Image

Big Balloon Deflates, May Not Be Patchable

User avatar
Media executives, on-air personalities and journ0lists alike are becoming increasingly despondent because the large float balloon they had planned to display in the big national parade next month is rapidly losing air and may not be patchable.

"It was fine up until last week", lamented one executive, "then for some reason all the air started coming out of it and now we can't seem to keep it inflated."

The balloon, which depicts a mythical figure known as the LightBringer and was given the nickname "Hope-along-changedy" by those closest to it, was first unveiled at the big national parade four years ago to near unanimous acclaim. It was a joint project sponsored by the broadcast TV networks, major daily newspapers and respected cable news outlets (excluding Fox News which is not respected.)

enhanced-buzz-wide-12948-1329766874-50 copy.jpg
"It was extremely popular back then", said one of the large inflatable's handlers. "People went nuts over it, some even worshipped it as a sort of god. It's gotten a bit worn out and saggy in spots over the years and has lost quite a few fans, but there still is a core group that continues to idolize it, especially in the media and entertainment industry. It's like a kind of cult."

Balloon experts are at a loss to explain what happened to it. The deflation problem started during a road trip the gasbag made to Denver, and some observers blame the high altitude and thin air in the mile-high city for bursting the bubble. One scientist believes climate change is responsible.

Other experts dismiss this as nonsense. One balloonist, who was attempting to put out a fire in his trousers as we spoke, claimed that the LightBringer dirigible spent too much time over Hoover Dam last week instead of being properly prepared for the Denver flight. "They shoulda never went there. It was so hot there, the crease came out of the figure's pants!", he claimed.

Whatever the reason, the balloon left Denver sagging badly, especially near the polls poles that helped hold it up. Handlers scrambled to re-inflate the sagging bag but even as they did, new problems seem to crop up with it.

"Unfortunately, that's what happens with these overblown gasbags," one handler told us. "Once they start to deflate, it exposes a whole bunch of holes that nobody noticed were there before. It becomes a vicious cycle. I mean, weird as it sounds, this thing now seems to be losing a lot of air every time someone says 'Benghazi'. I have no idea why. It's weird."

To add insult to injury, the LightBringer balloon suffered additional damage when it accidentally came in contact with the well-known Big Bird inflatable. "When it rains, it pours" moaned one balloon technician.

In spite of the difficulties, workers hope to have the LightBringer re-inflated in time for shows in Hempstead and Boca Raton before the big national parade next month. "We're trying to pump it up even bigger than before", said one excited gas passer. "We're gonna use 47% more hot air.... my boss told me to do that, 47% is a magic number for some reason."

In the meantime, media balloonists are hoping to keep enthusiasm for the LightBringer at a fever pitch by parading a substitute dirigible at a show in Kentucky later this week. "It's a much older balloon which springs leaks unexpectedly and the hair is falling out. For some reason, the foot keeps going into the mouth as well. It's a lot to ask of the old gasbag but it's all we got until we get the LightBringer fixed."

Even if the LightBringer can be patched, one technician was not optimistic it will ever be a parade favorite again. "I think balloons are a fad whose best days are behind it. People lose interest once they realize it's nothing but a bunch of hot air. You end up feeling stupid when you find out you've invested all that time and energy over nothing more than an overblown gasbag, and your attention turns to something with more substance...

Comrades
Red blob impaled on thumb confuses me. It most surely appears to be aborted fetus who cannot ever become a Member of the People's Party. With joyous Proletarian future to come, is it not a defeatist image? Is not all global smarming.

User avatar
Comrade Pistov, don't forget - one blob, one vote! Just because a fetus has been aborted doesn't mean its vote doesn't count!

User avatar
No doubt Opiate of the People is well versed enough in theology to know this, but for my less government educated beet-farmer comrades, the literal translation of the name, "Lucifer" is "Light Bringer" or "Light Bearer".

Good show, Opiate!

YDBTaward.jpg


User avatar
Not to fear Comrades! the MSM say they have plenty of empty suits lying around and it will be no problem to put one of those on the salvaged frame.
burning-on-ground.jpg

User avatar
We should have no fear of deflation... Ms Lewinsky is in the immediate area and........... well............. never mind.
I would suggest staying away from helium.

User avatar
Comrade Fraulein, Comrade Bernanke has all along been saying inflaton is good for us. Up until now, I did not realize what he meant...

User avatar
Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:We should have no fear of deflation... Ms Lewinsky is in the immediate area and........... well............. never mind.
I would suggest staying away from helium.
Autopilot_Airplane.jpg
First Officer Otto disagrees... at least wait another few minutes to discuss this...

User avatar
As reported earlier, the father of the first inflatable plaything was none other than Adolph Hitler.

Hitler: Father of sex doll?

The Nazi dictator Adolf Hitler ordered, in 1941, a Danish doctor named Olen Hannussen, to develop the world's first inflatable sex doll, the Italian newspaper "Corriere della Sera' reported on Monday.

The American progressives took it a step further:

        Mystery item No. 1

User avatar
How odd to have a facsimile of Dear Leader adorned in red, white and blue as Captain Amerika — a "superhero"? This is most contemptable, if not downright blasphemous. I'm sure Dear Leader would not like this association one bit.

His aim is to change Amerika; not emulate it.

forward1.jpg


User avatar
Our agent, Neotrotsky, took a photo of the event:

Image

User avatar
Comrade Jibaro.... We should have known all along the deflation was caused by sabotage.



 
POST REPLY