Having gone through a period of comradely denouncements, I propose a page from Chairman Mao's book, and engage in a bit of self examination, with efforts made to correct the faults found therein.

First off, I am an evil owner of guns. Over a dozen of them in fact. Even though many of them are good communist rifles or handguns; they are still guns, and do not belong in the hands of the average person. I trust the local Obamissar will come by to either pick them up, or finding me worthy of keeping one or two, and a bare handful of cartridges issue me a permit to retain them in the service of The State.

Then let us not forget how I denounced Pinkie. That was a shameful and reactionary act of me, and possibly harmful to the revolution. I will give relinquish the shovel issued to me by The State to her, and dig beets with my feet.

I walked by a bum advanced comrade who relies on the helping hand of The State and did not give him any of the CEU's I had worked for.

I'm sure given enough time and self examination in the beet field I could find some more things I have done wrong, but I am but a mere prole, and part time designer of People's Rifles ™ .

Truly this is The People's Confession ™ which will replace the need for a priest, or religion. Do I get a People's Rosary with all red beads? Are all penance equal? Say four Our Lenin and three Hail Obama and be absolved? Dig an extra bushel of beets? What a glorious period of self examination! I feel more in touch with my Inner Comrade already!

I too have many problems and weaknesses, which of course can all be attributed to the Bu$HITler. Damn Bush...

Comrade7.62!

I applaud your use of the word Obamissar! Thank you for standing with me in deference to those who doubt the authenticity of my usurped title. To quote an outlawed publication, "Who will stop me?"

It seems my number one flaw is not being born a black, Muslim, European woman with overbite, a receding hairline, and a propensity for whoring out my votes in exchange for CHope.

Furthermore, People's Rifles are still necessary, as is a Comrade who can produce People's Morale Enforcers. That should be grounds for keeping at least half of one of your guns. But then of course, I'm just an Obamissar. We'll have to let the Inner Party decide on that one.

-OV

In a fit of capitalist profiteering, I have made arrangements to sell (at a profit) my good Romanian AKM parts kit for a sufficient sum to purchase an equally good Norinco SKS-M with thumhole stock. Perhaps I can retain that Morale Enforcer. Along with it's Russian brother, built in 1955 at Tula.

That said, anyone with a title clearly has more rank than me, so be it Obamissar or Commissar I will accept a signed receipt for my surplus Morale Enforcers. Perhaps get a Get Out of Gulag Free Card if I do so voluntarily?

While not all are apparatschik, it is something we can all aspire to, is it not?

Dr. Strangelove wrote:I too have many problems and weaknesses, which of course can all be attributed to the Bu$HITler. Damn Bush...

Of course! We must have a Struggle Meeting(TM) to work this out.

Comrade7.62 wrote:

Dr. Strangelove wrote:I too have many problems and weaknesses, which of course can all be attributed to the Bu$HITler. Damn Bush...

Of course! We must have a Struggle Meeting(TM) to work this out.

You can find the "Struggle Meeting(TM)" here:

George W. Bush: Guilty of Crimes Against Everything!

Add more with regards to your personal weaknesses since the crimes of the Bu$HITler are endless and innumerable!

Comrade7.62 wrote:In a fit of capitalist profiteering, I have made arrangements to sell (at a profit) to sell my good Romanian AKM parts kit for a sufficient sum to purchase an equally good Norinco SKS-M with thumhole stock. Perhaps I can retain that Morale Enforcer. Along with it's Russian brother, built in 1955 at Tula.

That said, anyone with a title clearly has more rank than me, so be it Obamissar or Commissar I will accept a signed receipt for my surplus Morale Enforcers. Perhaps get a Get Out of Gulag Free Card if I do so voluntarily?

While not all are apparatschik, it is something we can all aspire to, is it not?

Comrade7.62-

The evil capitalist manifesto Atlas Shrugged teaches that power depends on those who are willing to submit to it, so my stimulator swells when I see someone yield to my usurped, unofficial authority. I have tonight and one more night of work ahead of me before I'm off for 4 days. During that time, I'll acquire some People's Software and create your Get Out of Gulag Free Card! You've certainly earned it, Comrade.

-OV

*wiping tear from my eye*
Oh Comrade, this has touched my cold, black heart in so many ways. It reminded me of my own self denunciation! You walk on the shoulders of others comrade! Have you been promoted to the Inner Circle yet? My memory is not as good as it used to be.

Marshal Pupovich wrote:*wiping tear from my eye*
Oh Comrade, this has touched my cold, black heart in so many ways. It reminded me of my own self denunciation! You walk on the shoulders of others comrade! Have you been promoted to the Inner Circle yet? My memory is not as good as it used to be.

Marshal, I am humbled by your joy. No I have not been promoted to the inner circle, or even the outer circle for that matter. I will drink my weekly vodka ration early this week in your honor.

Comrade 7.62

The Party thanks you for your moment of public introspection that culminated in your own self-denunciation for all to see and hear.

But as they say "no good deed goes unpunished" in invoking your flawed logic you committed the most inexcusable crime against the Party, which is Hubris.

Surely you realized that we, as the all seeing and all knowning Party, already knew everything about you and your guns before you openly confessed it? Wasn't it just a matter of time before we had you in one of our interrogation rooms "coaxing" those very words out of your mouth in front of a video recorder for all to see?

Because of this and your guns the Party will require one last small act of contrition on your part. While you are being purged you shall keep your head held high and thank The Party for its mercy in allowing your life to be shown as example of what happens to common Proles when they think more highly of themselves. You shall of course by no means mention that you have ever even seen a firearm let alone possed one!

But Comrade Robot, what if I don't want to be purged? Perhaps I will denounce those who seek the purge as not adhering to true party doctrine. If I am to become a Trotskyite, then I may as well act as one eh?

For while the All Knowing Party knew what I was up to, the people did not, and following the program laid down by Chairman Mao, I engaged in public introspection, to serve as an example to the masses. Being purged will only serve to show the masses there is no value in self denunciation, and they will continue in their errors.

Now then, since purges have been threatened, I must hide not only behind the workers who build The People's Rifle, but also behind my "Not For the People Rifles". Surely we can reach an equitable understanding eh Comrade Robot?

Comrade 7.62 wrote:

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]But Comrade Robot, what if I don't want to be purged?
[/HIGHLIGHT]

Ah Comrade 7.62, there-in lies the rub, you see it is really never about what you want, but instead what the Party deems appropriate and demands from the members of the collective.

I am quite sure that I do not have to tell you that as with any great progressive movement the very foundation of it (i.e. The Party) is built upon the blood of its martyrs!

You see, your "sacrifice" will not only inspire the unwashed masses to stay in constant lock-step with all Party Rules, it will also serve as edification to the Party Elite , shall we say as a reminder that no one is beyond our reach.

Now about those guns of yours....I knew there was a reason we should have passed gun confiscation legislation before the Stimulus Package.....The possession of your firearms only serves to re-enforce the wretched conservative saying that "God did not create all men equal, Samuel Colt did!!"

Marshal Pupovich wrote:*wiping tear from my eye*
Oh Comrade, this has touched my cold, black heart in so many ways. It reminded me of my own self denunciation! You walk on the shoulders of others comrade! Have you been promoted to the Inner Circle yet? My memory is not as good as it used to be.

Bless me, Father Obama, for I have sinned.

I did not trample my quota of peasants this week.

I did not cure enough headaches with my People's Morale Enforcer^tm.

I missed my appointed Two Minutes Hate this past Tuesday.

I simply wiped a booger on Rush Limbaugh's poster instead of ripping it to shreds, burning it in a nearby wastebasket, and peeing on the ashes.

I am finding capitalist-enhanced women far too appealing (especially Brazilian ones).

And the most egregious...I heard five seconds of Michael Savage on the radio!

That's a purty new avatar you've got there, DDR Kamerad!! Highly Progressive!!

-OV

Just remember, the first step is a forced confession admitting you have a gun problem.

I have many faults, too many to list though I'm sure the Party keeps the list handy. The worst of which is invoking the name of God. While I have made great strides in conversion from my Imperialist past, I find that I still invoke the name of God. "Oh, God", "Dear God", "Holy Christ", "Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick". I know the Party does not approve of any God but The One, I believe and trust in Him. It's just a bad habit I cannot break and truthfully "Dear Obama", "Oh Party" or "Jumping Obama on a pogo stick" just doesn't flow. I consider this one of my worst transgressions.

Not to mention that it's a Gulaginal Sin to take The One's name in vain...

-OV

Comrade Red Jim:

Of course the Party knows your many faults and failures and keeps a list updated in real-time.

Because of the very merciful nature of the Party, we are willing to assist you in your struggles by subjecting you to a very minor procedure that will leave the slightest of scars on the upper portion of your left eye socket.

Afterwards you will no longer be able to embarrass yourself or your family members by making any slips that could potentially flag you on our lists.

Obamissar Vodkavich wrote:Not to mention that it's a Gulaginal Sin to take The One's name in vain...

-OV

You mean like, "Oh Barack H. Obama!"

DDR Kamerad wrote:

Obamissar Vodkavich wrote:Not to mention that it's a Gulaginal Sin to take The One's name in vain...

-OV

You mean like, "Oh Barack H. Obama!"

AHHHHHHHHHH!!! My ears burn!!! Make it stop.... pleeeeease!

Barackdamit everyone, don't make me pull out a raid on everyone here! I've had it with people taking The One and defacing His name. Red Jim, I'm fine with you announcing your fault to The Party, but next time, please consider the other comrades who will commit such thoughtcrime.

I enjoy watching the prisoners squirming in Room 101 as much as the next Inner Party member, but too many in the prison just makes for a crowded condition.

I'm a capitalist pig. I've made money from the backs of the expoited, oppressed workers. I'm also a citizen of the most fascist, racist, oppressive country in the world, the United States of AmeriKKKa.

Good good comrade ObamaMarx. Let it all out!

To all others, come, bring me your confessions!

Commissar_Elliott wrote:Good good comrade ObamaMarx. Let it all out!

To all others, come, bring me your confessions!

As we all know, there is no such thing as absolute truth.

Anyway, I too have a rather severe problem. I sometimes spend so much time working on Party activities that I forget to eat and pass out from hunger.

Believe it or not Comrade Joe, this can actually be a good thing in an ironic sense. While you do need food to glorify The Party, by not eating, you save a few ears of corn for a single mom, an orphan future Outer Party worker, or other Welfare recipiants. Let us not forget also, by not eating, you won't fart, so the AlGoricle (combo of Algore and the Goricle for those of you in Rio Linda) will be pleased with you.

Proletarian Robot wrote:Comrade Red Jim:

Of course the Party knows your many faults and failures and keeps a list updated in real-time.

Because of the very merciful nature of the Party, we are willing to assist you in your struggles by subjecting you to a very minor procedure that will leave the slightest of scars on the upper portion of your left eye socket.

Afterwards you will no longer be able to embarrass yourself or your family members by making any slips that could potentially flag you on our lists.

Comrade Robot, thank you & the Party. Blessed be His name, Barack Hussian Obama! Now I will be able to live my life without thinking fear of commiting a Thought Crime.

Not to mention that it's a Gulaginal Sin to take The One's name in vain...

All I said was "This piece of halibut is good enough for Barak Hussein Obama 'imself..."

Ivan Betinov wrote:

Not to mention that it's a Gulaginal Sin to take The One's name in vain...

All I said was "This piece of halibut is good enough for Barak Hussein Obama 'imself..."

"Blessed are the 'cheese makers?!'"

"The Elders of the Town" sounds a whole like "The Inner Circle." We can use this as justification in the form of historical precedent for our "fun". As if we needed justification...
-OV

Red Jim wrote:I have many faults, too many to list though I'm sure the Party keeps the list handy. The worst of which is invoking the name of God. While I have made great strides in conversion from my Imperialist past, I find that I still invoke the name of God. "Oh, God", "Dear God", "Holy Christ", "Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick". I know the Party does not approve of any God but The One, I believe and trust in Him. It's just a bad habit I cannot break and truthfully "Dear Obama", "Oh Party" or "Jumping Obama on a pogo stick" just doesn't flow. I consider this one of my worst transgressions.

I presume Comrade Red Jim that this only occurs when you are having a party approved orgasm? That is the one situation where saying "Oh God" or some variant of this is permitted. We atheists still have a tendency to become "religious" at that one moment.

Isn't the HBO the only one that's Party-approved?

I won't touch that one with a 10 foot pole! Praise Lenin, I have an 11 foot pole here in my office. Comrade, while it is true that we all Hate Bush, we do not all have Hate Bush Orgasm's in the manner as Commissarka Pinkie. Some have Commie Climaxes which is of course equally progressive. I have been known to have Stalin Spurts when I get too excited over the progress being made.

Well, in the case of the Commissarka, isn't it preferably called MHBO?

11 feet?! Wow! Now that's something to brag about, although I'm guessing it intimidates the women in the bedroom just as much as it does the men in the locker room!

(Note to Comrade Skinnee Jay: You see, it's all about subtlety. That is why he is the Marshall, and you are a prole!)

I hesitate to ask Comrade.... what would the M stand for?

Thank you comrade as well for the kind words about your ever so humble Marshal.

Since you are yet inexperienced in such matters, despite all things being equal, that "M" stands for "Multiple."

BINGO!

I know this quite well, comrade...I make sure all my Beotches are MHBO-enabled. The Dacha of Delights policy charges not by the hour, but by the climax, so I'm able to milk extra rubles out of Ivans!

However, be careful of labeling the Marshall as "inexperienced." He might not let you into the Pup's Party Pleasure Palace. As always, he was just testing us.

Dr. Strangelove wrote:However, be careful of labeling the Marshall as "inexperienced." He might not let you into the Pup's Party Pleasure Palace. As always, he was just testing us.

Correct Comrade as usual. Of course in my case, Multiple generally means more than one comrade rather than one over and over.


BTW, I thought my comrades could be encouraged and amused by something my minister often points out. We are all WINNERS! As he rightly points out, way back when, in a dark, warm, and presumably damp place, we all were in competition with millions of other sperm bent on breaking into that egg.... and we comrades, we were the WINNERS! So be proud! LOL

But even though they essentially have the same DNA when from the same person, I guess that means that some sperm are more equal than others.

Each is important and each is special.

Marshal Pupovich wrote:I presume Comrade Red Jim that this only occurs when you are having a party approved orgasm? That is the one situation where saying "Oh God" or some variant of this is permitted. We atheists still have a tendency to become "religious" at that one moment.

Marshal, It's an embarassing thing to admit but the Bushitler years were so traumatizing that Party approved Moments Of Pleasure were not to be found. Now that The One is in residence though, I've been having massive Obamas. In fact, my neighbors have been asking why they hear me screaming Obama late at night. I ask them why I don't hear them crying out in Obama but they look at me like I'm touched. I think I'm on the verge of having MHBO, which for a male ( I hate to use gender here but there is a scientific need to identify my gender, it's disgusting I know ), is somewhat unusual. What's really interesting is that my gender neutral partner is one of the aforementioned boobs-not-bombs activists, not a dirty unwashed Ukrainian capitlaist film slut, and it really turns me on. Who knew that hairy armpits and Birkinstocks could drive a comrade crazy?

I use my People's Pleasure Sock(TM) which has an imprint of His O'liness on it, along with inspiring quotes to achieve my self stimulated Obama's.

I use my People's Pleasure Sock™ which has an imprint of His O'liness on it, along with inspiring quotes to achieve my self stimulated Obama's.

Interesting, you don't have to buy sock dinner and whisper sweet Party approved nothings in sock ear to reach a Party approved Moment of Pleasure, do you?

Red Jim wrote:

Marshal Pupovich wrote:I presume Comrade Red Jim that this only occurs when you are having a party approved orgasm? That is the one situation where saying "Oh God" or some variant of this is permitted. We atheists still have a tendency to become "religious" at that one moment.

Marshal, It's an embarassing thing to admit but the Bushitler years were so traumatizing that Party approved Moments Of Pleasure were not to be found. Now that The One is in residence though, I've been having massive Obamas. In fact, my neighbors have been asking why they hear me screaming Obama late at night. I ask them why I don't hear them crying out in Obama but they look at me like I'm touched. I think I'm on the verge of having MHBO, which for a male ( I hate to use gender here but there is a scientific need to identify my gender, it's disgusting I know ), is somewhat unusual. What's really interesting is that my gender neutral partner is one of the aforementioned boobs-not-bombs activists, not a dirty unwashed Ukrainian capitlaist film slut, and it really turns me on. Who knew that hairy armpits and Birkinstocks could drive a comrade crazy?

Wow! You're practically a one-man bukkake! Do the proles downstairs ever complain of flooding?

Doktor, my affiliation with the Party alots me an apartment on the ground floor and my gender neutral partner never complains, she does her duty for the Party and NOW.

Red Jim wrote:

I use my People's Pleasure Sock™ which has an imprint of His O'liness on it, along with inspiring quotes to achieve my self stimulated Obama's.

Interesting, you don't have to buy sock dinner and whisper sweet Party approved nothings in sock ear to reach a Party approved Moment of Pleasure, do you?

No I do not have to whisper to sock of Obama's Stimulus Plan in order for it to become stimulated, nor do I have to share beet with sock. However in the interests of true collectivism, it is best if gender neutral comrade administers sock, while you use the Party Approved Pleasure Device (vulgarly known as the Obama dildo) on the other comrade. Thus each person reaches a Party Approved Moment of Pleasure at the same Party Approved Time, using Party Approved Pleasure Tools.

If another comrade is unavailable, or if one must achieve and Obamagasm, then the People's Pleasure Sock(TM) is still a useful, and Party Approved tool. Either through strong Party Approved Inner Strength(TM) (acceptable only when a bare hint of individualism is needed for propaganda achieving party goals) or in a fit of collective Obamagasms, the People's Pleasure Sock(TM) is ready to be put to use! (Also doubles as a real sock. In fact, counts towards your annual allotment of socks).

Comrade Strangelove, I am feeling a tingle down my leg at the picture you showed. And also strangely stimulated in my nether regions. I feel an explosive Obamagasm coming on.

Comrade7.62 wrote:I use my People's Pleasure Sock(TM) which has an imprint of His O'liness on it, along with inspiring quotes to achieve my self stimulated Obama's.

[off] this had me cracking the hell up!! And then Strangelove found one!??!?!! Excellent!!![/off]

You might like this one of a commissarka better:

Change brand socks... Hmmm... How did these CHANGE brand tampons become the official tampons of the Black House? Well... They had to pull a few strings in Congress.....