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World Insurance

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We have house insurance to protect us from acts of God, like wind and hail. Car insurance to protect us from things that we just can't avoid, but in car insurance we might get paid if we caused it.

We now have well-deserved poverty programs which shield people from working; we have education that costs the same for everyone. We have subsidies for food, child care, health care and everything else.

But it is not enough. The Progressive World of Next Tuesday™ needs World Insurance. No matter what you do, it doesn't matter. You're covered. Don't want to work? You're covered. Don't take care of yourself? You're covered. Don't make house payments? You're covered.

In fact, in the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™, not a single thing that you do will have any consequence, unless you are a white, heterosexual man named Bob who voted for Ronald Reagan, and then it's all your fault.

Vote Democrat.

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Brilliant Fearless leader, just plain brilliant!!! This will save you millions, With Bruno being a little light fingered he can walk off with what ever he wants and no problems.

In my case I can bring my goons to a local drink establishment, (Something not to be attempted by the faint hearted) they can basically trash the place and we just turn in a claim. The underwriters will have coronary failure when they realize they did not price the policy correctly. But the claims department will need to add staff, so the way I see it I am helping the company provide gainful employment.

My goons just discovered more power tools, DeWalt “Sawzall” Professional grade Makita “battery power drill motors”, and yes the famous Jaws or life and Portapower jacks plus many more. You must understand my goons although sadistic; have the combined I.Q. of a carrot. Obamissar Vodkavich commented when he went on a cross training raid with us, those guys are “retarded” how can you stand them? I said it's easy; I just grabbed a bag of “Beef Jerky” and tossed it to the back of the van. After a moment of shrieking they were quiet. Occasionally when I receive poor service at say motor vehicle department, I simply open the back door of the van and say “Get'em!!! Followed shortly by screams, shattering glass, and toilets over flowing.

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But if I want insurance so I don't have to work, how do I pay for the insurance? Will the State pay for it for me?

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People should own nothing. Then there's nothing to insure. That's true socialism. The state should provide the bare necessities. What the state doesn't provide, the individual doesn't need.

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Oddly enough, true Communism IS world insurance. Nothing will be your fault and there will be no bad consequences as long as The State and The People are one.

(However, we estimate that there are about 48 million people in the US who are simply beyond redemption and will need to be liquidated re-educated for the Greater Good. These people are clearly responsible for their actions and would be problematic for our coming Utopia. They deserve no insurance!)

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Will the state provide me ammo for all my guns?

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Comrade7.62 wrote:Will the state provide me ammo for all my guns?

Yes, if you will be assigned the important task of eliminating class enemies during and after the revolution transfer of power.

By the way comrade, they are not your guns. The state owns them.

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Ahh well good thing then most of my guns came from communist nations. I have simply been safeguarding them for the state.

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Comrade Theocritus,

This means I can undercut those M-TV Jacka$$ guys who've been paying for insurance. Not me, suckers! I can also get my mail-order cardiology and pharmacy doctorates and practice all I want. Smoke in bed, practice unsafe sex, run with scissors, cook food without washing my hands, operate lathes without goggles, shoot garden gnomes in my front yard in my crowded cul-de-sac, drive into the drive thru--awesome!--and still come out a winner.

This is, like, the Best Thing Ever!

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Comrade Tovarich,

You haven't seen the premiums for the Commissars' Insurance yet! And I implore you, comrade, please wash your hands before comsuming food, or at least, have your cheap Japanese servants government minions wash before serving you! As a mail-order doctor, surely you must heed this advise, comrade. Or, better yet, learn how to eat with your feet. LOL

[HIGHLIGHT=#ffff00]NOTE: One more comrade to go and we will be 1,700 Cubists strong! Ha! Ha! Take that Mimewipe and Wangonutcase![/HIGHLIGHT]

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There needs to be insurance against not being insured for something. Do all of us have adequate insurance to protect against unforseen pickle spoilage? What about accidental battery ingestion? Not having correct change on the exact change bus? I think not. No private insurer will take on insuring us against all these grave risks, only the government can do it. What about dropping a large can of tomatos on your foot? Ow! The state has a duty to protect us against this sort of thing.

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Comrades, I was not specific enough in my proposal. Commissar M, your proposal has the virtue of being very simple, but Communism is a boo word. No matter how you repackage it--the Green movement, Gaia--people eventually tumble to it being communism.

But we know that there is nothing that capitalists will do {off. I am a capitalist although I loathe half of the capitalists. Greedy, self-centered, screwing swine. But I can fire them and I can't fire the bureaucrats /off}

My proposal is to nationalize the insurance companies and to top off their balance sheets as necessary. It will be the same thing, you know: Their premiums will be taxes; taxes by other names will pay for their losses.

Opiate, I like your idea of having insurance for not having insurance. I think that we ought to have huge life umbrella policies. If, for example, you don't have correct change for a bus, you could go to your Life Umbrella Claim Stand, one on every corner, and file a claim, pay your $8.75 claim-filing fee and use the change for the bus.

See the virtues of this? No one can say that the government has grown huge. Half the bureaucrats will be in the insurance companies, and people have insurance companies anyway, so let them be the pariahs to be hated. The government then can concentrate on important things--like goons.

And Red Star, your goons could have the IQ of a carrot but Bruno has the IQ of a deliquescing eggplant. Which has, as you know, lots of seeds. You throw jerky in the back; I throw him a Judy Garland CD.

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Comrade,

We will not need any kind of Insurance in the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™, for Government will be making all of our decisions for us and thus nothing could ever happen that will cause anyone to even need this insurance and we will of course be more than willing to pay for this.

America's Top Killer: Us

A new study argues our personal choices cause more than 1 million premature deaths a year. What, if anything, should the government do to protect us from ourselves?
http://www.newsweek.com/id/177587

With the dawn of a new and potentially difficult year upon us, many Americans will swear that this is the year that they'll eat better, exercise more, or quit smoking. Of course, most of us will fail to stick to these healthy resolutions. And, while we know that getting in shape is good for us, a new study shows the true cost of our tendency not to make wise decisions about taking care of ourselves. According to Duke University's Ralph Keeney, whose work was published last month in the journal Operations Research, America's top killer isn't cancer or heart disease, or even smoking and overeating—it's our inability to make smart choices that leads us to engage in those and other self-destructive behaviors.

"Each year more than a million people needlessly die because of their own personal decisions," says Keeney, whose work gives new meaning to the cliché we're our "own worst enemies." That means more than half the population will make a decision leading to an early grave, he reports, including a full 55 percent of people who die between the ages of 15 and 64. Most alarming, that figure has jumped fourfold since 1900, despite the world becoming a safer place overall thanks to seat belts, smoking laws, health food and a host of other tools to help people stay inside the lines.

Keeney's work raises a philosophical quandary: If we continue to kill ourselves with poor decisions, are we consciously opting for short, zestful lives over long, abstemious ones? Or is it that we simply need a stronger hand prodding us to make better choices? Keeney and a number of public-health advocates say the answer may be more governmental guidance in everything from what kind of food we buy to whether we contribute to our retirement savings. And if Keeney is right, and much of our health and life expectancy is a reflection of our own decisions, are these things we can change or choices shaped by genes and other forces outside our control?

To generate his numbers, Keeney took national death statistics from 2000 and tried to trace the official cause of each death (ranging from cancers, diabetes and AIDS to fatal accidents, suicides and homicides) back to some personal call, such as the decision to smoke, drink, drive without a seat belt or have unprotected sex. Because the numbers can't show for sure that a person's smoking, for instance, caused their lung cancer, he used risk data to make reliable guesses—smoking is known to triple the risk of cancer, for example, which lead Keeney to conclude that roughly two thirds of all smokers who got lung cancer brought it upon themselves.

That's not so controversial when identifying three packs a day as the cause of cancer or the choice to speed as the cause of a fatal crash, but Keeney is on thinner ice when counting all suicides as examples of death by personal decision. His reasoning: the decision to kill oneself may not be rational, or even clearheaded, but it's definitely personal. But with evidence accumulating that many mental illnesses have genetic or physiological origins, labeling the suicidal impulses of someone suffering from major depression or bipolar disorder a "choice" may not be exactly fair. The same goes for certain addictions to drinking, smoking and overeating, which all have significant genetic triggers—yet Keeney holds firm. "Prior to having these habits," he writes, "the individuals made decisions that lead to [them] and these are the personal decisions that are of concern in this paper."

Another of the study's limitations: it ignores the environmental baggage that constrains people's choices. Keeney says he appreciates the importance of peer pressure, poverty and education as well as the fact that fatal decisions aren't necessarily "bad" ones. (Yes, you end up dead but perhaps you had no real choice and were speeding to escape a murderer. Or perhaps you made a conscious choice to live an interesting life, burning out early like Elvis rather keeping to a rigid fitness routine like Jack LaLanne.) It's just that in most cases, he says, people could have reasonably saved their own lives if they had taken a different path. "If it's under a person's control," he tells NEWSWEEK, "I say it's up to them."
<br>Why do so many of us make lousy personal decisions, even ones that kill us? Keeney, for one, chalks it up to short-term thinking and it-can't-happen-to-me exceptionalism. Other scholars, such as Harvard's Cass Sunstein, University of Chicago's Richard Thaler and MIT's Dan Ariely—all loosely organized, like Keeney, under the suddenly hip banner of behavioral economics—have in recent years come up with different reasons for why we sometimes act a fool. Topping their lists are apathy, peer pressure, and the tendency to misperceive in predictable ways—such as judging a mountain of food a molehill if it's served on a massive plate.

However the experts explain our tendencies to self-destruct, they all agree that we could use some help negotiating these choices better—and that government can provide it. For Keeney, it's by adding "decision making" to the standard curriculum in public schools so that more children grow up empowered to recognize and mine all their options, rather than accept those presented by others. "Imagine if they taught World War II as decision making," he says. "That'd be fabulous."

For Sunstein and Thaler, authors of the recent book "Nudge" (Yale, 2008), it's through gently pushing people to make the right move. "Putting the fruit at eye level counts as a nudge," they write. "Banning junk food does not." Ariely cottons to a middle ground between authoritarianism and "complete freedom to fail." In the realm of preventive medicine, for instance, that means encouraging people to go for regular screenings and checkups by establishing a deposit system: the only way to get your $100 back is by making your appointment.

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Will any of this actually happen? Brian Wansink thinks so, although he's short on specifics. In "Mindless Eating," his 2007 book about how the brain decides what the stomach gets, the Cornell University marketing professor imagines a tomorrow where regulators promote healthier habits by borrowing the seductions of junk food and leveraging insights into portion control. In one of his more famous experiments, he gives people bowls of soup that were secretly refilled by a tube beneath the restaurant table and discovers that those people with bottomless bowls ate almost 75 percent more than people with normal bowls. "How could I feel full? I've still got half a bowl left," the overeaters wondered. The lesson: tinkering with perception is the key to changing long-term behaviors and, according to Wansink, adding years and quality to our lives. The 19th century was the century of hygiene, he writes, and the 20th was the century of medicine. The 21st? The century of behavior change—with Uncle Sam perhaps leading the charge.

If playing with our perception doesn't work, perhaps manipulating our wallets might. Or at least that's what some cash-strapped state governments are banking on. Last week New York Health Commissioner Richard Daines created a five-minute YouTube video to promote a proposed 18 percent sales tax on sugary drinks in the Empire State. Daines justified the move saying that some taxes can be good for your health.

Still, a more interventionist government isn't up everyone's alley. Not to mention the fact that we learn by making mistakes. If there's always a guardrail in place, we may never remember to watch the ledge.


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Oh great!

Here comes yet another rendition of the movie, Logan's Run, with the State making all the decisions about how long you are allowed to live (30 years in the movie), so that means I'm dead, yet again....oh crap!

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The American Psychological Association has said that it would change people's behavior to behavior that they wanted. "It's what we do."

At last. Scientific mind control.

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Comrade Sea Bass,

Arrggghhhhh!!

Comrade Che Gourmet,

You know, were you to change your name to Chat (French, non?), you could be killed 7 more times, assuming #2 does in fact transpire.

Comrade Commissar Theocritus,

The damn APA already controls the accepted writing style of nearly every journal of the humanities. Scientific mind control seems par for the course.

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Oh. I see why the increasing depression across the land.

Comrades, I suggest that we adopt the writing style of <i>Dyanetics</i> and I hope I spelled it right but not enough to care to look it up. Some years ago, after L. Ron Hubbard had died but before they admitted that he had, I tried to read a paragraph of it in a book store. Three times. It was like trying to lift Jello with fireplace tongs.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:Comrades, I suggest that we adopt the writing style of <i>Dyanetics</i> and I hope I spelled it right but not enough to care to look it up. Some years ago, after L. Ron Hubbard had died but before they admitted that he had, I tried to read a paragraph of it in a book store. Three times. It was like trying to lift Jello with fireplace tongs.

Comrade Commissar Theocritus,

This Jello and fireplace tongs business, I assume it was attempted before YouTube? I would like to see it. Maybe it could be used for a bit of hilarity and exercise in re-reducation camps. Even in warm areas, fireplace tongs have their uses.

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Red Star wrote:My goons just discovered more power tools, DeWalt “Sawzall” Professional grade Makita “battery power drill motors”, and yes the famous Jaws or life and Portapower jacks plus many more. You must understand my goons although sadistic; have the combined I.Q. of a carrot. Obamissar Vodkavich commented when he went on a cross training raid with us, those guys are “retarded” how can you stand them? I said it's easy; I just grabbed a bag of “Beef Jerky” and tossed it to the back of the van. After a moment of shrieking they were quiet. Occasionally when I receive poor service at say motor vehicle department, I simply open the back door of the van and say “Get'em!!! Followed shortly by screams, shattering glass, and toilets over flowing.

The continued partnership between Comrade Red Star and I is proving particularly equal for the party and will become even more vital now that Tuesday is here. Remember that promise for 2,000,000 new jobs?

Under the old Capitali$t system, jobs required companies that provided products or services as well as a demand for those products or services. Now that Obamunism is in full effect, all we need is an order. Guess who received the order to provide those jobs? Yours truly.

My absence in recent weeks came as the result of my need to personally oversee the final touches of the construction of Platform 42 and Gulag Neo-New Deal. I watched as proles laid out all 2 million shovels dress-right-dress in preparation for the out of work IT-techs, real estate agents, and other class enemies not currently engaged in minimum wage toil or who have not proved their party allegiance by applying for welfare.

Comrade Red Star, I request you double the frequency of your raids. Those shovels must be manned! We MUST spend our way out of this recession through public works projects. Of course, since these proles in my Gulags will not be getting paid, we can divert the funds to the UAW and to our newest 5 year plan for beet production to feed those workers.

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Vodkavich, I applaud your industry. I suggest that you dispatch 10,000 shovel-wielding proles here to the Rancho de Rio Grande to till my fields. The West Texas desert is not amenable to growing beets but it is amenable to growing hempen plants. I want to make lots of, Bruno, what do we make from "hemp"? Rope, that's it. Rope. I require proles to till my hemp fields so that I can produce fine socialist rope.

Which we shall use to hang recalcitrant proles and any Rethuglicans who have not fled the country or pled guilty to trumped-up charges.

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Comrade Commissar Theocritus! I shall redirect the nearest Taggart Transcontinental to Platform 9 3/4 for loading of the 10,000 shovel equipped proles you requested. I'll also send 17 skilled in rope weaving, as well as several who can accurately pack dime-bags. Afterall, since The One will leagalize and subsequently tax the hell out of The People's Herb, why should we not use 1000% of the plants to finance the Party?

Also, to increase efficiency, I have an opening for an Obamissar of Putting Things on top of Other Things. He will work at the train station ensuring proles are properly loaded into the boxcars...

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Ah, Vodkavich, I applaud your industry. I shall clear a siding at the train stop Galt's Gulch for just such a train.

You need to be careful in filling your opening for a Obamissar for Putting Things on Top of Things. Some of those people can be rather literal minded. Have you seen the Warner Bros. cartoon in which Bugs stands on two boxes, and pulls the bottom box out and placed it on the top box which he stands on and repeats the process? If you can find someone with these abilities then I see a way to pay off the national debt, have an infinite stimulus/government expansion package, and in general completely ignore the laws of economics and physics.

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Comrade Commissar Theocritus,

I do indeed hope you have an abundance of sage growing on the Rancho de Rio Grande as the unwashed masses headed your way as we speak are quite ripe. I have indeed seen the Agitprop of which you speak, and would do anything (even shake Bu$Hitler's hand) to find such an Obamissar. However, as only The One is likely to have such talents, I'll settle for candidates skilled in the use of Legos, Lincon Logs, Tetris, and the like who could stack the maximum number of proles per cubic inch. There is an old Monty Python and the Holy Grail computer game for Windows 95 that features a "Bring out your Dead" tetris game... Perhaps we could use one with proles for training.

Anyhow, while I'm putting out ads, I'm also searching for the Obamissar of Avitar Creation...

-Obamissar Vodkavich
Obamissar of Gulags and Car Wash Products

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Ah, yes, Avitar creation. Although I am supposed to be skilled at computers the web site here has told me that I am not sufficiently made to be able to upload an avatar of more than 80 pixels square. I think it doesn't like Macs. Perhaps if I got a red case for my PowerBook?

Yes, I have lots of sagebrush but also much greasewood, or creosote bush. Also mesquite. And crucifixion plant, and ocotillo. And various barrel and prickly-pear cacti. The nice bit is that when a prole slips his chains he stands out like a bug on a plate.

I am not however quite as nasty as the Spanish explorer who tired of the Indians running off from their slavery and cut off their feet. There is a statue to him in downtown El Paso. The Indians in New Mexico however got a partial revenge by erecting a statue of him--without feet.


 
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