Mormons take Hint from Moslems, sue prison for offering coffee and cigarettes.

Being dead is no excuse not to donate to the party neither is being two years old.

Bush approves of following sales:

• AA to Irish (Free vodka now served at meetings)
  
• TSA to Saudi Arabia
  
• Border Patrol Agency to family of Pancho Villa
  
• Jewish and Holocaust studies to Hezbollah.
  
• Nasdaq to Dubai
  
• -Child Development to ACLU

Amid war drums ACLU fears loss of Jihadi Rights.

Ahh, yes. Google news. Just like Weekly World News, but with less "real" content.

I love the Bush headlines... assume they are made up? At least the link doesn't work.

Whoa, free vodka at AA meetings? I am so there!

Wait, don't we already get free vodka as part of being in the inner circle of the Great Cube Collective?

Yes, and because of that there is no reason to go to AA meetings. Unless you want to make fun of the drunks seeking "help". Fools, that's what the government is for.

Premier Betty wrote:Yes, and because of that there is no reason to go to AA meetings. Unless you want to make fun of the drunks seeking "help". Fools, that's what the government is for.

I always figured that AA was mostly for the dating and social/ business networking aspects anyway. It just so happens that everybody in your group is also trying to stay sober.

As a Party loyalist however, I have several problems with groups like AA.

Actual annonymity: There are no sealed government records of your recovery to "accidentally" get leaked to the press by minions of Schumer and Emanuel or the War Room of The Beloved MTE herself. The Party must have access to all such information as a hedge against potential disloyalty.

The "God" stuff: Pardon the candor comrades but we rely on faith in The Party. There is no room for a competing faith. Groups like AA often have an overt God-centrism as a part of their program and message. This can lead some to explore and possibly embrace faith in God over The Party.

Personal responsibility: One of our most effective rhetorical devices is to convince the People to assign blame to others and search for "root causes" to their problems and short-comings. Are there root causes to an individual's bad behaviour? Quite possibly so, in some cases but by getting people to accept person responsibilty, these groups threaten to expose members to actual individualism! The danger can often be subtle but insidious. Simply having someone get up and say "My name is ---- and I'm an alcoholic" without adding "because" denies one's victimhood and search for someone or something to blame. It makes a person consider his behaviour outside of the collective.

These groups are often apolitical: There is a great opportunity to speak Party Truth™ to those weakened by society and forced to turn to intoxicants for solace. We miss the chance to influence those who are most in need when our message could have the most impact.

According to the headlines, the mentally deranged Bush himself approves of these AA meetings. Methinks he and his secret state police (I just know they exist, and if you don't agree, then it's only because you're either one of them or they threatened you if you didn't deny their existence)--where was I? Oh, yeah. Bush's secret state police are trying to trap innocent people who are seeking help, only to haul them away and have them processed into Soylent Plumpynut, which they will then feed to The Children in public school lunchrooms so the Republicans can claim they aren't really ending federally funded school lunch programs for poor schoolchildren (which includes anyone under age 25).

I won't go to those meetings. I already know my problems and their cause.

My name is Pinkie and I'm an alcoholic because of Bush. I drink in hopes of forgetting that he stole the 2000 election and invaded the peace-loving, kite-flying Iraqis when they liked things just the way they were. Yet the loud proliferation of talk radio all over the place, everywhere I turn, keeps harping on the fact that I CAN'T forget what he's done. That I am, in fact, obsessed with his atrocities and will never get over it. I drink more to blot out the voices, but the vicious cycle grinds on.

I also have a gambling problem because of Bush. I spend my welfare check on tattoos and piercings for myself and the kids. Surely we're entitled to at least ONE little form of self-expression, aren't we, since Bush has taken away all our other rights? Have some compassion, won't you?

Then we send a little something out of the kids' allowances to help Hillary's campaign. The kids really want to help and be part of the democratic process, and it's so hard to tell them no, especially when my tongue is all swollen because I don't think my new stud was properly disinfected before the lady inserted it (also Bush's fault for not funding the supplies she needed to make piercings safe). But after all that, we have so little money left, and of course we can't afford health insurance (again Bush's fault) so how am I to pay to see a doctor about my tongue infection? Alas, I have to go down to the racetrack and see if I can't raise a few dollars, because I need the money like right frickin' NOW.

Get a job, you say? Yeah, right. Go around town filling out applications that ask all sorts of nosey questions like if I've ever been convicted of a felony; peeing in cups to prove I'm drug free and worst of all, being made to dress like a "hot capitalist babe" to the interview when it clearly violates my right to express myself by dressing the way I want.

And by the way, this so-called "dress code" they have for job interviews? It's nothing but another vast right wing conspiracy to lure the poor people into department stores and fancy boutiques and spend what little money they have left--money which goes straight to Big Business and ultimately Bush's pockets, so he can pay for his illegal war. Oh, I've got it all figured out!

Anyway, I'm expected to go thru all that, then wait a few weeks only to be told I didn't get the job! All that trouble and expense for nothing! And by that time, I'll need an operation to have my infected tongue amputated and replaced with an artificial silver tongue like Jebediah Springfield. Ha! What HMO is going to pay for THAT, I ask you?

So I must gamble on the greyhounds, and hope to win a little something to save my tongue. But alas, I end up losing what little money I have left because in my intoxicated state (Bush's fault) I bet on the wrong dog.

Then my husband said he wanted a divorce. "Oh no!" I cried in horror. "Please don't tell me it's because of Bush?"

His eyes shifted from side to side, as did his feet. He was clearly reluctant to respond. I know he doesn't want me to think that Bush can get to him (his macho side, I guess) but I know that Bush, dumb as he is, is still powerful and clever enough to get to all of us and destroy us all, sooner or later.

Panic seized me. "Oh my Lenin, don't tell me!"

My husband stopped shuffling his feet. "Okay, I won't."

"No, tell me! It's true, isn't it? You're leaving me because of Bush!"

He sighed, and then his face seemed to light up, as if he were relieved to admit the truth and get it off his chest. "Well . . . okay, yes. It's true."

Oh my Lenin! So it's not another woman. It's not because of my runny red nose, or the fact I always smell of vodka and overcooked beets. And it's not because I'm always nagging him about leaving his shovel lying across the kitchen floor where I can trip over it. Nor is it because I've always got a headache and am just too damned tired to "put out" anymore.

No. It's all because of Bush.

Somehow, I get a certain modicum of satisfaction out of that thought.

So who needs a group like AA? Commissar M, you are absolutely right.

<sobbing> You poor prole woman! Why, your husband probably left you not on because of Bush but also because it is not required by law for women to wear the burqa. Ugh, you need to be subsidized immediately, Commissarka Pinkie, so that you will have an ample amount of money to pick that winning dog next time. By Hillary you will have money for all your vices! So help us Hillary, YOU WILL HAVE IT ALL!

Somebody cut Commissarka Pinkie a check with Other People's Money right this minute! This poor woman has suffered for far too long!



<a href="https://photobucket.com" target="_blank"><img src="https://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q48 ... maller.jpg" border="0" alt="Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket"></a>

In Hillary we trust!

(crying) I'll do it chairman. Here's a check (insert amount here) from Theocritus

This has touched me as well. Here is a check (insert amount here) from Premier Betty. He owes me for some counterfeit carbon credits anyway.

Commissar M wrote: As a Party loyalist however, I have several problems with groups like AA.

Actual annonymity:
The "God" stuff:
Personal responsibility:

Commissar M, I was deeply touched by your expose, ask anyone who knows me, they will tell you I am touched. That was a brilliant expose of a dangerous group!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:...Bush's secret state police are trying to trap innocent people who are seeking help, only to haul them away and have them processed into Soylent Plumpynut...

Soylent Plumpy'nut; The Peoples Food™


Mmmmm, Tasty.
-Mikhail

Hmmmm, nice touch, the image of the man with the walker.... Mmmm mmmm tasty!

Commissar Pupovich wrote:...nice touch, the image of the man with the walker...

I can't take credit...it comes from a combination of the logo of The Soylent Green Biscuit Company, and this guy's avatar. Clever usage, though (for me to steal for the Greater Good™).

-Mikhail

There is little question in my mind that they intended to donate those images to the Party Comrade! You deserve all the credit!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote: Then my husband said he wanted a divorce. "Oh no!" I cried in horror. "Please don't tell me it's because of Bush?"

His eyes shifted from side to side, as did his feet. He was clearly reluctant to respond. I know he doesn't want me to think that Bush can get to him (his macho side, I guess) but I know that Bush, dumb as he is, is still powerful and clever enough to get to all of us and destroy us all, sooner or later.

Panic seized me. "Oh my Lenin, don't tell me!"

My husband stopped shuffling his feet. "Okay, I won't."

"No, tell me! It's true, isn't it? You're leaving me because of Bush!"

He sighed, and then his face seemed to light up, as if he were relieved to admit the truth and get it off his chest. "Well . . . okay, yes. It's true."

Oh good, so at least is isn't because... uh, I mean, he still thinks I'm just a friend you know from World Can't Wait, right? *WHEW* Damn, what will you do if he divorces you? I mean, you are clearly in no state of mind to be forced to get a job but somebody has to support you.

Yet the loud proliferation of talk radio all over the place, everywhere I turn, keeps harping on the fact that I CAN'T forget what he's done.

Remember too that it isn't just the prevalence of hate radio but that the entire media is right wing! You can't get away from the constant pro-war, pro-corporate, pro-America, pro-Bush static at CNN, NBC, CBS, ABC and NPR/PBS while Fox is just regurgitating scripts prepared by the RNC and even darker elements of VRWC. Then these goofy, deranged fascist bloggers and radio hosts constantly harp about the "liberal media" to keep their loyalist from realizing that all of these "news organizations" are really just propaganda organs for multi-billion dollar corporations. All corporations are capitalist and therefore right wing and since all big media is owned by major corporations (or supported by them, in the case of NPR/PBS), it follows that the media organizations are merely extentions of their right wing corporate overlords. How can you possibly escape all the right wing media "rah rah" with your sanity intact?

Commissar M wrote:...but somebody has to support you.

The State, Commissar, The State...

And the rest - well, it couldn't have been said better. I agree with every word. That should be posted at every rail station, school building and collective farm. Getting the word to the masses is very important, and the DailyKos, TPM Cafe, My DD, Huffington Post, Shakespeare's Sister, Just Democracy, Pacific Northwest Portal for Progressives, National Journal's Blogometer, Best of the Blogs, Smirking Chimp, The Womens' Media Center, Liberal International, Air America Radio, Democratic Talk Radio, Mother Jones, The Nation, NALPO, Bartcop, Liberal Oasis, Talk Left, Talking Points Memo, Atrios - Eschaton, Crooks and Liars, The Raw Story, Tom Tomorrow, Democratic Underground, Politics of Dissent, Wonkette, Left Links, Hated, Progressive Policy Institute, The Progressive, Democracy for America, Independent Progressive Politics, People for the American Way, Welstone Action, Sustainable Business Network, Redefining Progress, Progressive Majority, Progressives Online, Campaign for America's Future, Progressive Punch, Moving Ideas, Washington Monthly, PDA, Moveon.org, and my local paper can't do it alone.

Keep up the labor for the Party.
-Mikhail

You said it before I could Comrade Kalishnikof. Of course we will support Pinkie, well, not me exactly...

Mikhail T. Kalashnikov wrote:

Commissar M wrote:...but somebody has to support you.

The State, Commissar, The State...

-Mikhail

Absolutely! The state should support Commissarka Pinkie after her filthy manpig "husband" arbitrarily dumps her. But we all know that the State, as it is currently configured, works against women and minorities. I wouldn't be surprised if, when Pinkie's divorce is final, Bush himself signs an executive order to prevent her from receiving any government assitance-for-life. And if serial manpig Giuliani somehow steals the '08 election, do you think her chances will improve? I have no doubt that in a Rudy controlled empire, cast aside women like Pinkie would be forced to actually work at demeaning slave labor jobs without Union representation and for far less than the $20 an hour bare minimum Living Wage™.

How would she attend Party organized marches and events, find time to "play the doggies", watch Oprah and sleep off her roaring hangovers? And what of her Children™? Who will take care of them, if not the State, the very Village that must raise them?

Re: Soylent Plumpy'nut:

Comrades, I realize that there will be no need for such things as product advertising in the Socialist Utopia of Next Tuesday™. However, there will be transitional period when such things will still be necessary, if for no other reason than to inform the Proletariat. It would also be ashamed to simply stop all sloganeering and <s>media spin</s> public relations efforts when it has worked so effectively for our cause.

With this in mind, I humbly present to the collective my proposed advertising slogans for Soylent Plumpy'nut:

Soylent Plumpy'nut
It's People!
... That make the difference.

Soylent Plumpy'nut
There's a little bit of us
in every bite.


Thank you for your time, Comrades. Thank yew verrah much! (exits to the tune of C.C. Rider.)

Commissar Pupovich wrote:I love the Bush headlines... assume they are made up? At least the link doesn't work.

Most of them are made up. Bush does want to sell the Nasdaq to the UAE though.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:<sobbing> You poor prole woman! Why, your husband probably left you not on because of Bush but also because it is not required by law for women to wear the burqa.

Oh, but he did make me wear a burqa, esteemed Chairman. Then he took photos of me and posted them on the web in hopes of selling me to other men while he ran off with the <sniff> toaster!

Pinkie in a Burqa

Thanks to the generous donations of my fellow comrades, no longer shall I have to stand out by the stoplight on--if you'll pardon the shameless name-dropping--Prince William Parkway (you know, the one on the way to Panera?) with my crudely lettered cardboard sign:

NEED TONGUE TRANSPLANT. HAVE 16 KIDS. PLEASE HELP. STAY IN SCHOOL GOD BLESS I'M A VET.

All I got for my pitiful efforts was some jerk who rolled down his window and told me I needed an operation not for my tongue, but to get my knees welded together.

I'm getting worth. I need a thilver prothetic tongue thoon or I won't be able to thout epitheth--epithe--oh thit, I mean I won't be able to cuth Buth out at anti-war rallieth anymore.

Oh, where do I start? Thank Commissar M for the wonderful ads? Or pour my heart (what's left of it that is) out for Commissarka Pinkie for suffering the humiliation of wearing that burqa (which excited me for some unknown reason-the picture not the humiliation).