Obanga and Keranga: a Peace Epic

User avatar
Usanga and Isranga were two villages deep in the heart of a dark continent. Usanga was a large village, much larger but some distance from the smaller village of Isranga. Usanga, being the larger village by far and filled with kind and compassionate villagers, protected the smaller but distant village of Isranga. Protection was necessary for the smaller Isranga because all around the countryside and completely surrounding the small village lived wild cannibals who insisted the people of Isranga had no right to exist and they tasted good.

The larger Usanga helped the smaller Isranga build and maintain a wall around their village to keep the cannibals at bay, for which the citizens of Isranga were highly appreciative. The larger Usanga found a wall unnecessary because the cannibals hated travel and had not yet learned to make suitcases. Occasionally a stray cannibal would get lost in the jungle and end up wandering close to Usanga, tired and hungry. This created an unfortunate but acceptable loss of Usangans and not worth the expense and effort of erecting a Usangan wall. Usangans were a happy and statistically safe people.

One day the old Usangan Cheif Georanga Busanga died and a new Cheif Baranga Obanga was elected. Chief Obanga thought quite highly of himself and spent a great deal of time looking at himself in the mirror pool.

"I will bring peace between the cannibals and the little walled village of Isranga," thought Obanga. "There is no peace now because no one has ever been as brilliant and great and wonderful as I."

So Obanga appointed as Secretary, Jonanga Keranga (who had served in Viet Naranga). Jonanga Keranga was easily contacted because he was also at the mirror pool each day admiring himself. There was never conflict between Obanga and Keranga because it never occurred to either, due to their own obvious greatness, that any other person might think of himself more highly.

Obanga said to Keranga, "Go and negotiate peace between the cannibals and the little walled village of Isranga". And off Keranga went.

These cannibals, sometimes referred to as Islangans, seemed to all be named Mohanga so no individual names ever really acquired any traction for reference and it was never clear who was actually in charge, if anyone. But they had worked themselves into irrational levels of hatred for the Israngans and their little walled village, amplified by fabrications about what might be happening behind those irritating, obstructing walls. Obviously, Islangan cannibal children were being eaten behind those walls and their blood drunk by evil Israngans.

Now, one might think, being that Islangans were cannibalistic and often ate their own children when it suited them or if they were hungry, this would have been no big deal. But the thought of those evil Israngans eating Islangan children was one swinging bridge too far and it enraged them even further. They thought of nothing else day and night but how they could enter the walled village and devour the delicious population. It never occurred to them that if they could not penetrate the walled village, it was unlikely their children were entering the village and providing breakfast or dinner.

The Israngans' greatest strength was also their greatest weakness when it came to the cannibals. Millennia of development had made the Israngans technologically sophisticated and they could have easily eradicate those pesky cannibals. But a deep cultural appreciation for human life, no matter how despicable, had developed in parallel to their technology. The Israngans had culturally tied their own hands, victims of their own ethics. The cannibals were culturally unfettered and had no similar reservations or restrictions. They were motivated by hatred and appetite but obstructed by one singular shortcoming - they could not make ladders. This was the only possible way for the cannibals to gain access into the walled village. The ground was too hard to dig a tunnel, the walls were too thick to penetrate; they had to go over the top.

When Secretary Keranga (who had served in Viet Naranga) arrived to negotiate peace between the cannibals and the Isranga, the cannibals had but one demand. "We want ladders." This seemed a reasonable request to Secretary Keranga. After all, the Usanga had ladders of their own and Secretary Keranga new for a fact that other villages had ladders. The cannibals swore on the graves of their tasty children that they only wanted ladders for peaceful purposes. Secretary Keranga could see no problem providing ladders to the Islanga cannibals for peaceful purposes.

Chief Beebanga Netanga of the Isranga went ballistic. "You are an idiot," said Chief Netanga to Keranga. "Our wall is the only thing keeping the cannibals out because they cannot make ladders to climb over."

"Nonsense," replied Keranga, "they promised me, Jonanga Keranga (who served in Viet Naranga), and swore on the graves of their tasty children."

And that was that. For Keranga saw no problem with it and they had promised him. And if there had been a problem, Keranga would have seen it because of how brilliant and courageous he saw himself. Keranga returned to Usanga, leaving Beebanga screaming epithets surely meant for others and could not have been directed at the brilliant and courageous Keranga. The deal was done and the ladder shipment to the Islanga cannibals was arranged and sent.

Secretary Keranga was glad to be by the mirror pool again, admiring his reflection, knowing he had played the key role in peace negotiations. Obanga was there as always, confident that he had played the key role in peace negotiations. And they all felt proud and safe, because the cannibals hated to travel.

Rumors were circulating of late, within the Usanga community, of recent Islanga cannibalistic peace negotiations with neighboring Rusanga. Apparently the Islanga cannibals were flexing their newly developed negotiation skills. They had only one demand, as the story went, and Rusanga saw no problem with it: suitcases.
The peace 256.jpg

User avatar
The top image must be village of Isranga, and the bottom one looks more like the neighboring Rusanga that provided the suitcases to the Islanga cannibals and got cannibalized in the process.

Reenactment of negotiations between Usanga and Islanga must have involved a PowerPoint presentation somewhere, in which Keranga was trying to help Mohanga with means of expression.


Image Post this article on some lib websites. They love fairy tales, and will never get the 'joke'.

Image Glorious Leader has seen the future, and knows there will be no trouble from Islangan, or it's friends. That is why he's paving the way to the future, he sees all (what the MSM will spew for him).

User avatar
I forgot to mention that no lions were harmed during the process of this story. Also any similarity to any real person living or dead is purely coincidental. In other words, it is pure fantasy ... the very essence of current national policy.

User avatar
Their Ladder accord had nothing to do with ladder control. It didn't provide any real ladder control. The Iranian Nuclear Accord doesn't have anything to do with nuclear control... it doesn't actually, in reality, control Iran's nuclear program. There is one thing the Iran Nuclear Accord does change: it ends the sanctions on Iran, frees up 150 billion dollars, and lets Russia, China, and Europe do business with Iran.

It shouldn't be called a nuclear accord, it should be called the Iranian end of Sanctions and Doing Business With Iran Accord. That's what the accord has actually changed.

User avatar
If my understanding of this tale is correct, what Chief Obanga's supporters are saying is that the cannibals will eventually get ladders somehow or another, so it may as well be the nation of Usanga to provide the ladders, so that they may find favor with the Islangan cannibals, even though the walled village of Isranga would likely be decimated.

This is a shrewd move by the Usangan Chief Obanga and his minion Keranga. Do they honestly believe that the cannibals of Islanga will respect their capitulation and have mercy on them? Or is that just for domestic consumption among the villagers within Usanga? Is it possible that Chief Obanga or one of his advisers is influencing him to do the bidding of the Islangan cannibals? A most intriguing tale comrade.

I don't suppose the cannibals had ever read the tale of the Trojanga Horse. And even if they had, I would also suppose that the residents behind the walls of Isranga are aware of this tale and would be prepared to defend against it.

User avatar
I am not into conspiracy theory and there may be no basis for this rumor. Some say that Keranga's wife is the recipient of a large ketchup empire and Keranga is secretly lobbying for a monopoly on condiment concessions once the feeding frenzy starts. Does anyone know if the Islangans like ketchup with their Israngan delicacies?

User avatar
I heard Keranga thinks this is gonna get him a Nobel Peace.Prize. They give those out for general awesomeness now.