Prof. Hawking REVISES his cataclysmic prophecy

Dr. Stephen Hawking, a world authority, predicted already in November 2016 that humans have about 1000 years to leave our increasingly ravaged planet, or perish.

Yet following the glorious Science March 2017, the situation dramatically worsened.

"It got worse", says Prof. Hawking, "because of the rise of xenophobia, contempt towards Gender Science, and outright Nazism. My recent calculations additionally factor all that in."

And right after the worldwide celebrated May Day, Dr. Hawking published his newest result: Only 100 years left !



But today, following the election in France, the great mind of our time revised his gloomy prognosis. "It's not 100 years until extinction", explains the sagacious man, "it's 150 years, now".
~

We asked the great scholar: "But, how come, that delightful upward correction?". Prof. Hawking answered: "Yes, I had to correct my model. Among the myriad of controlling parameters, there was that < LE_PEN_IS_PRESIDENT = TRUE > entry. As we know, that setting had not to be <TRUE> but <FALSE>. That corrected, the new model run answered <150> as ultimate output."

So we followed: "Fascinating. But tell us, Professor - why was that LE_PEN switch set to YES, she IS_PRESIDENT?". And Dr. Hawking said, slightly giggling: "Look, that LE_PEN switch, it was embedded into the model by my assistant, Dr. Ukrainskiy".

"Wow! So, venerable Professor - can we speak with Dr. U?", we begged. "Oh, I'm afraid it's impossible", was his answer. And he added: "Dr. U disappeared, and somehow wound up as lecturer of Uchilishchye Imyeni Yuriya Vladimirovicha Andropova po Dyezinformatsyonnym Taktikam in Moscow. They translate it as Andropov Institute of Advanced Inquiry. That's all I know."


(while H. is a top-class physicist/cosmologist, he for sure jumped the shark, prodded by Beeb.)
(anybody who is (hypothetical!) not familiar with the depicted scene may wish to re-educate.)



 

Another applicable computer model here is:

Garbage in, garbage out (GIGO)

Works on every machine or scientific mind, no matter how brilliant.
 

Red Square

... GIGO - Works on every machine ...
yeah! and did ya know? the results come in GIGObytes!
 

Just as long as the cataclysm isn't next Monday. Then we'd never get to next Tuesday.
 

Genosse Dummkopf

Red Square

... GIGO - Works on every machine ...yeah! and did ya know? the results come in GIGObytes!
And remember the glorious rollout of MessiahCare? October 2013? Healthcare.gov?
Plus the underlying SHIT (Swift HopeCare Information Transfer)?

SHIT was written in:

5% (time-critical!): ALGOL,
10% (core GUI): COBOL,
the rest: GIGOL.
 

Great Stalin's Ghost

Just as long as the cataclysm isn't next Monday. Then we'd never get to next Tuesday.
These words should be etched in gold over the entrance to our Party Bunker (which may or may not exist).

The more I think about this, the more I'm convinced that the main impediment to our movement of bringing forth the Glorious World of Next Tuesday is the competition from the factional movement of believers in the Glorious World of Next Monday.

They are the ONLY reason Next Tuesday hasn't yet arrived.

We must fight these deviationists, expose them at every media event, identify their leaders, and bring them down through relentless Party criticism.

We must also add Mondayism to the list of charges at the next show trial. Even if the accused is not a conscious Mondayist, bringing up this charge will raise awareness of the masses and scare them away from joining this subversive, counter-revolutionary movement.

Furthermore, we must equate Mondayism with racism, fascism, and Nazism, and declare their presumed leaders "literally Hitler." Let them try to prove that they are not. Trying to do so will only make them look more guilty.
 

I shall immediately begin denouncing Mondayphiles & Mondayists as Tuesdayphobes.

I am thinking of some handmade signs to mass produce:

-Hitler was a Mondayist
-End Monday Fascism by Next Tuesday
-End Tuesdayphobia now. It's for the children!!
 

Major Ursa Vitnopants

I shall immediately begin denouncing Mondayphiles & Mondayists as Tuesdayphobes.

I am thinking of some handmade signs to mass produce:

-Hitler was a Mondayist
-End Monday Fascism by Next Tuesday
-End Tuesdayphobia now. It's for the children!!
Aha, do you not see a connection here?
* Hitler (as you say) was a Mondayist;
* Hitler was also a vegetarian;
* We are seeing everywhere the promotion of "Meatless Mondays";
* Therefore, those promoting the vegetarian "Meatless Mondays" are obviously not only Mondayists but Hitler.
* Just like Trump. And Bush. And my next door neighbor whom I do not like.

BURN THEM DOWN!!!

Ah, I feel better now....
 

RedDiaperette

Major Ursa Vitnopants

I shall immediately begin denouncing Mondayphiles & Mondayists as Tuesdayphobes ...... Hitler was also a vegetarian ...
Not only!
Der Führer was vegan. There was no "eggs" there, they say. And he was all nuts, of course.
And hated alcohol. When he saw it, he ran to the bunker and yelled Lebensraum! ("safe space").

Exactly like Trump!
Trump also rejects alcohol!

Now just wait, when Prof. Hawking incorporates all that in his model.
Woe is us! 100 years minus X!
 

Apparently the frimble noggin device on my narndle bolt assembly is fritzed. I thought all days were EQUAL. In any event it is clear that all of this recycling, pollution and green house gas control has dramatically hastened men's demise so I will no longer be participating. Strongly worded letter to follow.
 

RedDiaperette

Major Ursa Vitnopants

I shall immediately begin denouncing Mondayphiles & Mondayists as Tuesdayphobes.

I am thinking of some handmade signs to mass produce:

-Hitler was a Mondayist
-End Monday Fascism by Next Tuesday
-End Tuesdayphobia now. It's for the children!!
Aha, do you not see a connection here?
* Hitler (as you say) was a Mondayist;
* Hitler was also a vegetarian;
* We are seeing everywhere the promotion of "Meatless Mondays";
* Therefore, those promoting the vegetarian "Meatless Mondays" are obviously not only Mondayists but Hitler.
* Just like Trump. And Bush. And my next door neighbor whom I do not like.

BURN THEM DOWN!!!

Ah, I feel better now.... Intersectionality! It sounds like Intersectionality! Yes! And all intersections lead to Trump, the head Mondayist!
 

Mondayists have been working for generations to subvert the Glorious World of Next Tuesday. Here is indisputable Internet proof. They must be stopped!
 

 

Papa Kalashnikook

Apparently the frimble noggin device on my narndle bolt assembly is fritzed. I thought all days were EQUAL. In any event it is clear that all of this recycling, pollution and green house gas control has dramatically hastened men's demise so I will no longer be participating. Strongly worded letter to follow.



 

Komissar al-Blogunov

Papa Kalashnikook

Apparently the frimble noggin device on my narndle bolt assembly is fritzed. I thought all days were EQUAL. In any event it is clear that all of this recycling, pollution and green house gas control has dramatically hastened men's demise so I will no longer be participating. Strongly worded letter to follow.

You are suffering from exposure to corporate chem trails (saw it myself on YouTube), and one of the most damaging side effects is assuming the equality of all days in the week.

It was originally thought, ironically on a Monday, that no cure could be found. But one glorious Tuesday, a breakthrough was made in the Karl Marx Treatment Center Research and Lobotomy Wing, and a means of detoxification was adequately funded.

So rest easy in the refuge of the Cube as the chem trail toxins are washed away and you gain your korrekt mind.

Of course!! Brilliant Komrade. There absolutely has been a severe uptick in chem trails recently. I merely assumed it was because of the large number of Hollywood elite fleeing this country with climate scientists headed for France. I shall hurry down to the Treatment Center.
 

.

 

Papa Kalashnikook

Komissar al-Blogunov

You are suffering from exposure to corporate chem trails ...
Of course!! Brilliant Komrade. There absolutely has been a severe uptick in chem trails recently. I merely assumed it was because of the large number of Hollywood elite fleeing this country with climate scientists headed for France ...
Wait.
You tell us, Hollyweirdo & Climate Co skedaddle to Macrionette's Françiyah on chem trail devices?
Flying carpets of iron?

Holy Marx/Engels - shouldn't they do it like Comrade Messiah? :




Not familiar with AttackWatch? Comrade, re-educate!



 

Genosse Dummkopf

Dr. Stephen Hawking, a world authority, predicted already in November 2016 that humans have about 1000 years to leave our increasingly ravaged planet, or perish. And right after the worldwide celebrated May Day, Dr. Hawking published his newest result: Only 100 years left !

---

Hawking should stick to what he knows: maths...at least we think he knows maths...he could be faking it and we (less mathematically inclined) would never know: even if he began wearing a tin foil hat and dancing the mazurka in his underwear, his fellow "scientists" would never discredit him. Okay, forget the part about dancing. It reminds me of a another riddle we used to tell after we accidentally burned down our zimniy lager in the DDR. What's black and crispy and sits smoking at the top of the stairs after a house fire? Stephen Hawking!
 

Major Ursa Vitnopants

I shall immediately begin denouncing Mondayphiles & Mondayists as Tuesdayphobes.

---

Comrade Wimpy had the right idea: exploit the weakness of the kapitalistic lenders by borrowing excessively in full knowledge that--as of next Tuesday--debt will become an irrelevant artifact of a collapsed socio-economic system. It matters little that by Wednesday the hamburgers will be made of rat meat or soylent green (at least it matters little to me as long as there remains an abundance of bananas and monkey meat) because as of next Tuesday everybody will be entitled to free hamburgers and free college tuition and free health care and free immigration and free drugs and free parking and free lunch and free Netflix and free speech and free expression and other free things that used to cost someone, somewhere, a lot of money to produce and distribute to those who worked to earn the dengy to purchase those things.
 

Colonel Obyezyana

... reminds me of a another riddle we used to tell after we accidentally burned down our zimniy lager in the DDR ...
da, da... barba za mir...
and crack jokes, at night, near Fulda Gap - makin' Truman and Dulles wet their pants, hahaha.





And that Cold War saying :

Войны не будет. Но будет такая борьба за мир, что камня на камне не останется.
Voyny nye budyet. No budyet takaya barba za mir, shto kamnya na kamnye nye ostanyetsya.
There will be no war. But there will be such a fight for peace that no stone will be left on another.



APPENDIX.
If genius Hawking had Colonel O's insights in his Model, I bet its most equal next run would yield :