To celebrate my promotion, I am forming a Cube Brigade of the People's Revolutionary Red Guards(TM)!

All who wish to join the Red Guard will be issued a People's Rifle(TM), an insufficient supply of faulty ammo, a squeegee bayonet (what, you expected to be paid for being in the guard? Go redistribute wealth from Rethuglikkkans driving fancy cars by washing their windshields) and a roll of scratchy burlap from which to fashion your uniform. Your standard shovel will be replaced by a new Red Guard(TM) folding shovel with which you can dig beets, foxholes, and even your own grave in the case of purges. Please note your old shovel will be turned over to the nearest Political Officer, but you will still be responsible for it. Any questions will be answered with a bullet to the back of the head. There are no questions in the Red Guard(TM), only blind, unwavering obedience to The Party(TM).

Also there is a need for a Political Officer Obamissar in the People's Revolutionary Red Guards(TM). Suggestions for a volunteer comrades?

I salute you, Colonel 7.62,

Congratulations on your promotion. If you don't mind a suggestion, may I say that it's always good for dedicated soldier to keep garlic in pockets for whatever medical emergency comes up, like if Commissarka Pinkie's shovel causes injury, or Commissar Obamissar V contracts some disease after a night of vodka and trolling.

Mmm thank you for the suggestion. I guess I get to shop at the special shops with no lines now, so I can get garlic easily.

Sign me up comrade Colonel. And let me offer that I'm also available for impromptu firing squads, purges and a 21 gun salute for the inevitable funeral.

As for Political Officer Obamissar, there's a new party member by the name of Lavrentiy Pavlovich Beria. Perhaps he can be volunteered to serve the greater good (or else). His name seems auspiciously fitting for the role.

Comrade Whoopie, if you are skilled enough to put a bullet into the back of a head, then you too will be suitable for the Revolutionary Guard!

Gulag Man want be guard. Gulag Man need change from beet fields.

Colonel 7.62 wrote:(what, you expected to be paid for being in the guard? Go redistribute wealth from Rethuglikkkans driving fancy cars by washing their windshields)

Couldn't we just shoot the rethuglikkkans and take their cars instead?

P.S. I'm wearing a bullet-proof helmet that fully covers the back of my head.

Gulag Man wrote:Gulag Man want be guard. Gulag Man need change from beet fields.

Gulag Man smash capitalist institutions? Gulag Man destroy in the name of Greater Good(TM)? Then Gulag Man make good guard.

First job for Gulag man is to assist the cooks. Go dig beets for the guard.

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Sign me up comrade Colonel. And let me offer that I'm also available for impromptu firing squads, purges and a 21 gun salute for the inevitable funeral.

As for Political Officer Obamissar, there's a new party member by the name of Lavrentiy Pavlovich Beria. Perhaps he can be volunteered to serve the greater good (or else). His name seems auspiciously fitting for the role.

Thank you Comrade Whoopie for that kind vote of confidence.

I would volunteer myself as Director for Mental Health and the gulags mental health clinics under the Ministry of Peoples Mental Health.

Our clinics are staffed with mental health experts such as Comrade Congresswoman Maxine Waters and Comrade Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee.

Rethugican reactionaries, along with all who do not love Dear Leader, obviously suffer from mental illness and will be committed to my tender care. Those who do not change their evil running dog capitalist ways will receive a loving peoples bullet in the back of the head.

I have had experience in these matters.

Political Officer/Obamissar (like a community organizer now, only with thugs) or Guard Mental Health Director, same thing. The only pill you hand out to your patients comes from the barrel of a TT-33 Tokarev Pistol anyway. It is a good thing you volunteered voluntarily after being volunteered by Comrade Whoopie.

Colonel 7.62 wrote:

Gulag Man wrote:Gulag Man want be guard. Gulag Man need change from beet fields.

Gulag Man smash capitalist institutions? Gulag Man destroy in the name of Greater Good(TM)? Then Gulag Man make good guard.

First job for Gulag man is to assist the cooks. Go dig beets for the guard.

Gulag Man quit.

Colonel 7.62 wrote:The only pill you hand out to your patients comes from the barrel of a TT-33 Tokarev Pistol anyway.

This comrade volunteers to help with dispensing medicines at mental health center! This comrade can use Vz-52 pistol for dispensing "sleeping pills" during "group therapies", just have patients all line up in a row! It will be much easier this way!

Gulag Man wrote:

Colonel 7.62 wrote:

Gulag Man wrote:Gulag Man want be guard. Gulag Man need change from beet fields.

Gulag Man smash capitalist institutions? Gulag Man destroy in the name of Greater Good(TM)? Then Gulag Man make good guard.

First job for Gulag man is to assist the cooks. Go dig beets for the guard.

Gulag Man quit.

Gulag Man cannot quit. Your term of enlistment in the Guards is not up.

However being in a good mood I can be merciful. Instead of digging beets before execution as deserter, I will make you Comrade in Charge of Setting Explosive Charges. Should you mange not to blow yourself up, there are many possibilities for advancement.

Colonel 7.62 wrote:

Gulag Man wrote:

Colonel 7.62 wrote:
Gulag Man smash capitalist institutions? Gulag Man destroy in the name of Greater Good(TM)? Then Gulag Man make good guard.

First job for Gulag man is to assist the cooks. Go dig beets for the guard.

Gulag Man quit.

Gulag Man cannot quit. Your term of enlistment in the Guards is not up.

However being in a good mood I can be merciful. Instead of digging beets before execution as deserter, I will make you Comrade in Charge of Setting Explosive Charges. Should you mange not to blow yourself up, there are many possibilities for advancement.

Gulag Man take job. Gulag Man has eyes on inner circle. Like explosions. Have great experience in such work. Gulag man did wet work for Commissars before gulag.

Ahh Corporal Gulag Man, why did you not tell me you are skilled in People's Wet Work(TM)? Good, skilled and still unpurged comrades are hard to come by. Perhaps Comrade Kim Jong Illin can give some advice on Reary Big Frash(TM).

First order of business is to dig foxhole. (Don't forget to turn in your old shovel to Obamissar Beria and get your folding guard shovel. After digging suitable hole, go stand in line at GUM to purchase ration of blasting caps. That should keep you occupied for a while.