Worst. Week. Ever.

Comrades,

I'm full of despair. This is probably the Worst. Week. Ever. Definitely a week that will go down in infamy.

Just a short summary if you've been in the gulag, or under a rock.

1) Marcia "Martha" Coakley ran such a poor campaign that she should have her Party Card revoked. Losing Ted Kennedy's seat ... for shame. Rethuglicans are to blame since they stole the Democrats seat. It was our seat, and we want it back, dammit.

2) Supreme Empress of the House, Nancy Pelosi came out today to say that healthcare died. Because of the lack of healthcare, 100's of millions of people will die over the next few years as a direct result. We need to get the memo out that the Rethuglicans are to blame for these deaths.

3) Comrade Hugo Chavez leaks the news that Our Military weapon tests triggered the Haiti earthquake. Somebody needs to tell him to shut up. If he keeps blabbing about like this, he'll ruin the Party.

4) The Peoples' Radio, Air America, files for bankruptcy. We must get His Holiness to use his slush fund bailout funds to save or create these jobs.

5) The IPCC came out to say that they've abandoned the deadline for climate change promises. The Goracle has been silent on this issue, we need to get him back out on the road to start promoting Global Warming again. We need to get back on track with this. Nevermind the news, the Himalayas are still melting.

And ... for the worst news of the decade ...

6) Today, 1/21/10, a day that changed the political landscape for years to come, the Supreme Court ruled that Corporations can spend freely to support or oppose candidates for president and Congress. If you have the stomach for it, you can read the info here. As I was listening to the Evil Hugh Hewitt, he was making the argument that this court ruling killed the Fairness Doctrine.


... another round of vodka so I can forget this week.
 

Raznochinets Pewkov

... another round of vodka so I can forget this week.

Comrade, don't forget the proper way to drink vodka. After opening the bottle, remember to let it breath for a few moments.

If you notice that it's not breathing, immediately begin mouth to mouth resuscitation. Don't not stop until relieved.
 

Do not despair comrades! As soon as the drunken wormhole generator is working again, we'll all move over to the Glorious World of Next Tuesday. Sadly I must requisition most of the vodka from the state stores to get a proper drunken effect. Meanwhile, please be advised that these events are not Party Approved(TM) and are not on the Official Calendar. Therefore, THEY DID NOT HAPPEN. If you think of these events, you are committing thoughtcrime. DO NOT LOOK AT THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN. Or in the wormhole. Or anywhere. Making eye contact is suspicious behavior.
 

Comrade 7.62,

You just made me realize we still have control of the Media.

And, like you said, if you don't write things down (like these horrific events), they don't happen. We'll just change history, since its written by the Media, which is the Party.

Glorious news, and here I was drinking in self-pity. Now I shall drink to the success of the future Glorious World of Next Tuesday.

Another round of vodka for all. (if it hasn't been requisitioned already)
 

I made the horrid err last night of walking through a room which had on that phony Faux News Channel. Do you KNOW what I was assaulted with? Some right wing whack implying that our Great Leader was not doing so great a job with the Haiti disaster! He tried to say that it took the military goons a week to show up!; supplies for hospitals were stolen; no security!!. . . shameful. It's so bleak! And now I know these Faux News people will try to hang this on Obaminski instead of Bush!
I need a double portion of brewski.


 

I picked up the latest copy of In Touch Weekly because the cover had a picture of That Palin Woman with her oldest daughter and their respective babies, and I thought, "Oh goody! More dirt to dish! I must buy this as it's been half an hour since I read anything scuzzy about Palin!"

Alas, I must denounce this rag as nothing more than right wing propaganda. It did nothing but gush about their blessed motherhood and happy home life--all skewed in such a way to give the rest of us women the wrong idea that we too could do this and be happy in spite of the attending hardships, when everyone knows that's not possible without plenty of well funded government programs.

And talk about subpar journalism! The writer didn't even bother to balance the story by allowing Levi Johnston and NARAL and NOW and Joy Behar and Katie Couric to tell their side.

Anyway . . . getting to the point . . . on page 74 is the weekly horoscope for January 18-24. For Obama, born under Leo, it says, "Now's a great time for a breather from the hustle and bustle of life. You receive a treat this weekend."

(Michelle will console him with a pity bonk.)
 

Commissarka Pinkie

. . . on page 74 is the weekly horoscope for January 18-24. For Obama, born under Leo,

Thanks Pinkie, I never realized that Obama was a Leo based on his purported date of birth. So that would make him a lyin' African African Lion.

That Palin gender traitor is such a skank. I accidentally saw that scumbag O'Reilly asking her Larry King questions about how she likes to relax. Imagine that, Fox hires her as a political analyst and that's all that big headed Irishman asks. To show you how a real interviewer does his job here's an example of Larry King interviewing MichelleO...

{character off}


 

Raznochinets Pewkov

And ... for the worst news of the decade ...

6) Today, 1/21/10, a day that changed the political landscape for years to come, the Supreme Court ruled that Corporations can spend freely to support or oppose candidates for president and Congress. If you have the stomach for it, you can read the info here. As I was listening to the Evil Hugh Hewitt, he was making the argument that this court ruling killed the Fairness Doctrine.


Never fear, comrade, Dear Leader Obama (the constitutional law professor and all around big brain) is jumping right on this. As Michelle has always said, "He will fix it!":

Quote:

That’s why I am instructing my Administration to get to work immediately with Congress on this issue. We are going to talk with bipartisan Congressional leaders to develop a forceful response to this decision. The public interest requires nothing less.

http://www.commentarymagazine.com/blogs/index.php/category/contentions


Yes, Chairman Obama is well acquainted with constitutional law and understands that the court was created by the dead white males founders as a minor obstacle in the path of what he deems to be right. Yes sir, he oughta know these things 'cause he's a professor of constitutional law. And a real smart guy. With a big brain. Yes, sir.
 

I am most disheartened. Frualein Pelosi is backing down from her original plan of ramming .... giving the great ObamaCare to the collective trolls.

*sob oh, sob.
 

Raznochinets Pewkov

Comrades,

I'm full of despair. This is probably the Worst. Week. Ever. Definitely a week that will go down in infamy.



Yes, this worse than when the Berlin wall was torn down after R Raygun demanded it's destruction. It was worse than the Soviet Union losing it's first hockey game to the US. It was worse that Nikita Chruchev pulling back those damn missles from Cuba.

It was worse than watching our great hero Jimmy Carter being humilated by the Gipper in 1980.

Surely there is a counseling program or a support group somewhere for folks like us. Brought tears to my eyes watching Olberman meltdown.
 

Castrate, spare feelings for Mike Malloy, on America Left on XM/Sirius. He's so upset by the free-speech ruling that I'm sure he's chipped his teeth from grinding them. [ off ]I make a point of listening for at least an hour a day to laugh at him. The Victorians laughed at the lunatics in Bedlam, the asylum--that's cruel. But there is no laugh richer or deeper than watching the left howl, and incidentally eat its young.[ on ]

What will we do? What will we do? We MUST have the Fairness doctrine. No one pays for progressive talk radio. The commercials are pitched to bums homeless yet worthy people who are just trying not to pay their credit-card bills. It is not fair that Rush Limbaugh touches more people than any other broadcaster in history while Mike Malloy, the perfect prog--resentful, nasty ("Uncle Clarence Thomas," "fascists"), greedy, entitled, ill-informed--is begging.

I love Mike Malloy. He is completely incapable of understanding cause and effect. What a hero. I think that he may be replacing Jodin Morey in my pantheon of people who are progeriffic.

And I feel for Nanski. And Babs Boxer. She's ahead only three points against a generic Rethuglican candidate, and in Gollyvornia too.
 

Comrade Dennis J. Kucinichski was on that beastly O'Reilly show last night and to his credit, made murmurs of creating anew, a Fairness Doctrine! Oh glory be! It appears the uneducated, the racist, the hatemongers of the rights. . . the middle... and even some of our less than loyal comrades, are tuning in more and more to Faux News. This must be stopped.
Possibly Kucinichski will soon introduce a bill mandating the collectives watch CNNBS, MSNBCBS, ABCBS, NBCBS, & CBSBS. We can't allow this BSedness, to continue. Education is a dangerous thing (a quote from our comrades in OBAMACORN).
 

Infidel Castrate

Yes, this worse than when the Berlin wall was torn down after R Raygun demanded it's destruction. It was worse than the Soviet Union losing it's first hockey game to the US. It was worse that Nikita Chruchev pulling back those damn missles from Cuba.

It was worse than watching our great hero Jimmy Carter being humilated by the Gipper in 1980.

Surely there is a counseling program or a support group somewhere for folks like us. Brought tears to my eyes watching Olberman meltdown.

Comrade Castrate, those were definitely bad times. But they didn't happen all in one week. There were 5, count them 5 problems that we had to endure this past week. Culminating in a possible loss of the Fairness Doctrine ... well, that's why this week is so horrible for the Party.

... another round of vodka to help induce memory loss.
 

And perhaps the worst is that Democrat political consultants are telling their clients to dump His O'liness--he's the kiss of death. OBowma told George Stephanopouski that he just didn't get his message out enough.

That's fair. In one year 0bama gave 158 interviews and 411 speeches, and that's not enough. He ought to give those speeches all the time. As I recall, Dish had an Obama channel.

It's no longer on. I've written to Dish and complained. I've called and complained. Where's my Obama channel? I slept with the television on so I could be soothed by his voice.

I want my Obama channel!
 

Comrades, Comrades,

Like the non-existent bogeyman beneath your childhood beds, this too shall pass. Remember, we have not just Hope™ but also Change™! The thing to do is become more inflexible in the face of these temporary setbacks, to become as rigid as steel, like our guiding light: Comrade Stalin.

Moreover, while he's been busy seeking female victims in Haiti, never forget that Bill Clinton feels your pain. If you're female, I think he feels even more.

And if that still isn't enough, I suggest buying some NOx cartridges or a can of whipped cream and huffing the NOx. But that is, sadly, just a short term solution.
 

Commissar Theocritus

And perhaps the worst is that Democrat political consultants are telling their clients to dump His O'liness--he's the kiss of death. OBowma told George Stephanopouski that he just didn't get his message out enough.
Comrade Theocritus,

Maybe that's the problem. He's getting his message out too much. Now, now, I understand we all enjoy his soothing rhetoric, words, and speeches. But his words are too big for the simple-minded rethuglicans. They just simply do not understand.

For example, if you had brain damage, how would you know? If all of your friends were brain-damaged as well, how could you tell? See the problem here? If The One uses too big of words, then none on the right will understand them.

Now, I've been thinking about The One more like a husband, and we're all his bitches wives. While the Rethuglicans were being courted, he was strange and mysterious, and black. Now that we're all married to him, we see that he goes to the bathroom just like the rest of us. HE needs to regain the mysteriousness again so that he convince the Rethuglicans he's moderate, and willing to work with them. I'm afraid if he keeps talking they may realize that he's much better than us and so far above us that they will reject him because they're so simple.
 

Tovarich, you bring back memories. I recall in 1979 going to El Paso to visit friends. We'd smoke dope (!) and huff nitrous oxide at a midnight snowing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Do you think that his O'liness could step into the shoes of Dr. Frankenfurter? I'm sure that he could do the pelvic thrusts. Perhaps he ought to ask Tiger Woods for advice though.

Pewkov, I have been pondering a lot about His O'liness and his message. I first heard this when Michael Dukaka lost his election. One of his staffers said, "We didn't get our message out enough."

I was unenlightened then and snorted, "Baby, I heard you loud and clear as did the rest of America and that's why Mikey-poo was shit-canned."

Now of course I believe entirely that all we need is all Obama all the time. I have Dish and lament the loss of the 24/7 Obama channel. I think that the FCC ought to regulate that all cable and satellite companies show Obama speeches 24/7.

And if you get tired of it, it's off to Jiffy-Lobo with you.
 

Comrades,

Don't be such gloomy gusses like Comrade Professor Green, political scientist at Hofstra University and surely a really smart guy, because he probably has a Ph.D., is "qualified to discuss" a bunch of polemical crap vital issues, and writes with the emotion, feeling, and inward depth of a high school student. Surely there's room in the gulag for such a dedicated progressive who can so flagrantly whine about The One!