The usual suspects were out in force again pretending to support free speech while at the same time hypocritically calling for another book ban.  This time, far-right wing parents expressed outrage that “their” children were being exposed to readings from the bestselling Mein Kampf during the innocuous Neo-Nazi Story Hour.  The host of the Neo-Nazi Story Hour, a slender, immaculately groomed, and impeccably dressed man in his mid-40s, goes by his first name of “Joseph.”  He won’t give his last name, he says, “because of the hateful comments and hurtful stereotypes I’m subjected to on a daily basis.  I love children, and I want them to be the most productive citizens they can be.  This is what the NNSH is all about.  It’s about providing loving guidance for children.”

When asked about parents’ objections that Adolf Hitler, the author of Mein Kampf, ruled a genocidal regime, Joseph was quick with a response: “It’s a lie!  People are so overly concerned about the negative picture of Hitler that they forget he was a vegetarian, was kind to animals, and loved children.  What better role model could you ask for?  It was Hitler who said, ‘The only preventative measure one can take is to live irregularly,’ and, ‘Obstacles do not exist to be surrendered to, but only to be broken.’ What could be more affirming for children who realize their genders are changing?”

The president of the school board, Tarquin Fin-tim-lin-bin-whin-bim-lim-bus-stop-F'tang-F'tang-Olé-Biscuitbarrel, whose preferred pronouns are, Ecky-Ecky-Ecky-Ecky-Pikang-Zoom-Boing-Gumzowehzeh, commented that while controversial, children need to be exposed to diversity, no matter how disagreeable it may be to parental breeder units.  Mr. (or Mrs. or Ms. or none of the above) Biscuitbarrel commented, “We devoted a lot of time as a board to this issue, and we all agreed that no book should be banned, ever, except probably the Bible.  Children’s literature needs to be diverse and that includes banned books.  Did you know that Animal Farm and Brave New World were once banned?  Mein Kampf was also banned, so we’re going ahead with the story hour.  The same goes for books that sensitively expose children to the needs of pedophiles.  Pedophiles and Nazis are often unfairly marginalized as if they were some sort of perverted predators, and our children need to understand them in case they ever encounter one.  What’s wrong with spreading a little love?  Diversity, diversity, diversity!  Diversity is our strength, and we unapologetically stand for free speech, even where there’s controversy.”

We asked a young boy, whom we will call “Timmy,” what he thought about Joseph’s story telling.  Timmy replied, “Well, he’s real bossy and he has this creepy smile.  When I told that to my teacher, she made me change into a brown shirt and told me to walk funny.  It’s like a goose walk or something?  And she made me write “Seig, heil!” 500 times before I could go out to recess again.  My parents were kinda mad when they found out, but my teacher won’t talk to them about it ‘cause she’s like uncomfortable around haters or something.”

Hadassah Epstein, whose great grand-parents died at the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp, was outraged to hear that her daughter was forced to attend the story hour.  When she spoke up at a school board meeting about how children were being told that Jews controlled all the world’s money and started all the wars in human history, she was cut off by Mr. (or Mrs. or Ms. or none of the above) Biscuitbarrel who referred her to the administrative process and informed her that her time was up.  Epstein said that she had five minutes to speak and that she had only spoken for two minutes.  But Biscuitbarrel was firm, “We cannot tolerate opposition to free speech in our board meetings.  It’s in the Constitution.”

Sadly, momentum for banning Mein Kampf from school story hours is gaining momentum in the state legislature, and far-right wing Republican fascists are considering a ban on the hit classic.  One brave Democrat state senator took to the mic and passionately and repeatedly asserted, “Nazis belong here!  We need Nazis!  We love Nazis!”  However, her pleas fell on deaf ears and the bill supporting the ban on one of the world’s most beloved books passed both houses.

“This is sad,” said Joseph, his eyes beginning to water, “Banning books is no different from burning them, and it pains me to think that this could happen in our day and age.”
 

This has me thinking of the banning of books in Florida, where pornographic material is no longer allowed to be shown to abortion survivors and those who are allowed to live to the ripe old age of 10 years old. After all children have a right to tell their parents how to live. Diversity™ Inclusion™ & Equity™ demands that all viewpoints should be accepted as valid, unless they are not diverse enough to include equity, which is unacceptable.