Comrades,

Since our wise and ever astute people's historian, Dear Leader, who went to Hahvahd and Columbia, has chosen to elevate the once obscure evil REICHWING RETHUGLIKKKAN President Rutherford Hayes (who served from 1877 to 1881) to a status shared by George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan (e.g. responsible for everything that has gone wrong in the United States on Dear Leader's watch), I thought we should have a People's Contest. The People's Contest will consist of things we can now blame on Rutherford B. Hayes. I'll start:

- Dear Leader said (more or less) that Rutherford Hayes did not bestow a government blessing on the invention of the telephone. And, while Dear Leader did not say this (even though Dear Leader misquoted Hayes)Hayes certainly did not provide federal funding for the just-forming telephone industry of the time. What does this mean, comrades? Why, it means that without a government blessing and federal funding, we have all been deprived of party lines, operators with funny voices, telephone poles, expensive phones you could put in your car if you were rich in the 1950s (see the Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour), eventually cell phones, America Online, the Internet (Comrade Gore was not able to invent it!), the movie Clueless, texting while driving, surfing the Internet while driving, huge cell phone bills, kids having cell phones at age 4, Michelle Obama serving in a soup kitchen while someone used a cell phone to take her picture, families sitting together at the dinner table texting each other to pass items on the table to them, lack of face to face communication, etc. This is all Rutherford Hayes' fault!

- Rutherford Hayes, for failing to give a government blessing to the telephone (according to Dear Leader who is never wrong), did not get his face on Mount Rushmore. Comrades, think of how much this has deprived all the tourists to Mount Rushmore! Think of the children! Why they did not go there to see the faces of Washington, Jefferson, Roosevelt, or Lincoln. No, Comrades, THEY wanted to see Rutherford Hayes. He IS more famous than the other four combined, afterall. But because he did not give a government blessing, the children cannot see him carved into Mount Rushmore!

- Rutherford Hayes FIRED Chester Arthur from the position of Collector of the Port of New York. Little did he know that for the next term, Arthur would be Vice President and later President. Ouch! There is speculation that Arthur was an ineligible to serve as president. Therefore, since there is speculation that Dear Leader is ineligible to serve, and we should assume Hayes could see into the future, knew about the speculation about Arthur's parents, and fired Chester Arthur to prevent him from ever being president, he was setting a precedent. Therefore, because of Dear Leader, Rutherford Hayes is a RACIST! Now Comrades, I understand that ALL Rethuglikkkans are RACISTS by default (while former KKK members like Robert Byrd are NOT racist because they belonged to our party), Hayes is even more of a RACIST because he fired a possibly ineligible future president and later on down the line Dear Leader is possibly ineligible!

- Rutherford Hayes served from March 4, 1877 to March 3, 1881. This almost parallels the term of Comrade Carter. But wait, Comrades! Comrade Carter exited the presidency on January 20, 1981 because the inauguration date was moved during one of wannabe King Comrade FDR's terms. So, between January 20, 1981 and March 3, 1981, that evil fascist Ronald Reagan was in office! So, the last bit of Rutherford Hayes' term paralleled part of Ronald Reagan's term 100 years later! Comrades, I'm sure other more capable lunatic lefties members of our party such as Dear Leader or Debbie Hyphenatedname-Schulz (not to be confused with Sergeant Schultz...or Colonel Klink for that matter) would be able to do something with this. We might be able to somehow blame Ronald Reagan (and George HW Bush as his VP, and George W. Bush as HW Bush's son) on Rutherford Hayes!


Comrades, please participate in the People's Contest (voluntary compliance is mandatory, of course). I'm sure we can find a way to blame global warming/global cooling/climate change on Hayes.



Okay, I have been to the Hayes presidential center (along with most presidential homes or libraries....except for the likes of Carter, Clinton, and we can just eventually add Dear Leader's home/library to that list of "no visits" too) in Fremont, Ohio. He even has his own replica of the WH Red Room. He of course had a telephone not only in the White House but also in his own home. They showed us the "phone book" of the day....basically a double-sided sheet of paper which is now protected in a plastic sleeve. And yes, Rutherford Hayes was listed in that "phone book."

How awful!!! Why, if we didn't have government sponsorship of cell phones world wide, I can't imagine what we'd do....cell phones would cost millions of dollars! And only the rich would have them!

What? There is nooo government subsidies or regulation of the manufacture and sales of cell phones anywhere in the world? Well, just you wait, don't plan on keeping your cell phone for very long....

Hayes, ha ha ha , another dead white guy with a white man's beard and stupid, old bias against technology and telephones and stuff, ha ha ha.
Not like our Great Forward Thinking Leader, the multi racial President Obama, who embraces new technologies and looks forward to a new bright future. Even now, the White House is heated and cooled solely by sunlight and algae.

The phones are now wind powered.
The wind was blowing the day Ms.Fluke was insulted,
it wasn't back when People's Newsman Ed Schultz
called that tramp Laura Ingram a slut, or surely the Defender Of Feminism, Leader Obama would have called her too.
Soon we will march forward to an all natural, horse powered tomorrow!

Comrades Princess Nookie and Terry_Jim, do you think we might need to OCCUPY the Hayes Presidential Center for this most obvious injustice...without paying admission, that is? Occupy Fremont, Ohio!