Father Prog Theocritus wrote:I ask you. Just where's the fun of taking a subject in which there is only one right answer for a problem? There ought to be as many right answers as you feel like on the day you're asked, and then you get to choose another answer if your first answer wasn't wrong, and you get to deny that you gave the wrong answer anyway and if you're caught on video or in writing having given the wrong answer, all you have to do is walk it back, claiming that, oh, someone looked at you funny and hurt your feelings.

Precisely. So appealing. So comforting. So mind-numbing. So - Prog. Truly a fine note on which to end another Glorious Socialist Day in the USSA, tovarich Father Prog.

Commissar Redumdimski wrote:We of the Inner Party may have to find Another around whom to build a cult of personality.

Comrades, do you believe the treason and lies coming from this thought criminal?

Redumdimski seeks to replace Dear Leader! He has no faith in the re-election, policies, or future of Dear Leader. These are HIS own words that he almost meant to say. What is next, will he deny the theory of Evolution? Will he purchase MUTUAL FUNDS? Is he volunteering for Mitt Romney? Did He VOTE for BUSH? Does he have a poster of Sara Palin in his bathroom? His crimes against the state are mounting...

Where is Judge Pulloskies? We need a Show Trial! (Judge Pulloskies, I see that there is a vodka shipment with your name on it being sealed and loaded...)

In Amerikkan cinema, a Member of the US GRU named "Rooster" Cogburn told his opponent "give yourself up, I'll get you a fair trial and a fine hanging with a new rope"

Redumdimski, bring your own rope, you might get two out of three... In recognition of your new position, I believe you will be "entitled" to a desk in your cell while incarcerated. It's a good thing, because where you are going, you can burn it for most of an evening. Let Justice BE DONE!

<Sigh.> Gentleprogs, can you focus your attention for just one moment without being distracted by a shiny thing or strange noise?

There is no "Inner Party." There is no secret cabal of highly placed party elite who make all the decisions, including the fate of certain progs who keep insisting that there IS an "Inner Party." They do NOT maintain a secret bunker complex that is the site of depraved parties, wild dancing, and wretched excess. They do NOT maintain a shadowy security apparat that "disappears" individuals who talk too much about the wrong things, nor do they indulge their slightest whims with monies skimmed from union kickbacks, Party dues, and lucrative government-guaranteed loans to "Green Industry" startup shell corporations.

These things do not happen because there is no "Inner Party."

Exactly, Comrade Brain.

Move along, now. Nothing to see here.

Ivan Betinov wrote:<Sigh.> Gentleprogs, can you focus your attention for just one moment without being distracted by a shiny thing or strange noise?

There is no "Inner Party." There is no secret cabal of highly placed party elite who make all the decisions, including the fate of certain progs who keep insisting that there IS an "Inner Party." They do NOT maintain a secret bunker complex that is the site of depraved parties, wild dancing, and wretched excess. They do NOT maintain a shadowy security apparat that "disappears" individuals who talk too much about the wrong things, nor do they indulge their slightest whims with monies skimmed from union kickbacks, Party dues, and lucrative government-guaranteed loans to "Green Industry" startup shell corporations.

These things do not happen because there is no "Inner Party."

Tovarich Ivan! We Progs depend on shiny things and strange noises to distract and mystify the proles!

But more to the point of your post. You obviously feel left out, detached. I will ensure you have a ticket to the next Prog Disco Studio 27 Party, and that your jar's contents will be off-limits to the revelers. Your mind will be swimming in fresh Stolichnaya Elit and delight!

I will vouch for Tovarichi too, but I cannot guarantee his invitation. Many Party-goers are, shall we say, concerned for him.

My goodness, to have advanced so far in the Party heirarchy in the mere 103 days you have actually been with the Party! Here am I, a humble Party member who has only occaisionally been awarded the Order of Hillary, and have but a few times originated a thread promoted to the front page, foolishly trying to advise a comrade who obviously already knows everything there is to know. And a commissar already, no less! Why if I were a member of the Inner Party--which I must repeat simply does NOT exist--I would wonder if you had considered the Party's distaste for those who claim promotion to high rank without actually being promoted to high rank.

But Komrade Ivan,
I must say that after reading a good many of Redumdimski's oft-times ponderous posts, I have come to the conclusion that he is undoubtedly as rank as anyone else here.

PS, There is so an " Inner Party ". It's just that our records show you haven't given as much as your neighbors have towards Dear Leader's 2012 re-election campaign. Perhaps a worthy donation to such would get you an invite to the party, as it were.

Ivan Betinov wrote:My goodness, to have advanced so far in the Party heirarchy in the mere 103 days you have actually been with the Party! Here am I, a humble Party member who has only occaisionally been awarded the Order of Hillary...

Remember dear tovarich Brain in Jar, it's all in the attitude. And kicking a little butt every now and again helps. But not to worry – the former is much more important than the latter. For the latter, you may exercise liberal application of the ADA, plus even more attitude. Also remember always that for the Prog any aspect of life in The World We Make that you care to mention is all about feelings (self esteem), and has nothing to do with accomplishments. True Progs all have equality of accomplishment, even though we know some are more equal than others. To paraphrase Father Prog, your belly will be rubbed if you wail loud and long enough. Even if your vocal cords are minuscule, and your belly is less than substantial.

By the way… Good news! Word has it the MTE will be visiting the Rancho again soon, and she likes to eat brains brainy guys! Be there!

Krasnodar wrote:But Komrade Ivan,
I must say that after reading a good many of Redumdimski's oft-times ponderous posts, I have come to the conclusion that he is undoubtedly as rank as anyone else here.

Krasnodar, as to rank: I'm able to shower every time it rains as the rivulets spill through the roof of my Glorious Government-maintained apartment! (Who needs plumbing?)

Tovarichi wrote:Redumdimski seeks to replace Dear Leader! He has no faith in the re-election, policies, or future of Dear Leader. These are HIS own words that he almost meant to say. What is next, will he deny the theory of Evolution? Will he purchase MUTUAL FUNDS? Is he volunteering for Mitt Romney? Did He VOTE for BUSH? Does he have a poster of Sara Palin in his bathroom? His crimes against the state are mounting...

First, let us be klar, lest you forget: Romney is one of us. Recall that is why Dear 0'Leader wishes to run against Romney – a brilliant move, as this would ensure The 0ne's re-election without requiring the implementation of Suspension of the Vote. Repubican'ts know this. But don't let this information disseminate to the RethugliKKKan Tearrorists™ - some of them remain unaware, which is the way we want it.

By the way – what have you been doing in my bathroom???

Now, with that out of the way, on to the relevant issue.
I detected a bit of – how to put it – agitation in your previous posts. Then nothing. Obviously our Caring Party Members saw to your distress.

I do not know if you observed, but as I was entering ™ Station 285-B for my weekly session, I saw Pedro push you roughly out the door. I greeted you but you appeared not to hear me. Your gaze was fixed forward in that peculiar Jiffy-Lobo™-induced blank stare we know so well. You let out a mewling cry as you began meandering down the dusty, trash-strewn street, apparently oblivious to your surroundings, a small trickle of drool staining your stubbled chin, your worn, untied shoes flopping on your feet as you trudged away.

I trust you will find your way back to our Kollektiv's warm embrace soon, Tovarichi!

Sparkly shiny new Commisar <spit>,

My years as a senior military officer have taught me to report what I see, and let others judge what I report. You, Sir, <spit> are accused of crimes against the state. Good luck with that! What is about to happen is known among comrades at MY level in the party as "upward mobility."

While I may be on the "preferred customer" list at Jiffy Lobo (only three more visits until I complete my set of imitation plastic caviar serving knives!) I am aware of my surroundings. Now if you will excuse me, it's Thursday, and my wife got her vodka ration from the school where she teaches, and I'm planning to get lucky.

Fine Comrade Tovarichi: Splendid! You obviously recovered sufficiently from your Jiffy-Lobo™ of yesterday afternoon to once again compose coherent sentences at your keyboard. I am impressed at your rapid return. Recovery times dwindle as our exposure increases, da? Oh, and congrats on the imitation plastic caviar serving knives! I've only just started collecting my set.

General Konspiriskiy told me he was working with you on a Maskirovka to infiltrate, disrupt, and discredit the Tearrorist™ Teabagger™ movement using our own dear Freedom Fighter OWS Nationwide Protestors and Sympathizers Network. I understand the plot is almost fully hatched, and our Statist Media dogs comrades are cooperating nicely in its implementation. I can spare a bottle of previously-mentioned Stolichnaya Elit for you and your better half to increase your lucky chances – I admire your spunk so quickly restored after a Jiffy-Lobo™ session and wish to encourage you. You, as I, and all our dear tovariches at the Cube, are engaged in The Grand Conflict to end The Enemy's most tenuous foothold in our proletariat at all costs, and sometimes it's nice to have a little liquid sunshine brighter than what our Glorious Public Indoctrination Education Facilities provide.

Our Glorious Public School Workers - particularly members of the AFT and NEA, along with our other Indoctrination Education Union Members - are Doing The People's Work™ For The Children™. It is through Indoctrination Education that the current and upcoming generations of proles will work with us to utterly annihilate all vestiges of resistance to ushering in The Glorious Progressive World Of Next Tuesday™!

Stay on mission Tovarichi! For The People And The Children™!

Brain-in-Jar, I must admit that I am responsible for the brevet promotion to Commissar of Redumdimski. Well, he was being particularly greedy, nasty, suspicions and accusatory and I developed a huge man-prog-crush. You know how it is. Why, I recall your days as a proglet here in the Kollective: your bright, shining eyes, always glittering with envy over OPM and Other People's Liberties, always slavering to snatch away anything that you can.

Do you not recall those heady days in which you were given the tools to make your natural envy, meanness, and greed respectable? I recall the first time that you let your Inner Prog out, and were embraced by the Kollective.

To a Made Prog like me, these are the times that one cherishes. There are outbreaks of libertarianism from time to time, which must be eradicated. You have done so well, as has Meow. And so many others. Please, pray Lenin, do not begrudge Redumdimski his brevet promotion.

Because after all, it's no fun to have a show trial for a mere comrade, is it?

Father Prog Theo !

They let you out early on your own recognizance this time, didn't they ?!!

( So, how's the Caddy runnin' ? )

Father Prog Theo, it is so good to be a brevet Commissar having been entitled to the position since birth and finally recognizing it as my Korrekt feelings of nastiness, greed, envy, and sloth consume all about me in an ever-increasing radius of destruction. An example: the Occupussy Movement We trained up and set upon the Evil KKKapitOlists is showing us the life We make and endorse for our Beloved Proles. The heady entitlement of the True Progressive! The Power over the little people! Others see it crackling from our jeans, and residing in our pant creases. I look forward to some of the nastiest Show Trials in Kollektiv History (we may fictionalize and obfuscate per MiniTru Direktiv). The Great Progressive World Of Next Tuesday™, The World We Make, is just over that cliff ahead! See the Show!

Redumdimski, in reference to your upcoming show trial(s). The plural if you're lucky. You might, however, butter up Pupovich, who has the record of the most show trials. You know, I think that he actually invites them. It gives him a chance to show off his Teflon Prog side.

And you'll have the finest of show trials, too. We'll make up things, just as Dan Rather did about the Bu$hitler, and as our Dear Brothers in Hatred are doing about Herman Cain.

And since Liberalism is closing the great circle to come back to its all-time favorite position, Judenhass, you can make all the comments that you want of the nature, "Some of my best friends are Jews but Israel is an occupying force committing genocide on the Palestinians." As long as you wait at least 24 hours after a Palestinian suicide-bomber has killed people in Israel. See how wonderful it is to be a Prog? You can engage in the second-most-delightful Prog belief: virulent anti-Semitism.

Second of course after the all-purpose, one-size-fits-all concentration camp.

Hmm. Do you see a connection? I must get out my Primo Levy.

Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Brain-in-Jar, I must admit that I am responsible for the brevet promotion to Commissar of Redumdimski.

Your prominence in this conspiracy of fools is noted. Your admission will be useful and may buy you some measure (small though it will be) of leniency.

I have no problem in promotion of the qualified, ONCE THEY ARE READY! For Lenin's sake Theo, Redumdipstickski may write like you, but he THINKS like Red ROOSTER!. He's on the right track but hasn't left the station yet, still more fit to carry bricks than the epaulet. GIve him some time. Until then, he's a criminal, and you are responsible like the ventriloquist is for his dummy.

"...like the ventriloquist is for his dummy."

So far George Soros's hands are completely clean with Lord O; if you want to look at dirty fingernails, see Nanski's.

Father Prog, I recommend we feed misinformation to some of the nastiest, vilest, foulest media dogs comrades available. We can start my first show trial's groundwork by telling our tovariches at The Politico (maybe our Useful Idiots Kenny and Johnny) that I'm a black conservative. They'll be foaming at the mouth to dig up all kinds of accusatory garbage on me then! Bases for accusations be damned! (For tovarich Tovarichi: It won't even matter that I'm Red and Roosterish.)

Tovarichi, I do admire and understand your zeal in wanting to make sure that Redumdipski (thank you) is worth of his brevet promotion. But please let us bow to reality.

We are being lead by the Prince of Prevarication, Bouncing Baby Barry Bama. Now in the history of people being promoted to high office, there was never anyone less qualified than Barry. PBUH, of course.

But see what he's done? His subtle squinting disdain for the entire system which made the elevation of a man of his, er, I choke as I write "accomplishments," is proggery personified. He's never done anything except work his look. He's the poster child for Modern Totalitarian, the magazine which fills your dreams with concentration camps and star chambers. Particularly the latter when you've had a bad day and have had to admit that reality didn't come out your ass. Just once of course; twice is fatal.

I detect in Redumdimski the same sort of conjunction of the axes of solipsism, arrogance, and stupidity. And what's wrong with that?

We shall destroy all logical thinking (do not get the Department of Education get axed) so that a shit-wit like Redumdimski can rule over us all.

And while he's swanning about and prating about his elevated station, we can merely, er, do what we want. Because I always take Chairman Meowsovich's Punchenko's advice. "You don't have to be on the front page as long as you have a death-grip on his wallet."

Comrade Theo !

Only a mindless bastard would speak of another Comrade in such a tone.

You, sir, are really on your game.

Redumdimski, have you managed to, er, scout out the possible repositories for the missing Hummels? I know that you are a Commissar now, but that doesn't mean that you don't have to go on the hunt for things that I can make use of.

After all, I am Father Prog Theocritus. "What's mine is mine, and what's yours is yours as long as you can keep it. And I'm about to make my day."

Oh, and you will feel very guilty about denying me my birthright, all together now, as Father Prog Theocritus. I learned that from the Goracle, who was raised to be president, but unfortunately didn't manage to make it when people discovered that he has half a broomstick up his ass, can't clap his hands, flunked out of divinity school and dropped out of law school, had worse school scores than the Lenin-damned Bu$shitler.

The Goracle, the Primate of the First Church of Gaia, Jackson Hole See, is owed what he wants. Because his demand for the realization of his own internalized fiction is important. Because he's the Holy Gore.

You see the logic in this? The stock-in-trade of the true progressive is begging the question, or as those tiresome Roman rhetoricians said, petitio principii.

We assume the starting point, wander away from it, and get back.

Lord Barry says that he's for Hope and Change and that's because he's a good man for the common people. Other people, on whom I spit, say they don't like his views and so his hope and change are harmful.

This is rubbish, because Lord O told us that Hope and Change are good. So we must have Hope and Change.

Get it? Posit it, go for a walk around the house a couple of times, and when you get back, it's axiomatic. As long as the drive-by media is in on it.

Krasnodar, I do thank you. I am hoping to fly to Occupy Wall Street tomorrow, to give them of my endless wisdom. I have been very fortunate to have known some union leaders, who have the brass balls to say anything that they want. I have known a few who made Al Sharpton blush; why once even Rahm Emanuel ("Never let a good crisis go to waste") to tell stroke them, to tell them that their degrees Incan Pottery or Queer Indian Theory are the sole reason that Gaia (PBUH) is not hurtling into the sun.

We have students who have learned nothing useful and who have accumulated massive debt and have no choice but to marry the government. They have been taught that they need not try; they need only navigate between governmental institutions.

Which institutions we are still trying to set up.

BTW, has any esteemed comrade here seen the documentary on the Black Dolphin Prison in Russia? Any true prog will get a diamond-cutter stiffie over that little bit of totalitarianism.Of course the program let on it was for serial murderers, but we all know that in the other cells were anthropogenic global-warming deniers.

Tovarichi wrote:

Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Brain-in-Jar, I must admit that I am responsible for the brevet promotion to Commissar of Redumdimski.

Your prominence in this conspiracy of fools is noted. Your admission will be useful and may buy you some measure (small though it will be) of leniency.

I have no problem in promotion of the qualified, ONCE THEY ARE READY! For Lenin's sake Theo, Redumdipstickski may write like you, but he THINKS like Red ROOSTER!. He's on the right track but hasn't left the station yet, still more fit to carry bricks than the epaulet. GIve him some time. Until then, he's a criminal, and you are responsible like the ventriloquist is for his dummy.

Oh the delight in platitudes. I've never in all my time circling the party seen so many self congratulatory proles. (*sniffle*) Reminds me when I was just a young cockerel, my cockled eyes bleed with socialist delight. Although I seem to remember when Mao swore me in to The Party a bit more unseemly humility, I know, not prog at all, we live and learn.

We are all equal comrades, just some more equal than others, The Party has always been this way and always will be.

Hail Obama!

Father Prog Theocritus wrote:I detect in Redumdimski the same sort of conjunction of the axes of solipsism, arrogance, and stupidity. And what's wrong with that?

We shall destroy all logical thinking (do not get the Department of Education get axed) so that a shit-wit like Redumdimski can rule over us all.

And while he's swanning about and prating about his elevated station, we can merely, er, do what we want. Because I always take Chairman Meowsovich's Punchenko's advice. "You don't have to be on the front page as long as you have a death-grip on his wallet."

>Sniff< Ah Father Prog, I am so overcome at your rapturous adulation of my mental machinations that I can scarce contain myself. Such high praise from the starry stellar pinacles of one of the Highest of Most Equal of Made Progs ever to grace the Cube would shame me were I not entitled to such by my self-consuming love. I'm not half the man I used to be and am dwindling fast to become the epitome of loathsome self-absorbed demanding Proggery I was born to be, taking from all and giving nothing but misery and pain in return.

I'm not there yet, but your encouragement is the burr in my backside needed to drive me on in my quest to be more and more like His 0'liness, our own Dear 0'Leader, every minute of every day. I Won't Rest™ until the reality of Our World, The Progressive World Of Next Tuesday™, comes to pass. Surely we all can sink aspire to The 0ne's level of qualification and competence, PBUH. We Can't Wait™ for the day when Our World of Hoax and Chains Hope and Change™ springs forth like the Socialist Phoenix from the ashes of the Evil US of KKK and its Evil KKKapitOlists who still cling to their religion and their guns. They must be swept away so Our People, perfectly embodied by Our Occupussies Heroic Occupiers, will be all there is, so worship of and service to Us will be total and unquestioning. Oh Rapture!

RR, of course I'm self-congratulatory and despite my extensive silver, Waterford and Wedgewood, I'm still a prole. This is sort of like faking being old to get the discount, you see.

The essence of proggery is self-adulation, because that's why we exist. Oh, I weep and moan for "the little people"; "the common man"; "the disenfranchised," but you better believe that I'm out with sharp elbows to insert myself in between any party I can convince to feel oppressed and any party that I can claim is responsible for it.

And what's in between? Well, when the dead Greeks went into Hades, they had to give a piece of money to Charon to ferry them across the River Styx.

I'm Charon. And yes, if I can manage it, this is hell.

Where I'm Charon.

Redumdimski, I have read, and reread, your encomium to me above and I thank you. And when I realized that you'd done utterly nothing but talk about how unimportant you were, how you were looking for guidance, how you were a supplicant, and all the time you kept your sorry little self front and center.

It's that grand mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa passive-aggressive defense.

And it's a really good one. Really good.

Bear in mind that anonymous good works are to be reviled. We don't do good things unless there is at least one camera crew taking notice. Two, if you're a Made Prog and I'm about to receive my promotion to a Three Camera Crew Made Prog.

So keep up the posturing, the groveling, and always make sure that you in the public eye, demanding, whining, denouncing.

Because if we are not in the public eye, trying to deprive someone of something, then we'd have to sit alone.

In our rooms.

In the unconquerable silence which would come if we understood that we are important only insofar as we can get others to agree that we are important.

Father Prog, your eminence was never in question. You've earned every bit of the silver ware you stole from Meow's diner table, which of course he stole from the Smithsonian while Clinton was in office, but we'll keep this on the down low for now. You will always be The Father Prog (notice the The). We are watching these newer comrades. Vacillation is commendable, but we are wondering if we couldn't squeeze more shit out of this thread then all of the Occupy Movement. It's the assumptions, you know the assumptions, it's always been the assumptions. Did we mention the assumptions. I must get back to carrying bricks for The Party. Always watching. Blessed be The State.

Hail Obama!

RR, a word with you, tête-a-beak. Do you think that we can finally, at long last, since Lord ZerObama has shamelessly said the exact opposite of the truth for years, finally, and at long last, quit saying "Hail Obama" and do it right? It's "Heil, Obama," surely. I am not meaning to call Lord O a Nazi, for I don't think him one. He transcends every other form of totalitarian that I have known, and leaves mere mortal totalitarians in the dust.

I mean, Uncle Adolph didn't manage to destroy the American economy and he sure wanted to. But Bouncy Baby Barry Bama can. Uncle Joe really didn't like AmeriKKKa and he and his lapdog Khrushchev shipped nukes to Cuba and would have nuked everyone, had not that idiot K cratered. And Lord O bows to the King of Saudia Arabia, who funds schools to educate people who want to die to hate us.

I think that "Hail, Obama," is at this stage insufficient.

Perhaps "Ave, Obama"?

No, I beg to differ, it is Hail Obama, and to much time at Jiffi Lobo or the depths of Websters will not change that. You see we can take things that may have had words applied to them long ago under the archaic notion that we all agree what they are and mean. And then over time apply new words to them which make them seem less or more unseemly.

Example par excellence: "Eros" by Herbert Marcuse

And the list goes on...

Hail Obama!

Red Rooster wrote:We are watching these newer comrades. Vacillation is commendable, but we are wondering if we couldn't squeeze more shit out of this thread then all of the Occupy Movement. It's the assumptions, you know the assumptions, it's always been the assumptions. Did we mention the assumptions. I must get back to carrying bricks for The Party. Always watching. Blessed be The State.

Hail Obama!

Dear Red Rooster whom it is my honor to have been likened to, as a newer comrade it is pleasurable to participate in posting in such porcine pulchritude (nod to Her Thighness, the MTE) that even my favorite barnyard foul fowl squawks talks of the guano that it engenders, excreted as the Occupussy Pooper Trooper demonstrated.

But primarily I wanted to extend heartfelt happy joy that you have recovered so nicely from your BLR-like babbling (Give that woodchuck a tunamelt) that apparently accompanied your knock on the noggin at Krasnodar's People's Party on Saturday night.

Oh yes, it was glorious time... now if you'll excuse me I must get back to The Party...

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Father Prog Theocritus wrote:...keep up the posturing, the groveling, and always make sure that you in the public eye, demanding, whining, denouncing.

Because if we are not in the public eye, trying to deprive someone of something, then we'd have to sit alone.

In our rooms.

In the unconquerable silence which would come if we understood that we are important only insofar as we can get others to agree that we are important.

Ah, that is what Life is all about. Adulation. And theft righteous Redistribution. I am all, and everyone else must bow and scrape to me while acknowledging it and offering to me their all. Which segues nicely with another point you provided:

Father Prog Theocritus wrote:...when the dead Greeks went into Hades, they had to give a piece of money to Charon to ferry them across the River Styx.

I'm Charon. And yes, if I can manage it, this is hell.

As always, Noble Theo, your words bring wisdom and clarity. My mind, such as it is, has occasionally questioned this fascination that Christians have with and for their God, and your words help make clear just why they must be a doomed anomaly in Our Reality.

We know that their God, their Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, is, or at least represents – for We cannot acknowledge that their understanding of Him is Reality, for Reality is What We Make – The Enemy. They claim their God is the Creator of all things, and that leads to the ultimate danger to Us that We must abolish for all time and at all cost.

For if there is a Maker of all things other than Us, then Our Reality may be questioned.

It would follow that I am accountable to someOne higher than Myself, someOne more than human.

This is how We know that their God cannot be real, for I, and indeed every Prog, cannot acknowledge any Maker of myself, nor will I take responsibility for myself. Were I to do so, I would begin to doubt that it is my Right to have everyone else service me, bow to me, love me, in short: be enthralled to me.

I am god with no scruples. I am capricious and will not tolerate dissent. I am to be lifted up above this Christian God. Christians say that such attitudes characterize their imaginary Satan, and that is what makes Satan's ultimate home, which they call Hell, so Hellish. But that is precisely what We, as True Progressives, want in the Here and Now. When We are served by all others, We will have brought the Progressive World Of Next Tuesday™ to Earth – and Christians abhor this. They say Man can only be fulfilled when he accepts the Gift of Life that God's Son provides, for only The Maker can save the creature from the very nature, the essence, that We cultivate, that makes Us what We are.

THAT is why We cannot, We must not, tolerate these Christians. Because they oppose Us and Our Progressive World Of Next Tuesday™. Because Our realization of The Progressive World Of Next Tuesday™ is their concept of Hell on Earth.

Red Rooster wrote:Oh yes, it was glorious time... now if you'll excuse me I must get back to The Party...

Yes Good Red, I recall you doing that very dance, to that very music, at Krasnodar's People's Party, shortly before I saw you lying stunned in his hallway.

Your dancing, however, was more sinuous, rhythmic, and Redder than that poor Palestinian prole rooster's in the video. Party on, tovarich!

About Red Rooster and that party...... I'm still cleaning up spots on my carpet from his little "hallway adventure".

Redumdimski wrote:I am god with no scruples. I am capricious and will not tolerate dissent.

And there you have proggery in a nutshell.

When the first progressive was determined to tear down all the gods and idols, he said it was to make all men equal. What he did not let on is that he had every intention of climbing into the plinth or the stele himself in their place.

Let us not forget that humans are fallible but that humans can make a system which is so anfractuous and convoluted and fantasticated that it become a perfect theory, which is just what we ought to be living by.

The KKKonservatives believe that mankind is flawed and cannot be made perfect. We progs know that mankind can be made to be perfect, insofar as we define perfect, as long as we "urge" people enough. Translation: Jiffy-Lobo™ and the Siberia Inn.

But since mankind is not perfect, then we are excused for not being perfect. To keep the yin and the yang in balance, we must therefore demand that everyone else be perfect.

Krasnodar wrote:About Red Rooster and that party...... I'm still cleaning up spots on my carpet from his little "hallway adventure".

Krasnodar - It is indeed joyous to see you back as yourself with broad-brimmed felt sombrero atop scant cranium. (Was Pinkie returned to her "Happy Home"?)

I have some Brain Bleach to assist with carpet cleaning. (grok!)

Father Prog Theocritus wrote:The KKKonservatives believe that mankind is flawed and cannot be made perfect. We progs know that mankind can be made to be perfect, insofar as we define perfect, as long as we "urge" people enough. Translation: Jiffy-Lobo™ and the Siberia Inn.

Mankind flawed? Nonsense! Everyone knows that from our births we are all, all of humanity, Sweetness and Light, and no training is required to do the Korrekt thing - it is our Nature to do the Korrekt thing, always. It is the Evil Reichwing Christian KKKapitOlist Teabagger™ Troll Tearrorist™ RethugliKKKans who train people from their earliest days to be Evil and bad.

Father Prog, I am scheduled for my next Jiffy-Lobo™ on Thursday, but may need to move my appointment up after that prior excursion into the depths of The Enemy's camp.

A friendly hint: You may want to make an appointment yourself. Pedro informed me there's another opening after my session.

Actually I am doing beta testing on a portable Jiffy-Lobo™ device. It receives signals from Laika, Noble Space Dog, on my superheterodyne, phased-antenna-array tin-foil hat. It can sense when I am having a Bad Thought and it destroys ze leetle gray cells, as M. Poirot would say.

Wouldn't Diana Moon Glampers be proud?

This, wise Father Prog, is a fine example of two great minds thinking in diverging directions. Just today I was wondering if we could perform Jiffy-Lobo™s on a Kollektiv scale (perhaps in a People's Theater-type venue), and you have come up with a Personal Portable Jiffy-Lobo™ device. My one fear is that, like iPhones, your portable unit will become so popular with the proles that you would have to establish an Evil KKKapitOlist facility to fabricate them, and then you might find yourself sent up the river for a Denouncement and a Show Trial for being an Evil KKKapitOlist yourself (the horror!). And also for doing something for the individual rather than the Kollektiv (the disgrace!).

I'd like to make the suggestion that the Collective provide Comrade Redumdimski
an umbrella so he can send posts without getting his keyboard soaked from the leaky ceiling in his State-constructed domicile.

I already know what some of you are thinking..... and the answer is no.
His bathroom is just as bad.

K, to the first: You are a true tovarich. But no need. Our Glorious Government has a program to handle the issue. Once the reams of requisitions, environmental impact studies, and appropriate new regulations have been developed, refined, instituted, and reformed by the Korrekt hordes of bureaucretins bureaucrats, Stimulus-funded Unionized infrastructure construction teams will be dispatched to strike begin the process of contemplating procuring the outlawed materials and hashing out the workstudy and job flow procedures prior to beginning the project. Anticipated completion date: 2052, give or take a decade.

So yes, thank you, I suppose an umbrella would come in handy, after all.

To the second: I'll have you know I produce some of the richest fertilizer available anywhere for my Magic Organic Gaia-Friendly Bean$ right there in my own Glorious State-provided bathroom, so of course it's ripe with promise.

Oh say, that Brain Bleach did wonders for your hallway carpet, didn't it? Got those spots from Red Rooster right out! (Along with dissolving portions of the flooring, stripping the paint from the walls, and producing a murderous headache.)

Redumdimskivich person,

Sorry I was late in responding....... Uncle Joe beat me down for not logging in.
So, I have a question for you......


Don't you live up on the eighth floor ? Bummer... the elevator hasn't worked since 1973.
I believe yours is the apartment with the satellite dish in the window, right ?
Nice digs....... far superior to those western hovels.

By the way.. I heard about what happened to that sofa when Red Rooster came to that get- together you had.......When that bird's wasted, he's a genuine menace to public safety!

( insert rooster sounds )

Photographical proof that Redumsticky is not a real Commisar! He is perpetuating a falsehood and must be tried accordingly! This is not the dacha of a Commisar. Crimes against the state!

Not so hasty, Tovarichiovich....

I know it looks suspicious , but I have it on good authority that his eighth floor domicile was chosen for him by State security, affording Red a clear field of view of the goings on within the Collective, all the while gathering servailenc.... surveilense........uh .........
recording what's going on between us, which is the primary function of a commissar.

As for the sofa, it was acquired from a dumpster behind the Finnish Embassy.
So, as anyone can see, our Commissar was demonstrating Dear Leader Lord Obama's demand that we " think green " by "acquiring" other people's stuff....new or used.
Which means anything they've got that we know we deserve to have.

To put it simply: " Economic Justice through Re-distribution ". No show trials today, unless somebody else we don't like does something "suspicious"
Hey... I got it right this time !

Krasnodar wrote:Which means anything they've got that we know we deserve to have.

Krasnodar, I had such great hopes for you. How do you know that you won't need it? The answer? Take it all! And then give out what you don't need to the Little People to show How Much You Care and How Concerned You Are and as part of the eternal class warfare that Bouncing Baby Barry Bama is so good at.

Alan Kay said, "We don't know what the future is until we invent it." Steve Jobs, "People don't know what they want until we give it to them."

Now I know Jobs meant iPhones and Macs and things like that but I see no reason, using ProgThink™, that people could not be taught to like the odd scrap of moldy potato peel. Of course getting them to like it might mean some extra programming on the Porta-Jiffy-Lobo™. Or should I call it Jiffy-Lobo-To-Go™?

If we can get people to forget their cognitive dissonance at this, frankly, incredible farrago of lies and deceit from Washington, it ought to be a doddle to get them to mistake a wrinkled beet for lobster.

And by the way, there is utterly nothing wrong with using a capitOlist firm to make Jiffy-Lobo-To-Go™. Since it's for the cause, we don't have to bother with things like living wages, health care or other niceties. Those are reserved for our government unions. This things will be made by zeks.

Krasnodar wrote:Redumdimskivich person,

Sorry I was late in responding....... Uncle Joe beat me down for not logging in.
So, I have a question for you......

Don't you live up on the eighth floor ? Bummer... the elevator hasn't worked since 1973.
I believe yours is the apartment with the satellite dish in the window, right ?
Nice digs....... far superior to those western hovels.

By the way.. I heard about what happened to that sofa when Red Rooster came to that get- together you had.......When that bird's wasted, he's a genuine menace to public safety!

( insert rooster sounds )

Yes Krasnodar, we must abide by Uncle Joe's wishes!

You are Korrekt - that is my dacha away from the dacha where I retreat to conduct Party Meetings and Planning Sessions. The two floors above have been vacated and rendered condemned by The People's authorities due to water damage, which gives me an unobstructed view into the Glorious Socialist Sky that The 0ne provides us all. The satellite dish (Don't tell anyone it was constructed by an Evil KKKapitOlist corporation before they went belly-up from being unable to afford the vast shakedown sums required by The People's Governmental regulations imposed upon provided for their industry) comes in handy to receive Laika's signals when the Government-constructed superhet phased array receiver in my tinfoil ushanka is on the fritz. The elevator will not be repaired in order to facilitate Moochelle's Let's Move!™ program; the exercise is healthy for me. And yes, the sofa (acquired from a dumpster in the Take Things To Go Green!™ Campaign) damage was artfully done by our own Red Rooster, but his dancing is so good I can hardly complain!

It is true that the building is older than your Glorious Government-provided housing, but it is built better than yours, too. We know how workmanship and construction quality have suffered in the past few years, da?

Speaking of that, have you seen my new dacha ?


Doubles as a rolling mobile home if you bolt everything down.

The future is now, comrades !

Good Krasnodar, that is my newly-acquired dacha right next door. “Rolling along, singing a (Party) song, side-by-side”.

Isn't it wonderful what new uses the Party finds for concrete sewer pipes? Plus they have the advantage of being impervious to small arms fire. Still have that blasted hole in the roof, though.

Tovarichi wrote:Photographical proof that Redumsticky is not a real Commisar! He is perpetuating a falsehood and must be tried accordingly! This is not the dacha of a Commisar. Crimes against the state!

Tovarichi, Tovarichi, you have not been to “your” dacha lately, have you? Haven't tried the key, korrekt?

Hint: Tu dacha es mi dacha.

I noticed that all this rancor started after the Party invites went out, and you didn't get one. You've been telling your “comrades” that you were too “busy” to go. But we know the truth: No one likes a testy Tovarichi.

I'm telling you this because there is a soft spot in my heart for you, my brother in the People's Armed Forces. Active or retired, we share a bond. It is Korrekt not to stretch that bond too far, tovarich.

Father Prog Theocritus wrote:And by the way, there is utterly nothing wrong with using a capitOlist firm to make Jiffy-Lobo-To-Go™. Since it's for the cause, we don't have to bother with things like living wages, health care or other niceties. Those are reserved for our government unions. This things will be made by zeks.

One of the great benefits of being a Made Prog, as you are aware Good Theo, is that “We make ‘em” – the rules – “up as we go along”, to quote our dear tovarich Alcee Hastings. Being a Made Prog means never having to say you're sorry, or never doing anything at all if it suits you. It's everyone else's job anyway.

(Okay, I was just taking a break, practicing doing nothing, reading about the attempted joining of Gawdafulho and Moray Eel Morey to produce The Prog That Will Come and got a bit queasy and off-track. ROTFL! Now back to work, zeks.)

You Korrektly confirm there's nothing wrong with KKKapitOlism if we use it for our benefit (cronies come to mind), and of course benefits for the zeks are not even a consideration. “There will always be more workers.” Lack of benefits helps us keep production costs down and profits redistributable receivables high.

Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Of course getting them to like it might mean some extra programming on the Porta-Jiffy-Lobo™. Or should I call it Jiffy-Lobo-To-Go™?

Maybe we can simply shorten the badge to Porta-Jiffy™ - since it is a name similar to a device that our Occupussy proles are already familiar with (when they are not excreting exercising their “rights” to be pooper-troopers or conducting $h!t-ins). No doubt sales will be enhanced by association of brand-name recognition. Or maybe it can be called the Porta-J. Lo™, to add a perceived sexy diva dimension to usage of the product. It also has the benefit of truthfulness, since it transforms the brain into that wiggly substance.

And now for this evening's socialist trivia.....

I believe it was Comrade Trotski that had the dubious honor of experiencing the very first " Jiffy Lobo ". Those were the days !

We thought they'd never end - well, they're coming back again!

Not to worry though. Gaia Gruppenführer Algore informs us that ice axes will be beaten into ploughshares as they will never be needed again. Just ask everyone in the Northeast!

Krasnodar, please mind the specifics. Comrade Trotski did not have the first Jiffy-Lobo™. I invented that. He did not want to have the axe put into his brain; he was in Mexico City to prevent it.

And that's how it differs from Jiffy-Lobo™. That is voluntary and is meant for progs who are beginning to lose that squinty-eyed, calculating prog take and who are starting to take on reality, which of course will not do.

Harry Reid is a perfect example. He gets up at 5 AM every morning, has a spell at his own, personal Jiffy-Lobo™ from 6 to 7, and then continues as Senate Majority Leader.

How else do you think that he could countenance the incredible cognitive dissonance? I mean, even Bruno can see that we're heading over a cliff--and I'm the last one to deplore that for I, like Lord O, despise AmeriKKKa.

Jiffy-Lobo™ is meant to let you do things which even a blind retard could see would be ruinous, and still, with J-L, you can say them, and believe them, and defend them on the news channels without turning red. Because you haven't any brain left.

Jiffy-Lobo is our most proactive Stupefying Agent. Others are OWS, the DNC, the DKos, The Nation, and the drive-by media. Without these agents of stupefaction and hebetude, there might be lucubration and then all would be lost.

Hmm. Porta-J-Lo? An interesting idea. How would that work? Would someone put his head up her capacious and copious ass to receive the Current Truth™? My only problem though is that although I love her arrogance and solipsism, no matter how hard I try, I don't see that she has any brain at all. Of course I could have been prejudiced by that South Park episode in which Cartman makes a hand puppet which is a better performer than J-Lo and Cartman winds up in bed with Ben Affleck, looks at his hand, which is the new J-Lo, and screams, "Ben Affleck spooge!"

I felt so sorry for J-Lo then. To be an overpraised woman with limited talent and to be mocked like that. What's next? Something discourteous about Bouncing Baby Barry Bama?

Comrades, I urge you to sympathize with the plight of comrade Jodin Morey:

https://www.opednews.com/articles/Viole ... 9-942.html

Be sure to enjoy the pitch-perfect whining and self-righteousness.

What a fine example of effeminate sniveling Progdom is the unaware and incoherent windbag Jodin Morey. If "he" ever escaped from "his" boring winding whining unending pointless tirades long enough to take them, I'm sure "he" spends the remainder of "his" time (if there is any) as a constant volunteer for Jiffy-Lobo™s. "He" certainly shows that a Jiffy-Lobo™ is preferable to "his" unending wandering tirade with no discernable message (except as you noted, "I'm non-violent!", and I'm sure "he" is, unless it concerns the Korrekt destruction of the US of KKK), and would be a blessed escape from same. Although I doubt that anything evincing the feminine curves of a Porta-J-Lo™, despite the obvious utility it woud offer, could possibly be of interest to "him".

"He" is certainly a fine Prog spokesit. After two minutes of listening to "him" I am filled with Korrekt Prog rage and hate - but it's not directed at the police. It's directed at myself for wasting two minutes of my The People™'s Time.

Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Hmm. Porta-J-Lo? An interesting idea. How would that work? Would someone put his head up her capacious and copious ass to receive the Current Truth™?

I was thinking the victim subject user would put his head between her boobs, but your idea is better, as her butt is indeed more capacious.

Commissar Redumdimski wrote: Tovarichi, Tovarichi, you have not been to “your” dacha lately, have you? Haven't tried the key, korrekt?

Hint: Tu dacha es mi dacha.

Thanks Comrade Redumdipstickski, but I can't seem to get my key to work the door to this Dacha you share with the People™. You are most generous, and the directions were right on the money.

I found the approach from upwind easier to tolerate. Just sayin...

Tovarichi! I didn't realize that is your “dacha”!

I appropriated another; once again, a photographic image (Krasnodar's is in the foreground, mine is the one beyond that):
I do not know who provided you directions to your new “dacha”, old fellow. But apparently someone with a sense of humor, or worse…

I thought the dacha I was directed to had been “yours”… So I can't explain why your key doesn't work in your “dacha” that you have Korrektly identified for our Cube comrades. (Thanks from your friends (?) by the way; there were some guys in trench coats and dark suits who were looking for you.)

Here's another image of your "dacha" taken after you personalized it:
Tastefully done!

Well Tovarichi, enjoy your new "dacha". It looks really... Cozy. No doubt it doubles as one of Father Prog's original Porta-Jiffy™ Mk1s.

Krasnodar, you lied to me – Thanks, comrade! Appreciate your hooking me up in the better part of the 0'ville, away from tovarich Tovarichi's slightly smelly section.

Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Of course I could have been prejudiced by that South Park episode in which Cartman makes a hand puppet which is a better performer than J-Lo and Cartman winds up in bed with Ben Affleck, looks at his hand, which is the new J-Lo, and screams, "Ben Affleck spooge!"

Wasn't that the episode where Kenny got killed?

Tovarichi....

Remember, nothing says " made prog " like a Port-a- Potty !

You may already be aware that our very own self-proclaimed mindless bastard,
Father Prog Theocritus, has a blue one .... same as you. It serves as his ad-hoc retreat from Bruno when they're staying at his subterranean dacha near Carlsbad .

So your in good company.

Krasnodar - "Made Prog"? Or "Made By Prog"?

Oh, dear, Redumdimski. Made Prog is so different from Made by Prog. Made Prog means never having to say you're wrong, and your only work is stealing from others. Which means that Made by Prog is only some other version of theft.

We Made Progs never actually make anything except misery. There is not a single thing on earth which actually exists which is worthwhile which was Made by Prog.

Unless you count hundreds of thousands of pages of governmental regulations.

To Redumdimski: " Made Prog" or " Made -by-Prog "..... not much of a difference.

Speaking of which.....

It seems that our dear friend and comrade- in- arms Jodin Morey is having his new home installed by The State today......... probably as a reward for his most excellent work in advancing the cause of our Progressive Utopia.



When they've finished covering it with backfill ..... insulation,
we must go over to his new " digs" and pay the dear boy a visit.

This underground dacha with periscope hatch intrigues me. The escape tunnels look awfully narrow.

Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Oh, dear, Redumdimski. Made Prog is so different from Made by Prog. Made Prog means never having to say you're wrong, and your only work is stealing from others. Which means that Made by Prog is only some other version of theft.

We Made Progs never actually make anything except misery. There is not a single thing on earth which actually exists which is worthwhile which was Made by Prog.

Unless you count hundreds of thousands of pages of governmental regulations.

Father Theo, I submit to you that "Made by Prog" has a special connotation when associated with Tovarichi's new "digs". Krasnodar's estimation of the distinction comes pretty close to the mark; I would argue that our "hundreds of thousands of pages of governmental regulations" (is that all? We've gotta have at least a billion by now. If not, we need to get busy, 'cause We Can't Wait™), definitely Made by Progs, are equivalent to the same substance Tovarichi makes in his "dacha".

Tovarichi wrote:This underground dacha with periscope hatch intrigues me. The escape tunnels look awfully narrow.

Tovarichi, one of those "escape tunnels" is actually fed by your "dacha", and provides life-giving and invigorating nutrients for Über-Prog Jodin.

Krasnodar wrote:When they've finished covering it with backfill ..... insulation,
we must go over to his new " digs" and pay the dear boy a visit.

Since Jodin and Tovarichi are neighbors, we can visit both. I propose a Party meeting to help relieve Tovarichi's testiness which has been in full fetid blossom since his not receiving an invite to the last People's Party.

This meeting would give an entirely new perspective to the term " Underground Movement ".

Krasnodar, a most equal spotting of the new home of Jodin Morey. I feel so sorry for Jodin--always quivering, but then when he's quivering, his head is no longer cocked perkily to the side.

Frankly I do not think that we need worry about an escape route for Jodin. First, it is my intention that Jodin have his well-deserved rest in pieces.

But should Mr. Morey be like a tapeworm, which can, if bisected, grow another half, or should he be like the Terminator--well with the Proginator, why not?--the small diameter of the pipes will serve to keep Mr. Morey or his various clones er, contained.

I swear, you do not know how wearing it is to have all that self-righteous yapping.

Once at the Rancho I gave him, out of prog kindness, the DVR remote, thinking that he could watch some concentration-camp documentaries I'd recorded. Or Hannibal. He looked at it, threw it in the corner, screeched, "That is not my bomb! I am peaceful! I am unarmed!" and he pissed on the floor and quivered so much that he wore out the carpet.

And the yapping. The constant yapping. Nothing is good enough. If he gets lobster, poor people can't have it. If he gets oatmeal, he's worth more than that. The only person I've known even whinier is the Moaning Moonbat Mikael Rudolph, who has unfortunately shaken off this mortal coil to be whining in that Great Concentration Camp in the sky, as a personal guest of Uncle Joe.

But even though my heart is with these men, the...yapping and the whining.

Really. Never heard anything like it. Bruno seems real butch in comparison and that's with him in Carmen Miranda drag.

I've heard that folks as far away as El Paso complain about Bruno's midnight howling in the caverns. Scares the bats off, too. Maybe his " Fruit Bonnet " fits too tight.

Hey Theo, I was wondering.... do you have a dust problem in your new Cadillac....
with all that back and forth driving through Texas and New Mexico with the top down ?




Hey... if Brezhnev could have a Mercedes...........

The people in El Paso have gotten used to Bruno's howling but then they are distracted by the wholesale murder in Juarez across the Rio Grande. The people in Carlsbad, though, are starting to look like a mob. You know, there's the low-level nuclear-waste disposal plant there in some salt caverns. They are, I hear, making a room just for Bruno.

It's really most distracting when he's on the top of one of the palisades, silhouetted in front of the moon, and baying at it.

And the dust doesn't bother me; I have proles to take care of that. And to pick the bugs out of my teeth. Frankly, bugs aren't that bad after you're used to eating dinner while watching the proles be impaled. Well, if was good enough for Vlad Tepes, it's good enough for me.

What can put you off your kibble, though, is watching Nanski Peloski start gnawing off a hunk of raw prole meat. She's of the English school which shoots a game bird, and hangs it upside down until the head falls off--undressed--and then the flesh is tender and ripe.

Nanski insists when she arrives that I have a prole, dead four days, hanging by the heels in her room, so that in the middle of the night she can have a bite. Once I forgot that she was coming, repression, I suspect, and could only kill the prole 24 hours before her arrival, and boy that wasn't a pretty scene.

Nanski's not a pretty scene under any circumstances.

She is to Congress what Bruno is to the Caverns.

( If that salt facility you were discussing is abandoned..... say by some EPA desision,
you might want to take advantage of some recently vacated property in North Dakota and lower him down into an empty missile silo and close the hatch. )

So Bruno's " Baying at the Moon ", huh?

Maybe he could apply for Keith Olbermann's old job at MSNBC.

Now that would be an improvement....( I was thinking that it must be interesting for the townsfolk when you come driving through beautiful downtown Pecos.... top down ..... the Soviet National Anthem belching out of your stereo system.... Magnificent. )

A missile silo--I like that idea. But I wonder. I told you how I cannot lose him; he is after all a homing queen. And I have this horrible vision of him coming flaming out of the silo just like an ICBM.

Really, you have no idea.

But here's the frightening bit: when the Rancho is stuffed with prog luminaries, it sets up a bozon flux. If you walk between Nanski and Dingy Harry, you believe that 2 and 2 are orange.

The air is warped; it's like having a bad migraine headache.

In such cases Bruno seems to be Aristotelean.

Bruno arching upwards out of the silo, heading due south....
You'd have about five minutes of warning before " The Rancho" becomes Ground Zero.

Completely unacceptable.

The problem is, of course, that when there is a Bruno explosion all you hear is the sound of Liza and Barbra CDs, and then everything is covered with glitter, feathers, and plastic jewels.

My Lenin, Theo! Surely even you would not consider weaponizing Bruno?! I wouldn't shoot that at even a billionaire!