Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States....

Good Evening. As promised, I have been focusing like a laser beam on creating solutions for the problems that my predecessor left for me. In particular, the tax cuts for the rich implemented in the prior administration have caused huge structural deficits and have driven the unemployment rate over 10 per cent, despite my best efforts to hold it below that. The economic difficulties I am dealing with are unprecedented as most informed people will agree.

Tonight I am announcing a new program which will create millions of high paying jobs while simultaneously addressing the problem of the deteriorating infrastructure in our nation. I will be asking the Congress to allocate the sum of one trillion dollars for the purpose of building numerous large, multi-story triangular structures which will serve manifold purposes. They can act as parking garages or office buildings and I have also proposed a couple be built to act as mausoleums for the late Senator Kennedy and Congressman Murtha. We will be able to mount micro-wave or satellite dishes on the tips as well as a landing beacon for Speaker Pelosi's new 787 Dreamliner. The structures are very versatile and undoubtedly new uses will be invented as the project evolves; someone on my staff suggested that one be built in Las Vegas for use as a casino, but I can't see blowing any money there.

Now besides creating millions of high paying jobs and eliminating the shortage of office and parking space in our country, these buildings will have a number of additional benefits that are not immediately apparent. You see, the design of these structures is not new but go back thousands of years to our forefathers in the middle east who took time out between inventing algebra and compasses to devise these amazing edifices. When I was at Harvard, I read some ancient texts which describe these collossal units as being able to generate clean renewable energy as well as having healing powers. Some writers spoke of them being able to sharpen razor blades and preserve raw meat - these are abilities which will greatly aid the average consumer in today's economy. And, believe it or not, they will also be a boon to our space program for they purportedly have the added benefit of opening a gateway to the stars.

My friends, I'm sure to many of you this all sounds too good to be true but my technical advisors, John Holdren and Al Gore, agree the science on this is settled. They have been proven right on climate change and I'm confident they will be proven right on these issues also.

We needed to chose a name for these magnificent complexes but most of the ideas did not seem to do them justice. My wife Michelle finally came up with the perfect moniker, one that encapsulates the grandness of their design, their practicality, their usefulness, their cost efficiency and the down-to-earth reality-based nature of their promises; she dubbed them "Govamids."

President Obama unveiled this artist's conception of a typical Govamid complex as designed by himself and advisors Al Gore and John Holdren. The President proposes to build at least one complex in every state except Massachusetts, which he says lacks a suitable site for a complex.

I intend for the Govamid Project to go forward as a bipartisan effort. Unfortunately, in the past the opposition, The Party of NO, has not seen fit to cooperate and worked to obstruct my effort to help our nation to recover from the recession they caused. My opponents have so far stymied passage of our healthcare reform plan which would help the economy immensely and have likewise blocked my Cap and Trade green jobs creation program. They have offered no ideas of their own except for the failed old nostrums of the last eight years, namely to cut taxes for the fat cats. Nevertheless, I am determined to obtain bipartisan support on the Govamid Project and toward that end, I have asked Sen. Arlen Spector to rejoin the Republican Party and vote for the bill. Sen. Spector has agreed and we anticipate that additional members of the minority party, out of their deep respect for Sen. Spector, will join him in supporting this noble task.

I am sure all thinking people are as excited as I am about the Govamid Project. However, some will say that we cannot afford to take on the debt to build these magnificent structures. My response is that doing nothing is not an option. But ultimately, the choice between going ahead with the Govamid Project and reducing the deficit is a false choice, for we have calculated that the Govamids will be deficit neutral in the first 10 years of the project and completely eliminate the national debt in the long term. This project will create jobs in all one thousand congressional districts and will likely be a bigger economic success story than the 2009 Stimulus.

In conclusion, I am sure that when the benefits of the Govamid Project are widely understood, the country will come to love it as much as my healthcare reform bill which is currently stalled by the obstructionists in Congress, but which I will be announcing plans to move ahead with any day now. Thank you.

Dear Leader:
Yet, another horrendous compassionate idea, which can only originate from a dark, dark generous soul. A have a tear!

Hail Comrade Obama!

Dear Leader's speech brings memories of Dear Comrade Castro. Never a shortage of garbled logic and contradictions wisdom. I can envision a long list of these kinds of ridiculous projects. And, of course, Dear Leader has every right to immortalize himself.