One on-going campaign controversy was laid to rest today as the White House released startling revelations about President Barack Obama's birth certificate and personal history. The wisdom and timing of this move are being questioned, however, in what appears to be a very elaborate deception.

According to White House officials, the President's birth name is actually Lamont Sanford. His father, Fred Sanford, is the proprietor of a minority-owned small business near Los Angeles, California. While he was raised by a single parent, it was his father who is largely responsible for his upbringing. His real mother, Elizabeth, died when Barack was an infant.

The extreme makeover of the president's image started about 1992 and included a multi-cultural heritage, radical left-wing influences, and even a name change to Barack Hussein Obama. According to David Axelrod, his long-time political advisor, the changes were made for purely political reasons at the start of his political career to make him "more palatable" to mainstream American voters. “To be honest, we didn't think it would work – we didn't think the [American] people would believe the story. It was too perfect. It just started to take on a life of its own.”



President Obama is scheduled to appear on several talk shows over the next few weeks, and plans to re-release his first biography with new details and a new title "You Big Dummy: Growing Up Poor and Black in Watts".


His father, who has a heart condition, has not responded to repeated inquiries and was reportedly told weeks in advance of this coming announcement. It has been confirmed that the elder Mr. Sanford was also a long-time member of Rev. Jeremiah Wright's congregation. Unfortunately for Mr. Obama, the ongoing ethics concerns are likely to remain an issue for his administration due to documents that show his father's business receiving approximately $4.3 million dollars in TARP funds since January.

And here we at the Cube always thought that Obama's real mother was young John Kerry who reproduces asexually when coming into contact with foreign Marxists.

:O this kind of news is worth celebrating comrades! As a matter of fact, it will be the glorious October Revolution annual celebratory event in three days.

Apropos, perhaps we should celebrate this glorious news along side our glorious revolt against the evil capitalists?

OOWW OW OW MY EYES MY EYES!!! THE BURNING - MAKE IT STOP!

That is not, in fact, Mrs. Kerry. That is a wig on a Heinz catsup bottle with a Halloween fright mask.

And you thought that John Kerry was the Halloween fright mask.