dead
So be our goat, be our goat, be our goat!

Unfortunately, I've heard that Bruno went through a goat phase at one time, so I suspect he would find that song particularly...arousing?

Ivan Betinov wrote:Great Stalin's Ghost, Pup is Right! I did preface those remarks with an out-of-character icon. I've been the vicitim of an out-of-character experience. I remember it clearly now...

I was in the big blue comfy chair in my living room enjoying a beet smoothie and watching the new PBS reality show, Who Wants to be First Up Against the Wall? Then there was a shadow on the wall beside me, a dsictinctly shovel-shaped shadow as I now suddenly recall. A voice said "Who knows what treason lurks in the hearts of Inner Circle Members? The Shovel knows!" Then everything went dark.

Comrade Brain in a Jar, I am glad to have been of some assistance in clearing this unghastly episode, for if one can not count on the Party purity of a comrade who has donated both their body and brain to the service of the Party, a comrade who in collaboration with me, developed PeopleMath™ so that the equalness of all things can be proven, then who can one trust? I take it that that shovel shaped apparition that you saw probably had what appeared to be a red ketchief about it's head? Apparently that comrade, who correctly picked up the message of a truly "show" show trial, missed the intent of it's use to test the mettle of potential Inner Circle candidates. Clearly, you have been a widely respected Inner Circle comrade for quite some time.

Needless to say, I can well imagine the horror to which you were made to witness as a result of this trauma. All I can say is that I am relieved to see you are back safe and sound, and that you had the foresight to have protected yourself by the OOC symbol.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:I've even composed a song that the entire cast of our production (except for you) can sing. It's a real showstopper sung to the tune of Beauty and the Beast's "Be Our Guest."

Be our goat, be our goat,
There's no need to even vote.
You're the best choice for the subject of a show trial of note
We've announced
You're denounced
And no longer one of us
Comrade, be a sport and let yourself get thrown beneath the bus.
We refuse
To hear your views
That we know are from Fox News
You're a knuckle-dragging far right wing turncoat!
You're just a dittohead
Who's now as good as dead
So be our goat, be our goat, be our goat!

Given my comments above, clearly I find you in some error in regard to the subject in mind, Be that as it may, I adore your contribution in song, It's catchy, and easy to dance to!

Pupovich:

One has only to read the quote I posted at the start of this thread to know that Betinov is guilty. The link itself is irrelevant; that's part of the MimeSwipe program safeguards to prevent trolls like Chubby Huggs from accusing me of plagiarism.

Surely you've also heard of the treason committed by that loudmouthed hatemonger Limbaugh? Surely you don't question the veracity of that verdict? Surely you wouldn't go out of your way to listen to Limbaugh's entire three hour program before deciding that he's clearly guilty? Surely not, Pupovich? One has only to listen to the excerpt provided by the Party to know that he, like Betinov, wants Obama to fail.

I believe it was George Bernard Shaw who pointed out that one does not need to eat the whole egg to know it's rotten.

I believe it was George Bernard Shaw who pointed out that one does not need to eat the whole egg to know it's rotten.

But Shaw was a Scotsman, and with a Scotch Egg, sometimes you do have to eat the whole thing to discover the egg was rotten.

Scotsman, bah! He was Irish! Greener than Al Gore!

You are in such big trouble now.

People like Comrade Betinov -- or brains like Comrade Betinov -- are the sole reason why you never see an African-American mall Santa.

You should be ashamed, Comrade Betinov. You should be ashamed.


CRUSH THE WHITE MALL SANTA OPPRESSORS!

Yes, Chairman, and the Easter Bunnies are always white. What's up with that?

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Pupovich:

One has only to read the quote I posted at the start of this thread to know that Betinov is guilty. The link itself is irrelevant; that's part of the MimeSwipe program safeguards to prevent trolls like Chubby Huggs from accusing me of plagiarism.

Commissarka, do you really wish for me to go and find some of the things I have seen you post under the protection of Party Approved symbols of free expression, and then post them as evidence of ThoughtCrime™? I only submit that the ever faithful Comrade Brain in a Jar be treated equally.... in fact, more equally as anyone.

Let he who is without ThoughtCrime™ throw the first beet!

Oooooo, that just had to hurt! Comrades you are on your own! I'm outta here!

You go ahead and throw your beets at me, Pupovich. My shovel will beat your beets--and a whole lot more--every time.

People like Comrade Betinov -- or brains like Comrade Betinov -- are the sole reason why you never see an African-American mall Santa.

Apparently you've never been to Eastwood Mall in Birmingham.

Let he who is without ThoughtCrime™ throw the first beet!

Great. I'm a brain inna jar, and now I'm a brain inna jar at the bottom of a metric ton pile of beets. For there is nothing so self-righteous or vengeful as an irate Progressive.

We shall overcome, Betinov -- Eastwood Mall or not your oppression will end!


We shall overcome.

I've decided to back the brain in a jar, and denounce Pinkie. Her bloodstained shovel is no match for my People's Rifle!

Clearly Pinkie is up to something if she fears Betinov. Plus her shovel is in competition to my People's Rifle as the weapon of choice for arming the masses.

Perhaps Pinkie has been having an Out of Party experience and is dating a capitalist pig who carries a PICK instead of sturdy SHOVEL like good proles should?

Is this it eh Pinkie? Hiding behind allegations of someone else's thoughtcrimes to cover your own?

BEET FIGHT!!!!

Will thrown beets come out of our ration, or someone else's? Or does it depends on who wins? Or does everyone loose, in order to maintain equality? Can I freeze my beets before hand? Hollow them out and fill with gunpowder, or make Molotov Cocktails out of them? And the collective where I live doesn't grow beets. They grow something called "bud". Can I throw that, or must I burn it like everyone around here does?

Me, afraid of Betinov? Me, with my solid gold shovel, afraid of that brine-soaked blob of brains? Those who live in glass jars shouldn't throw beets.

You go ahead and cling bitterly to your People's Pop Gun, Comrade7.62. You'll put your eye out. Why don't you ask Santa up there to bring you a nice football instead?

Comrade 7.62 wrote:I've decided to back the brain in a jar, and denounce Pinkie. Her bloodstained shovel is no match for my People's Rifle!

And your People's Rifle is no match for my silly rules, regulations and bureaucratic mazes I have in store for you, Comrade!

Now then, do you have the appropriate forms for that People's Rifle? Do you have a license? Hmmm? Do you have permits? Have you had the appropriate instruction time with the weapon and do you have at least several certifications -- all notarized, mind you -- showing that you are adequately equipped to operate the weapon? Does local law enforcement know you possess a weapon?

All of these questions need answering, Comrade. Be at my office tomorrow around five in the morning and I'll try to meet with you sometime between five and eleven -- eleven at night, that is. Oh, and bring two sharpened #2 pencils.

BTW - I denounce you and Betinov.

Furthermore, Comrades, there will be no "beet fights" or throwing of beets at each other. Your monthly rations will not be replaced, and there are children starving in--where are they starving this week? Zimbabwe? East Philly? Wherever. They're starving somewhere.

Throw shoes instead. If you want to really insult somebody, throw a shoe at them. In fact, I can't think of a worse insult than that. Not even sexual innuendos about your mother can stand up to the whizzing of a shoe past your head.

In fact, Comrade7.62, since you're wondering who I'm dating, this is the perfect time to announce that I'm in love! Yes, I have finally found Comrade Right--I mean Correct, Comrade Correct! His name is Muntadahr al-Zaidi, and he's my hero, because he threw shoes at George W. Bush. Munty's an absolute dreamboat, and I hope to have lots of babies with him. He's sweet and sensitive, and like, totally understands me.

Unfortunately, I have a rival for his affections named Mikael Rudolph.

Mrs. Pinkie al-Zaidi
Mrs. Pinkie al-Zaidi
Mrs. Pinkie al-Zaidi . . .

Ahh Chairman, you pull the power of paperwork eh?

I must show the other side of me then... Not only do I make The People's Rifle I was a marketer and salesman in my former capitalist non progressive life. I fear not paperwork and mindless desk jockeys.

And regarding your questions; not required in my collective, also not required in my collective, still not required in my collective, lots of time with it, not required in my collective, and I talk guns with one of them often.

I'll bring the pencils. Lead pencils. Lots of lead pencils.

To Pinkie, I fear not your decadent gold shovel, for honest socialist steel will always overcome the greed of capitalist gold!

Let's take a break from the trial for a little song and dance:

Great Stalin's Ghost!

Comrade 7.62, you do realize this is the Chairman that you are dealing with? We need some closure here comrade..... closure of the open rebellion that you are showing to the Chairman.

Now I grant, there is much confusion here. For instance, Commissarka Pinkie was confused when she denounced Comrade Brain in the Jar who properly displayed the Off Character umbrella defense. Commissarka continued being confused when she apparently thought that I was throwing beets at any one.... I merely stepped back from what I could foresee was coming. Then you were apparently confused when you stated that Commissarka Pinkie must be up to something if she fears Comrade Betinov. Now I can truthfully attest that she is indeed up to something, but she does not fear Comrade Betinov.

However, while I do not doubt your claims of inventing your People's Rifle, nor your adroitness in dealing with mundane, yet indispensable paperwork and useless regulations, this is the Chairman that has corrected you in as loving, compassionate, and entirely as reasonable manner as is possible for him. Would you talk back to a Kennedy like that? Would you sass a Kennedy like that while he was driving over a bridge and you were in the passenger seat? That is in effect what you have done!

Dear Lenin, why oh why is it me who is left to speak rationally here? Why must I bear this burden?

Chairman, in an unprecedented and disgusting spasm of compassion on my part, may I plead that you show mercy on Comrade 7.62? He knows not what he has done, and has shown some potential.

Ahh Marshal, I must confess I was caught up in Revolutionary Fervor ™. I humbly withdraw my statement about bringing "lots of lead pencils" and will go dig beets with a bayonet to feed the collective for a week.

This Revolutionary Fervor(TM) strikes me at odd (and sober) moments. I must take time away from designing the rest of The People's Arsenal (pat. pend.) and spend more time at the bottom of a bottle of vodka, in order to keep the Revolutionary Fervor(TM) in check.

I will also say 12 Praise Lenins, and 7 Obama Our Fathers tonight as I meditate on Marx, as understood by Lenin, interpreted by Stalin, further studied by Mao, and finally presented to the world by Kim Jong Il, through Fidel Castro, via his brother.

Then perhaps my work is done Comrade! Never forget the Kennedy driving you over a bridge scenario, and it will always guide you in how to behave around the Chairman.

Marshal Pupovich wrote:Then perhaps my work is done Comrade! Never forget the Kennedy driving you over a bridge scenario, and it will always guide you in how to behave around the Chairman.

Yes, between a sober moment of Revolutionary Fervor ™ and being blinded by the greatness of The Chairman I was totally taken aback, and out of my senses. This must be how it is like in the presence of The Obama, something I dream of, and work towards every waking day of my progressive life. I even found a beet shaped like Obama this morning. I didn't cook it, instead I froze it, and gaze at it now when I seek inspiration. Perhaps not having my breakfast ration also caused an increase in Revolutionary Fervor ™

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:BTW - I denounce you and Betinov.

Shall I unleash the Bolshevik Be-otch Bodyguard Brigade on them, Chairman? Or would you rather wait for the show trial first?

BTW, Pinkie, the devoshkas want your autograph. They've been pestering me ceaselessly about it ever since I was given the key to the bunker.

DDR Kamerad wrote:

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:BTW - I denounce you and Betinov.

Shall I unleash the Bolshevik Be-otch Bodyguard Brigade on them, Chairman? Or would you rather wait for the show trial first?

BTW, Pinkie, the devoshkas want your autograph. They've been pestering me ceaselessly about it ever since I was given the key to the bunker.

Comrade Kamerad, the Be-otch Brigade will get disoriented in the Olympia Collective, due to the strange variety of people and proles roaming the streets in packs. I suggest having them withdraw to the border, and I will negiotate suitable groveling to the Chairman. (Plus I have the brain in a jar in my bilge. I will trade brain in a jar for freedom, and release from all charges)

What is that shovel shaped shadow over my head do...... *ouch* *sees glorious red starts now*

Grigori, thanks for putting some "show" in the show trial. Quite refreshing. Now, while people are watching that, and Pup, the Chairman, Pinkie, and 7.62 are all arguing over who threw the first beet, I'll take the opportunity to slope off down to the pub.

Ivan Betinov wrote:Grigori, thanks for putting some "show" in the show trial. Quite refreshing. Now, while people are watching that, and Pup, the Chairman, Pinkie, and 7.62 are all arguing over who threw the first beet, I'll take the opportunity to slope off down to the pub.

Wait, if Betinov is sloping down to the pub, what is this jar and brain I have in my boat?

This is Betinov right?

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:In fact, Comrade7.62, since you're wondering who I'm dating, this is the perfect time to announce that I'm in love! Yes, I have finally found Comrade Right--I mean Correct, Comrade Correct! His name is Muntadahr al-Zaidi, and he's my hero, because he threw shoes at George W. Bush. Munty's an absolute dreamboat, and I hope to have lots of babies with him. He's sweet and sensitive, and like, totally understands me.

Unfortunately, I have a rival for his affections named Mikael Rudolph.

Mrs. Pinkie al-Zaidi
Mrs. Pinkie al-Zaidi
Mrs. Pinkie al-Zaidi . . .

Commissarka, have you any idea what you have unleashed? Apparently you have a misguided suitor for your attention. However, this poor sap in his effort to flirt with you, aimed his "cupid's shoe" at a Party bigshot. Ah, the stupid things some will do for love.

You people have waaaay too much time to blog.



I'm jealous.




And grateful. I have enjoyed this thread immensely

Marshal Pupovich wrote:Commissarka, have you any idea what you have unleashed? Apparently you have a misguided suitor for your attention. However, this poor sap in his effort to flirt with you, aimed his "cupid's shoe" at a Party bigshot. Ah, the stupid things some will do for love.

Dear Marshal, although you are no more nor less dear than any of my other comrades, while you have the sharpest nose of any from the People's Collective of Louisiana (which was destined to be Progressive, btw--anything French cannot help but be so!), I am afraid your insight might not be serving you as well.

This dalliance between the Commisarka and her Arabic paramour should be encouraged. Need I remind you that we are in competition with the capitalists for the oil underneath their sands? Since they pay in dollars, and we have only beets and cabbage to offer in bulk (and highbrow rhetoric and lofty ideals out the wazoo--if we had a ruble for every one of those, we could easily outspend the capitalists, but for some reason, they keep getting more money than we redistributionists--I blame the Jews for that), we suffer from a little bit of a disadvantage.

It's not just their resources we are after...well, that's not entirely true, but the fact remains that in order to get those resources, we need to deal with those who live above ground. By any means necessary. The Commisarka is offering her special skills by trying to win the hearts of the Progressive Jihadist Quarter. If that fails, I have little reason to doubt that her shovel will do a fine job doing the rest of the persuading.

I DENOUNCE COMRADE SPRINGSTEEN!

If anything could be worse than watching my Cards lose the SuperBowl because one lousy play at the end of the first half went awry, itwas having to run from the room in disgust when the musically vapid butpolitically obnoxious Bruce Springsteen came on for the halftime show...

I didn't catch whether Springsteen took the opportunity to apologizefor oppressing the working masses he pretends to represent by signingan exclusive deal with Wal-Mart to sell a greatest hits CD.

Lenin 'n' Things wrote:You people have waaaay too much time to blog.



I'm jealous.




And grateful. I have enjoyed this thread immensely

Lenin's thingy hits the target again! Touche, LnT, another 2 points! I could only wish to repartee unrepentantly and freely with such a collective as this!

Back to the denouncing: by my rights, Comrade Brain 'N Jar has had it coming. For a long time. He's been strutting around pretty high and mighty for a disembodied organ in a jar of fluid.

In short. if Pinkie says he deserves denouncing, DENOUNCE! That's good enough for me! We should discourage independent thought and analytical discourse. This thread should be a symphony of unanimous outrage, laced with creative ideas of how to give comrade B'nJ his due. The Pig Brains can did provoke an involuntary snort, I must admit...

(Psst, comrade Betinov, all in good fun comrade, you know I just love a good denouncing...)

DDR Kamerad wrote:I DENOUNCE COMRADE SPRINGSTEEN!

If anything could be worse than watching my Cards lose the SuperBowl because one lousy play at the end of the first half went awry, itwas having to run from the room in disgust when the musically vapid butpolitically obnoxious Bruce Springsteen came on for the halftime show...

I didn't catch whether Springsteen took the opportunity to apologizefor oppressing the working masses he pretends to represent by signingan exclusive deal with Wal-Mart to sell a greatest hits CD.

Well said, Komrade!!!

He looked OLD. His act reeked like week-old fish offal, and believe me, as Commissar of Seafood Testing, I know how awful offal can be! He and his e-street band looked like a bunch of geriatrics lurching about a stage, pretending to be 19. No amount of lighting, pyrotechnics and stagecraft can make him look fresh and relevant. I watched it with the sound down, which rendered a rather humorous experience, particularly when I opened the second can of catnip.

DDR Kamerad, I share your sorrow at witnessing the temporary defeat of the valiant Cardinals! I wished for the secret police to cut down the Steelers banners in our neighborhood. What do they think, this is a free country or something? Glendale is CARDS country, and these towel-waving lunatics and their team need to be cut down a notch or two.

There, my nurse is here with my medication...about time...

Genosse Mausig-Zunge, I believe you are mistaken. What makes you think I would root for a team named after a religious office named after a red bird (although the color is the beast's redeeming feature) as opposed to a team whose mascot embodies the hard-working proletariat?

Of course, in the interests of equality, I did not root for the Steelers, either.

Nope, I root for Bayern-München! And the Tennessee Volunteers when they play. Of course, now that Coach Fulmer is gone, I wonder how the team will fare.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:You go ahead and throw your beets at me, Pupovich. My shovel will beat your beets--and a whole lot more--every time.

You better watch it she beat betinov in my BMP the other day with her shovel. and destroyed a Bust of "the Chosen one" in the collateral damage. We must ban shovels because shovels hurt people. I think it was That that sent Betinov into his brain damaged stupor. It Is PINKIE that should be DENOUNCED for attacking a protected species.


And I will return the Hat that Pinkie Stole from you. ( it might help with the beets)

Commissar L.R. Star wrote:

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:You go ahead and throw your beets at me, Pupovich. My shovel will beat your beets--and a whole lot more--every time.

You better watch it she beat betinov in my BMP the other day with her shovel. and destroyed a Bust of "the Chosen one" in the collateral damage. We must ban shovels because shovels hurt people. I think it was That that sent Betinov into his brain damaged stupor. It Is PINKIE that should be DENOUNCED for attacking a protected species.


And I will return the Hat that Pinkie Stole from you. ( it might help with the beets)

Have you no sense of decency,sir? At long last,have you left no sense of decency?! Denounce Pinkie?.... How dare you,sir? How dare you!


Yer in trouble. Big trouble. Gold-plated shovel trouble.

I fear not her shovel.... she swings it ,as she throws a beet...... Like a girl....

::: retreats to the BMP ::::

Another pint of Guiness, please, and a packet of nuts. No, I've got time...they'll go round and round for hours.

Watch your mouth, Lone Star. You can't denounce me. The media loves me. Everyone loves me and thinks I'm cool. Haven't you heard? Sales of red headscarves and shovels have skyrocketed 250 percent since The One's election, and according to the ladies on The View, it's all due to me.

OF COURSE I throw beets like a girl! What about you--look at you! Running back to your BMP--running LIKE A GIRL! Screaming LIKE A GIRL! And oh, what color is your BMP? It's pink, with a big Hello Kitty on the front. Just LIKE A GIRL! That's a girl's BMP, Lone Star. I'll bet you ride girls' bikes, too. Schwinn Fair Ladies, with the bar that slants down so you can mount the bike without having to worry about your skirt slipping up your leg and letting all the other comrades see your Hello Kitty underwear that your mommy laid out for you. Feel that banana seat split you in half, Little Girl Star!

You're afraid of my shovel. Chicken! CHICKEN! Instead of beets, why not throw some eggs my way? Throw ANYTHING at me, and I will get my darling Munty to pelt you with shoes.

Never forget: I am The Teflon Commissarka, and nothing sticks to me--except this damned toilet paper on the heel of my boot.

Speaking of which, I found a new pic of my rival for darling Munty's affections:



http://www.facebook.com/people/Mikael-Rudolph/627136952

DDR Kamerad wrote:

Marshal Pupovich wrote:Commissarka, have you any idea what you have unleashed? Apparently you have a misguided suitor for your attention. However, this poor sap in his effort to flirt with you, aimed his "cupid's shoe" at a Party bigshot. Ah, the stupid things some will do for love.

This dalliance between the Commisarka and her Arabic paramour should be encouraged. Need I remind you that we are in competition with the capitalists for the oil underneath their sands?

Comrade Kamerad, have you been into the People's Potato Vodka again? I never once even hinted that Pinkie's dalliance with her Arabic paramour, her favorite appliance, or even another shovel should be discouraged. I merely wished to draw her attention so she would be aware that there was apparently another suitor trying to impress her. Do you think the Commissarka is not progressive enough to handle multiple suitors?

Thank you, Pupovich, but I'm afraid the would-be suitor you've presented for my consideration does not set my heart throbbing. You see, it's not the act of shoe throwing that turns me on--it's hatred for George W. Bush.

It's just that simple.

You know how it is Commissarka. We just have to be patient I suppose with these newer comrades. How could they know the struggles we have been through? Were they out on that ledge with us? Were they there when the Chairman lost his beloved Hummels? Or known the burden of a Show Trial?