University passes out hockey pucks as possible defense against active shooters

Comrades,

The gun control lobby is winning, let us turn our attention to the next crisis before they see it coming. Hockey Pucks.

See the above link; Racists and homophobes are using hockey pucks (all of them black, did anyone notice?) as "Self Defense" weapons against oppressed Gentle Giants and innocent criminals who may or may not be carrying a weapon while visiting a classroom on an unscheduled university tour. Hockey is a game played and watched by white conservative males (patriarchy!) with STICKS. And its played on ice, created by refrigeration (marginalizing our Kalifornian Komrades who don't have electricity to charge their cars) Oh, the symbolism! Think of the children!

Hockey pucks travel at high speed, and cause damage when striking flesh. Easily concealble, readily available, completely unregulated, and non-metallic--they can pass right through TSA scanners...Their use should be limited to professional teams and their hockey militias, and nobody needs a hockey puck just because they think they can order one off of Amazzonia. This has to stop.

This indeed has to be stopped before it starts. We need awareness ribbons, paid-for mobs in the streets and a good chant for the mobs... We can probably get reparations since ummm, well, because racialist.

As a result, when hockey pucks are outlawed, only outlaws will have hockey pucks...

Frisbee control next, Ivan. An entire K-9 force of frisbee interceptors must be trained! Immediately!

The shape is all wrong. Cylinders are so outdated. Cubes are much better. And it needs to be red.