The People's Cube is Always Celebrating

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Hi, komrades, The People's Anthony Sullivan here for an important PSA for all loyal to the Cube.

As I gear up to celebrate Chinese New Year, I look at recent months, and realised that for the most of winter, I am celebrating something. As we bravely barge on through whatever winter holidays, regardless of whether you celebrate it with me or not, and as your beloved sexy minority politikal korrektness doctor who seems to be always announcing product after product, as well as announcements, I am here to announce another announcement:

Here in the kollektive, from the beet fields to the tractor barns, we are always celebrating. And if there is nothing to celebrate, you better find a reason to celebrate, if you know what's good for you.

If you have trouble celebrating, learn these simple but helpful rules:

  1. Always celebrate. No matter what, remain in a celebrating mood. Use Party-approved substances when needed.
  2. Always have a reason to celebrate. Excuses are many, just pick one. Or make one up, as you may have guessed by now.
  3. Celebration = living. Think of celebration as a life-force. If you for a second do not celebrate something, you may as well be an ex-person. Literally.
  4. (and last but most certainly not least) You actually do CARE about celebrating. If your reason to celebrate seems important, don't hesitate to impose it on your comrades.

And that is all the groundwork necessary for celebrations at The People's Cube, where we indeed are always celebrating.

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Do show trials count as celebrations? What about protests and beating up haters? These activities are very much fun. I always bring my popcorn machine along.

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Here at the Party headquarters, comrades, daily celebrations are mandatory. It's a long-standing tradition.
RedDiaperette wrote:Do show trials count as celebrations? What about protests and beating up haters? These activities are very much fun. I always bring my popcorn machine along.
Not only do we celebrate show trials, protests, and beating up haters - we also celebrate anniversaries of such events, making sure they become part of mass culture.

First of all, we celebrate guilt. This one remains relevant any day, as there are as many types of guilt as there are days in a year. Income guilt, educational guilt, occupational guilt, white guilt, male guilt, human speciist guilt, rich country guilt, historical guilt, etc.


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Here are some anniversary celebrations we held in the past.









Please add your own.

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After most unpleasant incident at the location of missing tractor garage #1 and my most happy release from glorious KGB headquarters, I post this flyer here at Politburo's insistence!

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And remember to "Raise Awareness"!!! The beauty of raising awareness is that you don't have to do a damn thing! Just tell people that you are "raising awareness". Like celebrating, you can pick a cause or make one up. It doesn't matter because no one is going to give a flying flip and they will forget what it is your advocating in less than 10 seconds. So why do it? It shows that, like a good Marxist/Socialist, you Care™. And no one has the market cornered on caring and compassion like progressives.